If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The show “who do you think you are” is all about family trees and sacrifices ancestors made to get me where I am.

My family survived Black Plague, 1847 Potato Famine, survived WWI and WWII, Great Depression got on a ship to America and worked like a dog in menial jobs to get American dream and ensure college educations for their kids.

For my kids to not have kids and kill off future generations is it a slap in the face to me and all my relatives in history.

Why did my kids grandmother and father even get on that boat to America to only have their grandchildren decide to not have great grandchildren? The boat might as well sunk.

Why don't you see if you can get yourself cloned like Dolly the sheep? The bloodline and all.

[Anonymous]

Tony Randall the actor (odd couple) had a “barren wife” they were married 49 years before she died.

At 77 he had his first kid in 1997. Second kid at 78 in 1998.

Both his son and daughter are pretty famous actors.

[Anonymous]

I saw this as a most popular thread. My older DD (10) doesn’t want to be a parent and pretty much never has. I recognize that may change but parenting is too hard and involved for me to push that. She’d have to want it for herself. My younger daughter (6) talks about “when I’m a mother” quite often.

I’m one of three children and my sister and I both had trouble getting pregnant. We eventually did (and she ended up having three children as did my brother). I truly hope my parents wouldn’t have valued us differently if I’d had no kids and I don’t think they value me differently for having two children. My maternal grandmother moved in with us and helped my stay at home mom in the summers and came on some family vacations with us. My paternal grandparents lived far away and rarely saw us. I see my own parents about three times every two years (every summer and every other Christmas) because they are far away. They are welcome to visit. Similarly I only see my in-laws every other Christmas and begrudge that we have to travel to them cross country with our kids even though they are healthy. They haven’t visited us in 7 years.

If your children gave you grandchildren would you pay for them (I read years ago that the avg cost of raising a child was $250k. I bet it’s more now)? Pressure them to live near you? Help care for them?

Conversely, can you “borrow” a grandchild? Our former neighbors are 30 years older than we are and never had kids. We meet up about once a year even though they are also across the country. They are very much our children’s “bonus” family.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Also, when I was 7 months pregnant with my first child my FIL talked about my value “propagating” his genetic material and how that’s the point of having children (he had 4). It completely grossed me out. His two daughters haven’t communicated with him in years and one of his two sons has no children and is unmarried living at home at almost 40 and we see him for about 48 hours every two years, but hey…he has 6 grandchildren!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think exactly like you, OP, except that I love parenting and do not regret prioritizing my children.

However, I agree with your greater point. What's the point if my line ends?

I don't know how old you are, but my uncle became a grandfather at 80+ years old. He had his daughter later in life, and she had a daughter at 36. It was probably the happiest day of his life.

+1
The desire to see your line continue is biological and innate. No one should be shaming OP for saying what most people feel deep inside.

You throwbacks often resort to "most people think" to shore up your random opinion. No I have never thought about my line, even though my direct ancestral home is now a museum to the county's history (just visited it this summer).

It's not YOUR DIERCT ANCESTRAL HOME. It's the home your ancestors had. You never lived there. THEY didn't have the money to maintain it and the government took over it. Why do you find that a point of pride? Shirt sleeves to shirt sleeves in 3 generations is the NORM.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your desire for grandkids, but not the way you expressed it at all. My kids are not just part of an end goal for grandkids, but a loving joy in their own right. Yes, I want grandkids to share holidays and spoil, but that was not THE POINT of my kids, like they are some kind of vessel or avatar instead of their own people with their own lives and dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your desire for grandkids, but not the way you expressed it at all. My kids are not just part of an end goal for grandkids, but a loving joy in their own right. Yes, I want grandkids to share holidays and spoil, but that was not THE POINT of my kids, like they are some kind of vessel or avatar instead of their own people with their own lives and dreams.

I am still waiting for the joy part in “loving joy” for my own children. You are lucky to have it.

[Anonymous]

Took a “cousins“ trip to Europe last summer. Was great visiting house our moms and dads were born in and everything.

I ran into two older people 98 and 95 who remembered my mother. My kids came and they got to see the history and meet people and hear the stories. Was as if my Mother was alive again.

My one relative who was alive at 104 had her 32 year old grandson with her to take the trip.

She still owned house she was born in back in 1918. And had people fixing up her house as she was passing it on to the one of the grandkids.

Her husband worked for NASA helped put first man on Moon in WWII she worked as a factory supervisor while her husband fought in WWII and she had a full life.

But what would have been point of any of it if her kids had no kids? She be dead or rotting in a nursing home no grandkids. Certainly no grandson to help her go to Europe one last time. Her 200 year old farm in Europe she was born in would be town down, her 104 years worth of life would be forgotten and her assets divided up on court house steps. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Took a “cousins“ trip to Europe last summer. Was great visiting house our moms and dads were born in and everything.

I ran into two older people 98 and 95 who remembered my mother. My kids came and they got to see the history and meet people and hear the stories. Was as if my Mother was alive again.

My one relative who was alive at 104 had her 32 year old grandson with her to take the trip.

She still owned house she was born in back in 1918. And had people fixing up her house as she was passing it on to the one of the grandkids.

Her husband worked for NASA helped put first man on Moon in WWII she worked as a factory supervisor while her husband fought in WWII and she had a full life.

But what would have been point of any of it if her kids had no kids? She be dead or rotting in a nursing home no grandkids. Certainly no grandson to help her go to Europe one last time. Her 200 year old farm in Europe she was born in would be town down, her 104 years worth of life would be forgotten and her assets divided up on court house steps. Sad.

It isn’t either or.

I have seen relationships with nieces and nephews as well as non - family members that fill the void you portray when someone has no children. I have also seen parents who have several children who end up alone in a nursing home.

Life is not as black and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Took a “cousins“ trip to Europe last summer. Was great visiting house our moms and dads were born in and everything.

I ran into two older people 98 and 95 who remembered my mother. My kids came and they got to see the history and meet people and hear the stories. Was as if my Mother was alive again.

My one relative who was alive at 104 had her 32 year old grandson with her to take the trip.

She still owned house she was born in back in 1918. And had people fixing up her house as she was passing it on to the one of the grandkids.

Her husband worked for NASA helped put first man on Moon in WWII she worked as a factory supervisor while her husband fought in WWII and she had a full life.

But what would have been point of any of it if her kids had no kids? She be dead or rotting in a nursing home no grandkids. Certainly no grandson to help her go to Europe one last time. Her 200 year old farm in Europe she was born in would be town down, her 104 years worth of life would be forgotten and her assets divided up on court house steps. Sad.

THAT is the point. People's own lives have meaning. People matter.
You sound like one of those religious nuts who wastes their entire life dreaming of heaven.

Go outside and feel the sun on your skin. Take in the sounds and scents. Smile at someone. Enjoy a cup of coffee. Walk around and feel your muscles working. Lie under a tree and watch the leaves move and the birds flying in formation. People who live that way find meaning in and enjoy their lives, no matter what their "accomplishments" are and regardless of whether or not they have grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

The point may be that the family line will continue, that there will be records and memories of people, ancestors, going back- I think that is what OP means.

To me, without family, not much else is really worth it- not your things, your stuff, your big house, etc. But that's me. It was worth it to me. I am sad that I will not enjoy the extended family, but even more so, sad for my kids who will miss out on this because I guess they think the above things are more worth it. Can't really explain that to people who have no idea what they are missing. However, no, my kids don't owe me grandkids. I do understand that.

Close the book. Incidentally, the top heavy population coming ahead will devastate society- a lot of people living longer with no staff, medical services, social services to care for them. The workplace and innovation will be stripped bare of expertise. This will not be pretty.

[Anonymous]

Nieces and nephews really don’t mean much to me. First the ones on spouse side I have zero genetic connection.

My siblings kids have 50 percent whatever schmuck they married mixed in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The point may be that the family line will continue, that there will be records and memories of people, ancestors, going back- I think that is what OP means.

To me, without family, not much else is really worth it- not your things, your stuff, your big house, etc. But that's me. It was worth it to me. I am sad that I will not enjoy the extended family, but even more so, sad for my kids who will miss out on this because I guess they think the above things are more worth it. Can't really explain that to people who have no idea what they are missing. However, no, my kids don't owe me grandkids. I do understand that.

Close the book. Incidentally, the top heavy population coming ahead will devastate society- a lot of people living longer with no staff, medical services, social services to care for them. The workplace and innovation will be stripped bare of expertise. This will not be pretty.

"Legacy" through descent is a sham. No one remembers you after about 75 years. Your grandchildren will probably remember you, but your great grandchildren won't. They will barely know what you look like.

Your legacy is the work you do in this world. Did you help people? Did you make somethiing? Did you make the world a better place? That's your legacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I literally gave up 22 years of my life between pregnancy and up college.

From kids soccer, back to school nights, SAT tutors, 21 birthday parties, play dates, paying for everything including college.

What was point of any of it without grandkids?

Lonely sad life for me at an empty Thanksgiving table with no one to even leave my stuff too.

What was point of having kids, what was even point of career or big house?

The point of living is life, your life. Having kids was a part of your life. Havjng grandkids will not be, disappoint happens sometimes. That said, I don't get all the PPs who say you're wrong for wanting grandkids so badly. I want them too, but I realize that may or may not happen. My plan is to base who gets an inheritance on which of my kids have kids. And leave nothing to those who choose to remain childfree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally gave up 22 years of my life between pregnancy and up college.

From kids soccer, back to school nights, SAT tutors, 21 birthday parties, play dates, paying for everything including college.

What was point of any of it without grandkids?

Lonely sad life for me at an empty Thanksgiving table with no one to even leave my stuff too.

What was point of having kids, what was even point of career or big house?

The point of living is life, your life. Having kids was a part of your life. Havjng grandkids will not be, disappoint happens sometimes. That said, I don't get all the PPs who say you're wrong for wanting grandkids so badly. I want them too, but I realize that may or may not happen. My plan is to base who gets an inheritance on which of my kids have kids. And leave nothing to those who choose to remain childfree.

Way to set it up so your kids can fight and hate each other.