Should the guy always pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I firmly believe that someone who is frantically calculating how much he'd spent on my coffee and cake at first date will be less involved parent and partner down the road

It’s not the first coffee. It’s every dinner, every show, every non-trivial expenditure. Is the woman who makes as much as the man does being a parasite or is she being an adult?

I would say it's him every dinner, just because alternating checks or splitting takes away the romance. It's the person who initiates the experience (a show, a non-trivial experience) who pays. I absolutely did get tickets for shows when I was dating. My exH didn't like it though: he was making about 200K and I was making 80K when we dated. He insisted on paying the largest share of these expenses

This is fully opinion, not fact. And it’s not surprising that you hold this opinion, since it benefits you financially. I wonder how romantic men find this…

I would look at the big picture. If I can have a woman that I really want, I would be happy to pay for dinners anytime. There are lots of other ways woman can respond to this (and I am not talking about sex here). If women only expect to receive, I wouldn’t waste my time on them as there are many options for quality men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I firmly believe that someone who is frantically calculating how much he'd spent on my coffee and cake at first date will be less involved parent and partner down the road

It’s not the first coffee. It’s every dinner, every show, every non-trivial expenditure. Is the woman who makes as much as the man does being a parasite or is she being an adult?

I would say it's him every dinner, just because alternating checks or splitting takes away the romance. It's the person who initiates the experience (a show, a non-trivial experience) who pays. I absolutely did get tickets for shows when I was dating. My exH didn't like it though: he was making about 200K and I was making 80K when we dated. He insisted on paying the largest share of these expenses

This is fully opinion, not fact. And it’s not surprising that you hold this opinion, since it benefits you financially. I wonder how romantic men find this…

All of this is opinion. It’s dating, which is not compulsory for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I firmly believe that someone who is frantically calculating how much he'd spent on my coffee and cake at first date will be less involved parent and partner down the road

It’s not the first coffee. It’s every dinner, every show, every non-trivial expenditure. Is the woman who makes as much as the man does being a parasite or is she being an adult?

I would say it's him every dinner, just because alternating checks or splitting takes away the romance. It's the person who initiates the experience (a show, a non-trivial experience) who pays. I absolutely did get tickets for shows when I was dating. My exH didn't like it though: he was making about 200K and I was making 80K when we dated. He insisted on paying the largest share of these expenses

This is fully opinion, not fact. And it’s not surprising that you hold this opinion, since it benefits you financially. I wonder how romantic men find this…

It didn't really benefit me financially dating my husband to be. My income was 3 times less than his, relative my income I spent about same on dating. I still contributed some, and he wanted to take trips together, he lived in one city and I lived in another. I paid for my train tickets (over 100 EUR round trip) to visit him on weekends; I bought tickets for museums when he visited me; I cooked nicer meals for two of us vs a simple Chinese take out what I would have done being single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, a gentleman always pays!

I hope you also adhere to your other old fashioned gender roles. Stay home, have kids, make sure dinner is on the table, do all the laundry. You know, act like it's 1925.

I am not the one who posted, but what’s wrong with traditional ways. BTW, I would be happy to pay nice dinners during dates, treat her nicely and don’t expect sex in return, but her cooking some dinners for me would be nice. I wouldn’t expect her to stay at home but it’s her choice whether she wants to work or not. I don’t need her income as I make enough. I would want her to be attractive and well educated regardless whether she wants to advance her career or not. I would want my kids to be smart and healthy like their parents.
I would be happy to participate in house chores, participate in kids’ activities and respect my wife’s work at home as I believe stable, happy family as important (or more important) than my career success. I am sure how many women in DCUM are on board with this, but this is what I think..

I agree, and in fact men who didn't pick up tabs were less caring and attentive to my needs. Like, never held doors, only spoke about themselves at dates, were critical of previous relationships etc. I firmly believe that someone who is frantically calculating how much he'd spent on my coffee and cake at first date will be less involved parent and partner down the road

The same could said about women. They're the wives who become entitled and want to be constantly spoiled and otherwise just check out on their husbands. They're the ones who insist that the guy must always pay for dinner. That's their tell. ever wonder why the guy didn't call you for a second date? Now you know why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, a gentleman always pays!

I hope you also adhere to your other old fashioned gender roles. Stay home, have kids, make sure dinner is on the table, do all the laundry. You know, act like it's 1925.

I am not the one who posted, but what’s wrong with traditional ways. BTW, I would be happy to pay nice dinners during dates, treat her nicely and don’t expect sex in return, but her cooking some dinners for me would be nice. I wouldn’t expect her to stay at home but it’s her choice whether she wants to work or not. I don’t need her income as I make enough. I would want her to be attractive and well educated regardless whether she wants to advance her career or not. I would want my kids to be smart and healthy like their parents.
I would be happy to participate in house chores, participate in kids’ activities and respect my wife’s work at home as I believe stable, happy family as important (or more important) than my career success. I am sure how many women in DCUM are on board with this, but this is what I think..

I agree, and in fact men who didn't pick up tabs were less caring and attentive to my needs. Like, never held doors, only spoke about themselves at dates, were critical of previous relationships etc. I firmly believe that someone who is frantically calculating how much he'd spent on my coffee and cake at first date will be less involved parent and partner down the road

The same could said about women. They're the wives who become entitled and want to be constantly spoiled and otherwise just check out on their husbands. They're the ones who insist that the guy must always pay for dinner. That's their tell. ever wonder why the guy didn't call you for a second date? Now you know why.

It’s easy to see if she behaves entitled before marring her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, a gentleman always pays!

I hope you also adhere to your other old fashioned gender roles. Stay home, have kids, make sure dinner is on the table, do all the laundry. You know, act like it's 1925.

I am not the one who posted, but what’s wrong with traditional ways. BTW, I would be happy to pay nice dinners during dates, treat her nicely and don’t expect sex in return, but her cooking some dinners for me would be nice. I wouldn’t expect her to stay at home but it’s her choice whether she wants to work or not. I don’t need her income as I make enough. I would want her to be attractive and well educated regardless whether she wants to advance her career or not. I would want my kids to be smart and healthy like their parents.
I would be happy to participate in house chores, participate in kids’ activities and respect my wife’s work at home as I believe stable, happy family as important (or more important) than my career success. I am sure how many women in DCUM are on board with this, but this is what I think..

I agree, and in fact men who didn't pick up tabs were less caring and attentive to my needs. Like, never held doors, only spoke about themselves at dates, were critical of previous relationships etc. I firmly believe that someone who is frantically calculating how much he'd spent on my coffee and cake at first date will be less involved parent and partner down the road

The same could said about women. They're the wives who become entitled and want to be constantly spoiled and otherwise just check out on their husbands. They're the ones who insist that the guy must always pay for dinner. That's their tell. ever wonder why the guy didn't call you for a second date? Now you know why.

I am one of those women. DH earns all the money and does most around the house. My friends all wonder how I got so lucky. I guess you can say I show my love with affection and quality time. I did thoughtful things. Some cost money. Some didn’t. I would take us on experiences and trips. Sure, DH paid for the first few trips. I ended up earning more than him and took us on better vacations.

Now he earns a seven figure income. Money has never been an issue for us. After we got married and had a baby, we combined finances completely. He commented a few times on my spending initially. I think he was more surprised that I spent so much eating out and beauty. Now he really doesn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, a gentleman always pays!

I hope you also adhere to your other old fashioned gender roles. Stay home, have kids, make sure dinner is on the table, do all the laundry. You know, act like it's 1925.

I am not the one who posted, but what’s wrong with traditional ways. BTW, I would be happy to pay nice dinners during dates, treat her nicely and don’t expect sex in return, but her cooking some dinners for me would be nice. I wouldn’t expect her to stay at home but it’s her choice whether she wants to work or not. I don’t need her income as I make enough. I would want her to be attractive and well educated regardless whether she wants to advance her career or not. I would want my kids to be smart and healthy like their parents.
I would be happy to participate in house chores, participate in kids’ activities and respect my wife’s work at home as I believe stable, happy family as important (or more important) than my career success. I am sure how many women in DCUM are on board with this, but this is what I think..

I agree, and in fact men who didn't pick up tabs were less caring and attentive to my needs. Like, never held doors, only spoke about themselves at dates, were critical of previous relationships etc. I firmly believe that someone who is frantically calculating how much he'd spent on my coffee and cake at first date will be less involved parent and partner down the road

The same could said about women. They're the wives who become entitled and want to be constantly spoiled and otherwise just check out on their husbands. They're the ones who insist that the guy must always pay for dinner. That's their tell. ever wonder why the guy didn't call you for a second date? Now you know why.

I am one of those women. DH earns all the money and does most around the house. My friends all wonder how I got so lucky. I guess you can say I show my love with affection and quality time. I did thoughtful things. Some cost money. Some didn’t. I would take us on experiences and trips. Sure, DH paid for the first few trips. I ended up earning more than him and took us on better vacations.

Now he earns a seven figure income. Money has never been an issue for us. After we got married and had a baby, we combined finances completely. He commented a few times on my spending initially. I think he was more surprised that I spent so much eating out and beauty. Now he really doesn’t care.

Aren't you a prize. I guess your presence alone is reward enough. I'm glad it worked out for you with a DH for who money is not an issue and you can spend like crazy, but normal couples need to actually pitch in and help each other out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, a gentleman always pays!

I hope you also adhere to your other old fashioned gender roles. Stay home, have kids, make sure dinner is on the table, do all the laundry. You know, act like it's 1925.

I am not the one who posted, but what’s wrong with traditional ways. BTW, I would be happy to pay nice dinners during dates, treat her nicely and don’t expect sex in return, but her cooking some dinners for me would be nice. I wouldn’t expect her to stay at home but it’s her choice whether she wants to work or not. I don’t need her income as I make enough. I would want her to be attractive and well educated regardless whether she wants to advance her career or not. I would want my kids to be smart and healthy like their parents.
I would be happy to participate in house chores, participate in kids’ activities and respect my wife’s work at home as I believe stable, happy family as important (or more important) than my career success. I am sure how many women in DCUM are on board with this, but this is what I think..

I agree, and in fact men who didn't pick up tabs were less caring and attentive to my needs. Like, never held doors, only spoke about themselves at dates, were critical of previous relationships etc. I firmly believe that someone who is frantically calculating how much he'd spent on my coffee and cake at first date will be less involved parent and partner down the road

The same could said about women. They're the wives who become entitled and want to be constantly spoiled and otherwise just check out on their husbands. They're the ones who insist that the guy must always pay for dinner. That's their tell. ever wonder why the guy didn't call you for a second date? Now you know why.

I am one of those women. DH earns all the money and does most around the house. My friends all wonder how I got so lucky. I guess you can say I show my love with affection and quality time. I did thoughtful things. Some cost money. Some didn’t. I would take us on experiences and trips. Sure, DH paid for the first few trips. I ended up earning more than him and took us on better vacations.

Now he earns a seven figure income. Money has never been an issue for us. After we got married and had a baby, we combined finances completely. He commented a few times on my spending initially. I think he was more surprised that I spent so much eating out and beauty. Now he really doesn’t care.

Aren't you a prize. I guess your presence alone is reward enough. I'm glad it worked out for you with a DH for who money is not an issue and you can spend like crazy, but normal couples need to actually pitch in and help each other out.

She sounds like my DW, not at seven figures yet, consistently mid 6’s. I have never commented on her spending, she doesn’t spend money excessively in my eyes, I don’t mind her spoiling herself at all. DW is great mom, wife, person. You can contribute in way that doesn’t involve working that provides financial benefit for the family. Plus I never have to listen to someone complain about work. We are young virtually retired and enjoy life. We are equals in our relationship.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been married for six years, and with dh for nine, but when i was dating- including dh- I always offered to pay and often insisted to keep things fair. I think a man should pay for the first date though, even if the woman offers. After that, once more acquainted, split or take turns paying etc. I think it’s an exception if it’s understood that there is a large discrepancy in income and the one with a higher income insists on doing more expensive dates.