SAHMs - what made you decide to SAH? Question from new SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"It is truly sad that you do not see the benefit that a loving, concerned mother gives her child. "

And a father?

What's your point? Of course Father's do too. This isn't a man vs. woman thing. It's just you seem to be saying that a parents time & effort does not seem to matter, all that matters is SES. I find it hard to believe that you truly believe this. If you do believe that parenting matters as well, how can you not believe that a family that has a parent who has chosen to devote themselves to child rearing might not have better results?

Define, please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you honestly think that your kids will not benefit from having you home, well then, there you go--if you have that little faith in yourself and your abilities, you are not the type of person who should stay home. So work and benefit your family that way.

But, don't disparage someone who honestly thinks that her staying home will benefit her kids. It's not about this or that study, it's about you personally and your abilities.

Reread my post. I in no way disparaged SAHMs. I have never once in my time on DCUM said anything negative about SAHMs. I said I can see how it works for some families to have a SAHM but I thought it was limited to assume every family would benefit. Yet, in your first sentence you just told me that I work because I doubt my abilities and have little faith in myself. Nice.

No one who is happy in their choice would feel the need to bash a WM who in my post only said supportive things about SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

"If you do believe that parenting matters as well, how can you not believe that a family that has a parent who has chosen to devote themselves to child rearing might not have better results? "

What are the stats on this?

The SAHP chooses to be supported by someone else. What kind of an example is that?

[Anonymous]

I see a lot more neurotic SAHMs who wonder if their graduate degrees went to waste; who worry about whether their husbands have better female conversation partners at work; who take a leap of faith that in this economy, their husbands won't get laid off; who are worried about their ability to get back into the workforce once their children are in school full-time; and if they do not get "better results" in their children (WTF?) if they've misunderstood the whole point of their lives....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"And you prove my point exactly! I'm sure your kids WOULD NOT BENEFIT from being with a difficult bitch such as yourself all day, so it's good you're working and keeping away from them. "

Dunno, airhead. My GRANDCHILDREN are in college.

Then you are truly pathetic to waste your time cruising message boards that don't pertain to you for the purpose of being rude. Maybe you can go find the old, difficult bitch message board and park your ass there for the rest of your golden years.

[Anonymous]

"Then you are truly pathetic to waste your time cruising message boards that don't pertain to you for the purpose of being rude."

How do know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:22, I am a loving, concerned mother and I WOH. Only SAHMs are "loving, concerned mothers"?

No one's saying that moms who WOH aren't loving & concerned as well. Just saying that if WM's had more time to focus their love and concern on child-rearing, their children would most likely benefit from it more than they already do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see a lot more neurotic SAHMs who wonder if their graduate degrees went to waste; who worry about whether their husbands have better female conversation partners at work; who take a leap of faith that in this economy, their husbands won't get laid off; who are worried about their ability to get back into the workforce once their children are in school full-time; and if they do not get "better results" in their children (WTF?) if they've misunderstood the whole point of their lives....

[Anonymous]

What's your point? Of course Father's do too. This isn't a man vs. woman thing. It's just you seem to be saying that a parents time & effort does not seem to matter, all that matters is SES. I find it hard to believe that you truly believe this. If you do believe that parenting matters as well, how can you not believe that a family that has a parent who has chosen to devote themselves to child rearing might not have better results?

New poster here. There is definitely a male/female double standard going on here. While many men are very involved in their kids' lives and some men are SAHD, it is still completely acceptable for a man to work crazy hours and never see his kids. This situation seems to be more prevalent, for practical reasons, in households with SAHMs. It just strikes people as odd that SAHMs will cry how the only way to raise to children or have a bond with them is to be at home 24/7 but then vehemently defend their husbands who never see the kids. Most of the two income families that we know have a pretty good balance. I don't know anyone outside a few SAHM families that had a parent working crazy hours and traveling all the time.

The whole concept of have "better results" is so flawed when it comes to parenting. There are many variables that will affect your kids. You may think you are completely controlling and responsible for their "outcome" but in reality there is only so much that you can control. Good genes, quality education, loving parents, and basic necessities are about the best you can do, anything else is not swaying the "outcome" very much.

[Anonymous]

"No one's saying that moms who WOH aren't loving & concerned as well. Just saying that if WM's had more time to focus their love and concern on child-rearing, their children would most likely benefit from it more than they already do. "

Or not. There are no guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a lot more neurotic SAHMs who wonder if their graduate degrees went to waste; who worry about whether their husbands have better female conversation partners at work; who take a leap of faith that in this economy, their husbands won't get laid off; who are worried about their ability to get back into the workforce once their children are in school full-time; and if they do not get "better results" in their children (WTF?) if they've misunderstood the whole point of their lives....

I should add, I have never really thought this until this thread. In real life, the SAHMs I know are much more nuanced about their choices and circumstances, so I don't the bitterness. But on this thread, it's all SAHM is the only way, end of story, and that to me screams of neuroses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"No one's saying that moms who WOH aren't loving & concerned as well. Just saying that if WM's had more time to focus their love and concern on child-rearing, their children would most likely benefit from it more than they already do. "

Or not. There are no guarantees in life.

Bullshit. A lot of people have said just that. What thread are you reading?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"And yes, if your a sahm you have more time to be actively involved, and many sahms have made that their priority."

11:16, how does that work when all children, regardless of their parents' work status, are in school from 9 to 4 daily? Do you think a SAHM of elementary aged children spends much more time than a WOHM does?

Because a WM has to do all the errands, chores, etc. that a sahm was able to do while her kids were in school, therefore leave her more time to have "quality time" with her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What's your point? Of course Father's do too. This isn't a man vs. woman thing. It's just you seem to be saying that a parents time & effort does not seem to matter, all that matters is SES. I find it hard to believe that you truly believe this. If you do believe that parenting matters as well, how can you not believe that a family that has a parent who has chosen to devote themselves to child rearing might not have better results?

New poster here. There is definitely a male/female double standard going on here. While many men are very involved in their kids' lives and some men are SAHD, it is still completely acceptable for a man to work crazy hours and never see his kids. This situation seems to be more prevalent, for practical reasons, in households with SAHMs. It just strikes people as odd that SAHMs will cry how the only way to raise to children or have a bond with them is to be at home 24/7 but then vehemently defend their husbands who never see the kids. Most of the two income families that we know have a pretty good balance. I don't know anyone outside a few SAHM families that had a parent working crazy hours and traveling all the time.

The whole concept of have "better results" is so flawed when it comes to parenting. There are many variables that will affect your kids. You may think you are completely controlling and responsible for their "outcome" but in reality there is only so much that you can control. Good genes, quality education, loving parents, and basic necessities are about the best you can do, anything else is not swaying the "outcome" very much.

So true. My working allows my husband to be much involved in our children's lives, and we have much better balance than my parents had - I had a dad who traveled and worked a ton while my mom stayed home. It was fine, and my mom wanted to stay home, but I like what DH and I have been able to achieve for our family. I would not be okay staying home while DH had this big career and crazy hours. This was something we hashed out well before we got married and had kids, and our choices reflect that. I realize not every career lends itself to that choice. I realize it would be hard to work if my husband had a crazy job. So I don't think two parents working works for every family. But it works for ours very well, and it is always surprising to come on a thread like this and watch things get so heated, and have some SAHMs who just can't see ANY benefit to ANY family working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"No one's saying that moms who WOH aren't loving & concerned as well. Just saying that if WM's had more time to focus their love and concern on child-rearing, their children would most likely benefit from it more than they already do. "

Or not. There are no guarantees in life.

Bullshit. A lot of people have said just that. What thread are you reading?

Where?