Any way to disinvite a cousin from an annual beach reunion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

OP, WHERE IS YOUR HUSBAND TO HELP YOU? Hire a nanny if you need one.

[Anonymous]

Lol. OP is asking for advice on one thing and people bring up perceived additional info as if it's true. Wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol. OP is asking for advice on one thing and people bring up perceived additional info as if it's true. Wild.

It's the dcum classic -- rewriting the OP's posts to fit their own history & narrative.

Ah, never change DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she is local OP, I would be careful.

Would continue to invite, but what's the issue with just taking her clothes out of the hamper and throwing them in a pile, instead of washing them? Or letting her kid sit in dirty diapers, if she is not willing to change them?

It sounds like she is poor, and this is her only chance at some sort of "vacation" from her life.

She's "poor," but "lives local" to the family beach house on the Cape? Not totally impossible, but extremely, extremely unlikely.

Why are people falling all over themselves to manufacture excuses for the adult cousin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only person disinviting should be the owners of the home. OP, what do your parents say about all of this?

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

While you cousin could use some fine tuning. Most of your gripes oil down to your cousin not sacrificing herself like you do making her entire life about servicing the kids and everyone else. always doing doing doing, that's what we're supposed to do as women and moms , right?

Cousin may need to step it up, but you need to tone it down.

+1
It's pretty clear what's going on here. I had a couple of relatives who were EXACTLY like this, expected the wives/moms to sacrifice their entire "vacation" to serve everyone else, especially children, and definitely if you had the nerve to exist as a childless woman like the cousin was for awhile. The cousin isn't falling in line and OP is pissed. My self-appointed trip planner aunt wasn't pleased either. Too bad for her that I wasn't willing to be on duty all vacation as the husbands and children just sat in front of the TV waiting to be served. Team cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol. OP is asking for advice on one thing and people bring up perceived additional info as if it's true. Wild.

It's the dcum classic -- rewriting the OP's posts to fit their own history & narrative.

Ah, never change DCUM!

In this case OP is coming back and supplying most of the info to build the "narrative" herself. You tried though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

While you cousin could use some fine tuning. Most of your gripes oil down to your cousin not sacrificing herself like you do making her entire life about servicing the kids and everyone else. always doing doing doing, that's what we're supposed to do as women and moms , right?

Cousin may need to step it up, but you need to tone it down.

+1
It's pretty clear what's going on here. I had a couple of relatives who were EXACTLY like this, expected the wives/moms to sacrifice their entire "vacation" to serve everyone else, especially children, and definitely if you had the nerve to exist as a childless woman like the cousin was for awhile. The cousin isn't falling in line and OP is pissed. My self-appointed trip planner aunt wasn't pleased either. Too bad for her that I wasn't willing to be on duty all vacation as the husbands and children just sat in front of the TV waiting to be served. Team cousin.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she responsible for anyone's kid but her own.

Because when BF and I are dealing with a bunch of little kids getting out the door, grabbing snacks, beach towels, coaxing on sunscreen, kissing booboos, and putting on sunhats, it’s my view that a relative is totally reasonably responsible for throwing snacks in a bag, adding chairs to the car, or asking if the kids have peed. Not sitting on their phones and asking why the cooler is empty.

Your view is wrong.

[Anonymous]

You sound controlling, passive aggressive (assign nights if you want, but leaving one blank and then getting mad she didn’t make dinner is the epitome of stupid), and in a horrible marriage. Where are your husbands? Do they not have nights or do anything at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she responsible for anyone's kid but her own.

Because when BF and I are dealing with a bunch of little kids getting out the door, grabbing snacks, beach towels, coaxing on sunscreen, kissing booboos, and putting on sunhats, it’s my view that a relative is totally reasonably responsible for throwing snacks in a bag, adding chairs to the car, or asking if the kids have peed. Not sitting on their phones and asking why the cooler is empty.

Your view is wrong.

Nope. Your view is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she responsible for anyone's kid but her own.

Because when BF and I are dealing with a bunch of little kids getting out the door, grabbing snacks, beach towels, coaxing on sunscreen, kissing booboos, and putting on sunhats, it’s my view that a relative is totally reasonably responsible for throwing snacks in a bag, adding chairs to the car, or asking if the kids have peed. Not sitting on their phones and asking why the cooler is empty.

Your view is wrong.

Nope. Your view is wrong.

NP. No. Team "you are responsible for your own kids"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

While you cousin could use some fine tuning. Most of your gripes oil down to your cousin not sacrificing herself like you do making her entire life about servicing the kids and everyone else. always doing doing doing, that's what we're supposed to do as women and moms , right?

Cousin may need to step it up, but you need to tone it down.

+1
It's pretty clear what's going on here. I had a couple of relatives who were EXACTLY like this, expected the wives/moms to sacrifice their entire "vacation" to serve everyone else, especially children, and definitely if you had the nerve to exist as a childless woman like the cousin was for awhile. The cousin isn't falling in line and OP is pissed. My self-appointed trip planner aunt wasn't pleased either. Too bad for her that I wasn't willing to be on duty all vacation as the husbands and children just sat in front of the TV waiting to be served. Team cousin.

Nah. I’m childfree for life, but when I go on vacay with my nieces and nephew, I help them brush their hair, find their shoes, fix them a snack, etc. Honestly it’s kind of fun, since I don’t deal with the daily drudgery, plus I love them. OP’s cousin sounds like a lazy wretch.

[Anonymous]

OP, nobody here knows just how much of a lazy moocher your cousin is, but, I would not disinvite her without a convo about the meal planning. Otherwise, it could blow up on you and make you seem very petty.

I wouldn't bring up her husband's behavior with her. If you have an issue with him, talk to him directly. Personally I would just ignore his requests for everyone to quiet down. He is being difficult and knows it (probably doesn't want to be there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

While you cousin could use some fine tuning. Most of your gripes oil down to your cousin not sacrificing herself like you do making her entire life about servicing the kids and everyone else. always doing doing doing, that's what we're supposed to do as women and moms , right?

Cousin may need to step it up, but you need to tone it down.

+1
It's pretty clear what's going on here. I had a couple of relatives who were EXACTLY like this, expected the wives/moms to sacrifice their entire "vacation" to serve everyone else, especially children, and definitely if you had the nerve to exist as a childless woman like the cousin was for awhile. The cousin isn't falling in line and OP is pissed. My self-appointed trip planner aunt wasn't pleased either. Too bad for her that I wasn't willing to be on duty all vacation as the husbands and children just sat in front of the TV waiting to be served. Team cousin.

Nah. I’m childfree for life, but when I go on vacay with my nieces and nephew, I help them brush their hair, find their shoes, fix them a snack, etc. Honestly it’s kind of fun, since I don’t deal with the daily drudgery, plus I love them. OP’s cousin sounds like a lazy wretch.

You want to do it though which is far different than their mother expecting you to do it. You are also kinda prooving PP's point that the cousin is lazy because she doesn't want to take care of children that aren't her own.