Any way to disinvite a cousin from an annual beach reunion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:a relative is totally reasonably responsible for throwing snacks in a bag, adding chairs to the car, or asking if the kids have peed. Not sitting on their phones and asking why the cooler is empty.

I don't question that she was sitting around and could possibly have been more helpful. But packing snacks and asking questions about peeing are things that parents of older kids do (and know to do). f your BF is parenting kids of a similar age, she might be more on your wavelength and acting as your proxy. But it is not normal to expect that a parent of a one-year-old would know what needs to be done to get older kids out of the house. Your cousin is not their nanny, and asking about their urine levels would therefore be intrusive and weird.

LOL Exactly.

[Anonymous]

If you are still reading OP, I think this is worthy of having a conversation with your cousin. It sounds like you take turns cooking but you do other things like buy food together. Maybe this is just overwhelming for her. Perhaps you are setting some sort of expectation that she feels she cannot meet. I know cooking on my inlaws vacations was pure and total hell because they wanted multicourse meals. Perhaps she is stressed out about making something good enough. I like the suggestion of giving her the option of buying every pizza or another type of take out.

You also need to address the husband working from the beach house. If they live close, he should be working at his own house and coming over later.

As far as her helping you when getting ready for the beach, you need to let that go. You are forgetting that a lot of mom stuff is learned when your kids get to that age. She has a baby and likely has no idea what you need her to do. It may seem obvious to you, but it’s likely not.

Also, just start being direct. Ask her to pour you a glass of wine when she is up. Or ask her to pack snacks. Or maybe make a deal that she does not need to cook dinner but does all the clean up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are still reading OP, I think this is worthy of having a conversation with your cousin. It sounds like you take turns cooking but you do other things like buy food together. Maybe this is just overwhelming for her. Perhaps you are setting some sort of expectation that she feels she cannot meet. I know cooking on my inlaws vacations was pure and total hell because they wanted multicourse meals. Perhaps she is stressed out about making something good enough. I like the suggestion of giving her the option of buying every pizza or another type of take out.

You also need to address the husband working from the beach house. If they live close, he should be working at his own house and coming over later.

As far as her helping you when getting ready for the beach, you need to let that go. You are forgetting that a lot of mom stuff is learned when your kids get to that age. She has a baby and likely has no idea what you need her to do. It may seem obvious to you, but it’s likely not.

Also, just start being direct. Ask her to pour you a glass of wine when she is up. Or ask her to pack snacks. Or maybe make a deal that she does not need to cook dinner but does all the clean up.

Or not as the childless aunt I was well aware of the bathroom thing but I wasn't going to be asking my nieces and nephews about it when their MOM was right THERE, and they weren't going on a solo trip with me. OP's expectations on this are way off.

[Anonymous]

Easy peasy solution. Tell your parents you don't need the house and rent a place somewhere new with your best friend. Make a new tradition.

[Anonymous]

OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

Ironically you are creating the exact same attitude in your kids by teaching them that when they show up and demand it they should get a snack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

Your case gets more pathetic which each post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

1. No one is always anything. That's communication and conflict resolution 101.

2. You're a martyr. That's your problem OP, you do and do and do. You need to stop and be a little more selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

Ironically you are creating the exact same attitude in your kids by teaching them that when they show up and demand it they should get a snack.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

And where are the fathers or husbands, do they not come on the trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

You said no and her response was?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

And where are the fathers or husbands, do they not come on the trip?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

While you cousin could use some fine tuning. Most of your gripes oil down to your cousin not sacrificing herself like you do making her entire life about servicing the kids and everyone else. always doing doing doing, that's what we're supposed to do as women and moms , right?

Cousin may need to step it up, but you need to tone it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened when she was the only childfree one?

There might be resentments on her side too.

She’s always been like this. In the past it hasn’t been as bad bc she hovers and asks if I’m making her a sandwich, my answer is normally sure! Or annoyance and a “no” and I quickly move on. It just hits differently when I’m making sandwiches for all these kids and her husband is working and her baby is sleeping and she asks me to prepare her lunch. (To which I said no.)

That’s one example.

And where are the fathers or husbands, do they not come on the trip?

+1

Truly OP there is no need for you to make lunch for “all these kids” by yourself. Where is your friend in all this? Her spouse? Your spouse? Among those two families it’s 4 adults and 4 kids. Why do you insist on making everything so chaotic and frantic?