Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's an issue of feeling entitled to sex, but marriage is an agreement to not have sex with other people (usually -- there are open marriages). So if you are asking someone to agree to *only* have sex with you, then it's kind of cruel to not ever have sex with your spouse.

I'm a woman. And I don't think that anyone thinks a husband (or a wife, for that matter) is entitled to sex whenever they want it. But I do think that sex is part of marriage. And if you are going to deny someone sex (barring a medical reason or some recent tragedy/trauma), you have no right to expect them not to seek it elsewhere.

+1

OP you are nuts. Like someone else said, intimacy and sex are what differentiate marriage from "just friends." If you don't want to have sex with someone, or you plan to stop after marriage, or withhold it because you're mad about things, don't be upset when your spouse leaves or cheats on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered talking to you gyno about why sex repulses you so much?

You might have a hormonal issue. Or maybe you married the wrong guy.

Oh sex doesn't repulse me, and I'm not married (way too young for that). I have a fairly high libido, actually- but if I dont want to have sex, we dont. And my boyfriend respects that, simple as.

I would never try to force him into having sex if he didnt feel like it either.

It seems pretty simple.

Someone doesnt want to have sex with you- DONT HAVE SEX WITH THEM! Why would you even want to?

Of course you are not married, nor are you ready for it. There are so many things we do for our spouses because they are our spouses. And that includes having sex from time to time when we don't really feel up to it. Entitled to sex on demand -- no, of course not. Entitled to expect sex on somewhat of a regular basis, yes. Now, if he (or she) is not satisfied with the amount, then ultimately divorce (not force) may be the answer, but he (or she) is certainly entitled to the expectation.

Not really. I would say if you expect someone to have sex with you even though they dont want it, then that's a major issue and emblematic of an entitlement issue that you need to seek help for.

Are people really not aware that people's libidos shift and change over time? That women's libidos especially decrease with menopause?

I see a downright villainization of the wives that dont want to have sex and it's really shocking.

I guess my advice would be if you think marriage entitles you to sex without concern for your partner's libido or lack of interest- then don't get married.

How many relationships have you been in? How long have those relationships lasted?

What I can tell you in my experience of being married for 15 years is that my husband and I both have an expectation that the other will want to have sex. There have been times when the frequency has lessened, and during those times, we do what adults do and COMMUNICATE ABOUT IT.

I agree that there is an issue with husbands who expect sex and do not respect wives' reasons for not wanting to have sex. However, I personally believe that people who are married have an obligation to each other to maintain the romantic relationship. My impression is that many of the men who are "villainizing" their wives for not having sex feel rejected and hurt. The counter-argument to your argument is that when your actions cause your partner to feel hurt and rejected, that is a problem that should be addressed. Some women (AND MEN FOR THAT MATTER) do not address the issue.

^ I dont agree. I think "i feel hurt and rejected" is an excuse for the anger men feel when denied access to female bodies.

Not allowing someone access to your organs is certainly not on par with genuinely hurtful acts. It's sad that men have twisted it to equivocate the two (but unsurprising)

And we as a culture need to stop allowing this villainization of women who dont want sex, and call it out when it does occur.

The advice seems to always be to the female- you do need to have sex with him- rather than to the male - adjust your expectations.

Let's change that.

No, I don't think that the threads on here are about men feeling denied access to female bodies. In many cases, those men could find women willing to have sex with them. What frustrates them is that their spouses expect them to stay monogamous but don't want to ever have sex with them. That is the issue.

No one ever on any of these threads tells women they need to have sex with their husbands whenever and wherever their husbands want it. The advice (to both men and women) is that if you aren't having sex at all with your spouse, it's unrealistic (and almost cruel) to expect them to remain faithful to you and not seek sex outside of the marriage.

I think you are young and naive and probably don't understand some of these threads. We're talking about married couples who have gone months -- MONTHS -- if not more without sex. We're not talking about a few days or a week or even a few weeks of not being in the mood.

And I don't think this is an issue just for men. I suspect if your boyfriend wasn't interested in physical intimacy with you for an extended period of time (months to a year), you'd be concerned and frustrated and feel like something is wrong with your relationship.

[Anonymous]

There are so many things your partner will feel entitled to ask of you once you get married. Most of them are not as fun as sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's an issue of feeling entitled to sex, but marriage is an agreement to not have sex with other people (usually -- there are open marriages). So if you are asking someone to agree to *only* have sex with you, then it's kind of cruel to not ever have sex with your spouse.

I'm a woman. And I don't think that anyone thinks a husband (or a wife, for that matter) is entitled to sex whenever they want it. But I do think that sex is part of marriage. And if you are going to deny someone sex (barring a medical reason or some recent tragedy/trauma), you have no right to expect them not to seek it elsewhere.

I'm this PP, and I should clarify that I mean if you are going to deny someone sex FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME for no reason, then it is unreasonable to expect them not to seek it elsewhere.

I honestly don't think OP gets that we're not talking about a spouse not being in the mood every once in a while. The threads that pop up on here (at least the ones I have read) are about marriages where it seems like the couple doesn't have sex at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered talking to you gyno about why sex repulses you so much?

You might have a hormonal issue. Or maybe you married the wrong guy.

Oh sex doesn't repulse me, and I'm not married (way too young for that). I have a fairly high libido, actually- but if I dont want to have sex, we dont. And my boyfriend respects that, simple as.

I would never try to force him into having sex if he didnt feel like it either.

It seems pretty simple.

Someone doesnt want to have sex with you- DONT HAVE SEX WITH THEM! Why would you even want to?

Of course you are not married, nor are you ready for it. There are so many things we do for our spouses because they are our spouses. And that includes having sex from time to time when we don't really feel up to it. Entitled to sex on demand -- no, of course not. Entitled to expect sex on somewhat of a regular basis, yes. Now, if he (or she) is not satisfied with the amount, then ultimately divorce (not force) may be the answer, but he (or she) is certainly entitled to the expectation.

Not really. I would say if you expect someone to have sex with you even though they dont want it, then that's a major issue and emblematic of an entitlement issue that you need to seek help for.

Are people really not aware that people's libidos shift and change over time? That women's libidos especially decrease with menopause?

I see a downright villainization of the wives that dont want to have sex and it's really shocking.

I guess my advice would be if you think marriage entitles you to sex without concern for your partner's libido or lack of interest- then don't get married.

Exactly.

- Old person married for many years.

[Anonymous]

Sex is enjoyable Op, what's wrong with you? I think you have a problem. If you aren't enjoying sex with your husband YOU have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Did you read the thread where the op asked if it was problematic that her H is only nice to her after sex? And everyone else said So? In other news, water is wet? I bet women were in there saying that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you read the thread where the op asked if it was problematic that her H is only nice to her after sex? And everyone else said So? In other news, water is wet? I bet women were in there saying that too.

So true. It's become normalized in our culture. Really sickening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

I think most people regardless of gender get married assuming they will have regular sex. It's a core component of most intimate loving relationships. The pressure thing is a different issue. Of course your spouse should respect your wishes and needs, just as you should respect theirs. If you have significantly mismatched sex drives, you need to talk to a therapist.

[Anonymous]

"Like....how is this a thing?"

You actually write like this?

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman I feel entitled to sex within marriage.

With very few exceptions if I'm not getting it he can get gone.

I'm not cosigning for 50+ years of celibacy.

[Anonymous]

I'm a wife. If my husband stopped desiring me sexually, to the point that we were going months or years without any sexual intimacy, I would be broken. I got married because I want him and only him, so an open marriage would do nothing for me. I don't feel "entitled to access to the male body" or whatever crap pseudo-academic speak bullshit you read on the internet. If you can't see how it just might be soul-crushing agony to face rejection from the ONE person who you are bonded to for life, you need to grow up and get off of Tumblr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a wife. If my husband stopped desiring me sexually, to the point that we were going months or years without any sexual intimacy, I would be broken. I got married because I want him and only him, so an open marriage would do nothing for me. I don't feel "entitled to access to the male body" or whatever crap pseudo-academic speak bullshit you read on the internet. If you can't see how it just might be soul-crushing agony to face rejection from the ONE person who you are bonded to for life, you need to grow up and get off of Tumblr.

This x 1000

[Anonymous]

Woman here and I feel entitled to sex within a marriage. If I don't get it, I feel entitled to an open marriage if nothing else works ie discussion, therapy etc.

[Anonymous]

OP - You need to wear a Warning Label for prospective spouses.

TIA.