I think I regret having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, one of whom is a very difficult child. There are times when I experience what I feel is regret, but when I really think about it, I realize it's not my children themselves whom I regret, but rather the situation. There are definitely times when I wonder what the heck I've done by having kids, but I don't think that's regret. I have regrets around how I handled some things or situations for sure.

+1. Anyone suffering with long-term regrets about raising children is most likely clinically depressed.

Why is it when someone is being honest that others have to claim they are clinically depressed or have ppd? Maybe they just made a bad decision by having kids and legitimately regret it. Sounds very common but some people just don’t want to believe such a thing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang in there. I feel that way sometimes, too, but much less so now than a few years ago. The baby and toddler stages are really hard (especially when you have one of each).

My kids are now 6 and 3, and I finally feel like we can see the light. I don't feel so stressed all the time, I actually enjoy them much of the time, we can do things like travel and eat out (sometimes), I usually sleep fairly decently at night, etc. They are sweet together, and they're good kids.

It's okay to feel like you do, and I completely understand the sentiment, but also recognize that you're in the hardest part right now. You do get more of your own life back as time goes on and they get older.

If you really feel like you're struggling, it might help to get see a therapist or join a group. I found that I felt this super intensely when I had PPD -- much more than any time after I got better. I actually dreamed of running away from my family, and I felt like I had ruined my life by having kids. It's okay to feel it a little, but if it gets to that point, you need to get help.

No. Don’t fool yourself or the OP. You never get your previous before kids life back. Ever.
Now, your current life may improve over time but it will never be your previous life.

Sorry to break the news, but things change with time regardless of whether you have kids. Your childfree life at 50 will not be like your childfree life at 25.

Wrong again! My childfree life is even better now at 52 yrs old (semi-retired and rich) then it was at 25. (though also very good at 25 but just starting career then). Sorry to burst your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^
My bestie was placed for adoption when she was 3 and was then raised by a loving mother and father who worshipped the ground she walked on. Her new mom was stay at home, so probably the best thing for a child who was relinquished at a "conscious" age. She and her mom are far closer than my mom and me -- my mom who told me she was never happy being a mother. I had to get therapy for years to deal with that fact.

Congrats to women who have the courage to do this when they realize they do not want to be a mother.

+1

+1000

[Anonymous]

Ok wow. First of all what are all the child free sad sacks doing over here in parenting? Secondly, to the mom who said she can’t work out because of diastasis recti, get the heck out of here. You absolutely CAN work out, and there are work outs that are specifically designed for diastasis recti as well. I had it and I am way better from doing the work outs. No mom pooch here!

Seriously though with this thread. Motherhood has brought me a lot of joy. I think there is something really, seriously wrong with most of you posting here and you should seek therapy. Just know you are a tiny minority of parents. The rest of us love and also like our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think a baby and a toddler/preschooler should have one caregiver. Their needs and schedules are just too different. The preschooler should be out socializing, while the baby should be napping at home. This is why I have a nanny + my mom.

My kids are close and are empathetic to each other because they were with each other and had to accommodate each other. In the situation you are describing, you should be sure that you are working on empathy with your older child.

My older child has a ton of empathy and EQ. Demonstrated it well before the younger one was even born. Some people are born with those qualities. They don't need to be subject to a sub-par caregiving situation to develop them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Trust me. It . Is. The. Best. Thing. Ever! Cfbc.

Maybe for you.

[Anonymous]

I think if it were possible to undo having kids many people would do it. Not possible in our society.
I have 2 adult children. Looking back, we were too old, it was too exhausting, extremely expensive, still very expensive, and I was just not suited to the job. In the meantime I think about them all the time. They took over my life!
Not advice for OP but seriously if you are over 35 think hard before you commit. It’s life long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

+1 It's nice for a vacation but sounds like a pretty empty life to me.

Shocker! Other people may think differently than you.

We childless married couples do more than go out to eat, sleep in, drink and travel. We work in our communities to make the world a better place (while we sleep on the piles of money we saved from not having kids).

Totally this! Cfbc.

Hmmm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if it were possible to undo having kids many people would do it. Not possible in our society.
I have 2 adult children. Looking back, we were too old, it was too exhausting, extremely expensive, still very expensive, and I was just not suited to the job. In the meantime I think about them all the time. They took over my life!
Not advice for OP but seriously if you are over 35 think hard before you commit. It’s life long.

No I don't think so! Speak for yourself only.

[Anonymous]

LOVE my kids. No regrets.
I would be sad without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if it were possible to undo having kids many people would do it. Not possible in our society.
I have 2 adult children. Looking back, we were too old, it was too exhausting, extremely expensive, still very expensive, and I was just not suited to the job. In the meantime I think about them all the time. They took over my life!
Not advice for OP but seriously if you are over 35 think hard before you commit. It’s life long.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if it were possible to undo having kids many people would do it. Not possible in our society.
I have 2 adult children. Looking back, we were too old, it was too exhausting, extremely expensive, still very expensive, and I was just not suited to the job. In the meantime I think about them all the time. They took over my life!
Not advice for OP but seriously if you are over 35 think hard before you commit. It’s life long.

+1

My brother spectacularly failed to launch and has sucked us all dry (money, time, energy, mentally) over the past 40+ years with his drug problems, arrests, homelessness, bankruptcy, etc. Sometimes it doesn't get better, and you just don't know what your kids will turn out like. My parents finally escaped his black hole when they passed away, and now it's left for me to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Why are the voluntarily-child free posting on the parenting sections of DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok wow. First of all what are all the child free sad sacks doing over here in parenting? Secondly, to the mom who said she can’t work out because of diastasis recti, get the heck out of here. You absolutely CAN work out, and there are work outs that are specifically designed for diastasis recti as well. I had it and I am way better from doing the work outs. No mom pooch here!

Seriously though with this thread. Motherhood has brought me a lot of joy. I think there is something really, seriously wrong with most of you posting here and you should seek therapy. Just know you are a tiny minority of parents. The rest of us love and also like our children.

Absolutely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if it were possible to undo having kids many people would do it. Not possible in our society.
I have 2 adult children. Looking back, we were too old, it was too exhausting, extremely expensive, still very expensive, and I was just not suited to the job. In the meantime I think about them all the time. They took over my life!
Not advice for OP but seriously if you are over 35 think hard before you commit. It’s life long.

+1

Minus 1