SAHM with kids in school? Dealing with judgement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, I didn’t read OPs post but you should be judged. You’re just a fret on society trading comfort to your husband for a house and being lazy all day.

Cheers!

Caring for 2 sets of aging parents and spending true quality time with children isn’t considered a societal contribution in your book? That’s just intellectually dishonest to suggest.

So she spends all days caring for infirm elderly — she should be able to get state support for in home aides.

And you call yourself a feminist yet you only value and respect classically male work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God. The work I do for myself is far more meaningful than the corporation I worked for. It's sad we live in a culture that values money over absolutely everything: over friendship, family, humanism, activism, art and music, being happy or healthy. Some literally value this woman getting a meaningless job to earn pennies when she doesn't need it, even if it made her life shorter or her family more stressed. I hope that woman chokes on her sour grapes.

The fact of the matter is that your shelter and food isn't free. When one adult relies on another to supply that adult's basic needs, judgment comes up. It has nothing to do with art or music. I mean you can still have friends and love music and be happy while paying your own bills you know.

Of course, shelter and food isn't free. Yet, between a married couple, there is an arrangement where either both WOH and work in the domestic sphere, or one WOH and one SAH, or one WOH and helps around the house as needed and the other SAH and work parttimes, or whatever the hell works for both of them.

If you see marriage as a partnership where people WOH, SAH, WAH, and divvy up everything the best way that works for them, then the food and shelter is also part of the marriage partnership.

As long as people are not asking their neighbors to pay for their food and shelter, I am perfectly ok with couples to work it out the way it works for their relationship and family.

A family has obligation to meet the basic needs of its members. How well they do it, how egalitarian it is - is the minutia I don't care about. I think adults can work out these details in their own family.

The comment above has nothing to do a married couple. It mentioned money above "absolutely everything: over friendship, family, humanism, activism, art and music, being happy or healthy". All of these things are equally open to an unmarried person. So what you (or the person above is saying) is that you should be able to value these things over money - if your spouse agrees. Otherwise - or if you're single - art, music, humanism or being "happy or healthy" (whatever that is and as if that doesn't require money) can wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s envious. End of story.

definitely this.

[Anonymous]

If you are pushing paper all day and commuting and barely have time for family, please get off your high horse talking about contributing to society. You work for the money or to get away from your kids. Just own it. You are not a humanitarian worker in a region affected by Ebola.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

NP here. I would not say anything on your face, PP, but I wonder why is that your family not meaningful to you? Why is being with them and nurturing them not the most meaningful, loving and fulfilling job you could ever do? If you think that only little kids need a full time mom then you are deluded and not really been involved in raising kids. You have outsourced raising your kids (if you have kids) and it was probably ok for your family. Older kids need you differently, but not less. But, that is a moot point - your family is not the most meaningful and time consuming thing for you - and that is your prerogative.

I find people who say or think like the PP above, very unenlightened.

OP, you have the most meaningful and wonderful job in the world. If you have the money to take care of your needs and some wants, then feel free to LIVE your life and spend time with your family.

Stay Blessed!

D

it's not a job. Everyone's kids grow up.

Dp Ok if it isn't a job than why do you have to pay your nannies or daycare? Why don't they do it out of LOOOOVE for your precious snowflakes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God. The work I do for myself is far more meaningful than the corporation I worked for. It's sad we live in a culture that values money over absolutely everything: over friendship, family, humanism, activism, art and music, being happy or healthy. Some literally value this woman getting a meaningless job to earn pennies when she doesn't need it, even if it made her life shorter or her family more stressed. I hope that woman chokes on her sour grapes.

The fact of the matter is that your shelter and food isn't free. When one adult relies on another to supply that adult's basic needs, judgment comes up. It has nothing to do with art or music. I mean you can still have friends and love music and be happy while paying your own bills you know.

Of course, shelter and food isn't free. Yet, between a married couple, there is an arrangement where either both WOH and work in the domestic sphere, or one WOH and one SAH, or one WOH and helps around the house as needed and the other SAH and work parttimes, or whatever the hell works for both of them.

If you see marriage as a partnership where people WOH, SAH, WAH, and divvy up everything the best way that works for them, then the food and shelter is also part of the marriage partnership.

As long as people are not asking their neighbors to pay for their food and shelter, I am perfectly ok with couples to work it out the way it works for their relationship and family.

A family has obligation to meet the basic needs of its members. How well they do it, how egalitarian it is - is the minutia I don't care about. I think adults can work out these details in their own family.

The comment above has nothing to do a married couple. It mentioned money above "absolutely everything: over friendship, family, humanism, activism, art and music, being happy or healthy". All of these things are equally open to an unmarried person. So what you (or the person above is saying) is that you should be able to value these things over money - if your spouse agrees. Otherwise - or if you're single - art, music, humanism or being "happy or healthy" (whatever that is and as if that doesn't require money) can wait.

Np so there isn't any situation where we help our neighbors who may be down on their luck and need help with shelter or food? How about an emergency like hurricane, earthquake etc. We should have some basic empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, I didn’t read OPs post but you should be judged. You’re just a fret on society trading comfort to your husband for a house and being lazy all day.

Cheers!

Caring for 2 sets of aging parents and spending true quality time with children isn’t considered a societal contribution in your book? That’s just intellectually dishonest to suggest.

So she spends all days caring for infirm elderly — she should be able to get state support for in home aides.

Ha! What country do you live in? Because that’s not how it works around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God. The work I do for myself is far more meaningful than the corporation I worked for. It's sad we live in a culture that values money over absolutely everything: over friendship, family, humanism, activism, art and music, being happy or healthy. Some literally value this woman getting a meaningless job to earn pennies when she doesn't need it, even if it made her life shorter or her family more stressed. I hope that woman chokes on her sour grapes.

The fact of the matter is that your shelter and food isn't free. When one adult relies on another to supply that adult's basic needs, judgment comes up. It has nothing to do with art or music. I mean you can still have friends and love music and be happy while paying your own bills you know.

Of course, shelter and food isn't free. Yet, between a married couple, there is an arrangement where either both WOH and work in the domestic sphere, or one WOH and one SAH, or one WOH and helps around the house as needed and the other SAH and work parttimes, or whatever the hell works for both of them.

If you see marriage as a partnership where people WOH, SAH, WAH, and divvy up everything the best way that works for them, then the food and shelter is also part of the marriage partnership.

As long as people are not asking their neighbors to pay for their food and shelter, I am perfectly ok with couples to work it out the way it works for their relationship and family.

A family has obligation to meet the basic needs of its members. How well they do it, how egalitarian it is - is the minutia I don't care about. I think adults can work out these details in their own family.

The comment above has nothing to do a married couple. It mentioned money above "absolutely everything: over friendship, family, humanism, activism, art and music, being happy or healthy". All of these things are equally open to an unmarried person. So what you (or the person above is saying) is that you should be able to value these things over money - if your spouse agrees. Otherwise - or if you're single - art, music, humanism or being "happy or healthy" (whatever that is and as if that doesn't require money) can wait.

Np so there isn't any situation where we help our neighbors who may be down on their luck and need help with shelter or food? How about an emergency like hurricane, earthquake etc. We should have some basic empathy.

No. Helping as charity is different that providing for your family and dependents. You have a choice to help or not help your neighbor. You also have a choice to marry a person who has the same ideas as you about what the roles and divisions of responsibilities will be. If you have a spouse who does not want to work, you have the choice to divorce them under the rule of law, With a neighbor there is no such obligation or legal requirement to work collaboratively. What you give to a neighbor is what you give as charity. To your non-working souse and dependents, you have to give money for meeting basic needs. This is called alimony and child support if you divorce.

Seriously, are you that feeble minded that this was your response?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

NP here. I would not say anything on your face, PP, but I wonder why is that your family not meaningful to you? Why is being with them and nurturing them not the most meaningful, loving and fulfilling job you could ever do? If you think that only little kids need a full time mom then you are deluded and not really been involved in raising kids. You have outsourced raising your kids (if you have kids) and it was probably ok for your family. Older kids need you differently, but not less. But, that is a moot point - your family is not the most meaningful and time consuming thing for you - and that is your prerogative.

I find people who say or think like the PP above, very unenlightened.

OP, you have the most meaningful and wonderful job in the world. If you have the money to take care of your needs and some wants, then feel free to LIVE your life and spend time with your family.

Stay Blessed!

D

it's not a job. Everyone's kids grow up.

Dp Ok if it isn't a job than why do you have to pay your nannies or daycare? Why don't they do it out of LOOOOVE for your precious snowflakes?

SAHM here, and I hate this argument. Being a parent and caring for your own children isn't a job. It's a relationship.

If that doesn't make sense to you, think about brushing your teeth, delivering a Christmas gift to your mom, or having sex with your husband. Yes, you could pay someone to do those things, and when you do, they are doing a job. But when you are doing them yourself, it isn't a job. It's part of maintaining an important relationship with yourself, your mother, or your husband.

This is why being a present, available parent is so important to most people. It isn't a monetary calculation. It isn't because this job is preferable to some other job. It's because this relationship is important, and many people will give up something substantial, far more than the salary of a paid employee, in order to be able to do it.

[Anonymous]

Name me one society that is matriarchal? Exactly... none
You should thank the patriarchy as it has given you the education system, the forum and opportunity to bash men. It’s the patriarchy that protects you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

+1. When some SAHMs boastfully list the things they get accomplished, I do all that, have all the kids and work, so I'm kind of embarrassed for people who say "oh, I WORK! I'm a SAHM!" Yeahhhh, I do all that too, and actually work so.... I mean, get another advanced degree, do charity work or improve something for god's sake. Something important, not hair/nails- I can't believe someone listed that here as a regularily scheduled accomplishment. That's basic grooming- stop congratulating yourself.

Say what? Grammar and sentence structure are very important.

Said the person who said "Say what?"

Great example. Your brain is rotten. You either need to quit your job or get a job- I can't tell which.

-another working mother who relies on voice to text when working/emailing/texting. (Meaning that multitasking doesn't accomplish the tasks as well singular focus on tasks. Perhaps a SAHM could write a cogent statement to your discerning standards).

[Anonymous]

Sad that all of you have taken the bait and allowed yourselves to be used in the SAHM vs. WOHM “debate.” None of you are really very smart, are you? Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say it to your face but I agree with her.
- Independently wealthy and working in a meaningful job

+1. When some SAHMs boastfully list the things they get accomplished, I do all that, have all the kids and work, so I'm kind of embarrassed for people who say "oh, I WORK! I'm a SAHM!" Yeahhhh, I do all that too, and actually work so.... I mean, get another advanced degree, do charity work or improve something for god's sake. Something important, not hair/nails- I can't believe someone listed that here as a regularily scheduled accomplishment. That's basic grooming- stop congratulating yourself.

Say what? Grammar and sentence structure are very important.

Said the person who said "Say what?"

Great example. Your brain is rotten. You either need to quit your job or get a job- I can't tell which.

-another working mother who relies on voice to text when working/emailing/texting. (Meaning that multitasking doesn't accomplish the tasks as well singular focus on tasks. Perhaps a SAHM could write a cogent statement to your discerning standards).

More gibberish!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Name me one society that is matriarchal? Exactly... none
You should thank the patriarchy as it has given you the education system, the forum and opportunity to bash men. It’s the patriarchy that protects you.

Yes, massa! Thank you, massa! Oh whatever would we do without your strength and intelligence to guide us???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, I didn’t read OPs post but you should be judged. You’re just a fret on society trading comfort to your husband for a house and being lazy all day.

Cheers!

Caring for 2 sets of aging parents and spending true quality time with children isn’t considered a societal contribution in your book? That’s just intellectually dishonest to suggest.

So she spends all days caring for infirm elderly — she should be able to get state support for in home aides.

And you call yourself a feminist yet you only value and respect classically male work?

State support for in home aides?? Where do you live, Sweden?

My parents 24-7 care. Not even nursing care. Just people who aren’t every educated at can’t get better jobs who work for an elder care agency. It costs 15k a MONTH.