Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

[Anonymous]

There is a big difference between not being in the mood and respecting that and a sexless marriage. DH and I tend to have sex 4-5 times a week. If one of us is stressed or sick, it can dip down to 1-2. The connection is still there and we respect the other person. If one of us opted to stop having sex at all, it would signal that there was a huge issue in our marriage. Sex is about intimacy and connection. I can't imagine the level of distaste I would have to have towards DH in order to stop wanting to have sex with him.

So there is a difference between "I love this person and part of that is wanting to have a sexual relationship with this person. I plan to have a sexual relationship with this person for the rest of my life, and should they not want to there must be an issue going on" and "I am entitled to have sex. If they won't have sex with Me I will force it".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered talking to you gyno about why sex repulses you so much?

You might have a hormonal issue. Or maybe you married the wrong guy.

Oh sex doesn't repulse me, and I'm not married (way too young for that). I have a fairly high libido, actually- but if I dont want to have sex, we dont. And my boyfriend respects that, simple as.

I would never try to force him into having sex if he didnt feel like it either.

It seems pretty simple.

Someone doesnt want to have sex with you- DONT HAVE SEX WITH THEM! Why would you even want to?

When you get married women feel the pursuit is over, get fat and stop the sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered talking to you gyno about why sex repulses you so much?

You might have a hormonal issue. Or maybe you married the wrong guy.

Oh sex doesn't repulse me, and I'm not married (way too young for that). I have a fairly high libido, actually- but if I dont want to have sex, we dont. And my boyfriend respects that, simple as.

I would never try to force him into having sex if he didnt feel like it either.

It seems pretty simple.

Someone doesnt want to have sex with you- DONT HAVE SEX WITH THEM! Why would you even want to?

When you get married women feel the pursuit is over, get fat and stop the sex

Oh stop with the bullshit. It's not helpful

[Anonymous]

I think I can shed some light on this. A man can expect sex, whine about not getting sex, etc in marriage. That's all fine. He can't force his wife to have sex. (Or have sex with her when she's unconscious etc). That's rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a big difference between not being in the mood and respecting that and a sexless marriage. DH and I tend to have sex 4-5 times a week. If one of us is stressed or sick, it can dip down to 1-2. The connection is still there and we respect the other person. If one of us opted to stop having sex at all, it would signal that there was a huge issue in our marriage. Sex is about intimacy and connection. I can't imagine the level of distaste I would have to have towards DH in order to stop wanting to have sex with him.

So there is a difference between "I love this person and part of that is wanting to have a sexual relationship with this person. I plan to have a sexual relationship with this person for the rest of my life, and should they not want to there must be an issue going on" and "I am entitled to have sex. If they won't have sex with Me I will force it".

Another woman here, and I fully agree. Sex is a huge part of my marriage, and my happiness overall. If my libido drops, I will address it head on.

[Anonymous]

Op I'm kind of confused. I think a lot of the men here who complain about this come off as whiny bitches.

That said if my husband just stopped having sex with me for no reason it would be a crazy serious problem in our marriage. I think without being married its hard for you to understand what physical intimacy means in a marriage. Its not rape or rape culture to expect your spouse to make a concerted effort to maintain normal physical intimacy. It's rape if you force your wife but come on. How old are you? How long is your longest relationship? When you've been with someone a long time sometimes you need to intentionally create passion not just wait for it to happen. I think life has a lot to teach you.

Most men on here don't like it when their wife is clearly "thinking of England" so that should tell you that it isn't sex really, it's the expression of intimacy and love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I'm kind of confused. I think a lot of the men here who complain about this come off as whiny bitches.

That said if my husband just stopped having sex with me for no reason it would be a crazy serious problem in our marriage. I think without being married its hard for you to understand what physical intimacy means in a marriage. Its not rape or rape culture to expect your spouse to make a concerted effort to maintain normal physical intimacy. It's rape if you force your wife but come on. How old are you? How long is your longest relationship? When you've been with someone a long time sometimes you need to intentionally create passion not just wait for it to happen. I think life has a lot to teach you.

Most men on here don't like it when their wife is clearly "thinking of England" so that should tell you that it isn't sex really, it's the expression of intimacy and love

+1 to the last point. I think OP is imagining the DHes on here think "her saying yes and lying there" is a successful outcome. They are not saying "I want her to let me stick it in her," they are saying "I want her to want to and enjoy having sex with me."

OP also seems to consider it obviously false to connect sex and intimacy. But a long term lack of sex in a relationship really can be painful and upsetting. I get that OP is young and probably when she's heard "it would hurt me that you don't want me physically" it's in the context of some horny jackass claiming he's going to get blue balls. But that doesn't mean all people can live happily without sex if only they were enlightened enough to process that their partner's sex drive has changed.

[Anonymous]

Well probably because most men can have sex "on demand."

Meaning any time or any place.
And their libidos are always ON.

But if their wife is not in the mood on occasion, then a (good) man would/should respect that & not get angry, make his wife feel guilt.

After all, it should never be a power play.

[Anonymous]

There other ways of having intimacy other than intercourse if we can remember this we all will be better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There other ways of having intimacy other than intercourse if we can remember this we all will be better off.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

. You are so right, and your explanation so straightforward. I agree completely!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

. You are so right, and your explanation so straightforward. I agree completely!

Married couples having an expectation of partner what a concept!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a big difference between not being in the mood and respecting that and a sexless marriage. DH and I tend to have sex 4-5 times a week. If one of us is stressed or sick, it can dip down to 1-2. The connection is still there and we respect the other person. If one of us opted to stop having sex at all, it would signal that there was a huge issue in our marriage. Sex is about intimacy and connection. I can't imagine the level of distaste I would have to have towards DH in order to stop wanting to have sex with him.

So there is a difference between "I love this person and part of that is wanting to have a sexual relationship with this person. I plan to have a sexual relationship with this person for the rest of my life, and should they not want to there must be an issue going on" and "I am entitled to have sex. If they won't have sex with Me I will force it".

Another woman here, and I fully agree. Sex is a huge part of my marriage, and my happiness overall. If my libido drops, I will address it head on.

This, exactly! Unless one of us is ill, we very very rarely turn each other down. It may not be a rowdy marathon, but a little sex in the shower before bed to wind down or something low key and passionate is almost never off the table. The difference is we can read each other and look out for the other's wellbeing enough to know when to just not bring it up and when to spend some time romancing the other. Losing that connection and willingness is a far greater deal than the act itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There other ways of having intimacy other than intercourse if we can remember this we all will be better off.

+1

Sure. But also some people feel loved when their partner spends time with them, others feel loved when their partner brings gifts, others when their partner does a chore that they normally do. There are multiple components of intimacy and sex is only one of them. We just shouldn't pretend it's NOT one of them, or that it's any LESS reasonable for someone to hope for sex from their partner than it is to hope their partner asks them about their day or brings flowers once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There other ways of having intimacy other than intercourse if we can remember this we all will be better off.

+1

Sure. But also some people feel loved when their partner spends time with them, others feel loved when their partner brings gifts, others when their partner does a chore that they normally do. There are multiple components of intimacy and sex is only one of them. We just shouldn't pretend it's NOT one of them, or that it's any LESS reasonable for someone to hope for sex from their partner than it is to hope their partner asks them about their day or brings flowers once in a while.

Those answer all that I women would give men equate love and loyality to a certain degree to sex. Sex is a way for a man to feel connected and complete in his physical being to his SO.