SAHM with kids in school? Dealing with judgement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it just a joke?

Rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people so defensive about the choices they have made? As the cliche goes - “you do you” and don’t worry about what others are doing.

+1

The judginess only makes you look bad, either side - stay in your own lane, ladies. I know some SAHMs who have made serious bank in real estate and/or investments and/or have family money, other PP. You just don't know until you reside in someone else's house - there is no way to tell for sure, otherwise. People don't go around with their stock portfolio, investments or bank statements listed on their forehead. So many incorrect assumptions!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My next door neighbor stays at home and has school aged children. She organizes home repairs and supervises their lawn service. She shops, gardens, has friends over, goes to the gym, etc. They have a housekeeper that comes a few times per week. Her days are pretty leisurely and she seems content.

I don't resent her but do resent her "I don't know how you do it, I could never ___" comments when she sees me rushing around before/after work. Yes, I already know my life is fast paced and can be stressful, lady. You don't have to keep pointing it out.

I never understand things like this. How long does that objectively take? Supervising a lawn service? Sounds like made up BS to explain how she fills a day.

No evidence the neighbor cares one iota about explaining "how she fills a day" to anyone.

Sign-based outdoor active-marketing is becoming more and more popular, especially with women "of a certain age," so she may do sign-spinning, not so much for income (although it's always nice to get), but for fitness and fellowship. It's wonderfully intuitive. You stand in front of a retail location, normally on a busy thoroughfare and spin a large rectangular sign in creative, exciting ways. It's a great workout and fun way to interact with the community.

I’ve never seen anyone over the age of 23 do this. Can’t imagine a middle aged lady would be hired to do it, and I don’t see how it’s fellowship since you’re on a corner alone.

This whole post has me puzzled. Of all the things that a SAHM could do during the day, you jump to sign spinning? Wouldn’t have been my first thought.

You've never seen anyone over the age of 23 do this? You are not up to date. Or blind! Or a shut-in! Open your mind

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My next door neighbor stays at home and has school aged children. She organizes home repairs and supervises their lawn service. She shops, gardens, has friends over, goes to the gym, etc. They have a housekeeper that comes a few times per week. Her days are pretty leisurely and she seems content.

I don't resent her but do resent her "I don't know how you do it, I could never ___" comments when she sees me rushing around before/after work. Yes, I already know my life is fast paced and can be stressful, lady. You don't have to keep pointing it out.

I never understand things like this. How long does that objectively take? Supervising a lawn service? Sounds like made up BS to explain how she fills a day.

No evidence the neighbor cares one iota about explaining "how she fills a day" to anyone.

Sign-based outdoor active-marketing is becoming more and more popular, especially with women "of a certain age," so she may do sign-spinning, not so much for income (although it's always nice to get), but for fitness and fellowship. It's wonderfully intuitive. You stand in front of a retail location, normally on a busy thoroughfare and spin a large rectangular sign in creative, exciting ways. It's a great workout and fun way to interact with the community.

I’ve never seen anyone over the age of 23 do this. Can’t imagine a middle aged lady would be hired to do it, and I don’t see how it’s fellowship since you’re on a corner alone.

This whole post has me puzzled. Of all the things that a SAHM could do during the day, you jump to sign spinning? Wouldn’t have been my first thought.

You've never seen anyone over the age of 23 do this? You are not up to date. Or blind! Or a shut-in! Open your mind

So, yes, a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people so defensive about the choices they have made? As the cliche goes - “you do you” and don’t worry about what others are doing.

+1

The judginess only makes you look bad, either side - stay in your own lane, ladies. I know some SAHMs who have made serious bank in real estate and/or investments and/or have family money, other PP. You just don't know until you reside in someone else's house - there is no way to tell for sure, otherwise. People don't go around with their stock portfolio, investments or bank statements listed on their forehead. So many incorrect assumptions!

I'm a SAHM who has made a good amount of money in real estate the past five years and it is a lot more than I could have made working full time. I also manage all of our investments given my DH has little experience in that area and I have my dad as an advisor. I'm sure most people assume I'm "just a mom" but that's not how I view myself. I love being a mom but I have fun doing what I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people so defensive about the choices they have made? As the cliche goes - “you do you” and don’t worry about what others are doing.

+1

The judginess only makes you look bad, either side - stay in your own lane, ladies. I know some SAHMs who have made serious bank in real estate and/or investments and/or have family money, other PP. You just don't know until you reside in someone else's house - there is no way to tell for sure, otherwise. People don't go around with their stock portfolio, investments or bank statements listed on their forehead. So many incorrect assumptions!

I'm a SAHM who has made a good amount of money in real estate the past five years and it is a lot more than I could have made working full time. I also manage all of our investments given my DH has little experience in that area and I have my dad as an advisor. I'm sure most people assume I'm "just a mom" but that's not how I view myself. I love being a mom but I have fun doing what I do.

?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My next door neighbor stays at home and has school aged children. She organizes home repairs and supervises their lawn service. She shops, gardens, has friends over, goes to the gym, etc. They have a housekeeper that comes a few times per week. Her days are pretty leisurely and she seems content.

I don't resent her but do resent her "I don't know how you do it, I could never ___" comments when she sees me rushing around before/after work. Yes, I already know my life is fast paced and can be stressful, lady. You don't have to keep pointing it out.

I never understand things like this. How long does that objectively take? Supervising a lawn service? Sounds like made up BS to explain how she fills a day.

No evidence the neighbor cares one iota about explaining "how she fills a day" to anyone.

Sign-based outdoor active-marketing is becoming more and more popular, especially with women "of a certain age," so she may do sign-spinning, not so much for income (although it's always nice to get), but for fitness and fellowship. It's wonderfully intuitive. You stand in front of a retail location, normally on a busy thoroughfare and spin a large rectangular sign in creative, exciting ways. It's a great workout and fun way to interact with the community.

I’ve never seen anyone over the age of 23 do this. Can’t imagine a middle aged lady would be hired to do it, and I don’t see how it’s fellowship since you’re on a corner alone.

This whole post has me puzzled. Of all the things that a SAHM could do during the day, you jump to sign spinning? Wouldn’t have been my first thought.

You've never seen anyone over the age of 23 do this? You are not up to date. Or blind! Or a shut-in! Open your mind

So, yes, a joke.

You are the joke. Close minded, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not OP,
My daily schedule:
Monday:
Breakfast,pack Lunches, and walk kids to bus stop.
Dishes, clean house, laundry,make Lunch or dinner.
Read, take online class and rest.
Pick up kids from the bus stop and serve snacks and help with homework.
Drive kids to dance class and drive back home.
Dinner, dishes and and family time before kids take showers and get ready for bed. Read stories to my kindergarten and light out.
It's 8:30pm, clean up kitchen and set kids clothes for next day.
Take my shower and read more before bed! I am super tired by 10pm.

Happy reading and repeat and Rinse the rest of the week. Saturday and Sunday dh takes over. Thank God.

That's what I do too but fit in job from 8:30 to 5:30, so 'dinner dishes etc.' starts when I get home around 6:30pm. Go to bed around 11pm.
When I was studying I fit that in late night and weekends, I did a ton of exams. Glad that's all over now. I have time to read for enjoyment now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not OP,
My daily schedule:
Monday:
Breakfast,pack Lunches, and walk kids to bus stop.
Dishes, clean house, laundry,make Lunch or dinner.
Read, take online class and rest.
Pick up kids from the bus stop and serve snacks and help with homework.
Drive kids to dance class and drive back home.
Dinner, dishes and and family time before kids take showers and get ready for bed. Read stories to my kindergarten and light out.
It's 8:30pm, clean up kitchen and set kids clothes for next day.
Take my shower and read more before bed! I am super tired by 10pm.

Happy reading and repeat and Rinse the rest of the week. Saturday and Sunday dh takes over. Thank God.

That's what I do too but fit in job from 8:30 to 5:30, so 'dinner dishes etc.' starts when I get home around 6:30pm. Go to bed around 11pm.
When I was studying I fit that in late night and weekends, I did a ton of exams. Glad that's all over now. I have time to read for enjoyment now.

Whew! Both of you get medals for being so hard working. I do a lot less than that, I am very happy to report that it works for me.
- HLLSAHM ( Happy, Lazy, Lucky ...._

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people so defensive about the choices they have made? As the cliche goes - “you do you” and don’t worry about what others are doing.

+1

The judginess only makes you look bad, either side - stay in your own lane, ladies. I know some SAHMs who have made serious bank in real estate and/or investments and/or have family money, other PP. You just don't know until you reside in someone else's house - there is no way to tell for sure, otherwise. People don't go around with their stock portfolio, investments or bank statements listed on their forehead. So many incorrect assumptions!

I'm a SAHM who has made a good amount of money in real estate the past five years and it is a lot more than I could have made working full time. I also manage all of our investments given my DH has little experience in that area and I have my dad as an advisor. I'm sure most people assume I'm "just a mom" but that's not how I view myself. I love being a mom but I have fun doing what I do.

Your dad. I can’t. And you don’t even get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s a wack job. Don’t mind her.

Depending on the audience I say I’m retired and not going back to work (which is true for the moment) but in all honesty, it doesn’t even make financial sense for me to work bc any amount I would bring would make us pay more in taxes than what I’d end up so just say that...that it doesn’t benefit you financially for you to work.

Or I say DH travels too much so it makes sense for me to be home but really it’s nobody’s business. Anyone who questions you is either insecure or jealous or is too cheap. I’ve heard people say it’s a complete waste of my education etc but I just ignore it and don’t let it get to me.

That's not how taxes work.

NP - Of course she won't pay 101% in taxes, but most people do not count the true cost of working. When I quit to stay home, years ago, I was making something like $70,000. Because of my husband's income, it was taxed (between local, state and fed) at almost 50%. Add in child care costs, mileage and gas on second car, lunches, pantyhose, all of those restaurant dinners because I was too tired to cook, housecleaning service, etc. and I would have been working for $0 except the retirement contribution. Yes, it makes sense to figure out whether it is worth it to work.

No one pays a 50 percent tax rate. We make close to 500k and our effective tax rate is in the low 30s including state.

I assume you still had a second car and ate lunch even after you quit your job. You maybe saved a little bit on prepared foods, restaurant meals and house cleaning but that’s hardly worth quitting your job.

Put it this way - being out of the workforce for five years = losing $350k in income. Not to mention any raises you would have earned. You also lost on around $100k in retirement contributions. Unless your husband is a VERY high earner this money still matters.

Would you suggest a man should quit working because of the high tax rate and cost of a cleaning service? I doubt it.

That does not really add up if you subtract the taxes, (even if it were less than 50%) and the childcare if kids were young could cost $20-30k/ year or more. She might net only $30k per year which might not be worth it to them.

[Anonymous]

NP - Net take home pay on $70k at 32% tax rate is $48k. Remove legally paying a nanny at say $40k (more likely $45k), $5k for cleaning service ($200 every other week), and you are left with $3k for the year of working. You could put that $3,000 into 401k and then you have nothing.

I stated a nanny in case spouse has high hours/travel job and $70k spouse also works long hours. If your job is more flexible then you could prob take $30k out for daycare/summer care (would that even cover those costs?), $5k out for cleaning, and put $13k toward retirement annually and have nothing left - Really, you would be in negative territory unless you are diligent about food and extra costs and maybe do the home cleaning yourself, which many people do.

Or, if one spouse makes enough to be in a 32% or higher tax bracket and you can live reasonably on one salary, you could consider having one spouse stay home. There are options.

[Anonymous]

Adding...in the one working spouse option - free childcare!

$350k income - are you not paying taxes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My next door neighbor stays at home and has school aged children. She organizes home repairs and supervises their lawn service. She shops, gardens, has friends over, goes to the gym, etc. They have a housekeeper that comes a few times per week. Her days are pretty leisurely and she seems content.

I don't resent her but do resent her "I don't know how you do it, I could never ___" comments when she sees me rushing around before/after work. Yes, I already know my life is fast paced and can be stressful, lady. You don't have to keep pointing it out.

I think it is pretty nice that she is acknowledging that you are a "high achiever" and doing it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My next door neighbor stays at home and has school aged children. She organizes home repairs and supervises their lawn service. She shops, gardens, has friends over, goes to the gym, etc. They have a housekeeper that comes a few times per week. Her days are pretty leisurely and she seems content.

I don't resent her but do resent her "I don't know how you do it, I could never ___" comments when she sees me rushing around before/after work. Yes, I already know my life is fast paced and can be stressful, lady. You don't have to keep pointing it out.

I never understand things like this. How long does that objectively take? Supervising a lawn service? Sounds like made up BS to explain how she fills a day.

Whoa! The next door neighbor sounds like me. I have a leisurely life, school aged kids, and I am a SAHM. My DH is a high earner and any amount I earn will be in a high tax bracket and I will make 1/2 of what I earn. It is not worth it for me. I really don't know how people do it all because it is hard. Kudos to everyone who manages to to it. I am very impressed. I also wish for every working woman - good health, great work environment, supportive colleagues, nice boss, being appreciated at work, time to balance other things and being well compensated.