For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

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Second wife here with young children. DH got tired of ex wife and dc demands. Still gives money towards education but has been sensible enough to make sure his kids from first marriage do not inherit anything we have built together. Put into a will. This goes to our kids. I work hard to pay for my kids not his. Lazy ex didn't build a nest egg for kids her problem. All the money dh gave them they spent on clothes. Vacations. Rinsed their savings account. So he says they are adults time to get jobs and build their own futures.
With my income I have already sorted out college, set up investment accounts and Rothschild with my own cash. Not dh cash.

But your kids will be adults someday, too. Why will they get to inherit from their dad but not his kids from his first marriage? Part of whatever you gave built together is his, and ALL his kids should benefit equally from that. Your list betrays you - you are clearly a stepmom who impedes a good relationship between your DH and his other kids instead of facilitating/encouraging one.

No one is entitled to inheritance. It’s not the stepmoms job to facilitate the relationship and that relationship is generally impossible if the mother refuses to allow it to happen. Once kids are adults, they can do what they want but if they continue to follow mom and listen to her vs find out the truth there is nothing dad or stepmom can do. My husbands ex cheated, left with the ap and did all kids of horrible things to my husband and her ap ex wife and kids. It was bad enough that the ap kids got removed from their home due to her abuse. You cannot compete with that kind of crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty clear that the second wife always feels threatened by the idea that she's replaceable and their kids mean nothing to him (as evidenced by the guys past).

I say this as someone whose witnessed military men literally just dump their kids and go to wife #2 for more kids. They are total POS and the wives that encourage them to never see their other kids are also, again, just burying their heads in the sand as though it won't happen to them too. Once a scumbag, always a scumbag.

How about all the military wives who cheat and make out well with the husbands pension, child support and alimony. I’m not threatened. I went so far as to pay for an attorney and many plane tickets. I took time off of work for the rare visit when dad had to work. Mom hated I took good care of the kids and did things like new clothing and shoes when she refused to buy what they need. You sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

Does 92 year-old Rupert Murdoch hang out and parent his kids with Wendi Deng? Those girls are now in college.

What a twisted scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does 92 year-old Rupert Murdoch hang out and parent his kids with Wendi Deng? Those girls are now in college.

What a twisted scenario.

Very twisted, although having kids in your late 40s is materially different than having them in your seventies. And anyway, he has plenty of money to spread around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty clear that the second wife always feels threatened by the idea that she's replaceable and their kids mean nothing to him (as evidenced by the guys past).

I say this as someone whose witnessed military men literally just dump their kids and go to wife #2 for more kids. They are total POS and the wives that encourage them to never see their other kids are also, again, just burying their heads in the sand as though it won't happen to them too. Once a scumbag, always a scumbag.

Does it make a difference if the kids are adults?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Feel for your dad bc everyone in preschool will call him poppie. He will feel his age real fast having to go through prek -12 years of assemblies sitting with parents in their early 30s.

But this is what he wanted and chose for himself. I feel bad that he's caught between his new and his old family, but being an old dad is the last thing he deserves pity over. I feel worse for the kids who will go through life having a much older dad.

Then don’t have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me wonder, is it possible to legally negotiate inheritance for one's kids during the divorce process? Could save them some of this down the road if so.

Yes it is. I tried but DH refused to agree.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not be happy for them. How is it affecting you?

It affects you because you are very rarely still treated as your parent's child. They are focused on a toddler and you're "all grown up". Men are not good with this.

How does it not:
-additional heirs to your dad's estate, reducing your future share
-future estate also reduced by the education, college and overall cost of those children-- this affects grandchildren too since there will be more of them
-possible total disinheritance if the 2nd wive comes sole heir after he passes
-kids who may have better lives than you ever did bc he is wealthier now and also more available
-reduced loyalty since you are "done"
-dividing up the holidays
-stigma and reduced ability to attract desirable mate since one's parents are no longer married to each other
-graduations and weddings become occasions where you have to keep mom and step mom away from each other

It truly sucks.

Wow, it may suck, but you deserve it. If you are concerned about your "reduced ability...", look at the mirror. The reason for that reduced ability will be staring at you.

Really? You seriously think people don’t take into account whether or not someone has divorced parents when deciding whether to marry them?

They should definitely take into account whether someone is a greedy, envious and judgemental as$hole. In this case they wouldn't even get to the parents part.

Yep it’s just amazing how selfish parents actions have no effect on how the children turn out. Must be the kids fault.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

Lol first wives work harder than the second wife usually.
No one is entitled to inheritance.

Exactly why the 2nd wife should not expect to get it.

Who says we want it?

Good we agree, you should not get it.

You should also start working stop collecting alimony and start saving for your kids inheritance. Instead of using men as a pay check

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

You said all his money from your marriage is locked in a trust that only your joint descendants can receive. That’s the opposite of “don’t take a dime.”
No one is entitled to inheritance.

Exactly why the 2nd wife should not expect to get it.

Who says we want it?

Good we agree, you should not get it.

You should also start working stop collecting alimony and start saving for your kids inheritance. Instead of using men as a pay check

I actually have always made more money than my ex. Our money is in a trust and my ex can’t get it out without my say so.

I don’t think he’s stupid enough to take on a dependent 2nd wife.

I suspect if he’s stupid enough to remarry she wouldn’t be a slug who expected money from my family trust.

Good God! Second wives are slugs are they lol i have a career and don't take a dime from DH.
Seems to me from this thread these poor men WERE
Married to 'slugs' and now their baby slugs are crying about inheritance

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The adult child should be thinking about how to work hard to be financially independent, instead of thinking about getting money from parents without hard work. Grow up!

It's not about money, it's about time. And about not having your family life dominated by annoying new wife and her spoiled kids.

The only spoiled kids here are the greedy older ones and their gold digging moms crying about inheritance.
Feel sorry for men

The only spoiled adult is the new wife who can’t support herself.

How about the spoiled ex-wife who cheated, left for her affair partner, and gets child support and life long alimony? Many new wives work. By the time the Dad's pay child support, alimony and all the extra's there isn't much money left so often is the new wife supporting the lifestyle.

If she gets lifelong alimony they were married for over 20 years.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

Your earnings aren’t the question (and you can quit the sanctimony since clearly you “work” but he pays everything for your lifestyle). What’s the arrangement for HIS money if he dies?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not be happy for them. How is it affecting you?

It affects you because you are very rarely still treated as your parent's child. They are focused on a toddler and you're "all grown up". Men are not good with this.

No quotations needed around “all grown up.”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

So your money goes to your kids and his money goes to all his kids.

That is exactly what people are saying.

The adult children should still get a portion of the h’s inheritance.

So if he dies, he did the same 66% goes to the kids and 30% to you?

I assume if he dies in that scenario the 66% would be divided among all his kids from both marriages, plus I would hope it would be less than 66% as we have young kids I need to raise and put through college. No matter what he does, I’ll be okay as I save all my earned income between my 401k, kids college accounts, and my brokerage account. It has to be this way. I have young kids and marrying him was a big risk.

You should have a life insurance policy to help raise your children. Have you not done that?

Sure but it’s something he controls. I control my income and I save it. It doesn’t matter that much in the scheme of things as he has plenty and can afford to fund our entire lifestyle and he does. I work for peace of mind.

You live like a teenager. How is your house titled?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

With retirement accounts, you set who they will go to. So, if your husband decides they go to the first kids, that's his choice. Ours are set up where they go to the spouse, then our kids if both of us die. Simple. If there are minor kids, the money should be used to care for all minor kids first.

If you die your retirement goes to your husband.

So you cut his kids out of the inheritance of his money?

Yes, all my money goes to my husband first.

Why are they entitled to money? You sound greedy. If he chooses to leave them money that's his choice. But, they aren't entitled to anything, nor our our kids however our kids are entitled to be supported till they are adults. His kids are adults. They choose the relationships with him and we will base what they get off the relationship after our kids needs have been met. Shouldn't our kids get the same as his kids got?

Wow. You are evil.