The working parent grind is so exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That scenario sounds great for the husband. Your aunt would’ve been screwed in a divorce. I’d rather have the ability and expectation to support myself.

My Aunt was love of his life, they were married 60 years. My Aunt had a sixth grade education. Hard to belive. But if alive today she be 96 and she was born a poor town in Northern Ireland. Under NYC law she gets half of husbands income and assets. She married him while he still lived at home and in college!!

Back in those days, women got the house, alimony and child support and 1/2 the assets. You are most likely too young to remember but in the 1960s the USA top Federal income tax bracket was 90 percent. And NYS Income tax 11 percent. My uncle was in top tax bracket.

She did go back to work for awhile when kids are older. The women and men at work all knew she was very very rich. I recally my Uncle saying she was paing 99 percent tax on her full time $10,000 a year job so taking home only $100 bucks a year. And in divorce my Uncle was entitled to 50% or $50 bucks. Back then Country Clubs were packed on Wednesday as a lot of Lawyers/Doctors only wanted to work 4 days a week as once you hit highest tax bracket why work 5 days.

So Dad worked Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and Mom stayed home. My brother joined a country club in 1992 on Long Island and Wed was called Family Day still. Mom, Dad, Kids all come.

Economically the 60s were magical, mostly because the rest of the world was still a smoking hole from WWII and we were the only industrial power.

So what if your uncle was abusive and refused divorce (no fault divorce wasn’t a thing). What if he gambled away all their earnings? She would have limited options compared to today.

Honestly, being married to a loving wealthy husband is always the best time to be alive.

He sadly actually died this week. He was very healthy up to 92. His wife got Alzeimers in her late 70s and he took care of her every day. For like 7-8 years. He became single again at 86. First time since he was 16. Briefly dated a younger women when he was 90. Well she was 82 but to him a younger women. All I know is my Mom almost fell off her chair in 1972 when she found out he made $350,000 a year in 1972 between his primary job, consulting job adn investements. He was extremely good looking, full head of hard, six foot two inch and in shape.

People say women have it better now. His daughter worked 21-65 in a big job. and was a massive real estate investor she owned around 300 homes. Back in 1990s she was buying 10-12 a year. She was managing that whole thing, working an exec job. And her husband who played Golf, did some life insurance on side, barely worked when he turned 66 and retired he turned around and divorced her and took half. Now she is 68, alone in a house, Half her life savings gone. it is nice to have your own money, not nice when you lose half Nicer when you have none and get half

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 40 with two early elementary school kids and I feel like every week is a whirlwind. I work in the office four days a week and my 30-40 min commute is now an hour plus each way thanks to no more federal telework (I am not a fed). All I do is work, whatever we have going on after school, and collapse into bed. I don't see my husband during week and feel like I am so burnt out from my job and commute that I am not as good of a mom as I can be. Is this just how it is? IDK how I am going to make it to retirement.

Isn't this the Feminist dream?

Genuine question - what motivates you to post this?

Likely incel rage

[Anonymous]

If you are not working until 10pm, midnight, 6 to 7 days a week, and you have no major medical issues and live in a SFH in a decent area, you are super privileged. Maybe OP needs to reframe what her situation might compare to

[Anonymous]

Right! I’m a millennial and this is the first time in my entire working life that I have zero flexibility. And at the same time, dh also lost all flexibility. Like we can’t even telework when very contagious. We aren’t even allowed to work telework while on business trips.

Dh and I likely wouldn’t have had a second or third child if we knew our lives would be this miserable. We had pleasant lives just 1.5 years ago and had no issue juggling. Something has to give and it feels like schools are our biggest pain points. It’s just insane to me how they get to cancel for the threat of snow. Or for every election and random holiday. More consistent schooling is needed. And 8 hours a day of school. Kids are consistently falling behind while also having no time for recess or lunch.

——————-
Hang in there! Assuming you live in MoCo and work for the Govt. MoCo has lost the plot in regards to the education mission of schools.

Try to find some other families to team up with and take turns covering the insane amount of days MoCo schools are closed.

We are at a major inflection point. Are we going back to the 50’s when women only had the option to stay at home and take care of the kids? Or are we going to demand flexibility and support for families with community daycare and after school programs that allow people to work and manage the school day/work day gap?

[Anonymous]

Get comfy. Saddle up.

[Anonymous]

It’s not fashionable to quote Joe Rogan, but he made an observation that stuck with me that the hardest thing that ever happened to you is the hardest thing to ever happen to you (or something like that). The idea being that whatever seems hard to you now will seem more survivable once something harder happens.

In my case, I’m a special needs parent with a demanding (but highly remunerative) job. I love my son more than words can express, and I’m grateful for my position which blunts many of the difficulties that comes with being a special needs parent, but I do see posts like this or email blasts at work talking about balance or some such and kind of mourn a piece of our life that we’ll never had. Before I had kids, I got why it’d be hard to work through your kid’s baseball game. Now I’d give pretty much anything to know that feeling because a kid who can play baseball is a kid who will probably live independently someday. And there’s no workplace seminar or brown bag lunch for working through that sentiment— you gotta figure it out on your own.

In my case, I sometimes see the working poor or a single mom struggling with a kid whose child’s difficulties resemble my own and I find myself wondering “man, I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

Hard things can be harder. And even that’s survivable. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Most of the women I know are working 2-3 W2 jobs to pay the bills. They work in healthcare, so there are no remote options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. I focused more on my kids this year because one needed a lot of help in the first year of high school, and my career took a hit. It's the first year in my career that I haven't met my hours goal. It feels like I can't win at both. I know some moms can pull it off, but throw in one wrinkle, like a neurodivergent kid, and it feels almost impossible.

This. I left full time work years ago and it never feels fair. But my neurodivergent kid needs more support than any nanny is willing to provide, and was one infraction away from being suspended from group childcare. We now spend our lives in therapy waiting rooms. OP, can you take a break? It gave my family so much sanity back.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right! I’m a millennial and this is the first time in my entire working life that I have zero flexibility. And at the same time, dh also lost all flexibility. Like we can’t even telework when very contagious. We aren’t even allowed to work telework while on business trips.

Dh and I likely wouldn’t have had a second or third child if we knew our lives would be this miserable. We had pleasant lives just 1.5 years ago and had no issue juggling. Something has to give and it feels like schools are our biggest pain points. It’s just insane to me how they get to cancel for the threat of snow. Or for every election and random holiday. More consistent schooling is needed. And 8 hours a day of school. Kids are consistently falling behind while also having no time for recess or lunch.

——————-
Hang in there! Assuming you live in MoCo and work for the Govt. MoCo has lost the plot in regards to the education mission of schools.

Try to find some other families to team up with and take turns covering the insane amount of days MoCo schools are closed.

We are at a major inflection point. Are we going back to the 50’s when women only had the option to stay at home and take care of the kids? Or are we going to demand flexibility and support for families with community daycare and after school programs that allow people to work and manage the school day/work day gap?

School is not meant to provide childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 40 with two early elementary school kids and I feel like every week is a whirlwind. I work in the office four days a week and my 30-40 min commute is now an hour plus each way thanks to no more federal telework (I am not a fed). All I do is work, whatever we have going on after school, and collapse into bed. I don't see my husband during week and feel like I am so burnt out from my job and commute that I am not as good of a mom as I can be. Is this just how it is? IDK how I am going to make it to retirement.

Yes, life of an ordinary person, not privileged enough to have a work from home job. If you have a single family home and can afford everything else too, count your blessings. Lots of us have to do the same grind every day too, and we don’t even have those nice things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fashionable to quote Joe Rogan, but he made an observation that stuck with me that the hardest thing that ever happened to you is the hardest thing to ever happen to you (or something like that). The idea being that whatever seems hard to you now will seem more survivable once something harder happens.

In my case, I’m a special needs parent with a demanding (but highly remunerative) job. I love my son more than words can express, and I’m grateful for my position which blunts many of the difficulties that comes with being a special needs parent, but I do see posts like this or email blasts at work talking about balance or some such and kind of mourn a piece of our life that we’ll never had. Before I had kids, I got why it’d be hard to work through your kid’s baseball game. Now I’d give pretty much anything to know that feeling because a kid who can play baseball is a kid who will probably live independently someday. And there’s no workplace seminar or brown bag lunch for working through that sentiment— you gotta figure it out on your own.

In my case, I sometimes see the working poor or a single mom struggling with a kid whose child’s difficulties resemble my own and I find myself wondering “man, I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

Hard things can be harder. And even that’s survivable. Good luck.

Or it’s not survivable. Lots of people kill themselves because life gets too hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fashionable to quote Joe Rogan, but he made an observation that stuck with me that the hardest thing that ever happened to you is the hardest thing to ever happen to you (or something like that). The idea being that whatever seems hard to you now will seem more survivable once something harder happens.

In my case, I’m a special needs parent with a demanding (but highly remunerative) job. I love my son more than words can express, and I’m grateful for my position which blunts many of the difficulties that comes with being a special needs parent, but I do see posts like this or email blasts at work talking about balance or some such and kind of mourn a piece of our life that we’ll never had. Before I had kids, I got why it’d be hard to work through your kid’s baseball game. Now I’d give pretty much anything to know that feeling because a kid who can play baseball is a kid who will probably live independently someday. And there’s no workplace seminar or brown bag lunch for working through that sentiment— you gotta figure it out on your own.

In my case, I sometimes see the working poor or a single mom struggling with a kid whose child’s difficulties resemble my own and I find myself wondering “man, I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

Hard things can be harder. And even that’s survivable. Good luck.

Or it’s not survivable. Lots of people kill themselves because life gets too hard.

+1. If the grind is too hard, why continue? Take the easy way out and exit life altogether. Grinding every day until you die is pointless.

[Anonymous]

It is tiring, but we are also in the best time in human history by every measure. I was a single mom managing a Starbucks and raising two kids under five while getting my MBA (and going through a horrific divorce). That experience was SIGNIFICANTLY harder than my life now; I’m remarried, earn six figures in a flexible, hybrid job, and have a very comfortable life. We have our health, a temperature controlled home, and live in the wealthiest country to ever have existed.

It’s easy to focus on what could be improved, but we take so many of today’s baseline of comfort and rights totally for granted. We have SO MUCH to be grateful for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fashionable to quote Joe Rogan, but he made an observation that stuck with me that the hardest thing that ever happened to you is the hardest thing to ever happen to you (or something like that). The idea being that whatever seems hard to you now will seem more survivable once something harder happens.

In my case, I’m a special needs parent with a demanding (but highly remunerative) job. I love my son more than words can express, and I’m grateful for my position which blunts many of the difficulties that comes with being a special needs parent, but I do see posts like this or email blasts at work talking about balance or some such and kind of mourn a piece of our life that we’ll never had. Before I had kids, I got why it’d be hard to work through your kid’s baseball game. Now I’d give pretty much anything to know that feeling because a kid who can play baseball is a kid who will probably live independently someday. And there’s no workplace seminar or brown bag lunch for working through that sentiment— you gotta figure it out on your own.

In my case, I sometimes see the working poor or a single mom struggling with a kid whose child’s difficulties resemble my own and I find myself wondering “man, I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

Hard things can be harder. And even that’s survivable. Good luck.

Or it’s not survivable. Lots of people kill themselves because life gets too hard.

This is an odd remark and a weirdly glib response to a fairly sensitive post. But the fact that some people commit suicide rarely means that the thing they encountered is not survivable; it usually has more to do with depression or mental illness, and I doubt there’s any hardship that no one survives (which would hence make it survivable)

[Anonymous]

Cut out the majority of kid activities so you can have a family life at home in the evenings and on weekends. What you describe (both parents working outside the home) was normal pre-Covid. But the second shift of shuttling kids to a million after school activities has gotten ridiculous.

My mom was a single mom and my brother and I could only choose one activity per year and they couldn’t overlap. And no travel sports. She was smart.