Why so many single men not interested in dating?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

I’m lucky in that I got married at 25 and she was 23. We’ve had a great marriage and none of the resentment or no sex part. We built a great life and grown together.

But the bolded part is true. We can extend on the house because it’s in a top notch school high school, and we don’t need to take vacations..it’s more important for all of to be comfortable at home. Well a couple years go by and…the public schools are very crowded so we should send them to private high school and “we really need a family vacation.” She does work and earns well so cooking and cleaning isn’t in the cards…so on top of the big house, private high school, and vacations, it’s a litany of $350 monthly expenses to keep the household running, and about $500 a month in hair/personal care products and services and about $1k in clothes for her and our daughter. Oh, and all these milestones “only happen once” so we shouldn’t be “cheap” when they come up. So the promise of being frugal to pay for the house or private school just never happens. And since I’m responsible for the finances, every attempt at discussion substantial transaction feels like an interrogation to her.

Here’s what a guy needs, a roof over his head, food in the fridge, a loving family, and the sense that the family financial future is secure. I think guys in their mid 30’s are hearing stories from guys like me and saying “no thanks.”

The best financial decision I've made was to insist that we both max out our 401k's. It's better that we never see that money hit our checking accounts. But yes, we've got exactly the same issues you do. Insistence that we need to take our preschooler to Europe because it's so family friendly (a trip to Europe with a preschooler is just doing childcare in a different country, and is not a vacation), complaints about how we don't have nice furniture (which our preschooler would probably destroy--we can buy nice things when the kids are older and more responsible), complaints about how we are low-income with our combined $300k income, frequent purchases of only $100 here and $100 there on makeup and clothes (described as really good deals and "investments"). And at the same time I'm looking for ways to try to reduce my already low spending (mostly just coffee at work and the occasional lunch out) in order to increase college savings because I know just how expensive that will be and the more we're able to save now, the less impact it will have on our lifestyles later. And from what I've learned, there's no way to predict whether a woman will develop these habits--my wife was definitely not like this when I met her or even at the beginning of our marriage.

300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

This isn’t true. It’s close to poverty if you have a wife that “needs” to live in a $1.75m house, send the kids to private school, and take 1-2 $10k vacations a year. If not, it’s plenty if money.

It’s very low income . I’m a single woman making 380k gross and live in a one bedroom apartment in LCOL area . One child in college. I manage to save 70k/year and rather frugal. But if it were 3 people I don’t know…

I’m assuming you’re maxing out your 401k, and your still saving $70k after taxes….which is about $105k of income.

No, 70k includes my max 401k contribution. Child in college cost me 70k net a year (that’s including one international trip a year together, their sports, career development coaching etc )

Ahh. This is what I’m talking about. You consider yourself frugal, but are paying for one international trip a year, and sports and career development counseling for a college kid.

Yes since that’s how I lived since I was born and that’s a minimum living standard I attain to myself. I wouldn’t date a man who has different lifestyle expectations and can’t bring to table at least what I make

So google AI is estimating that only 3-5% of male earners in the DC area make at least $380k. I'd bet that a substantial percentage of those men are married. Sure, it only takes one, but that's a pretty small pool you're fishing in.

Zero issues for me whatsoever to meet men at same or higher income level. Zero. I’m currently dating an executive who has two adult kids in college and much more “wasteful” than me.
These 3-5 % of top earners find each other on OLD, in social settings with an ease.
These single men are simply not in the game

To add, Im in my late 40s, and my dating range is within 5 years of my own age ; my BF is fit and over 6’ tall

So why are you both divorced? Are the personal sacrifices necessary for careers that pay at least $380k conducive to maintaining a solid marriage and adequately sharing child-raising responsibilities when the kids are younger? Now that you're both empty nesters it's easy to do 60- to 80-hour weeks, but very hard to pull that off when you're in the thick of it with small children.

A lot of people get divorced, half to be precise. Divorce is not a failure but rather a natural thing when spouses tire of each other or their life priorities change. Life is long.

I have zero regrets about my relationships - marriage, post divorce . I literally was single 1-2 years max in my adult life. It’s easy to find partners who are aligned with me because I have reasonable expectations on my own level

And no, I don’t regret working when I was married and building this financial nest that gives me so much freedom to live in middle age . It would be much harder if I had to do the hectic “catch up” post divorce

I'd be pretty upset if my wife went into our marriage with this mentality, but to each her own I guess.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

I’m lucky in that I got married at 25 and she was 23. We’ve had a great marriage and none of the resentment or no sex part. We built a great life and grown together.

But the bolded part is true. We can extend on the house because it’s in a top notch school high school, and we don’t need to take vacations..it’s more important for all of to be comfortable at home. Well a couple years go by and…the public schools are very crowded so we should send them to private high school and “we really need a family vacation.” She does work and earns well so cooking and cleaning isn’t in the cards…so on top of the big house, private high school, and vacations, it’s a litany of $350 monthly expenses to keep the household running, and about $500 a month in hair/personal care products and services and about $1k in clothes for her and our daughter. Oh, and all these milestones “only happen once” so we shouldn’t be “cheap” when they come up. So the promise of being frugal to pay for the house or private school just never happens. And since I’m responsible for the finances, every attempt at discussion substantial transaction feels like an interrogation to her.

Here’s what a guy needs, a roof over his head, food in the fridge, a loving family, and the sense that the family financial future is secure. I think guys in their mid 30’s are hearing stories from guys like me and saying “no thanks.”

The best financial decision I've made was to insist that we both max out our 401k's. It's better that we never see that money hit our checking accounts. But yes, we've got exactly the same issues you do. Insistence that we need to take our preschooler to Europe because it's so family friendly (a trip to Europe with a preschooler is just doing childcare in a different country, and is not a vacation), complaints about how we don't have nice furniture (which our preschooler would probably destroy--we can buy nice things when the kids are older and more responsible), complaints about how we are low-income with our combined $300k income, frequent purchases of only $100 here and $100 there on makeup and clothes (described as really good deals and "investments"). And at the same time I'm looking for ways to try to reduce my already low spending (mostly just coffee at work and the occasional lunch out) in order to increase college savings because I know just how expensive that will be and the more we're able to save now, the less impact it will have on our lifestyles later. And from what I've learned, there's no way to predict whether a woman will develop these habits--my wife was definitely not like this when I met her or even at the beginning of our marriage.

300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

This isn’t true. It’s close to poverty if you have a wife that “needs” to live in a $1.75m house, send the kids to private school, and take 1-2 $10k vacations a year. If not, it’s plenty if money.

It’s very low income . I’m a single woman making 380k gross and live in a one bedroom apartment in LCOL area . One child in college. I manage to save 70k/year and rather frugal. But if it were 3 people I don’t know…

I’m assuming you’re maxing out your 401k, and your still saving $70k after taxes….which is about $105k of income.

No, 70k includes my max 401k contribution. Child in college cost me 70k net a year (that’s including one international trip a year together, their sports, career development coaching etc )

Ahh. This is what I’m talking about. You consider yourself frugal, but are paying for one international trip a year, and sports and career development counseling for a college kid.

Yes since that’s how I lived since I was born and that’s a minimum living standard I attain to myself. I wouldn’t date a man who has different lifestyle expectations and can’t bring to table at least what I make

So google AI is estimating that only 3-5% of male earners in the DC area make at least $380k. I'd bet that a substantial percentage of those men are married. Sure, it only takes one, but that's a pretty small pool you're fishing in.

Zero issues for me whatsoever to meet men at same or higher income level. Zero. I’m currently dating an executive who has two adult kids in college and much more “wasteful” than me.
These 3-5 % of top earners find each other on OLD, in social settings with an ease.
These single men are simply not in the game

To add, Im in my late 40s, and my dating range is within 5 years of my own age ; my BF is fit and over 6’ tall

So why are you both divorced? Are the personal sacrifices necessary for careers that pay at least $380k conducive to maintaining a solid marriage and adequately sharing child-raising responsibilities when the kids are younger? Now that you're both empty nesters it's easy to do 60- to 80-hour weeks, but very hard to pull that off when you're in the thick of it with small children.

A lot of people get divorced, half to be precise. Divorce is not a failure but rather a natural thing when spouses tire of each other or their life priorities change. Life is long.

I have zero regrets about my relationships - marriage, post divorce . I literally was single 1-2 years max in my adult life. It’s easy to find partners who are aligned with me because I have reasonable expectations on my own level

And no, I don’t regret working when I was married and building this financial nest that gives me so much freedom to live in middle age . It would be much harder if I had to do the hectic “catch up” post divorce

I'd be pretty upset if my wife went into our marriage with this mentality, but to each her own I guess.

I didn’t go with this mentality but I did select by how my future husband viewed my career, raising kids etc. We were married for a long time 19 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

I’m lucky in that I got married at 25 and she was 23. We’ve had a great marriage and none of the resentment or no sex part. We built a great life and grown together.

But the bolded part is true. We can extend on the house because it’s in a top notch school high school, and we don’t need to take vacations..it’s more important for all of to be comfortable at home. Well a couple years go by and…the public schools are very crowded so we should send them to private high school and “we really need a family vacation.” She does work and earns well so cooking and cleaning isn’t in the cards…so on top of the big house, private high school, and vacations, it’s a litany of $350 monthly expenses to keep the household running, and about $500 a month in hair/personal care products and services and about $1k in clothes for her and our daughter. Oh, and all these milestones “only happen once” so we shouldn’t be “cheap” when they come up. So the promise of being frugal to pay for the house or private school just never happens. And since I’m responsible for the finances, every attempt at discussion substantial transaction feels like an interrogation to her.

Here’s what a guy needs, a roof over his head, food in the fridge, a loving family, and the sense that the family financial future is secure. I think guys in their mid 30’s are hearing stories from guys like me and saying “no thanks.”

The best financial decision I've made was to insist that we both max out our 401k's. It's better that we never see that money hit our checking accounts. But yes, we've got exactly the same issues you do. Insistence that we need to take our preschooler to Europe because it's so family friendly (a trip to Europe with a preschooler is just doing childcare in a different country, and is not a vacation), complaints about how we don't have nice furniture (which our preschooler would probably destroy--we can buy nice things when the kids are older and more responsible), complaints about how we are low-income with our combined $300k income, frequent purchases of only $100 here and $100 there on makeup and clothes (described as really good deals and "investments"). And at the same time I'm looking for ways to try to reduce my already low spending (mostly just coffee at work and the occasional lunch out) in order to increase college savings because I know just how expensive that will be and the more we're able to save now, the less impact it will have on our lifestyles later. And from what I've learned, there's no way to predict whether a woman will develop these habits--my wife was definitely not like this when I met her or even at the beginning of our marriage.

300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

This isn’t true. It’s close to poverty if you have a wife that “needs” to live in a $1.75m house, send the kids to private school, and take 1-2 $10k vacations a year. If not, it’s plenty if money.

It’s very low income . I’m a single woman making 380k gross and live in a one bedroom apartment in LCOL area . One child in college. I manage to save 70k/year and rather frugal. But if it were 3 people I don’t know…

I’m assuming you’re maxing out your 401k, and your still saving $70k after taxes….which is about $105k of income.

No, 70k includes my max 401k contribution. Child in college cost me 70k net a year (that’s including one international trip a year together, their sports, career development coaching etc )

Ahh. This is what I’m talking about. You consider yourself frugal, but are paying for one international trip a year, and sports and career development counseling for a college kid.

Yes since that’s how I lived since I was born and that’s a minimum living standard I attain to myself. I wouldn’t date a man who has different lifestyle expectations and can’t bring to table at least what I make

So google AI is estimating that only 3-5% of male earners in the DC area make at least $380k. I'd bet that a substantial percentage of those men are married. Sure, it only takes one, but that's a pretty small pool you're fishing in.

5% is about 160k men earning over $380k. Honestly, that sounds like a lot to choose from.

The problem is finding someone that you’re attracted to, have chemistry with and share common goals.

If you’re an unattractive guy making that much its not a great scenario. Basically, she’ll have been “dating” guys she’s physically attracted to and has chemistry with until she gets tired of that scene and wants to settle down and find someone with whom she can accomplish her marriage/kids goal. The sex will be boring to her to the point its just bad. It will die out soon after the kids are born. Then you’re just left having to pay for it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

I’m lucky in that I got married at 25 and she was 23. We’ve had a great marriage and none of the resentment or no sex part. We built a great life and grown together.

But the bolded part is true. We can extend on the house because it’s in a top notch school high school, and we don’t need to take vacations..it’s more important for all of to be comfortable at home. Well a couple years go by and…the public schools are very crowded so we should send them to private high school and “we really need a family vacation.” She does work and earns well so cooking and cleaning isn’t in the cards…so on top of the big house, private high school, and vacations, it’s a litany of $350 monthly expenses to keep the household running, and about $500 a month in hair/personal care products and services and about $1k in clothes for her and our daughter. Oh, and all these milestones “only happen once” so we shouldn’t be “cheap” when they come up. So the promise of being frugal to pay for the house or private school just never happens. And since I’m responsible for the finances, every attempt at discussion substantial transaction feels like an interrogation to her.

Here’s what a guy needs, a roof over his head, food in the fridge, a loving family, and the sense that the family financial future is secure. I think guys in their mid 30’s are hearing stories from guys like me and saying “no thanks.”

The best financial decision I've made was to insist that we both max out our 401k's. It's better that we never see that money hit our checking accounts. But yes, we've got exactly the same issues you do. Insistence that we need to take our preschooler to Europe because it's so family friendly (a trip to Europe with a preschooler is just doing childcare in a different country, and is not a vacation), complaints about how we don't have nice furniture (which our preschooler would probably destroy--we can buy nice things when the kids are older and more responsible), complaints about how we are low-income with our combined $300k income, frequent purchases of only $100 here and $100 there on makeup and clothes (described as really good deals and "investments"). And at the same time I'm looking for ways to try to reduce my already low spending (mostly just coffee at work and the occasional lunch out) in order to increase college savings because I know just how expensive that will be and the more we're able to save now, the less impact it will have on our lifestyles later. And from what I've learned, there's no way to predict whether a woman will develop these habits--my wife was definitely not like this when I met her or even at the beginning of our marriage.

300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

This isn’t true. It’s close to poverty if you have a wife that “needs” to live in a $1.75m house, send the kids to private school, and take 1-2 $10k vacations a year. If not, it’s plenty if money.

It’s very low income . I’m a single woman making 380k gross and live in a one bedroom apartment in LCOL area . One child in college. I manage to save 70k/year and rather frugal. But if it were 3 people I don’t know…

I’m assuming you’re maxing out your 401k, and your still saving $70k after taxes….which is about $105k of income.

No, 70k includes my max 401k contribution. Child in college cost me 70k net a year (that’s including one international trip a year together, their sports, career development coaching etc )

Ahh. This is what I’m talking about. You consider yourself frugal, but are paying for one international trip a year, and sports and career development counseling for a college kid.

Yes since that’s how I lived since I was born and that’s a minimum living standard I attain to myself. I wouldn’t date a man who has different lifestyle expectations and can’t bring to table at least what I make

So google AI is estimating that only 3-5% of male earners in the DC area make at least $380k. I'd bet that a substantial percentage of those men are married. Sure, it only takes one, but that's a pretty small pool you're fishing in.

5% is about 160k men earning over $380k. Honestly, that sounds like a lot to choose from.

The problem is finding someone that you’re attracted to, have chemistry with and share common goals.

If you’re an unattractive guy making that much its not a great scenario. Basically, she’ll have been “dating” guys she’s physically attracted to and has chemistry with until she gets tired of that scene and wants to settle down and find someone with whom she can accomplish her marriage/kids goal. The sex will be boring to her to the point its just bad. It will die out soon after the kids are born. Then you’re just left having to pay for it all.

You are very confused. Most women who are married to men making that much met them in early 20s. Not after playing the field for many years. Chemistry could be great in the beginning but change as people age, add weight, stress of raising the family etc. You see marriage as some sort of financial scheme to drain your resources. You should only marry when you truly want to make sacrifices and take financial risks to raise children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who is going to state the obvious?

They would be interested in dating if someone--anyone--were interested in dating them. But no one is, so they're not.

Women adhere to the 6-6-6-6 rule (and that 6 for salary had better be well over $200k in this area.

Thanks to OLD apps, 90% of women chase the top 5% of guys (guys who are all 6-6-6-6).

Hmm. I'm a thin, attractive woman with a JD from a top 10 school and wealthy parents. I married aan who is 5'10" and makes 150k. He's a really good person. He's attractive with a good sense of humor, a great cook, and we share a lot of interests. I don't feel like I settled for him -- I felt so lucky to find him after years of dating men who were unkind, selfish, incompetent, rude, or just looking to mooch off my family.

If as a man you are blaming women's fixation on height it earnings or dick size for you being single, you are looking at the wrong women. But then, you also probably don't bring much to the table. And I'm not talking about the shallow stuff. I mean do you have a good personality, are you capable and mature, and do you treat people well. Men like that find good partners.

PP, the fact that you mentioned your husband's height and income level and a bunch of other stuff means those things ARE important to you. Very important. You also called him "very attractive" but didn't specify that he is very sexually attractive to you, personally. You don't talk at all about your physical attraction to him, your sex.life, or how you crave him in that way. The rest of your post attacking imaginary uncles is pure projection on your part. If anyone settled, it was your husband who settled for you.

[Anonymous]

Imaginary incels

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5% is about 160k men earning over $380k. Honestly, that sounds like a lot to choose from.

Yes, the D.C. metro area has around 6.4MM people and half are male, so the top 5% gives around 160k men. But most of the high income men are married and/or much older than 35, or gay, confirmed playboy bachelors, etc.

There are only a few thousand young, single men 35-45 years old in this income range, amidst 3.2MM local females. Why they would choose you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5% is about 160k men earning over $380k. Honestly, that sounds like a lot to choose from.

Yes, the D.C. metro area has around 6.4MM people and half are male, so the top 5% gives around 160k men. But most of the high income men are married and/or much older than 35, or gay, confirmed playboy bachelors, etc.

There are only a few thousand young, single men 35-45 years old in this income range, amidst 3.2MM local females. Why they would choose you?

3.2 MM females ??? Your math is off . People tend to date within their social circles so it’s not rare to meet someone who’s about the same age/income level as yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

80 percent of the DC area is in poverty?

It’s poor even relative to how I grew up back in Europe in 1980s. We had international vacation once a year, visited theaters and museums on weekends, a nice 2br/2baths apartment, after school sports and arts, excellent schools which gave me real transferable skills for life.

If you want to replicate this lifestyle in the US high COLA areas you need around 500k gross income min in my opinion

I mean, it not like your opinion is valid.

Her opinion is not valid. Many Americans wouldn't even consider a 2/2 apartment to be a house. When I owned a condo, nearly all of our relatives asked when we were going to buy a house. And it does NOT take you 500k to afford a 2 bedroom apartment! Heck most people on welfare have that, plus after school sports, schools and free museums (this is DC after all).

It’s all about spending priorities. I see no point to live in a 5000 sq ft house (which is a financial drag and wasteful ) or even in a townhouse for a family of 3. Europeans spend way less on houses and live in smaller apartments. That’s totally fine by me. But Europeans do travel a lot -to Latin America, Africa, Australia, USA etc.

I’m not willing to give up my passion for travel and seeing what the world has to offer in order to have a larger house in the US while limiting my travel to US national parks. I love US and Canada but it’s just limiting to travel only within one country to me

The whole point of dating is to find someone who is aligned with you. I totally realize that most men won’t be aligned by their values and spending priorities with me. And that’s ok - I’m still able to find relationships that work for me

These men are single because their expectations are not aligned with their target group

Yeah. That lifestyle in a 2br apartment is very attainable at 300k income

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

To the bolded: you only lose half your stuff if you do not marry your financial equal. It's a choice.

Yea, maybe don’t marry a hot yoga, teacher or a life coach but a similarly paid professional woman.

Then marriage in fact in beneficial to raising kids (vs doing it single ) because of economy of scale.

Of course, kids are major tax on your income and if you prioritize career and savings you shouldn’t have kids

There can be balance: two people making 180k and balancing work and family life.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

80 percent of the DC area is in poverty?

It’s poor even relative to how I grew up back in Europe in 1980s. We had international vacation once a year, visited theaters and museums on weekends, a nice 2br/2baths apartment, after school sports and arts, excellent schools which gave me real transferable skills for life.

If you want to replicate this lifestyle in the US high COLA areas you need around 500k gross income min in my opinion

I mean, it not like your opinion is valid.

Her opinion is not valid. Many Americans wouldn't even consider a 2/2 apartment to be a house. When I owned a condo, nearly all of our relatives asked when we were going to buy a house. And it does NOT take you 500k to afford a 2 bedroom apartment! Heck most people on welfare have that, plus after school sports, schools and free museums (this is DC after all).

It’s all about spending priorities. I see no point to live in a 5000 sq ft house (which is a financial drag and wasteful ) or even in a townhouse for a family of 3. Europeans spend way less on houses and live in smaller apartments. That’s totally fine by me. But Europeans do travel a lot -to Latin America, Africa, Australia, USA etc.

I’m not willing to give up my passion for travel and seeing what the world has to offer in order to have a larger house in the US while limiting my travel to US national parks. I love US and Canada but it’s just limiting to travel only within one country to me

The whole point of dating is to find someone who is aligned with you. I totally realize that most men won’t be aligned by their values and spending priorities with me. And that’s ok - I’m still able to find relationships that work for me

These men are single because their expectations are not aligned with their target group

Yeah. That lifestyle in a 2br apartment is very attainable at 300k income

Yep. But it won’t be if I lived in a $1.7m house. That PP husband complaining on his wife being a spender for buying $100 make-up every month doesn’t realize that the main drain on their finances is excessive housing spending - mortgage, maintenance, time costs associated with contractors etc

[Anonymous]

It kind of speaks for itself that a thread on why men don’t date anymore devolves into back and forth quibbiling about money and sexy old successful singles calling men (who are presumably qualified to answer the question credibly) incels. There is a deep rot at the heart of gender relations. People are just really really bitter it seems.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

80 percent of the DC area is in poverty?

It’s poor even relative to how I grew up back in Europe in 1980s. We had international vacation once a year, visited theaters and museums on weekends, a nice 2br/2baths apartment, after school sports and arts, excellent schools which gave me real transferable skills for life.

If you want to replicate this lifestyle in the US high COLA areas you need around 500k gross income min in my opinion

I mean, it not like your opinion is valid.

Her opinion is not valid. Many Americans wouldn't even consider a 2/2 apartment to be a house. When I owned a condo, nearly all of our relatives asked when we were going to buy a house. And it does NOT take you 500k to afford a 2 bedroom apartment! Heck most people on welfare have that, plus after school sports, schools and free museums (this is DC after all).

It’s all about spending priorities. I see no point to live in a 5000 sq ft house (which is a financial drag and wasteful ) or even in a townhouse for a family of 3. Europeans spend way less on houses and live in smaller apartments. That’s totally fine by me. But Europeans do travel a lot -to Latin America, Africa, Australia, USA etc.

I’m not willing to give up my passion for travel and seeing what the world has to offer in order to have a larger house in the US while limiting my travel to US national parks. I love US and Canada but it’s just limiting to travel only within one country to me

The whole point of dating is to find someone who is aligned with you. I totally realize that most men won’t be aligned by their values and spending priorities with me. And that’s ok - I’m still able to find relationships that work for me

These men are single because their expectations are not aligned with their target group

Yeah. That lifestyle in a 2br apartment is very attainable at 300k income

Yep. But it won’t be if I lived in a $1.7m house. That PP husband complaining on his wife being a spender for buying $100 make-up every month doesn’t realize that the main drain on their finances is excessive housing spending - mortgage, maintenance, time costs associated with contractors etc

Yes. Housing costs is the killer. Americans love big houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

80 percent of the DC area is in poverty?

It’s poor even relative to how I grew up back in Europe in 1980s. We had international vacation once a year, visited theaters and museums on weekends, a nice 2br/2baths apartment, after school sports and arts, excellent schools which gave me real transferable skills for life.

If you want to replicate this lifestyle in the US high COLA areas you need around 500k gross income min in my opinion

I mean, it not like your opinion is valid.

Her opinion is not valid. Many Americans wouldn't even consider a 2/2 apartment to be a house. When I owned a condo, nearly all of our relatives asked when we were going to buy a house. And it does NOT take you 500k to afford a 2 bedroom apartment! Heck most people on welfare have that, plus after school sports, schools and free museums (this is DC after all).

It’s all about spending priorities. I see no point to live in a 5000 sq ft house (which is a financial drag and wasteful ) or even in a townhouse for a family of 3. Europeans spend way less on houses and live in smaller apartments. That’s totally fine by me. But Europeans do travel a lot -to Latin America, Africa, Australia, USA etc.

I’m not willing to give up my passion for travel and seeing what the world has to offer in order to have a larger house in the US while limiting my travel to US national parks. I love US and Canada but it’s just limiting to travel only within one country to me

The whole point of dating is to find someone who is aligned with you. I totally realize that most men won’t be aligned by their values and spending priorities with me. And that’s ok - I’m still able to find relationships that work for me

These men are single because their expectations are not aligned with their target group

Yeah. That lifestyle in a 2br apartment is very attainable at 300k income

Yep. But it won’t be if I lived in a $1.7m house. That PP husband complaining on his wife being a spender for buying $100 make-up every month doesn’t realize that the main drain on their finances is excessive housing spending - mortgage, maintenance, time costs associated with contractors etc

Oh us guys understand. We’re the ones paying the bills. Who insisted on the $1.7m house? Probably not the husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

I’m lucky in that I got married at 25 and she was 23. We’ve had a great marriage and none of the resentment or no sex part. We built a great life and grown together.

But the bolded part is true. We can extend on the house because it’s in a top notch school high school, and we don’t need to take vacations..it’s more important for all of to be comfortable at home. Well a couple years go by and…the public schools are very crowded so we should send them to private high school and “we really need a family vacation.” She does work and earns well so cooking and cleaning isn’t in the cards…so on top of the big house, private high school, and vacations, it’s a litany of $350 monthly expenses to keep the household running, and about $500 a month in hair/personal care products and services and about $1k in clothes for her and our daughter. Oh, and all these milestones “only happen once” so we shouldn’t be “cheap” when they come up. So the promise of being frugal to pay for the house or private school just never happens. And since I’m responsible for the finances, every attempt at discussion substantial transaction feels like an interrogation to her.

Here’s what a guy needs, a roof over his head, food in the fridge, a loving family, and the sense that the family financial future is secure. I think guys in their mid 30’s are hearing stories from guys like me and saying “no thanks.”

The best financial decision I've made was to insist that we both max out our 401k's. It's better that we never see that money hit our checking accounts. But yes, we've got exactly the same issues you do. Insistence that we need to take our preschooler to Europe because it's so family friendly (a trip to Europe with a preschooler is just doing childcare in a different country, and is not a vacation), complaints about how we don't have nice furniture (which our preschooler would probably destroy--we can buy nice things when the kids are older and more responsible), complaints about how we are low-income with our combined $300k income, frequent purchases of only $100 here and $100 there on makeup and clothes (described as really good deals and "investments"). And at the same time I'm looking for ways to try to reduce my already low spending (mostly just coffee at work and the occasional lunch out) in order to increase college savings because I know just how expensive that will be and the more we're able to save now, the less impact it will have on our lifestyles later. And from what I've learned, there's no way to predict whether a woman will develop these habits--my wife was definitely not like this when I met her or even at the beginning of our marriage.

300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

This isn’t true. It’s close to poverty if you have a wife that “needs” to live in a $1.75m house, send the kids to private school, and take 1-2 $10k vacations a year. If not, it’s plenty if money.

It’s very low income . I’m a single woman making 380k gross and live in a one bedroom apartment in LCOL area . One child in college. I manage to save 70k/year and rather frugal. But if it were 3 people I don’t know…

I’m assuming you’re maxing out your 401k, and your still saving $70k after taxes….which is about $105k of income.

No, 70k includes my max 401k contribution. Child in college cost me 70k net a year (that’s including one international trip a year together, their sports, career development coaching etc )

Ahh. This is what I’m talking about. You consider yourself frugal, but are paying for one international trip a year, and sports and career development counseling for a college kid.

Yes since that’s how I lived since I was born and that’s a minimum living standard I attain to myself. I wouldn’t date a man who has different lifestyle expectations and can’t bring to table at least what I make

So google AI is estimating that only 3-5% of male earners in the DC area make at least $380k. I'd bet that a substantial percentage of those men are married. Sure, it only takes one, but that's a pretty small pool you're fishing in.

5% is about 160k men earning over $380k. Honestly, that sounds like a lot to choose from.

The problem is finding someone that you’re attracted to, have chemistry with and share common goals.

If you’re an unattractive guy making that much its not a great scenario. Basically, she’ll have been “dating” guys she’s physically attracted to and has chemistry with until she gets tired of that scene and wants to settle down and find someone with whom she can accomplish her marriage/kids goal. The sex will be boring to her to the point its just bad. It will die out soon after the kids are born. Then you’re just left having to pay for it all.

This mentality is the exact reason men rather stay single.