I think I regret having kids

[Anonymous]

I was over motherhood in 2 years and ready to put them up for adoption while they were still young and cute.

[Anonymous]

^^
My bestie was placed for adoption when she was 3 and was then raised by a loving mother and father who worshipped the ground she walked on. Her new mom was stay at home, so probably the best thing for a child who was relinquished at a "conscious" age. She and her mom are far closer than my mom and me -- my mom who told me she was never happy being a mother. I had to get therapy for years to deal with that fact.

Congrats to women who have the courage to do this when they realize they do not want to be a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^
My bestie was placed for adoption when she was 3 and was then raised by a loving mother and father who worshipped the ground she walked on. Her new mom was stay at home, so probably the best thing for a child who was relinquished at a "conscious" age. She and her mom are far closer than my mom and me -- my mom who told me she was never happy being a mother. I had to get therapy for years to deal with that fact.

Congrats to women who have the courage to do this when they realize they do not want to be a mother.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

After having 1 child and realizing the workload, I realized I didn't want two.

I'm smart like that.

Haha, same. I think some people feel like it might get better with two rather than one so that's why they go for the second even if they feel like they're not loving parenthood with one. Like they don't consider having one child to be a "real" family (yes that's in quotes because I certainly don't feel that way) and they'll be happier and life will be more enjoyable once they have two. I don't understand that mentality, but I've seen it happen. Sometimes people feel like having another kid will fix it, and they only view it through that lens.

There are people who won't even consider having just one. The idea of an only child is so completely abhorrent to them. If you have a kid, you HAVE to have another one. So they don't think about stopping. Even if they are absolutely miserable.

[Anonymous]

I always thought this too. Zero or two. Now I have one. Love the family of three life!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Trust me. It . Is. The. Best. Thing. Ever! Cfbc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the PPs who feel this way, do your husbands feel the same way? If not, you could divorce and give them full or majority custody. It would probably be better for everyone overall. If they do feel the same way, therapy is probably necessary. Sorry OP. You are definitely in a difficult stage and I think it will get better.

Most likely the husband feels the same way. But if they divorce with joint custody, they each will get 50% alone/free time to do what they like as if in their previous life before kids. Win, win sort of for the parents. Sucks for the kids. I know plenty of professional couples who have done and think this way. To bad they fell for the so called life-script. But at least the times are changing and plenty of people are rejecting the so called outdated life-script.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hang in there. I feel that way sometimes, too, but much less so now than a few years ago. The baby and toddler stages are really hard (especially when you have one of each).

My kids are now 6 and 3, and I finally feel like we can see the light. I don't feel so stressed all the time, I actually enjoy them much of the time, we can do things like travel and eat out (sometimes), I usually sleep fairly decently at night, etc. They are sweet together, and they're good kids.

It's okay to feel like you do, and I completely understand the sentiment, but also recognize that you're in the hardest part right now. You do get more of your own life back as time goes on and they get older.

If you really feel like you're struggling, it might help to get see a therapist or join a group. I found that I felt this super intensely when I had PPD -- much more than any time after I got better. I actually dreamed of running away from my family, and I felt like I had ruined my life by having kids. It's okay to feel it a little, but if it gets to that point, you need to get help.

No. Don’t fool yourself or the OP. You never get your previous before kids life back. Ever.
Now, your current life may improve over time but it will never be your previous life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

+1 It's nice for a vacation but sounds like a pretty empty life to me.

Shocker! Other people may think differently than you.

We childless married couples do more than go out to eat, sleep in, drink and travel. We work in our communities to make the world a better place (while we sleep on the piles of money we saved from not having kids).

Totally this! Cfbc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, one of whom is a very difficult child. There are times when I experience what I feel is regret, but when I really think about it, I realize it's not my children themselves whom I regret, but rather the situation. There are definitely times when I wonder what the heck I've done by having kids, but I don't think that's regret. I have regrets around how I handled some things or situations for sure.

+1. Anyone suffering with long-term regrets about raising children is most likely clinically depressed.

Why is it when someone is being honest that others have to claim they are clinically depressed or have ppd? Maybe they just made a bad decision by having kids and legitimately regret it. Sounds very common but some people just don’t want to believe such a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I was just thinking yesterday that I can’t wait to be an empty nester and get what remains of my life back. No career, destroyed body, aged face, all decisions revolving around them. I would do things differently if I could.

Same. I am literally counting down the years until my oldest is out of the house for college.

To be fair a lot of women blame things on kids.

Career - don’t quit. Work hard. Continue to be promoted

Aged face - get Botox , fillers

Destroyed body - lose weight.

All decisions - this is true. However you can still hire a sitter and get out of the house

Couldn’t keep working as my son had special needs. Can’t afford Botox or fillers, as we are barely able to pay for monthly expenses. Which also means we don’t hire sitters or get out of the house much. Working out doesn’t help my recti diastasis. I need a tummy tuck for that, but see the money issues I mentioned above. So shut up and go away.

You rock! Because you tell it like it is.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to make your new life work for you.

Your kids will become instantly more civilized at age 4.5. It will turn around completely.

Before then, find 3 consecutive hours per week and claim them as your own.

Your kids love you and you love them. Don't lose sight of that. But make them fit into your life- you don't have to give up your life to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang in there. I feel that way sometimes, too, but much less so now than a few years ago. The baby and toddler stages are really hard (especially when you have one of each).

My kids are now 6 and 3, and I finally feel like we can see the light. I don't feel so stressed all the time, I actually enjoy them much of the time, we can do things like travel and eat out (sometimes), I usually sleep fairly decently at night, etc. They are sweet together, and they're good kids.

It's okay to feel like you do, and I completely understand the sentiment, but also recognize that you're in the hardest part right now. You do get more of your own life back as time goes on and they get older.

If you really feel like you're struggling, it might help to get see a therapist or join a group. I found that I felt this super intensely when I had PPD -- much more than any time after I got better. I actually dreamed of running away from my family, and I felt like I had ruined my life by having kids. It's okay to feel it a little, but if it gets to that point, you need to get help.

No. Don’t fool yourself or the OP. You never get your previous before kids life back. Ever.
Now, your current life may improve over time but it will never be your previous life.

Sorry to break the news, but things change with time regardless of whether you have kids. Your childfree life at 50 will not be like your childfree life at 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If our ancestors had been as self-centered as some of these posters, the whole human race would have died out long ago. No one ever said the point of children was to make you happy. It’s just what living things do.

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

+1 It's nice for a vacation but sounds like a pretty empty life to me.

Agree - I have a couple of married friends and I cannot imagine what the heck they do with all their time. In both cases the wife does not even work.....does not volunteer anywhere......what an empty, self-centered life.....

This is what unhappy ppl with children have to tell themselves. P.s. you had children for your own selfish needs. Your life was empty and you had no individuality so you needed kids to make you into something. That’s sad.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummmm..what did you think life with kids was going to be like? Had you not done your research?

Are you kidding me with this stupid question?

Why do you think this question is stupid!
You ARE stupid if you did not do research for something that will affect every day of your life for 22+ years.