SAHM with kids in school? Dealing with judgement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

NP here. I would not say anything on your face, PP, but I wonder why is that your family not meaningful to you? Why is being with them and nurturing them not the most meaningful, loving and fulfilling job you could ever do? If you think that only little kids need a full time mom then you are deluded and not really been involved in raising kids. You have outsourced raising your kids (if you have kids) and it was probably ok for your family. Older kids need you differently, but not less. But, that is a moot point - your family is not the most meaningful and time consuming thing for you - and that is your prerogative.

I find people who say or think like the PP above, very unenlightened.

OP, you have the most meaningful and wonderful job in the world. If you have the money to take care of your needs and some wants, then feel free to LIVE your life and spend time with your family.

Stay Blessed!

D

it's not a job. Everyone's kids grow up.

Dp Ok if it isn't a job than why do you have to pay your nannies or daycare? Why don't they do it out of LOOOOVE for your precious snowflakes?

SAHM here, and I hate this argument. Being a parent and caring for your own children isn't a job. It's a relationship.

If that doesn't make sense to you, think about brushing your teeth, delivering a Christmas gift to your mom, or having sex with your husband. Yes, you could pay someone to do those things, and when you do, they are doing a job. But when you are doing them yourself, it isn't a job. It's part of maintaining an important relationship with yourself, your mother, or your husband.

This is why being a present, available parent is so important to most people. It isn't a monetary calculation. It isn't because this job is preferable to some other job. It's because this relationship is important, and many people will give up something substantial, far more than the salary of a paid employee, in order to be able to do it.

You can pay someone to brush your teeth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s envious. End of story.

definitely this.

So what would you say about women who have plenty of personal money and choose to work? And also have wonderful relationships with their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

NP here. I would not say anything on your face, PP, but I wonder why is that your family not meaningful to you? Why is being with them and nurturing them not the most meaningful, loving and fulfilling job you could ever do? If you think that only little kids need a full time mom then you are deluded and not really been involved in raising kids. You have outsourced raising your kids (if you have kids) and it was probably ok for your family. Older kids need you differently, but not less. But, that is a moot point - your family is not the most meaningful and time consuming thing for you - and that is your prerogative.

I find people who say or think like the PP above, very unenlightened.

OP, you have the most meaningful and wonderful job in the world. If you have the money to take care of your needs and some wants, then feel free to LIVE your life and spend time with your family.

Stay Blessed!

D

it's not a job. Everyone's kids grow up.

Dp Ok if it isn't a job than why do you have to pay your nannies or daycare? Why don't they do it out of LOOOOVE for your precious snowflakes?

SAHM here, and I hate this argument. Being a parent and caring for your own children isn't a job. It's a relationship.

If that doesn't make sense to you, think about brushing your teeth, delivering a Christmas gift to your mom, or having sex with your husband. Yes, you could pay someone to do those things, and when you do, they are doing a job. But when you are doing them yourself, it isn't a job. It's part of maintaining an important relationship with yourself, your mother, or your husband.

This is why being a present, available parent is so important to most people. It isn't a monetary calculation. It isn't because this job is preferable to some other job. It's because this relationship is important, and many people will give up something substantial, far more than the salary of a paid employee, in order to be able to do it.

You can pay someone to brush your teeth?

Of course. If you aren’t able to do it yourself, you can pay someone to do it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s envious. End of story.

definitely this.

So what would you say about women who have plenty of personal money and choose to work? And also have wonderful relationships with their children?

They are liars or their children are very young. No one always has wonderful relationships with their children, no matter what their working status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s envious. End of story.

definitely this.

So what would you say about women who have plenty of personal money and choose to work? And also have wonderful relationships with their children?

Probably live in some other developed country? Have flexible work situation? Actually, I can think of Kardashian-Jenner who fit this particular mold,.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s envious. End of story.

definitely this.

So what would you say about women who have plenty of personal money and choose to work? And also have wonderful relationships with their children?

They are liars or their children are very young. No one always has wonderful relationships with their children, no matter what their working status.

So in your opinion why donstay at home moms claim they have better relationships with / “are doing it for” their children, despite research showing no effect on kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s envious. End of story.

definitely this.

So what would you say about women who have plenty of personal money and choose to work? And also have wonderful relationships with their children?

They are liars or their children are very young. No one always has wonderful relationships with their children, no matter what their working status.

So in your opinion why donstay at home moms claim they have better relationships with / “are doing it for” their children, despite research showing no effect on kids?

Because they probably do have better relationships. There is a long way between “better” and “wonderful.”

And every study that I have ever seen shows that when families are in the situation described above (stable marriage with plenty of money), that the kids are better off with stay at home mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s envious. End of story.

definitely this.

So what would you say about women who have plenty of personal money and choose to work? And also have wonderful relationships with their children?

They are liars or their children are very young. No one always has wonderful relationships with their children, no matter what their working status.

So in your opinion why donstay at home moms claim they have better relationships with / “are doing it for” their children, despite research showing no effect on kids?

Because they probably do have better relationships. There is a long way between “better” and “wonderful.”

And every study that I have ever seen shows that when families are in the situation described above (stable marriage with plenty of money), that the kids are better off with stay at home mothers.

There aren't any large, peer-reviewed studies that say that. I am familiar with the academic work that is considered accepted, valid research, and there aren't any that say the bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s envious. End of story.

definitely this.

So what would you say about women who have plenty of personal money and choose to work? And also have wonderful relationships with their children?

They are liars or their children are very young. No one always has wonderful relationships with their children, no matter what their working status.

NP. Gosh, you sound like such an unhappy person. I am a parent of teens (who has been both SAH and WOH), and I would say I have a wonderful, strong relationship with them. I think they're great people, we talk a lot, and we have fun together. I also had a wonderful relationship with my parents (and still do). The same is true of my siblings and their kids. I definitely know people who don't have good relationships with their kids, but I also know happy families. SAH or WOH seems to be fairly irrelevant to that, incidentally. I know some deeply dysfunctional families with a SAHM and some very content, close families with dual WOHP. (To be clear I also know happy families with SAHM and unhappy with WOHM.)

I feel so sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s envious. End of story.

definitely this.

So what would you say about women who have plenty of personal money and choose to work? And also have wonderful relationships with their children?

They are liars or their children are very young. No one always has wonderful relationships with their children, no matter what their working status.

So in your opinion why donstay at home moms claim they have better relationships with / “are doing it for” their children, despite research showing no effect on kids?

Because they probably do have better relationships. There is a long way between “better” and “wonderful.”

And every study that I have ever seen shows that when families are in the situation described above (stable marriage with plenty of money), that the kids are better off with stay at home mothers.

There aren't any large, peer-reviewed studies that say that. I am familiar with the academic work that is considered accepted, valid research, and there aren't any that say the bolded.

https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-136-6-915.pdf

You have now seen this meta analysis. You’re welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

NP here. I would not say anything on your face, PP, but I wonder why is that your family not meaningful to you? Why is being with them and nurturing them not the most meaningful, loving and fulfilling job you could ever do? If you think that only little kids need a full time mom then you are deluded and not really been involved in raising kids. You have outsourced raising your kids (if you have kids) and it was probably ok for your family. Older kids need you differently, but not less. But, that is a moot point - your family is not the most meaningful and time consuming thing for you - and that is your prerogative.

I find people who say or think like the PP above, very unenlightened.

OP, you have the most meaningful and wonderful job in the world. If you have the money to take care of your needs and some wants, then feel free to LIVE your life and spend time with your family.

Stay Blessed!

D

it's not a job. Everyone's kids grow up.

Dp Ok if it isn't a job than why do you have to pay your nannies or daycare? Why don't they do it out of LOOOOVE for your precious snowflakes?

What a stupid question. No, nannies or daycare don't love your child - only you do. That's why you'd do it out love but they only do it for the money. You don't love any other children like your own either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

NP here. I would not say anything on your face, PP, but I wonder why is that your family not meaningful to you? Why is being with them and nurturing them not the most meaningful, loving and fulfilling job you could ever do? If you think that only little kids need a full time mom then you are deluded and not really been involved in raising kids. You have outsourced raising your kids (if you have kids) and it was probably ok for your family. Older kids need you differently, but not less. But, that is a moot point - your family is not the most meaningful and time consuming thing for you - and that is your prerogative.

I find people who say or think like the PP above, very unenlightened.

OP, you have the most meaningful and wonderful job in the world. If you have the money to take care of your needs and some wants, then feel free to LIVE your life and spend time with your family.

Stay Blessed!

D

it's not a job. Everyone's kids grow up.

Dp Ok if it isn't a job than why do you have to pay your nannies or daycare? Why don't they do it out of LOOOOVE for your precious snowflakes?

SAHM here, and I hate this argument. Being a parent and caring for your own children isn't a job. It's a relationship.

If that doesn't make sense to you, think about brushing your teeth, delivering a Christmas gift to your mom, or having sex with your husband. Yes, you could pay someone to do those things, and when you do, they are doing a job. But when you are doing them yourself, it isn't a job. It's part of maintaining an important relationship with yourself, your mother, or your husband.

This is why being a present, available parent is so important to most people. It isn't a monetary calculation. It isn't because this job is preferable to some other job. It's because this relationship is important, and many people will give up something substantial, far more than the salary of a paid employee, in order to be able to do it.

Where does one find someone willing to do this type of work? Asking for a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s envious. End of story.

definitely this.

So what would you say about women who have plenty of personal money and choose to work? And also have wonderful relationships with their children?

They are liars or their children are very young. No one always has wonderful relationships with their children, no matter what their working status.

So in your opinion why donstay at home moms claim they have better relationships with / “are doing it for” their children, despite research showing no effect on kids?

Because they probably do have better relationships. There is a long way between “better” and “wonderful.”

And every study that I have ever seen shows that when families are in the situation described above (stable marriage with plenty of money), that the kids are better off with stay at home mothers.

There aren't any large, peer-reviewed studies that say that. I am familiar with the academic work that is considered accepted, valid research, and there aren't any that say the bolded.

https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-136-6-915.pdf

You have now seen this meta analysis. You’re welcome.

Uh, that doesn't say what you think it does. Do you understand academic work?

[Anonymous]

Sour grapes! I am not a social scientist, but it should be obvious that people are happier and families benefit when adults do what they want with their lives (as long as they aren't hurting anyone).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sour grapes! I am not a social scientist, but it should be obvious that people are happier and families benefit when adults do what they want with their lives (as long as they aren't hurting anyone).

Yes that's obviously true. That doesn't mean PPs imaginary studies exist. But what you said is of course true!

I feel like this thread is full of deeply unhappy women (both WOHMs and SAHMs), and it's sad.