SAHMs - what made you decide to SAH? Question from new SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"And yes, if your a sahm you have more time to be actively involved, and many sahms have made that their priority."

11:16, how does that work when all children, regardless of their parents' work status, are in school from 9 to 4 daily? Do you think a SAHM of elementary aged children spends much more time than a WOHM does?

Because a WM has to do all the errands, chores, etc. that a sahm was able to do while her kids were in school, therefore leave her more time to have "quality time" with her kids.

Unless the WM's husband is worthless, this does not ring true. My husband runs most of our errands with his flexible schedule and he does all the cooking. Plus with two incomes, most WMs I know outsource cleaning, some even laundry. We also order a ton of stuff online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"No one's saying that moms who WOH aren't loving & concerned as well. Just saying that if WM's had more time to focus their love and concern on child-rearing, their children would most likely benefit from it more than they already do. "

Or not. There are no guarantees in life.

Bullshit. A lot of people have said just that. What thread are you reading?

Where?

Are you high? You really think there haven't been nasty remarks about WMs? Really, what thread are you reading?

[Anonymous]

I don't know if anyone has covered this point in the past 13 pages but I'm having a hard time justifying becoming a SAHM now that the kids are entering elementary school. It just was not an option before but now DH salary has grown enough and we have saved enough that we could do it in 2 years.

I envisioned staying home, doing activities and playdates afterschool, freeing up weekends and having fun with my kids. Our elementary school gets out at 3:30 and the bus drops off at 4:00pm. There would be no time for activities or even playdates and I would be home alone from 8:45 (bus pick up) until 4:00. The pick up line is crazy and we get home later if I pick my oldest up instead of my nanny meeting her at our bus stop. The activities that the kids like are all at least 20-30 minutes from the school or our house so a start time of 4:30 for an hour class means that we are not getting home until 6pm. I always thought that elementary school let out at 2:30 and kids were home by 3 at the latest.

With my current work schedule I get home at 5pm so I am only gaining the get ready in the morning and one hour. Yes, I could volunteer at school but I can do that now but taking time off. I would just be spending more time there with other moms or other kids not mine if I increased it. I always thought summers would be fun but none of the other kids would be around. My kids loved camp and would miss not going. If I stayed at home I could not imagine spending the $$$ on the camps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"No one's saying that moms who WOH aren't loving & concerned as well. Just saying that if WM's had more time to focus their love and concern on child-rearing, their children would most likely benefit from it more than they already do. "

Or not. There are no guarantees in life.

Bullshit. A lot of people have said just that. What thread are you reading?

Where?

Are you high? You really think there haven't been nasty remarks about WMs? Really, what thread are you reading?

Please point out the thread where someone indicates that WM's don't love or aren't concerned about their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"And yes, if your a sahm you have more time to be actively involved, and many sahms have made that their priority."

11:16, how does that work when all children, regardless of their parents' work status, are in school from 9 to 4 daily? Do you think a SAHM of elementary aged children spends much more time than a WOHM does?

Because a WM has to do all the errands, chores, etc. that a sahm was able to do while her kids were in school, therefore leave her more time to have "quality time" with her kids.

Unless the WM's husband is worthless, this does not ring true. My husband runs most of our errands with his flexible schedule and he does all the cooking. Plus with two incomes, most WMs I know outsource cleaning, some even laundry. We also order a ton of stuff online.

.
Yes, but even splitting chores 50/50 means there is less family time for everyone. There's still grocery shopping, daily errands, plus the day to day cleaning that can't be outsourced. I used to WOH and I have a very involved husband, yet we both felt our weekends were completely tied up doing tasks that we found difficult to get to during the week.

[Anonymous]

hmmm. Guess some WOHM's are more efficient than they are perceived to be...DH and I both work and we both get to spend at least 3 hours with DS every night! We don't run errands after work unless emergent and instead wait until after DS goes to bed to get that done ( or go at lunchbreak). Same for day to day cleaning- after DS goes to bed. We cook as a family, give DS a bath together, read stories together...and honestly, I dont have a masters in early childhood development like DS's teacher...so I am pretty sure he gets plenty of approriate and wonderful care while at daycare. I think it is ignorant to think that all kids would "most likely" get more love and concern if they had SAHP's. I think that is true in some situations but it is also likely that some SAHP's are complacent and fail to engage their kiddo. I think both choices can be wonderful but its a family decision!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if anyone has covered this point in the past 13 pages but I'm having a hard time justifying becoming a SAHM now that the kids are entering elementary school. It just was not an option before but now DH salary has grown enough and we have saved enough that we could do it in 2 years.

I envisioned staying home, doing activities and playdates afterschool, freeing up weekends and having fun with my kids. Our elementary school gets out at 3:30 and the bus drops off at 4:00pm. There would be no time for activities or even playdates and I would be home alone from 8:45 (bus pick up) until 4:00. The pick up line is crazy and we get home later if I pick my oldest up instead of my nanny meeting her at our bus stop. The activities that the kids like are all at least 20-30 minutes from the school or our house so a start time of 4:30 for an hour class means that we are not getting home until 6pm. I always thought that elementary school let out at 2:30 and kids were home by 3 at the latest.

With my current work schedule I get home at 5pm so I am only gaining the get ready in the morning and one hour. Yes, I could volunteer at school but I can do that now but taking time off. I would just be spending more time there with other moms or other kids not mine if I increased it. I always thought summers would be fun but none of the other kids would be around. My kids loved camp and would miss not going. If I stayed at home I could not imagine spending the $$$ on the camps.

Well, Im a sahm of little kids, so I can't give you much insight, but I have several sahm neighbors of older children and they've all said that the feel that's it's been more important for them to sah now than it was when their children were younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"And yes, if your a sahm you have more time to be actively involved, and many sahms have made that their priority."

11:16, how does that work when all children, regardless of their parents' work status, are in school from 9 to 4 daily? Do you think a SAHM of elementary aged children spends much more time than a WOHM does?

Because a WM has to do all the errands, chores, etc. that a sahm was able to do while her kids were in school, therefore leave her more time to have "quality time" with her kids.

Unless the WM's husband is worthless, this does not ring true. My husband runs most of our errands with his flexible schedule and he does all the cooking. Plus with two incomes, most WMs I know outsource cleaning, some even laundry. We also order a ton of stuff online.

.
Yes, but even splitting chores 50/50 means there is less family time for everyone. There's still grocery shopping, daily errands, plus the day to day cleaning that can't be outsourced. I used to WOH and I have a very involved husband, yet we both felt our weekends were completely tied up doing tasks that we found difficult to get to during the week.

We get plenty of family time and I rarely feel like our weekends are taken up by endless errands. We divide and conquer, and a good organization system and outsourcing helps. It helps that we have grandparents nearby who help. It is not all doom and goom and it is not insurmountable. Not sure the point of this discussion anyway. There are trade offs to any decision. If you feel like quality time would go to hell if you worked, I can see why you would want to stay home. But I wouldn't assume that for every family. If you are citing that as your reason for staying home, I can respect that, but if you are projecting that one me and my family, it is a different story and it doesn't ring true, for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a lot more neurotic SAHMs who wonder if their graduate degrees went to waste; who worry about whether their husbands have better female conversation partners at work; who take a leap of faith that in this economy, their husbands won't get laid off; who are worried about their ability to get back into the workforce once their children are in school full-time; and if they do not get "better results" in their children (WTF?) if they've misunderstood the whole point of their lives....

I should add, I have never really thought this until this thread. In real life, the SAHMs I know are much more nuanced about their choices and circumstances, so I don't the bitterness. But on this thread, it's all SAHM is the only way, end of story, and that to me screams of neuroses.

DUDE! It was a thread asking moms why they chose to STAY AT HOME. Of course the people who respond are going to have to be the ones who chose to stay at home, and of course they are going to include the positive reasons. It is the folks who did not make that choice who are making this whole thread dramatic, unpleasant, and blowing things out of proportion by not being able to not take someone else's choice for themselves as a personal attack. I have to say that I hope most of the posts are from only a couple of people, because it's always the same on this board, and it's disproportionately attacks toward women who choose not to work (and no, I didn't say "always," I said "disproportionately" so let's just head that one off at the pass).

For what it's worth, this is the first thing I've posted since answering the OP's question on the first page.

[Anonymous]

11:32, I'm typing slowly so you have time to take a course in logic before you read it.

"So what are you doing with your day off? I hope not spending it with your kid, since it doesn't benefit them in any way to see you between the hours of 8 am to 6 pm Monday-Friday."

Saying that maternal education level and HHI are the best predictors of childrens' academic achievement does NOT mean that time with parents has NO impact. Okey dokey?

[Anonymous]

I don't find running errands, like going to the grocery store, to be a waste of time with my child. It's important for children to understand how to buy groceries and produce, compare products, read labels, etc. It's also nice to have DC get to know the faces in the neighborhood--the friendly checkout lady at the Safeway, the pharmacist at the CVS, etc. We go to the mechanics, to the gas station, to the bookstore, return books to the library, take out the trash, etc.

Exposing kids to these sort of mundane activities are important to learning how to function in society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"And yes, if your a sahm you have more time to be actively involved, and many sahms have made that their priority."

11:16, how does that work when all children, regardless of their parents' work status, are in school from 9 to 4 daily? Do you think a SAHM of elementary aged children spends much more time than a WOHM does?

Because a WM has to do all the errands, chores, etc. that a sahm was able to do while her kids were in school, therefore leave her more time to have "quality time" with her kids.

Unless the WM's husband is worthless, this does not ring true. My husband runs most of our errands with his flexible schedule and he does all the cooking. Plus with two incomes, most WMs I know outsource cleaning, some even laundry. We also order a ton of stuff online.

.
Yes, but even splitting chores 50/50 means there is less family time for everyone. There's still grocery shopping, daily errands, plus the day to day cleaning that can't be outsourced. I used to WOH and I have a very involved husband, yet we both felt our weekends were completely tied up doing tasks that we found difficult to get to during the week.

We get plenty of family time and I rarely feel like our weekends are taken up by endless errands. We divide and conquer, and a good organization system and outsourcing helps. It helps that we have grandparents nearby who help. It is not all doom and goom and it is not insurmountable. Not sure the point of this discussion anyway. There are trade offs to any decision. If you feel like quality time would go to hell if you worked, I can see why you would want to stay home. But I wouldn't assume that for every family. If you are citing that as your reason for staying home, I can respect that, but if you are projecting that one me and my family, it is a different story and it doesn't ring true, for me.

The response was given to a PP who didn't see how once the kids started school sahms would have more time to give to their children. The point is that generally speaking WP's have to get things done after work that sahm's would be able to get done during the day. Everyone, therefore has more free time after the kids get home.

[Anonymous]

11:40, why? And are you only speaking of parents whose children are under 6 and not yet in full day school?

"Just saying that if WM's had more time to focus their love and concern on child-rearing, their children would most likely benefit from it more than they already do. "

[Anonymous]

Two thumbs up 11:41, "better results" is not a good yardstick.

And add me to those people to whom it seems odd:

"It just strikes people as odd that SAHMs will cry how the only way to raise to children or have a bond with them is to be at home 24/7 but then vehemently defend their husbands who never see the kids."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:32, I'm typing slowly so you have time to take a course in logic before you read it.

"So what are you doing with your day off? I hope not spending it with your kid, since it doesn't benefit them in any way to see you between the hours of 8 am to 6 pm Monday-Friday."

Saying that maternal education level and HHI are the best predictors of childrens' academic achievement does NOT mean that time with parents has NO impact. Okey dokey?

So mothers who are capable of spending more time with their children are capable of making more of an impact. Get it?