SAHM with kids in school? Dealing with judgement?

[Anonymous]

I don’t work, our kids are grown. Anyone who doesn’t like it, can kick rocks. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I became a SAHM after being a working mother for 5 years and wow is it eye opening how differently some women will treat you.

We are not wealthy by DCUM standards (HHI of $200k) and have one child in an independent school, so one one income, things are tighter than they used to be, but we still contribute to both retirement accounts and save. We eat out a lot less and took 2 weeks of vacations this year instead of the 4 weeks did in the past. I also shop a lot less.

Based on these lifestyle changes, I've received many critical and intrusive comments from friends and acquaintances about our choices. What people don't know is that I have suffered for years from some debilitating mental health issues and this change has been life changing for our family. We are all happier and healthier than we've ever been. My DH and I have chosen to keep my personal health information private, but it would be nice if people could give other humans a little bit of grace.

One thing I noticed right away when I became a SAHM is that you cannot ever complain in any way about having a hard day. WOHM will not stand for it. I try to keep under the radar and not appear too perfect, because otherwise more people will have something nasty to say.

THank you for posting this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became a SAHM after being a working mother for 5 years and wow is it eye opening how differently some women will treat you.

We are not wealthy by DCUM standards (HHI of $200k) and have one child in an independent school, so one one income, things are tighter than they used to be, but we still contribute to both retirement accounts and save. We eat out a lot less and took 2 weeks of vacations this year instead of the 4 weeks did in the past. I also shop a lot less.

Based on these lifestyle changes, I've received many critical and intrusive comments from friends and acquaintances about our choices. What people don't know is that I have suffered for years from some debilitating mental health issues and this change has been life changing for our family. We are all happier and healthier than we've ever been. My DH and I have chosen to keep my personal health information private, but it would be nice if people could give other humans a little bit of grace.

One thing I noticed right away when I became a SAHM is that you cannot ever complain in any way about having a hard day. WOHM will not stand for it. I try to keep under the radar and not appear too perfect, because otherwise more people will have something nasty to say.

THank you for posting this.

Yes - thank you - you never know why people make the choices they do - live and let live - without judginess!

[Anonymous]

My next door neighbor stays at home and has school aged children. She organizes home repairs and supervises their lawn service. She shops, gardens, has friends over, goes to the gym, etc. They have a housekeeper that comes a few times per week. Her days are pretty leisurely and she seems content.

I don't resent her but do resent her "I don't know how you do it, I could never ___" comments when she sees me rushing around before/after work. Yes, I already know my life is fast paced and can be stressful, lady. You don't have to keep pointing it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My next door neighbor stays at home and has school aged children. She organizes home repairs and supervises their lawn service. She shops, gardens, has friends over, goes to the gym, etc. They have a housekeeper that comes a few times per week. Her days are pretty leisurely and she seems content.

I don't resent her but do resent her "I don't know how you do it, I could never ___" comments when she sees me rushing around before/after work. Yes, I already know my life is fast paced and can be stressful, lady. You don't have to keep pointing it out.

I never understand things like this. How long does that objectively take? Supervising a lawn service? Sounds like made up BS to explain how she fills a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:plus I like my own version of independence. I don't need to scrape around for playdates on snow days and school holidays and half days or make 20 phone calls trying to set up a carpool to get my kid to soccer practice. So that is what works for me.

If being completely financially dependent on someone else is what you call independence...

What makes you think all SAHPs are completely financially dependent? For many of us, our financial independence and planning is what allows us to make this choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:plus I like my own version of independence. I don't need to scrape around for playdates on snow days and school holidays and half days or make 20 phone calls trying to set up a carpool to get my kid to soccer practice. So that is what works for me.

If being completely financially dependent on someone else is what you call independence...

What makes you think all SAHPs are completely financially dependent? For many of us, our financial independence and planning is what allows us to make this choice.

This is not the case for most SAHMs. Don't be obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became a SAHM after being a working mother for 5 years and wow is it eye opening how differently some women will treat you.

We are not wealthy by DCUM standards (HHI of $200k) and have one child in an independent school, so one one income, things are tighter than they used to be, but we still contribute to both retirement accounts and save. We eat out a lot less and took 2 weeks of vacations this year instead of the 4 weeks did in the past. I also shop a lot less.

Based on these lifestyle changes, I've received many critical and intrusive comments from friends and acquaintances about our choices. What people don't know is that I have suffered for years from some debilitating mental health issues and this change has been life changing for our family. We are all happier and healthier than we've ever been. My DH and I have chosen to keep my personal health information private, but it would be nice if people could give other humans a little bit of grace.

One thing I noticed right away when I became a SAHM is that you cannot ever complain in any way about having a hard day. WOHM will not stand for it. I try to keep under the radar and not appear too perfect, because otherwise more people will have something nasty to say.

THank you for posting this.

When I quit the comments I got were the opposite. PP needs to cut loose the people who would say such things. Jealous because they probably can't afford to live that way. Or they have a spouse who would make their life miserable if they quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were both professionals with demanding jobs before my husband retired. He retired young from a government job, and we moved to a quieter area. He’s now working a job related to a hobby, and I’m currently staying home. It works for us, and I’m genuinely happy. I can honestly say that I’ve been asked the “when are you going back to work” and “what do you do all day” questions, but I’ve never felt outwardly judged before today.

An acquaintance basically told me that I need to ‘get it together and find a job, even if it does pay peanuts’. Although I never like to or feel the need to defend my choices to anyone, after I explained the ways my not currently working benefit our family, I was met with how ‘it must be terrible for my husband to buy his own Christmas and birthday gifts’. At the time, I was laughing inside, because what an odd response. But she persisted, and went on and on about the ways her working benefited her family, none of which are applicable to our situation. In the end, she rolled her eyes and changed the subject.

It was such an odd interaction. As someone who has been on both ends of the spectrum, I can see the motivation for both sides. I’d never judge, because I’ve been there. But I can’t wrap my head around this woman’s motivation for attacking me to my face. Anyone experience this before?

(Also, if you’re coming here to troll and bash SAHM, you needn’t respond. I will pass right by your comment and I encourage others to do the same.)

You need to find different people to hang out with. I am a SAHM with 1 kid in middle school. DH is retired. We are very well off. We travel extensively with DS and indulge his interests and hobbies. I have never had anyone say anything to me about our lifestyle other than that they wish they could do the same.

[Anonymous]

I’ve done every work/parenting arrangement and there are pros and cons to all of them. If you judge me for not working now, please say it out loud so I don’t waste energy getting to know you better. We won’t be friends. You’re not my type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My next door neighbor stays at home and has school aged children. She organizes home repairs and supervises their lawn service. She shops, gardens, has friends over, goes to the gym, etc. They have a housekeeper that comes a few times per week. Her days are pretty leisurely and she seems content.

I don't resent her but do resent her "I don't know how you do it, I could never ___" comments when she sees me rushing around before/after work. Yes, I already know my life is fast paced and can be stressful, lady. You don't have to keep pointing it out.

I never understand things like this. How long does that objectively take? Supervising a lawn service? Sounds like made up BS to explain how she fills a day.

No evidence the neighbor cares one iota about explaining "how she fills a day" to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My next door neighbor stays at home and has school aged children. She organizes home repairs and supervises their lawn service. She shops, gardens, has friends over, goes to the gym, etc. They have a housekeeper that comes a few times per week. Her days are pretty leisurely and she seems content.

I don't resent her but do resent her "I don't know how you do it, I could never ___" comments when she sees me rushing around before/after work. Yes, I already know my life is fast paced and can be stressful, lady. You don't have to keep pointing it out.

I never understand things like this. How long does that objectively take? Supervising a lawn service? Sounds like made up BS to explain how she fills a day.

No evidence the neighbor cares one iota about explaining "how she fills a day" to anyone.

Sign-based outdoor active-marketing is becoming more and more popular, especially with women "of a certain age," so she may do sign-spinning, not so much for income (although it's always nice to get), but for fitness and fellowship. It's wonderfully intuitive. You stand in front of a retail location, normally on a busy thoroughfare and spin a large rectangular sign in creative, exciting ways. It's a great workout and fun way to interact with the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My next door neighbor stays at home and has school aged children. She organizes home repairs and supervises their lawn service. She shops, gardens, has friends over, goes to the gym, etc. They have a housekeeper that comes a few times per week. Her days are pretty leisurely and she seems content.

I don't resent her but do resent her "I don't know how you do it, I could never ___" comments when she sees me rushing around before/after work. Yes, I already know my life is fast paced and can be stressful, lady. You don't have to keep pointing it out.

I never understand things like this. How long does that objectively take? Supervising a lawn service? Sounds like made up BS to explain how she fills a day.

No evidence the neighbor cares one iota about explaining "how she fills a day" to anyone.

Sign-based outdoor active-marketing is becoming more and more popular, especially with women "of a certain age," so she may do sign-spinning, not so much for income (although it's always nice to get), but for fitness and fellowship. It's wonderfully intuitive. You stand in front of a retail location, normally on a busy thoroughfare and spin a large rectangular sign in creative, exciting ways. It's a great workout and fun way to interact with the community.

I’ve never seen anyone over the age of 23 do this. Can’t imagine a middle aged lady would be hired to do it, and I don’t see how it’s fellowship since you’re on a corner alone.

This whole post has me puzzled. Of all the things that a SAHM could do during the day, you jump to sign spinning? Wouldn’t have been my first thought.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t it just a joke?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t work, our kids are grown. Anyone who doesn’t like it, can kick rocks. It works for us.

Yep, this. Mine aren’t grown yet, I may or may not go back to work at some point. I care absolutely zero what anyone else thinks.