Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

[Anonymous]

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
PP here. I think that you are missing the point. It is about the relationship, not the actual act. So in terms of is listening to a spouse the same as having sex with them, no because the acts and the energy required is different. What I am trying to say, and what I think a lot of spouses who are not having sex because they don't feel up to it for whatever reason don't really understand, is that sex is not just getting off. It is bonding, it is a connection, it is a validation of love for one another.

So in that regard I would say it is the same as the man not listening to his wife. Because in the scenario I listed about the hard day, the husband is saying I know this is important to you, as your husband I know that you need me to and value me listening and being supportive for you, but I am choosing not to. The reason sexless marriages hurt is not that I am not physically getting off, but I am sharing with you something that is important to me and you are saying that you don't value me enough to do it. The same as if the husband does not choose to provide emotional support. Or pick a grander event for the comparison if needed. For example picking up an in law at the hospital 3 hours away at 4:00 in the morning after someone passed away becuase your wife or anyone else in the family simply could not manage doing it. I sure as hell did not want to do that but I love my wife and respect her so I did. Does that make her "entitled" to expect that I will stand up and take care of her when she needs?

I think you are missing the point. The actual act you are asking your wife to perform is so intimate and personal and feels so violative when done against one's will and interest that it in no way compares to "listening to your spouse" or "driving three hours at 4 am to pick up a relative after someone passed away".

Also, FWIW, there are many ways to bond, have a connection or validate love for one another. Sex is not the only way.

Do you really have no idea why your wife has only had sex with you 3 times in the last 2 years? If not, then you really have a problem that is way bigger than not getting sex.

FWIW, whatever the reason there's not been any sex, you might decide that that is not the way you want to live your life. Just like your wife can decide that she doesn't want to have sex, you can decide that you do want to have sex with someone and either ask for an open marriage or a divorce.

PP Here. I absolutely agree that if a woman does not want to have sex, there is no situation where it should happen. Having sex with my wife if she clearly did not want to do it would not be satisfying at all. If you are talking of a scenario where a woman says I have no desire to have sex and the husband says I don't care we are going to anyway and makes her do it when she doesn't want to then I agree with your stance. That said, the question you posed was "Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?" not why do they feel "entitled" to have sex with their wives against their will in a marriage. Those are two extremely different statements.

Men feel "entitled" to sex in a marriage becuase that is a huge part of a marriage, and for right or wrong, a huge way in which the majority of men and many women connect to their marriage. The same way that a woman might connect from emotional support or cuddling or how the man interacts with the children etc. That was my point in making those comparisons, sex is our emotional support, our cuddling, our how you take care of the children. That is why it is such a crappy situation to be in as a spouse in a sexless marriage. The point is again that it is not the actual lack of sex, it is the act of a spouse saying I know that something is hurting you, I am the only person who can alleviate that discomfort, and I choose not to. That is the parallel to not listening to a hard day.

Of course there are other ways to bond, and that is great, but choosing not to engage with your spouse the way THEY feel most connected is the point of the issue. Assuming you are in a relationship or have been in the past: Choose however you feel most connected to your partner, and then they gradually stop doing it, you tell them that hurts and they say I know and don't change at all. Report back your feelings.

Do I know why we haven't had sex? Yes, because we are busy, she is tired, she puts her energy into work, into the kids etc. These are all valid points and I do not hold them against her, but she CHOOSES not to care about me and my needs at all. I am not trying to have sex all the time, in crazy positions or anything, so to say that you cannot muster the energy/desire to have sex every once in a while because you know it is important to how I feel about our relationship is really not valid. If I were important to her she would make some effort to prioritize it in one way or the other, she can prioritize other things. And I sure as hell make effort to prioritize things for her.

The main takeaway from your question "Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?" is that it is a part of your marriage until one day it isn't, and there is nothing you can do about it. I think your last statement about leaving really solidifies where this situation really stands. You yourself just said either deal with it or leave......That is where spouses end up-just deal with an unsatisfying life of leave. That is incredibly selfish in a relationship. Period. No matter what the issue is -sex or something else. I think that many spouses denying sex think this way, I only care about my needs, one of which is not sex, so I am going to focus on them and hedge my bets that you won't leave me.

Typically the type of spouse that ends up in this situation is loyal, dedicated and very focused on their family etc. Spouses know this so they can be selfish because they have a high confidence level that the spouse won't leave them because they people with a strong set of values and honor their commitments. It is rarely if ever an assehole husband that ends up in a sexless marriage, because the spouse knows that he is.....well an assehole..... so he would dip out the door right away if the sex stopped. I have lots of faults so I am not saying I am perfect, or even a catch, but she knows how much I value our life, and more than anything else my children's happiness, so she is counting on me "just dealing with it". I would never do anything that could impact my children negatively for my own happiness, that is not the kind of person I am and she knows it. Am I willing to leave my life, impact my children's childhood and how they see relationships and the world because I am not getting laid-absolutely not. Is it ok that my wife-supposedly my partner in life-is asking me to make that choice? Absolutely not.

I love my wife, she is a great person and mother and we get along well and I don't think she is behaving this way out of purposeful malice. But it really hurts and is depressing as hell. I have just decided that I won't hurt other people to end my hurt, because I am not selfish and that is not what you do to people you love.

seriously, you have amazing strength and your eloquence is mind blowing, especially for this forum. again, my heart goes out to you for your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

The misogyny on this thread is unsurprising, but still gross and sad. I'm glad many of these men are from an older generation and I dont have to deal with them. But for the ladies that have to... I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

god you are dense. you've just described different medical conditions - most of which can be worked on - that would actually support the PP's argument. stop trying to paint the men as selfish sexual deviants.

stop projecting your issues here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

Are these medical issues though? Seems like exactly no one in this thread has said that men or women should have sex despite medical issues. And if a man goes and sorts out ED women can and should go and sort out those issues and work to restore the intimacy to their marriage. OR if you dont care and it isnt important to you allow your spouse to seek comfort elsewhere. You arent interested so your spouse should just lose interest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

The misogyny on this thread is unsurprising, but still gross and sad. I'm glad many of these men are from an older generation and I dont have to deal with them. But for the ladies that have to... I'm sorry.

I'm a 30 year old woman (who is married) and who is NOT a shrinking violet who thinks that this thread is incredibly dismissive of men actually. I find THAT gross and sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

The misogyny on this thread is unsurprising, but still gross and sad. I'm glad many of these men are from an older generation and I dont have to deal with them. But for the ladies that have to... I'm sorry.

I'm a 30 year old woman (who is married) and who is NOT a shrinking violet who thinks that this thread is incredibly dismissive of men actually. I find THAT gross and sad.

I also find it very dismissive of marriage. Every post has either said the woman should just do what she wants and not have sex and the man should be unhappy about it or leave. It is all about the individual. Nothing about what a marriage theoretically is, two people who are committed to each other and each other's happiness and make sacrifices for each other. Maybe it is just an extension of the "me-ism" that rules our culture. If I don't want to I'm not going to. Take it or pound sand. Not what I signed up for when I got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

The misogyny on this thread is unsurprising, but still gross and sad. I'm glad many of these men are from an older generation and I dont have to deal with them. But for the ladies that have to... I'm sorry.

I'm a 30 year old woman (who is married) and who is NOT a shrinking violet who thinks that this thread is incredibly dismissive of men actually. I find THAT gross and sad.

I have the same reaction to many of these threads when someone decries the "misogyny" in a thread that has a lot vitriol going both ways.

It's a kind of selective hearing that people obtain once they begin to identify with partisan politics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

Are these medical issues though? Seems like exactly no one in this thread has said that men or women should have sex despite medical issues. And if a man goes and sorts out ED women can and should go and sort out those issues and work to restore the intimacy to their marriage. OR if you dont care and it isnt important to you allow your spouse to seek comfort elsewhere. You arent interested so your spouse should just lose interest?

Actually everybody on this thread and every other thread about low sex drive/lack of sex... tells women to have duty sex, just get it done, give him a blow job, etc.

none of the threads say to the men, be patient, see a doctor, work through this, talk to your wife,

If a man has ED, it's understood. If a woman has a low libido, it is characterized as "not taking care of her man" and "expect him to take care of business elsewhere" NOT "that sucks your wife has a medical issue, stay strong, be understanding, work through it".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

Are these medical issues though? Seems like exactly no one in this thread has said that men or women should have sex despite medical issues. And if a man goes and sorts out ED women can and should go and sort out those issues and work to restore the intimacy to their marriage. OR if you dont care and it isnt important to you allow your spouse to seek comfort elsewhere. You arent interested so your spouse should just lose interest?

Actually everybody on this thread and every other thread about low sex drive/lack of sex... tells women to have duty sex, just get it done, give him a blow job, etc.

none of the threads say to the men, be patient, see a doctor, work through this, talk to your wife,

If a man has ED, it's understood. If a woman has a low libido, it is characterized as "not taking care of her man" and "expect him to take care of business elsewhere" NOT "that sucks your wife has a medical issue, stay strong, be understanding, work through it".

You are completely making shit up. I personally have said all the things you say none of those threads say. And many many other posters have said those things too. Advice on a sex problem in a marriage usually means giving advice to both sides. To women its, 'try to have more sex' because frequently with women there is a 'use it or lose it' thing going on. Frequently I am not really feeling it but by the time we're up and going I'm totally into it. That requires me to have pushed through the initial disinterest. Advice to the man has to do with ways to make his wife feel relaxed, loved, sexually relaxed.

You are actually the worst thing I've seen on this board in a long time in relation to this problem because you are exemplifying the caricature of a woman that every bitter sex starved man has in his head. Of the woman not feeling like this is something she's responsible for and not caring about how he feels about the situation. You make them think they're right. In reality women frequently want to fix this problem too.

You CLEARLY don't understand marriage, at the absolute minimum.

- the 30 year old woman pp from above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

Are these medical issues though? Seems like exactly no one in this thread has said that men or women should have sex despite medical issues. And if a man goes and sorts out ED women can and should go and sort out those issues and work to restore the intimacy to their marriage. OR if you dont care and it isnt important to you allow your spouse to seek comfort elsewhere. You arent interested so your spouse should just lose interest?

Actually everybody on this thread and every other thread about low sex drive/lack of sex... tells women to have duty sex, just get it done, give him a blow job, etc.

none of the threads say to the men, be patient, see a doctor, work through this, talk to your wife,

If a man has ED, it's understood. If a woman has a low libido, it is characterized as "not taking care of her man" and "expect him to take care of business elsewhere" NOT "that sucks your wife has a medical issue, stay strong, be understanding, work through it".

you're completely wrong and seem hell bent on making this to be that men are pigs. No one on this thread or other similar threads has taken a position that you claim - in fact it's just the opposite. many posters first ask if there is in underlying issue when a man/woman has a low sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

Are these medical issues though? Seems like exactly no one in this thread has said that men or women should have sex despite medical issues. And if a man goes and sorts out ED women can and should go and sort out those issues and work to restore the intimacy to their marriage. OR if you dont care and it isnt important to you allow your spouse to seek comfort elsewhere. You arent interested so your spouse should just lose interest?

Actually everybody on this thread and every other thread about low sex drive/lack of sex... tells women to have duty sex, just get it done, give him a blow job, etc.

none of the threads say to the men, be patient, see a doctor, work through this, talk to your wife,

If a man has ED, it's understood. If a woman has a low libido, it is characterized as "not taking care of her man" and "expect him to take care of business elsewhere" NOT "that sucks your wife has a medical issue, stay strong, be understanding, work through it".

What thread are you reading?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Entitled to sex" is such a loaded phrase that I simply can't agree to that inflammatory choice of wording.
I will state that I very much expect a regular sex life within my marriage.
And although there are alot of great things in our marriage besides sex, I will readily admit that I would not stay married if my wife decided to reject our sexlife, and refused to work on the issue.
I view regular sex as a legitimate and important relationship need, one that would be a total dealbreaker even if the marriage was otherwise good (although I really don't see how that is possible, yet I read this in alot of "sexless marriage" threads!)

Why does anybody feel entitled to a (faithful) marriage with little sex?

So if/when you get ED, your wife is welcome to have other sex partners?

I am not that previous poster, but yes, I like to believe that, if for some sustained period in my life, my wife wants substantially more sex than I can provide, that I will be mature enough and caring enough about her needs to encourage her to find it elsewhere if she desires.

Agreed, these are very different situations. If there is a medical reason that a spouse is unable to be sexual that is a totally different conversation than that of a spouse who chooses not to of their own accord.

That is what low libido is? ... a choice women make? that is what menopause is? a choice to have a dry vagina? that is what not having sex for 6 weeks after birth is? a choice to not put something into an area that (for me) had 52 stitches.... do you think you are being a little dense when you say ED is a medical reason but anxiety, depression, low libido, menopause, postpartum etc are not?

Are these medical issues though? Seems like exactly no one in this thread has said that men or women should have sex despite medical issues. And if a man goes and sorts out ED women can and should go and sort out those issues and work to restore the intimacy to their marriage. OR if you dont care and it isnt important to you allow your spouse to seek comfort elsewhere. You arent interested so your spouse should just lose interest?

Actually everybody on this thread and every other thread about low sex drive/lack of sex... tells women to have duty sex, just get it done, give him a blow job, etc.

none of the threads say to the men, be patient, see a doctor, work through this, talk to your wife,

If a man has ED, it's understood. If a woman has a low libido, it is characterized as "not taking care of her man" and "expect him to take care of business elsewhere" NOT "that sucks your wife has a medical issue, stay strong, be understanding, work through it".

Dh here. I have been patient- never argued about it, blamed her, faulted her. Been supportive her 100%. Wife has seen doctors, nothing medically wrong, expressed joy about that result, 3 week spike in sexual activity and then back to flatline. Talked through extensively using I statements, place of understanding etc. Plan date nights, take care of the kids as much as I can when I am off work, compliment her-can you let me know what I am missing-it is clearly the one thing I am NOT doing vs. the 100 things I am doing. Your help would be most appreciated!