“First come, first serve” household?

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Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?


Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.


Oh damn - a whole new post right here.


Op back. This is funny to me. I think I always thought people took leftovers home. Almost all dinners that are Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are usually in my circles cooked by either older women who are widowed/divorced and have no children at home or single unmarried men. So there’s always plenty to go around that they wouldn’t be able to finish.

I’ll throw two curve balls or what I think would surprise people - speaking of MILs. My MIL cooks ahead and freezes food for holiday events. She will then freeze leftovers no one took and reheat them for the next occasion. So it’s Thanksgiving leftovers at Christmas in a free for all environment but you can take whatever leftovers home. I’ll admit I do not take a plate of the Christmas leftovers. There’s also not a set start time for that Thanksgiving (or Christmas) dinner so the people who arrive at 3pm may be eating what’s done by 3pm and the people arriving at 7pm are eating what’s leftover or freshly finished.


This is so weird. No set time for dinner? Everyone just shows up whenever and eats what happens to pop out of the oven at that time?


Op back. I have to add that my family did the same as a kid. There was not a set time for holiday meals. We also did not dress up for them as I’ve seen as an adult families who wear formal attire (no jeans etc) to Thanksgiving/Christmas. DHs family does not gather around a large table to eat at the same time for those holidays and mine maybe once or twice did in the 18 years I lived at home. The same for present day.

For the unopened bottle host gift replies - this is intriguing, while I haven’t been to formal parties or what DCUM would consider formal like fancy attire, at the relaxed events where everyone bringing wine, tequila, spirits, I’ve had people tell everyone to take back whatever was not opened and also had hosts keep it. The one who kept it just had guests place it in a cooler bucket on the patio as they arrived. The other collected the bottles then handed back to everyone what was unopened and that happened most times she hosted.
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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…


Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.


Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.


Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.


Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.


Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.


You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!



You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?


My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.


Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.


Maybe the MIL has food and control issues, and likes to passively aggressively puppeteer situations.

For all you know, MIL enables/handicaps the daughter and neglects/empowers the son. You would have no way of knowing the background of a situation unless you are actually in that family.

You would also not know, unless you have kids in such a family.

It is probably not about food, but the MILs angry ways. I suppose that would be hurtful and tiresome after a number of years.

But I would not pretend to know unless I was in that situation myself. Wondering why the daughter would not have stepped up and done the right thing? Especially after having food saved for her and her family, more than once. Maybe she is just as selfish as the mom.


Setting aside a plate is not the hill I would die on because I would actively not want my MIL to do that for me. Can you imagine the messages she could be sending with that? No carbs, less meat, all vegetables, etc. There are posts here all the time about people angry that in-laws serve the food instead of people serving themselves and people hate that. All we know is the PP is mad a plate isn't being set aside, regardless of the situation, I would never want that or for MIL to prove her love for me that way. It's not worth a deep dive into that PPs family dynamics because it's irrelevant.


“Prove love”???? Not sure what kind of upbringing of yours that you are projecting?? Hopefully not eating issues on your part.

Someone who has been in a family a number of years, possibly decades, has every right. There are inevitable patterns, some quite horrible, whether outsiders like it or not.

You are correct. If you haven’t been in the family, or even been in such a family that long, you should not pretend to know. But never would I try to shoot down or diminish someone’s first hand experience, in light of or in interest of my own.


I can just help myself when I get there, not sure what the issue even is. But the PP has decided it says something that there aren't individual plates waiting. Otherwise, why bring it up? Are there no leftovers at this weird gathering?


No. If there is not enough food, then consequently, there are no leftovers.


So address that issue. Bring food to supplement the meager dinner or host your own.
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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…


Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.


Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.


Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.


Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.


Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.


You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!



You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?


My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.


Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.


Maybe the MIL has food and control issues, and likes to passively aggressively puppeteer situations.

For all you know, MIL enables/handicaps the daughter and neglects/empowers the son. You would have no way of knowing the background of a situation unless you are actually in that family.

You would also not know, unless you have kids in such a family.

It is probably not about food, but the MILs angry ways. I suppose that would be hurtful and tiresome after a number of years.

But I would not pretend to know unless I was in that situation myself. Wondering why the daughter would not have stepped up and done the right thing? Especially after having food saved for her and her family, more than once. Maybe she is just as selfish as the mom.


Setting aside a plate is not the hill I would die on because I would actively not want my MIL to do that for me. Can you imagine the messages she could be sending with that? No carbs, less meat, all vegetables, etc. There are posts here all the time about people angry that in-laws serve the food instead of people serving themselves and people hate that. All we know is the PP is mad a plate isn't being set aside, regardless of the situation, I would never want that or for MIL to prove her love for me that way. It's not worth a deep dive into that PPs family dynamics because it's irrelevant.


“Prove love”???? Not sure what kind of upbringing of yours that you are projecting?? Hopefully not eating issues on your part.

Someone who has been in a family a number of years, possibly decades, has every right. There are inevitable patterns, some quite horrible, whether outsiders like it or not.

You are correct. If you haven’t been in the family, or even been in such a family that long, you should not pretend to know. But never would I try to shoot down or diminish someone’s first hand experience, in light of or in interest of my own.


I can just help myself when I get there, not sure what the issue even is. But the PP has decided it says something that there aren't individual plates waiting. Otherwise, why bring it up? Are there no leftovers at this weird gathering?


No. If there is not enough food, then consequently, there are no leftovers.


So address that issue. Bring food to supplement the meager dinner or host your own.


If the host tells you to being one thing, do you ignore them and bring whatever else? If the host insists on hosting, do you tell them their food sucks?

I was raised not to be rude. I suppose rude people might enjoy that.

I mean, really. Are you ten years old?
Anonymous
This is a fascinating study of familial practices, classism, and subtle trolling.

Well done, OP!


PS: you always leave the host gift unless they expressly return it to you.
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Anonymous wrote:I think I’m also more on your DHs side- who wants mcD that’s been sitting out for 3-4 hours? Setting aside a plate for someone who’s not at the party on time- if they’re running out of food, seems like people there should eat it first. I might do it if people are grabbing 2nd and 3rds or the food is sitting around and you want to put it aside to prevent all the touching?


It’s not “sitting out for 3-4 hours.” It’s in the refrigerator and it microwaves just fine, just like they microwaved it at McDonalds.

And “who wants” it? Teens. Teens do.

(not OP)


That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve heard? You’re refrigerating barely edible food and reheating it? Your kids have no taste buds. That beyond disgusting


Op here. I would have guessed most people reheat fast food. It never crossed my mind others do not fwiw. I don’t mind warming up fast food actually. Do you not oven warm up Popeyes the next day?


No. My kids will barely eat fast food if we are doing a road trip. No way is anyone eating reheated fast food.


100% this. Fast food is marginal at best when you get it. Who the he!! reheats it? That's gross.
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…


Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.


Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.


Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.


Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.


Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.


You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!



You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?


My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.


Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.


If the daughter can do no wrong, it sets that daughter up for failure. It is not about the food, at all. Take some Psych classes.


What is the relevant to this thread then? If she has MIL issues she should take it to another forum.


Because this thread has to do with familial food customs. Have you caught on yet?


Then your custom of not having a meal together and setting aside multiple plates to get cold is weird AF. Normal people help themselves when they get there.
.

You seem extremely over reactive.

If there is not enough food to begin with, there are no “multiple plates”.

Why do you keep going on about multiple plates? For little kids?



Because holiday PP wants plates for the whole family set aside. Or do you think they share 1 plate? This family situation is weird. Sorry you don’t agree.
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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…


Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.


Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.


Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.


Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.


Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.


You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!



You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?


My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.


Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.


Maybe the MIL has food and control issues, and likes to passively aggressively puppeteer situations.

For all you know, MIL enables/handicaps the daughter and neglects/empowers the son. You would have no way of knowing the background of a situation unless you are actually in that family.

You would also not know, unless you have kids in such a family.

It is probably not about food, but the MILs angry ways. I suppose that would be hurtful and tiresome after a number of years.

But I would not pretend to know unless I was in that situation myself. Wondering why the daughter would not have stepped up and done the right thing? Especially after having food saved for her and her family, more than once. Maybe she is just as selfish as the mom.


Setting aside a plate is not the hill I would die on because I would actively not want my MIL to do that for me. Can you imagine the messages she could be sending with that? No carbs, less meat, all vegetables, etc. There are posts here all the time about people angry that in-laws serve the food instead of people serving themselves and people hate that. All we know is the PP is mad a plate isn't being set aside, regardless of the situation, I would never want that or for MIL to prove her love for me that way. It's not worth a deep dive into that PPs family dynamics because it's irrelevant.


“Prove love”???? Not sure what kind of upbringing of yours that you are projecting?? Hopefully not eating issues on your part.

Someone who has been in a family a number of years, possibly decades, has every right. There are inevitable patterns, some quite horrible, whether outsiders like it or not.

You are correct. If you haven’t been in the family, or even been in such a family that long, you should not pretend to know. But never would I try to shoot down or diminish someone’s first hand experience, in light of or in interest of my own.


I can just help myself when I get there, not sure what the issue even is. But the PP has decided it says something that there aren't individual plates waiting. Otherwise, why bring it up? Are there no leftovers at this weird gathering?


No. If there is not enough food, then consequently, there are no leftovers.


So address that issue. Bring food to supplement the meager dinner or host your own.


If the host tells you to being one thing, do you ignore them and bring whatever else? If the host insists on hosting, do you tell them their food sucks?

I was raised not to be rude. I suppose rude people might enjoy that.

I mean, really. Are you ten years old?


If you’re not rude have enough food. Pretty simple. There should never be a situation where if you’re not there right on time the food is gone.
Anonymous
The best thing about my oldest going to college is that food doesn’t disappear overnight. He used to come home after being out with friends and eat any leftovers in the fridge. When he’s home my youngest will label her leftovers with her name and a note that she spit in the food. It seems to be pretty effective.
Anonymous
My children used to hang out with a family of 4 siblings and when the pizza giot delivered and I opened the box each kid leaned over to spit on their pieces before they grabbed it so no one else would take it.
Anonymous
Nobody gets to “dibs” leftovers in my house (only exception being restaurant leftovers from your individual meal). Meals are cooked and served family style and people have different appetites so everyone present eats their fill and any leftovers go in the fridge. Same with takeout (we always do family style takeout). Leftovers are first come, first serve. Fortunately we aren’t savages and we keep plenty of food in the house so nobody is too fussed about staking a claim to the 3 leftover pizza slices or whatever it is.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My children used to hang out with a family of 4 siblings and when the pizza giot delivered and I opened the box each kid leaned over to spit on their pieces before they grabbed it so no one else would take it.


That is, of course, disgusting, but it also sounds like someone needs to order more pizza. Most of the situations described in these threads could be resolved by providing ample food for the number of people eating.
Anonymous
Haven't read all 15 pages of this, but can relate to OP's frustration. DH grew up in a house with 5 kids, and I grew up with 1 much younger sibling. He gobbles the "good" snacks and foods like there's no tomorrow, and it baffles me and DC (an only). Both of us will leave a box of cookies in the cupboard for weeks and eat them slowly. His default is to eat as much as possible before it's gone. Which means HE'S the one eating it all and we go for a cookie in a week and are surprised they're gone, or worse, are left with one sad token cookie left. Mind you, he came from a high SES family and there was plenty of food to go around, but it was the 80s and his mom wasn't involved in policing equal shares and micromanaging the snack cupboard. I think it's just different when you have to claim yours or you know it will be gone later. It's taken two decades with me for him to unlearn the scarcity mindset and to think of food as a shared commodity and consider our needs (wants?). It really took DC getting old enough to be like "dad, did you eat ALL of the chips AGAIN? I didn't get ANY!" I also had to point out that he was teaching DC to horde food and binge, and he really took that to heart and made an intention effort to change his behavior.

All of OP's specifics are family dependent, but in our house we absolutely set aside a plate if someone misses dinner or is late to a holiday meal, and of course the birthday person gets the first slice or choice of slice. We usually check with each other before eating the last of leftovers, but if someone finishes something at midnight or whatever, NBD because it's not a constant thing. And leftover fast food is gross, team OP's DH on that one.
Anonymous
He is a jerk.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My children used to hang out with a family of 4 siblings and when the pizza giot delivered and I opened the box each kid leaned over to spit on their pieces before they grabbed it so no one else would take it.


That is, of course, disgusting, but it also sounds like someone needs to order more pizza. Most of the situations described in these threads could be resolved by providing ample food for the number of people eating.


Not really. I don't want my kids to have more than 2 slices each.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:The best thing about my oldest going to college is that food doesn’t disappear overnight. He used to come home after being out with friends and eat any leftovers in the fridge. When he’s home my youngest will label her leftovers with her name and a note that she spit in the food. It seems to be pretty effective.


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