Should the guy always pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy should pay for first four or five dates. After date two, girl should offer. Guy should say no thru date four or five and after that let her pay some. At that income level though he should be paying like eighty percent.

I agree it’s kind of rude if the girl doesn’t start to offer after the first couple dates, but the guy should mostly turn her down if he has that much money

I was just about to say I agree and then I realize that’s because I ended up with someone that feels the same way. So I will say there is no “should” it’s about finding the person that sees it the way that you do. I would have been uncomfortable with a guy that paid for every date past the first few dates but there are other people that want that.

So if the guy that makes 500K wants to date someone that is willing to offer to pay after the first few dates, I’m sure they can find person to date that has that mindset and actually prefers/appreciates it. If the guy makes 500K and never wants to let the other person pay, I am sure he can find someone that agrees with that as well and prefers/appreciates it. Why try to fit a square peg in a round hole when there are enough people out there to find someone that feels the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these women that all think they’re top 1% for looks and income?? If you’re on DCUM, you’re not. I work with women who are legit top 1% in looks and wealth, and I promise they ain’t on here. You’re probably like me - the prettiest in your high school class, maybe did some modeling, now make 6 figures. Sorry, but we’re nowhere near the top.

Also pretty horrible to teach your daughters to think this way. My parents drilled it into me that because I was beautiful and came from a wealthy family, I needed to find an attractive, wealthy man. It screwed me up BAD and it took me until my mid-30s to learn what it actually important in a partner.

I said I was top 1% brains and top 10% looks. Never said I was top 1% looks. I am not.

Dh is top 1% income and we are in top 1% NW.

So you're a 9 out of 10 in looks?

You realize that's pretty much model status right? Is that you?

If she’s not lying about her husband job and income, it’s totally possible that a high server married a not trashy looking lady. Also, the top law schools girls crowd tends to be better looking than average. I went to my reunion and all female classmates still look very decent in their 40s. They work, dress nicely, workout, have resources for cosmetic surgery.

The bolded is absolutely not true.

"Not trashy looking" is not 9/10. "Very decent in their 40s" is not 9/10. Amal Clooney isn't even 9/10. There's a lawyer for you.

People truly lack perspective here or are deluding themselves.

Not everyone needs to be the honest, brightest, sexiest. It'll be ok.

Amal is 9/10 relative most US women her age. She’s an ethnical type of beauty but very attractive. Look up your 10s, they all had multiple face surgery: Jennifer Lawrence, Margot Robby and so on. I would rather pick Amal who is also smart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read this poster who commented after you: men get invested financially in women and dates they like. It’s the men’s world. Yes, if a guy wants me to split the check my conclusion is he doesn’t find me hot so no point continue seeing him.

This is also known as prostitution

You need to read up on prostitution, which is exchanging physical favors for money. Being treated to dinner by a date is, get ready, accepting a gesture of kindness and hospitality from a potential partner. There is no implication of an obligation and the kind of guy who thinks there is is the kind of guy who doesn’t get a second date.

There’s really very little to differentiate the two.

Except you'll get better value for money from a prostitute than a dinner date.

That’s very questionable : you can get herpes and will spend couple thousands for one night! That woman will be gone servicing others and not cooking dinners for you or buying winter sweaters. I can’t see how any guy would spend thousands on few first dates. It’s usually Starbuck date 1. You are nuts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess a related question is to prenup or not to prenup? In my case I came into the marriage with a fair amount of money and she came in with some debt. I thought about a prenup but ultimately decided not to. And while things can always change suddenly, at this point 20 years later I'm glad I decided against it.

Just as splitting a check can take away from the romance of a date, a prenup can take away from the romance of a marriage. It's the same principle, just several orders of magnitude greater.

My DD wants to marry a man from a different race, culture and religion. We are immigrants. non-White, non-Christians. He is opposite. They want to marry young. My advice to them is to have a prenup that becomes null and void once they have kids. Also, I don't want my DD to have a kid for at least 5 years of marriage. In 5 years, if they break up, why should anyone pay for anything? She can determine if he is worth being a lifelong partner and if she wants him to be the father of her children. He has probably more money now and in future than her. She has us. We will pay for the whole wedding.

[Anonymous]

As a mom, I have different standards for my DD and my DS for paying for dates. However the goal is same - they attract good people and they remain protected.

I want my DS to always pays or insists on paying for dates. He also has to listen to the girl and allow her what she wants (he pays or she pays). The idea is that he is treating the girl right, earn her trust and respect, and give her the options. The default is that he pays.

I want my DD to never allow guys to pay for her on dates, and only allow the guy she is going steady with or married to to pay. In her case, it allows her to not feel any obligation and not create any negative feelings in men if things don't work out. This also allows her to keep dates inexpensive (because she is paying her share) and not over the top. The default is that she goes dutch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess a related question is to prenup or not to prenup? In my case I came into the marriage with a fair amount of money and she came in with some debt. I thought about a prenup but ultimately decided not to. And while things can always change suddenly, at this point 20 years later I'm glad I decided against it.

Just as splitting a check can take away from the romance of a date, a prenup can take away from the romance of a marriage. It's the same principle, just several orders of magnitude greater.

My DD wants to marry a man from a different race, culture and religion. We are immigrants. non-White, non-Christians. He is opposite. They want to marry young. My advice to them is to have a prenup that becomes null and void once they have kids. Also, I don't want my DD to have a kid for at least 5 years of marriage. In 5 years, if they break up, why should anyone pay for anything? She can determine if he is worth being a lifelong partner and if she wants him to be the father of her children. He has probably more money now and in future than her. She has us. We will pay for the whole wedding.

Well, that's extremely controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these women that all think they’re top 1% for looks and income?? If you’re on DCUM, you’re not. I work with women who are legit top 1% in looks and wealth, and I promise they ain’t on here. You’re probably like me - the prettiest in your high school class, maybe did some modeling, now make 6 figures. Sorry, but we’re nowhere near the top.

Also pretty horrible to teach your daughters to think this way. My parents drilled it into me that because I was beautiful and came from a wealthy family, I needed to find an attractive, wealthy man. It screwed me up BAD and it took me until my mid-30s to learn what it actually important in a partner.

I said I was top 1% brains and top 10% looks. Never said I was top 1% looks. I am not.

Dh is top 1% income and we are in top 1% NW.

So you're a 9 out of 10 in looks?

You realize that's pretty much model status right? Is that you?

If she’s not lying about her husband job and income, it’s totally possible that a high server married a not trashy looking lady. Also, the top law schools girls crowd tends to be better looking than average. I went to my reunion and all female classmates still look very decent in their 40s. They work, dress nicely, workout, have resources for cosmetic surgery.

The bolded is absolutely not true.

"Not trashy looking" is not 9/10. "Very decent in their 40s" is not 9/10. Amal Clooney isn't even 9/10. There's a lawyer for you.

People truly lack perspective here or are deluding themselves.

Not everyone needs to be the honest, brightest, sexiest. It'll be ok.

Amal is 9/10 relative most US women her age. She’s an ethnical type of beauty but very attractive. Look up your 10s, they all had multiple face surgery: Jennifer Lawrence, Margot Robby and so on. I would rather pick Amal who is also smart

You think Amal hasn't had surgery?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I have different standards for my DD and my DS for paying for dates. However the goal is same - they attract good people and they remain protected.

I want my DS to always pays or insists on paying for dates. He also has to listen to the girl and allow her what she wants (he pays or she pays). The idea is that he is treating the girl right, earn her trust and respect, and give her the options. The default is that he pays.

I want my DD to never allow guys to pay for her on dates, and only allow the guy she is going steady with or married to to pay. In her case, it allows her to not feel any obligation and not create any negative feelings in men if things don't work out. This also allows her to keep dates inexpensive (because she is paying her share) and not over the top. The default is that she goes dutch.

My mom also had a lot of ideas about what my dating life should look like which had no relationship to my actual values or feelings, stigmatized normal things to want, were useless as guides to my own behavior, and weren't any of her business in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I have different standards for my DD and my DS for paying for dates. However the goal is same - they attract good people and they remain protected.

I want my DS to always pays or insists on paying for dates. He also has to listen to the girl and allow her what she wants (he pays or she pays). The idea is that he is treating the girl right, earn her trust and respect, and give her the options. The default is that he pays.

I want my DD to never allow guys to pay for her on dates, and only allow the guy she is going steady with or married to to pay. In her case, it allows her to not feel any obligation and not create any negative feelings in men if things don't work out. This also allows her to keep dates inexpensive (because she is paying her share) and not over the top. The default is that she goes dutch.

That’s super weird and hypocritical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read this poster who commented after you: men get invested financially in women and dates they like. It’s the men’s world. Yes, if a guy wants me to split the check my conclusion is he doesn’t find me hot so no point continue seeing him.

This is also known as prostitution

You need to read up on prostitution, which is exchanging physical favors for money. Being treated to dinner by a date is, get ready, accepting a gesture of kindness and hospitality from a potential partner. There is no implication of an obligation and the kind of guy who thinks there is is the kind of guy who doesn’t get a second date.

There’s really very little to differentiate the two.

A non trashy escort in DC charges thousands per night. Go hire someone if you can afford it and don’t complain. Also stop dating if the rules of the game irritate you.

I’m a married woman, no need for dates/hookers.

Then go back to your husband, kids and white fence instead of accusing other women in prostitution whereby they are looking for partners who would be a good match for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read this poster who commented after you: men get invested financially in women and dates they like. It’s the men’s world. Yes, if a guy wants me to split the check my conclusion is he doesn’t find me hot so no point continue seeing him.

This is also known as prostitution

You need to read up on prostitution, which is exchanging physical favors for money. Being treated to dinner by a date is, get ready, accepting a gesture of kindness and hospitality from a potential partner. There is no implication of an obligation and the kind of guy who thinks there is is the kind of guy who doesn’t get a second date.

There’s really very little to differentiate the two.

A non trashy escort in DC charges thousands per night. Go hire someone if you can afford it and don’t complain. Also stop dating if the rules of the game irritate you.

I’m a married woman, no need for dates/hookers.

Then go back to your husband, kids and white fence instead of accusing other women in prostitution whereby they are looking for partners who would be a good match for them.

Have you considered that it’s your approach that’s making you unsuccessful in your quest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read this poster who commented after you: men get invested financially in women and dates they like. It’s the men’s world. Yes, if a guy wants me to split the check my conclusion is he doesn’t find me hot so no point continue seeing him.

This is also known as prostitution

You need to read up on prostitution, which is exchanging physical favors for money. Being treated to dinner by a date is, get ready, accepting a gesture of kindness and hospitality from a potential partner. There is no implication of an obligation and the kind of guy who thinks there is is the kind of guy who doesn’t get a second date.

There’s really very little to differentiate the two.

Except you'll get better value for money from a prostitute than a dinner date.

The hooker might also say "Thank you" afterwards. I've noticed how little gratitude there is for the free meal. Often there is no follow-up text the next day thanking me either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read this poster who commented after you: men get invested financially in women and dates they like. It’s the men’s world. Yes, if a guy wants me to split the check my conclusion is he doesn’t find me hot so no point continue seeing him.

This is also known as prostitution

You need to read up on prostitution, which is exchanging physical favors for money. Being treated to dinner by a date is, get ready, accepting a gesture of kindness and hospitality from a potential partner. There is no implication of an obligation and the kind of guy who thinks there is is the kind of guy who doesn’t get a second date.

There’s really very little to differentiate the two.

A non trashy escort in DC charges thousands per night. Go hire someone if you can afford it and don’t complain. Also stop dating if the rules of the game irritate you.

I’m a married woman, no need for dates/hookers.

Then go back to your husband, kids and white fence instead of accusing other women in prostitution whereby they are looking for partners who would be a good match for them.

Have you considered that it’s your approach that’s making you unsuccessful in your quest?

What makes you think that other women are "less successful" than you, do you know my marital status? It's in fact you who are unhealthy competitive, and also derive your own worth from the fact being married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read this poster who commented after you: men get invested financially in women and dates they like. It’s the men’s world. Yes, if a guy wants me to split the check my conclusion is he doesn’t find me hot so no point continue seeing him.

This is also known as prostitution

You need to read up on prostitution, which is exchanging physical favors for money. Being treated to dinner by a date is, get ready, accepting a gesture of kindness and hospitality from a potential partner. There is no implication of an obligation and the kind of guy who thinks there is is the kind of guy who doesn’t get a second date.

There’s really very little to differentiate the two.

Except you'll get better value for money from a prostitute than a dinner date.

The hooker might also say "Thank you" afterwards. I've noticed how little gratitude there is for the free meal. Often there is no follow-up text the next day thanking me either.

Then go and pay $500/hr for a good looking hooker at a min instead of dating. All women will befit from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Read this poster who commented after you: men get invested financially in women and dates they like. It’s the men’s world. Yes, if a guy wants me to split the check my conclusion is he doesn’t find me hot so no point continue seeing him.

This is also known as prostitution

You need to read up on prostitution, which is exchanging physical favors for money. Being treated to dinner by a date is, get ready, accepting a gesture of kindness and hospitality from a potential partner. There is no implication of an obligation and the kind of guy who thinks there is is the kind of guy who doesn’t get a second date.

There’s really very little to differentiate the two.

A non trashy escort in DC charges thousands per night. Go hire someone if you can afford it and don’t complain. Also stop dating if the rules of the game irritate you.

I’m a married woman, no need for dates/hookers.

Then go back to your husband, kids and white fence instead of accusing other women in prostitution whereby they are looking for partners who would be a good match for them.

Have you considered that it’s your approach that’s making you unsuccessful in your quest?

What makes you think that other women are "less successful" than you, do you know my marital status? It's in fact you who are unhealthy competitive, and also derive your own worth from the fact being married.

So what’s your marital status?