Should the guy always pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read this poster who commented after you: men get invested financially in women and dates they like. It’s the men’s world. Yes, if a guy wants me to split the check my conclusion is he doesn’t find me hot so no point continue seeing him.

This is also known as prostitution

You need to read up on prostitution, which is exchanging physical favors for money. Being treated to dinner by a date is, get ready, accepting a gesture of kindness and hospitality from a potential partner. There is no implication of an obligation and the kind of guy who thinks there is is the kind of guy who doesn’t get a second date.

There’s really very little to differentiate the two.

A non trashy escort in DC charges thousands per night. Go hire someone if you can afford it and don’t complain. Also stop dating if the rules of the game irritate you.

I’m a married woman, no need for dates/hookers.

Then go back to your husband, kids and white fence instead of accusing other women in prostitution whereby they are looking for partners who would be a good match for them.

Have you considered that it’s your approach that’s making you unsuccessful in your quest?

What makes you think that other women are "less successful" than you, do you know my marital status? It's in fact you who are unhealthy competitive, and also derive your own worth from the fact being married.

So what’s your marital status?

I don't think my marital status is a relevant measure of my success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read this poster who commented after you: men get invested financially in women and dates they like. It’s the men’s world. Yes, if a guy wants me to split the check my conclusion is he doesn’t find me hot so no point continue seeing him.

This is also known as prostitution

You need to read up on prostitution, which is exchanging physical favors for money. Being treated to dinner by a date is, get ready, accepting a gesture of kindness and hospitality from a potential partner. There is no implication of an obligation and the kind of guy who thinks there is is the kind of guy who doesn’t get a second date.

There’s really very little to differentiate the two.

A non trashy escort in DC charges thousands per night. Go hire someone if you can afford it and don’t complain. Also stop dating if the rules of the game irritate you.

I’m a married woman, no need for dates/hookers.

Then go back to your husband, kids and white fence instead of accusing other women in prostitution whereby they are looking for partners who would be a good match for them.

Have you considered that it’s your approach that’s making you unsuccessful in your quest?

What makes you think that other women are "less successful" than you, do you know my marital status? It's in fact you who are unhealthy competitive, and also derive your own worth from the fact being married.

So what’s your marital status?

I don't think my marital status is a relevant measure of my success.

#foreveralone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a guy who makes $$$ who gets upset when the woman does not offer to pay. For the first few dates, fine. After a handful, he starts getting bothered.

Does it matter if the guy makes 50k or 500k?

Guy I’m thinking of probably makes $500-800k per year.

Dh and I were both in grad school when we started dating. Dh paid for most dates. I know I would pick up take out or buy groceries. I’m not sure how I would handle dating a guy who I knew made a lot who would not want to pay for me. But if he was broke or made equal or less than me, I would of course not expect him to pay for everything.

It doesn't matter about how much money he makes, it's all about consideration for others. Even if you offer to pay $20 youre offering something. As a woman myself and having daughters I have told them and would want them to offer to pay. It sets a standard for a lasting relationship. If 1 person weither man or woman always expects the other to pay while dating a lasting relationship will be one sided with the other expecting to never contribute since they earn less.

If one party doesn't earn alot and can't afford to always go out then have less expensive dates and let the other know this is what they can afford.

Not everything has to be about man/woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read this poster who commented after you: men get invested financially in women and dates they like. It’s the men’s world. Yes, if a guy wants me to split the check my conclusion is he doesn’t find me hot so no point continue seeing him.

This is also known as prostitution

You need to read up on prostitution, which is exchanging physical favors for money. Being treated to dinner by a date is, get ready, accepting a gesture of kindness and hospitality from a potential partner. There is no implication of an obligation and the kind of guy who thinks there is is the kind of guy who doesn’t get a second date.

There’s really very little to differentiate the two.

Except you'll get better value for money from a prostitute than a dinner date.

The hooker might also say "Thank you" afterwards. I've noticed how little gratitude there is for the free meal. Often there is no follow-up text the next day thanking me either.

Sounds like you’re not a very fun date. Work on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I have different standards for my DD and my DS for paying for dates. However the goal is same - they attract good people and they remain protected.

I want my DS to always pays or insists on paying for dates. He also has to listen to the girl and allow her what she wants (he pays or she pays). The idea is that he is treating the girl right, earn her trust and respect, and give her the options. The default is that he pays.

I want my DD to never allow guys to pay for her on dates, and only allow the guy she is going steady with or married to to pay. In her case, it allows her to not feel any obligation and not create any negative feelings in men if things don't work out. This also allows her to keep dates inexpensive (because she is paying her share) and not over the top. The default is that she goes dutch.

Raise your daughter to value herself such that there’s no suggestion of “obligation” if a well-raised young man picks up her coffee. You’re seriously raising her to consider her value $3.99???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I have different standards for my DD and my DS for paying for dates. However the goal is same - they attract good people and they remain protected.

I want my DS to always pays or insists on paying for dates. He also has to listen to the girl and allow her what she wants (he pays or she pays). The idea is that he is treating the girl right, earn her trust and respect, and give her the options. The default is that he pays.

I want my DD to never allow guys to pay for her on dates, and only allow the guy she is going steady with or married to to pay. In her case, it allows her to not feel any obligation and not create any negative feelings in men if things don't work out. This also allows her to keep dates inexpensive (because she is paying her share) and not over the top. The default is that she goes dutch.

Raise your daughter to value herself such that there’s no suggestion of “obligation” if a well-raised young man picks up her coffee. You’re seriously raising her to consider her value $3.99???

If it’s nothing then why can’t the woman cough up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I have different standards for my DD and my DS for paying for dates. However the goal is same - they attract good people and they remain protected.

I want my DS to always pays or insists on paying for dates. He also has to listen to the girl and allow her what she wants (he pays or she pays). The idea is that he is treating the girl right, earn her trust and respect, and give her the options. The default is that he pays.

I want my DD to never allow guys to pay for her on dates, and only allow the guy she is going steady with or married to to pay. In her case, it allows her to not feel any obligation and not create any negative feelings in men if things don't work out. This also allows her to keep dates inexpensive (because she is paying her share) and not over the top. The default is that she goes dutch.

Raise your daughter to value herself such that there’s no suggestion of “obligation” if a well-raised young man picks up her coffee. You’re seriously raising her to consider her value $3.99???

If it’s nothing then why can’t the woman cough up?

She can, if she wants to date the kind of guy who doesn’t want to. She may prefer to date the kind of man who doesn’t see dating in terms of “coughing up” and would prefer to treat his date to coffee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I have different standards for my DD and my DS for paying for dates. However the goal is same - they attract good people and they remain protected.

I want my DS to always pays or insists on paying for dates. He also has to listen to the girl and allow her what she wants (he pays or she pays). The idea is that he is treating the girl right, earn her trust and respect, and give her the options. The default is that he pays.

I want my DD to never allow guys to pay for her on dates, and only allow the guy she is going steady with or married to to pay. In her case, it allows her to not feel any obligation and not create any negative feelings in men if things don't work out. This also allows her to keep dates inexpensive (because she is paying her share) and not over the top. The default is that she goes dutch.

Raise your daughter to value herself such that there’s no suggestion of “obligation” if a well-raised young man picks up her coffee. You’re seriously raising her to consider her value $3.99???

If it’s nothing then why can’t the woman cough up?

She can, if she wants to date the kind of guy who doesn’t want to. She may prefer to date the kind of man who doesn’t see dating in terms of “coughing up” and would prefer to treat his date to coffee.

And has she ever once considered paying for his coffee?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I have different standards for my DD and my DS for paying for dates. However the goal is same - they attract good people and they remain protected.

I want my DS to always pays or insists on paying for dates. He also has to listen to the girl and allow her what she wants (he pays or she pays). The idea is that he is treating the girl right, earn her trust and respect, and give her the options. The default is that he pays.

I want my DD to never allow guys to pay for her on dates, and only allow the guy she is going steady with or married to to pay. In her case, it allows her to not feel any obligation and not create any negative feelings in men if things don't work out. This also allows her to keep dates inexpensive (because she is paying her share) and not over the top. The default is that she goes dutch.

Raise your daughter to value herself such that there’s no suggestion of “obligation” if a well-raised young man picks up her coffee. You’re seriously raising her to consider her value $3.99???

If it’s nothing then why can’t the woman cough up?

She can, if she wants to date the kind of guy who doesn’t want to. She may prefer to date the kind of man who doesn’t see dating in terms of “coughing up” and would prefer to treat his date to coffee.

And has she ever once considered paying for his coffee?

If she has, then she’s the target of the men who want their date to pay. If she hasn’t, she’s the target date of the kind of man who doesn’t expect his date to pay. Why is it the former is such an insecure group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I have different standards for my DD and my DS for paying for dates. However the goal is same - they attract good people and they remain protected.

I want my DS to always pays or insists on paying for dates. He also has to listen to the girl and allow her what she wants (he pays or she pays). The idea is that he is treating the girl right, earn her trust and respect, and give her the options. The default is that he pays.

I want my DD to never allow guys to pay for her on dates, and only allow the guy she is going steady with or married to to pay. In her case, it allows her to not feel any obligation and not create any negative feelings in men if things don't work out. This also allows her to keep dates inexpensive (because she is paying her share) and not over the top. The default is that she goes dutch.

Raise your daughter to value herself such that there’s no suggestion of “obligation” if a well-raised young man picks up her coffee. You’re seriously raising her to consider her value $3.99???

If it’s nothing then why can’t the woman cough up?

She can, if she wants to date the kind of guy who doesn’t want to. She may prefer to date the kind of man who doesn’t see dating in terms of “coughing up” and would prefer to treat his date to coffee.

And has she ever once considered paying for his coffee?

If she has, then she’s the target of the men who want their date to pay. If she hasn’t, she’s the target date of the kind of man who doesn’t expect his date to pay. Why is it the former is such an insecure group?

So your daughter is forever a target. Sad.

[Anonymous]

The worst fear of men when it comes to dating is that she’ll be fat. The worst fear of women is that he’ll kill her.

There is an inherent power imbalance between men and women. We also live in a persistently sexist and patriarchal society and men earn more than women.

Men always paid when I was dating and none had a problem with it. There’s something very unattractive about a man who lacks generosity, particularly when he seeks to woo a lady. If I ever didn’t like a guy I would go half with him.

My DH paid without question when we started dating. After about a month I started picking up coffees and stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The worst fear of men when it comes to dating is that she’ll be fat. The worst fear of women is that he’ll kill her.

There is an inherent power imbalance between men and women. We also live in a persistently sexist and patriarchal society and men earn more than women.

1) In a number of US cities, more wives kill their husbands than the opposite. Nearby Baltimore is one of those cities.

2) Fairfax and Loudon county have a population of 1.5 million. When was the last time a husband killed his wife in Fairfax County or Loudon County? It seems like the odds are in your favor, ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The worst fear of men when it comes to dating is that she’ll be fat. The worst fear of women is that he’ll kill her.

There is an inherent power imbalance between men and women. We also live in a persistently sexist and patriarchal society and men earn more than women.

1) In a number of US cities, more wives kill their husbands than the opposite. Nearby Baltimore is one of those cities.

2) Fairfax and Loudon county have a population of 1.5 million. When was the last time a husband killed his wife in Fairfax County or Loudon County? It seems like the odds are in your favor, ladies.

September in Fairfax and May in Loudon, that we know of.

[Anonymous]

The problem is people don't know how to date.

Everyone does the whole dinner thing, over and over again. It's expensive and an absolutely terrible way to get to know someone.

I always did coffee for a first date. I'd show up first and buy my own drink, date would show up and buy their own drink.

After that, whoever asks, pays. I'd always alternate, and I'd always pick an activity I wanted to do anyway. If there was a show I wanted to go to, I'd buy 2 tickets and someone I was dating if they wanted to go. The next week, they'd mention a hike they wanted to do, and would drive+pay for parking. The week after I would get food for a cookout we'd have at the park. Etc.

If one person is always doing all the asking, or doing all the paying, it sucks. And trying to split things 50/50 every time sucks. When you alternate both asking and paying, there's equal investment from both parties.

[Anonymous]

There are a fair amount of women who "date" someone they have absolutely no intention of being with just to get a couple of free meals.
Men have caught on to this.
.
In some cases, they excuse themselves "to the restroom" , walk out the door, and leave the check behind for her to pay.