Reply to “First come, first serve” household?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc… [/quote]

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you. [/quote]

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family. [/quote]

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.[/quote]

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self.  For shame. [/quote]

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.[/quote]

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

[/quote]

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?[/quote]

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully. [/quote]

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.[/quote]

Maybe the MIL has food and control issues, and likes to passively aggressively puppeteer situations.

For all you know, MIL enables/handicaps the daughter and neglects/empowers the son. You would have no way of knowing the background of a situation unless you are actually in that family.

You would also not know, unless you have kids in such a family.

It is probably not about food, but the MILs angry ways. I suppose that would be hurtful and tiresome after a number of years.

But I would not pretend to know unless I was in that situation myself. Wondering why the daughter would not have stepped up and done the right thing? Especially after having food saved for her and her family, more than once.  Maybe she is just as selfish as the mom.[/quote]

Setting aside a plate is not the hill I would die on because I would actively not want my MIL to do that for me. Can you imagine the messages she could be sending with that? No carbs, less meat, all vegetables, etc. There are posts here all the time about people angry that in-laws serve the food instead of people serving themselves and people hate that. All we know is the PP is mad a plate isn't being set aside, regardless of the situation, I would never want that or for MIL to prove her love for me that way. It's not worth a deep dive into that PPs family dynamics because it's irrelevant.[/quote]

“Prove love”???? Not sure what kind of upbringing of yours that you are projecting?? Hopefully not eating issues on your part.

Someone who has been in a family a number of years, possibly decades, has every right. There are inevitable patterns, some quite horrible, whether outsiders like it or not.

You are correct. If you haven’t been in the family, or even been in such a family that long, you should not pretend to know. But never would I try to shoot down or diminish someone’s first hand experience, in light of or in interest of my own. [/quote]

I can just help myself when I get there, not sure what the issue even is. But the PP has decided it says something that there aren't individual plates waiting. Otherwise, why bring it up? Are there no leftovers at this weird gathering?[/quote]

No. If there is not enough food, then consequently, there are no leftovers.[/quote]

So address that issue. Bring food to supplement the meager dinner or host your own.[/quote]

If the host tells you to being one thing, do you ignore them and bring whatever else? If the host insists on hosting, do you tell them their food sucks?

I was raised not to be rude. I suppose rude people might enjoy that.

I mean, really.  Are you ten years old? [/quote]

If you’re not rude have enough food. Pretty simple. There should never be a situation where if you’re not there right on time the food is gone.[/quote]

Exactly, exactly the point. Thank you. [/quote]

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