If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC. Did you not enjoy a single second of parenting? Do you not look at your adult children with pride and happiness for the people they have become? Do you never look at them and revel in the magic of a world where this person didn’t exist, and then one day did, and you were lucky enough to get to be their parent?

The reward for parenting is getting to know your child and serve as their guide into the world. It’s an honor. Parenting is a gift in and of itself.

Grandchildren are not prizes.

not OP, but yes I did experience all that and I love my kids. However, they aren't some special snowflakes that enlighten my world just with their presence. Well, actually they are, but my parenting of them is done. Time for them to carry the torch. And how I spend my money will depend on the presence of grandchildren.

Also, don't curse

You are setting yourself up for misery by assuming that the only way for your children to “carry the torch” is to do exactly what you did.

What if one of your kids experiences infertility, struggles to find a good partner or the person they marry turns out to be ill suited for parenting, etc. Are you just going to disinherit that kid because they didn’t deliver on your expectations?

Your kids will be swearing at you behind your back because you’re so limited in your outlook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever and stop and think why they don’t want children? Maybe you f’ed up their childhood and life so much that they don’t want to reproduce or carry on your genes.

+1. It looks like you didn’t do a good job and now that’s coming back to bite you. Maybe you should reflect on what you did wrong at Thanksgiving and pray for some forgiveness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC. Did you not enjoy a single second of parenting? Do you not look at your adult children with pride and happiness for the people they have become? Do you never look at them and revel in the magic of a world where this person didn’t exist, and then one day did, and you were lucky enough to get to be their parent?

The reward for parenting is getting to know your child and serve as their guide into the world. It’s an honor. Parenting is a gift in and of itself.

Grandchildren are not prizes.

not OP, but yes I did experience all that and I love my kids. However, they aren't some special snowflakes that enlighten my world just with their presence. Well, actually they are, but my parenting of them is done. Time for them to carry the torch. And how I spend my money will depend on the presence of grandchildren.

Also, don't curse

With you as a mother, I'm not at all surprised they chose not to have children.

my kids are younger than you, they have plenty of time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think exactly like you, OP, except that I love parenting and do not regret prioritizing my children.

However, I agree with your greater point. What's the point if my line ends?

I don't know how old you are, but my uncle became a grandfather at 80+ years old. He had his daughter later in life, and she had a daughter at 36. It was probably the happiest day of his life.

The point is that you got to experience life. That’s it. You aren’t going to know anything about your “line” so why do you care? The world could blow up tomorrow. Would you think your life was pointless then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think exactly like you, OP, except that I love parenting and do not regret prioritizing my children.

However, I agree with your greater point. What's the point if my line ends?

I don't know how old you are, but my uncle became a grandfather at 80+ years old. He had his daughter later in life, and she had a daughter at 36. It was probably the happiest day of his life.

The point is that you got to experience life. That’s it. You aren’t going to know anything about your “line” so why do you care? The world could blow up tomorrow. Would you think your life was pointless then?

PP you replied to. I come from a line of aristocrats and the point is to have kids and transmit one's family culture and wealth. We've been doing that for a thousand years. But it's OK you don't understand. I did not create the thread. I hope my kids have kids. I would be so happy to babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC. Did you not enjoy a single second of parenting? Do you not look at your adult children with pride and happiness for the people they have become? Do you never look at them and revel in the magic of a world where this person didn’t exist, and then one day did, and you were lucky enough to get to be their parent?

The reward for parenting is getting to know your child and serve as their guide into the world. It’s an honor. Parenting is a gift in and of itself.

Grandchildren are not prizes.

not OP, but yes I did experience all that and I love my kids. However, they aren't some special snowflakes that enlighten my world just with their presence. Well, actually they are, but my parenting of them is done. Time for them to carry the torch. And how I spend my money will depend on the presence of grandchildren.

Also, don't curse

With you as a mother, I'm not at all surprised they chose not to have children.

my kids are younger than you, they have plenty of time

Time for what? For you to guilt them into having children?

[Anonymous]

Plenty of other things to do. It is unlikely my two will have children either. It isn’t a problem. I feel lucky that we were able to have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I literally gave up 22 years of my life between pregnancy and up college.

From kids soccer, back to school nights, SAT tutors, 21 birthday parties, play dates, paying for everything including college.

What was point of any of it without grandkids?

Lonely sad life for me at an empty Thanksgiving table with no one to even leave my stuff too.

What was point of having kids, what was even point of career or big house?

So are you mad at your kids? I have five kids in their 30’s and a few grandchildren. Two or three of my kids will probably never have kids. Should I be mad at them? Should only children or pairs feel under more obligation to propagate?

[Anonymous]

Wow, I am childfree and so glad that my parents don't feel the way you do. They wanted to have a child to have the experience of raising a child, and that was their decision, not mine, obviously. I do not want this experience, and they understand and accept my decision. Frankly, more and more parents should expect to not have grandchildren, as younger generations come to terms with the devastation that climate change is wreaking on the earth.

[Anonymous]

Some of us can't have kids due to infertility, and don't want invasive IVF. It's a lot of money for something with no guarantee.

I've figured out how to give my life meaning even without being able to have kids. I'm sure, with some therapy like me, you can figure that out without grandkids.

[Anonymous]

My parents are/were like OP. My siblings all had kids and for a time I did not think I wanted them. Then my DH and I decided in our mid-30s that we wanted a kid after all, and had one (very happily, it was absolutely the right choice for us at the right time).

The interesting thing was that it was like a flip switched with my parents, who went from barely registering that I existed to wanting to be a big part of our lives, because suddenly there's a grandchild and they are very invested in that. But I don't forget that they didn't care about me or my life at all before I had a kid. They want a certain level of access and control over my kid and they don't get it because I don't think it comes from a good place. Why, so they can then ignore my child when she's an adult, unless or until she produces children? It's weird. It's like they are only interested in young children. And it also feels like they are only interested in me as a person if I'm producing kids for them, which as a woman it pretty insulting.

The OP and others who make this the whole focus don't seem to get they are poisoning their relationships with not only their kids, but also their grandkids. Oh, and my siblings who had kids much younger than me? They also have ALL kinds of issues with my parents now. My sister doesn't currently speak to them and won't let them see her kids.

If you're smart and value your relationship with your kids and any future grandkids, you better learn how to accept your children for who they are and accept their life choices as valid whether it's what you want for them or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am childfree and so glad that my parents don't feel the way you do. They wanted to have a child to have the experience of raising a child, and that was their decision, not mine, obviously. I do not want this experience, and they understand and accept my decision. Frankly, more and more parents should expect to not have grandchildren, as younger generations come to terms with the devastation that climate change is wreaking on the earth.

+ 1, that's why I'm glad I have no grandchildren and will probably never have.

[Anonymous]

OP - my kids may have kids yet. Buy I had a brother who literally worked 60 hours a week for 40 years to make a ton of money and his wife stayed home running around with kid, paying college, paying grad school, paying for wedding.

After all that they announce the decided not to have kids. (Why even get married?)

My brother sold the family home, (no point having it as no Xmas or Thanksgiving or family parties with a house full of grandkids), sold his collector car he loved as no grand kid to leave it to.

They retired to a HOA in Florida with their now “worthless” millions. No one to leave it to. They go to early bird special, play golf. Soon their DNA will disappear along with their branch of the family tree.

Would it have killed their daughter just to pop out a kid or two?

My brother aged 10 years overnight. His entire 40 years of work means nothing and his wife doming multiple rounds of fertility treatment to have kid and quitting work to be a SAHM now all meaningless

[Anonymous]

Feeling really bad for my gay brother right now. But he doesn't read DCUM so I guess it's fine.

[Anonymous]

I only want my children to make the world a better place, in some way or another.