Can I ask for payment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't invite if you don't intend to pay.

Don’t assume someone else will pay unless it’s is specifically said so, eg “it’s my treat”. If someone says, “I’ll take my kids to the aquarium, let me know if you and your kid want to join us”, does not also mean “and I’ll pay for you”. Always the default is you’ll have to pay your share. That’s just common sense. If you’re not sure on the intent and can’t afford it, politely decline.

She’s wealthy. Who takes teens to a $100 aquarium. Most of these camos have housing.

The OP is not the same person who went to the aquarium.

In any case, why would being able to afford a hotel or aquarium mean others are entitled to your money?

OP here,

I'm not the one who wrote about taking kids to the aquarium, but I am curious about this too. I also don't have a "big car" like someone posted. I borrowed one from a relative.

But I am very curious about the "she must be rich" line of thinking. If people feel that asking for reimbursement would or wouldn't be OK based on incomes, what would be the guidance? Is it absolute (e.g. if you are above X threshold) or relative (e.g. if I make more than the people I'm asking).

I have made my decision, so now I'm just really curious about how some of you are thinking about this.

It’s rich to get three hotel rooms. And, do those camps. You ask ahead of time, not after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't invite if you don't intend to pay.

Don’t assume someone else will pay unless it’s is specifically said so, eg “it’s my treat”. If someone says, “I’ll take my kids to the aquarium, let me know if you and your kid want to join us”, does not also mean “and I’ll pay for you”. Always the default is you’ll have to pay your share. That’s just common sense. If you’re not sure on the intent and can’t afford it, politely decline.

She’s wealthy. Who takes teens to a $100 aquarium. Most of these camos have housing.

Have you ever been to a museum, zoo or aquarium? Outside of DC the tickets are at the minimum $20 and often $50, public transportation $10, snacks $10. Why are you shocked it costs $100 to take two kids out to a trip like this? I’m not surprised you expect OP to pack an inflatable mattress or sleep two athlete teenagers in one bed. The rest of the sane people would just make normal sleeping arrangements and expect to be reimbursed by the other parents. If you can’t afford it don’t send your kids to overnight trips. Or bring the mattress, sleep in the car if you’d like but don’t expect other parents to play along.

I would expect it as that’s what we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't invite if you don't intend to pay.

Don’t assume someone else will pay unless it’s is specifically said so, eg “it’s my treat”. If someone says, “I’ll take my kids to the aquarium, let me know if you and your kid want to join us”, does not also mean “and I’ll pay for you”. Always the default is you’ll have to pay your share. That’s just common sense. If you’re not sure on the intent and can’t afford it, politely decline.

She’s wealthy. Who takes teens to a $100 aquarium. Most of these camos have housing.

Have you ever been to a museum, zoo or aquarium? Outside of DC the tickets are at the minimum $20 and often $50, public transportation $10, snacks $10. Why are you shocked it costs $100 to take two kids out to a trip like this? I’m not surprised you expect OP to pack an inflatable mattress or sleep two athlete teenagers in one bed. The rest of the sane people would just make normal sleeping arrangements and expect to be reimbursed by the other parents. If you can’t afford it don’t send your kids to overnight trips. Or bring the mattress, sleep in the car if you’d like but don’t expect other parents to play along.

I would expect it as that’s what we do.

You would expect what? Why do people reply to posts that describe multiple options like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't invite if you don't intend to pay.

Don’t assume someone else will pay unless it’s is specifically said so, eg “it’s my treat”. If someone says, “I’ll take my kids to the aquarium, let me know if you and your kid want to join us”, does not also mean “and I’ll pay for you”. Always the default is you’ll have to pay your share. That’s just common sense. If you’re not sure on the intent and can’t afford it, politely decline.

She’s wealthy. Who takes teens to a $100 aquarium. Most of these camos have housing.

The OP is not the same person who went to the aquarium.

In any case, why would being able to afford a hotel or aquarium mean others are entitled to your money?

OP here,

I'm not the one who wrote about taking kids to the aquarium, but I am curious about this too. I also don't have a "big car" like someone posted. I borrowed one from a relative.

But I am very curious about the "she must be rich" line of thinking. If people feel that asking for reimbursement would or wouldn't be OK based on incomes, what would be the guidance? Is it absolute (e.g. if you are above X threshold) or relative (e.g. if I make more than the people I'm asking).

I have made my decision, so now I'm just really curious about how some of you are thinking about this.

I posted way back and said to not ask for money now. This should have been done before you went and a lesson learned for you. I feel even more strongly in that decision that you booked 3 rooms. That was over the top for this and on you. Boys could share a bed or sleep on the floor or their one parents could take them. Having their own bed was not your problem to solve and now you ask for $$$$. Especially when your kid joined in on the hotel teen sleepover party that you hosted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't invite if you don't intend to pay.

Don’t assume someone else will pay unless it’s is specifically said so, eg “it’s my treat”. If someone says, “I’ll take my kids to the aquarium, let me know if you and your kid want to join us”, does not also mean “and I’ll pay for you”. Always the default is you’ll have to pay your share. That’s just common sense. If you’re not sure on the intent and can’t afford it, politely decline.

She’s wealthy. Who takes teens to a $100 aquarium. Most of these camos have housing.

The OP is not the same person who went to the aquarium.

In any case, why would being able to afford a hotel or aquarium mean others are entitled to your money?

OP here,

I'm not the one who wrote about taking kids to the aquarium, but I am curious about this too. I also don't have a "big car" like someone posted. I borrowed one from a relative.

But I am very curious about the "she must be rich" line of thinking. If people feel that asking for reimbursement would or wouldn't be OK based on incomes, what would be the guidance? Is it absolute (e.g. if you are above X threshold) or relative (e.g. if I make more than the people I'm asking).

I have made my decision, so now I'm just really curious about how some of you are thinking about this.

I posted way back and said to not ask for money now. This should have been done before you went and a lesson learned for you. I feel even more strongly in that decision that you booked 3 rooms. That was over the top for this and on you. Boys could share a bed or sleep on the floor or their one parents could take them. Having their own bed was not your problem to solve and now you ask for $$$$. Especially when your kid joined in on the hotel teen sleepover party that you hosted.

The strange thing was she needed her own room. Her son should have shared with her and the other three kids share the other room. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op- did you get repaid?

14+ pages on this thread.

Update Op ?

I got it sorted out. I feel like I have already provided a lot of detail and I should have been more careful about being identifiable. But it got sorted out.

I totally understand the point of view that I should have been specific up front. I agree. I thought sending a link with the specific rooms and prices, and stating that I planned to add more rooms was clear enough, but I agree I could have said "if you'd like your kid to come . . . here is my venmo" or something. Next time I'll do that.

But I am really baffled by this new narrative that people never would have "expected" to pay. I want to hear more because I can't imagine what you are imagining people thinking.

Part 1

You sign up your kid for an expensive camp, and pay the nonrefundable fee.

After you signed up (because this camp was filled months ago), a few days before the camp, you are looking for a ride for your kid. Maybe you planned to take them, and something came up? Maybe you planned to take them but when you found this opportunity you figured it would be cheaper or easier? Maybe your kid thought it would be more fun? Maybe you figured your kid would find a way so you hadn't even thought about arrangements earlier? For whatever reason, your kid was asking for rides from people you don't know well a few days before the camp.

When the first kid asked, I imagined that one of the kid's parents had planned to take him, and had budgeted for a hotel, and gas etc. . . and then something had come up, and so the kid was looking for another way. When two more kids then reached out, I thought maybe those parents heard about the option and thought "it would be nice not to have to drive". But that doesn't fit with the narrative that they couldn't afford a hotel room.

part 2

Another parent you haven't met texts you and two other parents and says "Hey, my kid is Ringo, he says John, Paula and George need a ride to camp. I'm already planning to go, and I'm happy to take them. Here is where we are booked. I can add more rooms." You reply "yes please!" and the other parent replies "Great, I have booked the rooms. . . . (more info about meeting place).

What does this parent who is horrified by 3 rooms think at this point. "Rooms must have been a typo" "My kid knows I expect him to share, he'll probably turn down the third when they check in."? Are they still planning on paying for 1/3 of the room?

Or maybe they missed the "-s" and figured all 3 kids would be sharing?

Part 3

So, for whatever reason you send your kid off, expecting them to share 3 to a room, but your kid comes home and you find out he shared a room with 1 other kid instead of 2. You decide this means you don't have to pay a cent. What are you thinking now? "Oh, they booked 3 rooms, they must be rich. I don't pay back rich people." or "How dare they only save me gas and 1/2 of the room I would have needed to take my own kid! I expected to save gas and 2/3 of the room. That's terrible! They don't deserve a cent!"?

Note: This isn't about the other kids any more. Because the other kids parents paid, and none of them made the argument that since I booked 3 rooms instead of the 2 they booked I am suddenly responsible. But I am very curious about these hypothetical people that live inside other people's heads. If you are one of the original people, and you think this is you, we're good! Sorry I dragged you into this.

[Anonymous]

Should have it all agreed BEFORE left. If did have it agreed and still show up with no other rooms booked, tell kid to call his parents and ask what credit card number to use. Also know that sometimes parents send the money and kids pocket it and don’t use.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should have it all agreed BEFORE left. If did have it agreed and still show up with no other rooms booked, tell kid to call his parents and ask what credit card number to use. Also know that sometimes parents send the money and kids pocket it and don’t use.

I am not going to drive 7 hours without knowing that we have rooms booked. The rooms had been booked. The parents knew I had booked the rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

Look- I would never be the type of parent who would not pay. I would be offering you money directly before the trip happened. But not all of us are like us.

I would also never think a parent would book 3 rooms in this situation. I would be thinking how to gracefully back out when I found out you did that and be complaining to DH if you were our only option. But that would be on us because you were driving and we would still pay.

These parents are wrong for not offering money. Or maybe they sent cash with their kids and the kids kept it. They are old enough to handle trips like this on their own. That is a real possibility. You were wrong for booking 3 rooms. There is fault all around and clearly a lack of communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

Look- I would never be the type of parent who would not pay. I would be offering you money directly before the trip happened. But not all of us are like us.

I would also never think a parent would book 3 rooms in this situation. I would be thinking how to gracefully back out when I found out you did that and be complaining to DH if you were our only option. But that would be on us because you were driving and we would still pay.

These parents are wrong for not offering money. Or maybe they sent cash with their kids and the kids kept it. They are old enough to handle trips like this on their own. That is a real possibility. You were wrong for booking 3 rooms. There is fault all around and clearly a lack of communication.

I don't understand the part of "thinking how to gracefully back out". I wrote in my initial offer that I would be booking extra rooms, and included the link to the hotel with the prices. All they needed to say was "no thank you". That's not backing out. Backing out is when you've offered or committed to something and then change your mind. They could also have said "Could the boys share one room?" and the other two parents could have replied, and then I would have booked 2 rooms, but I understand that people might feel awkward about that.

If you had backed out, would you just have forfeited the cost of the camp, or would you have taken him yourself and paid for a whole room?

[Anonymous]

Lesson learned. Be clear from now on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

Look- I would never be the type of parent who would not pay. I would be offering you money directly before the trip happened. But not all of us are like us.

I would also never think a parent would book 3 rooms in this situation. I would be thinking how to gracefully back out when I found out you did that and be complaining to DH if you were our only option. But that would be on us because you were driving and we would still pay.

These parents are wrong for not offering money. Or maybe they sent cash with their kids and the kids kept it. They are old enough to handle trips like this on their own. That is a real possibility. You were wrong for booking 3 rooms. There is fault all around and clearly a lack of communication.

I don't understand the part of "thinking how to gracefully back out". I wrote in my initial offer that I would be booking extra rooms, and included the link to the hotel with the prices. All they needed to say was "no thank you". That's not backing out. Backing out is when you've offered or committed to something and then change your mind. They could also have said "Could the boys share one room?" and the other two parents could have replied, and then I would have booked 2 rooms, but I understand that people might feel awkward about that.

If you had backed out, would you just have forfeited the cost of the camp, or would you have taken him yourself and paid for a whole room?

We are trying to help but you are getting more and more defensive with your replies. We don’t know exactly how the emails were written so we can’t give advice. It sounds like you were not clear with the cost and how much you expected each to pay. Maybe you were.

All I am saying is if I agreed that you were going to take my 17 yo to camp and drive 7 hours and then later I found out you booked 3 rooms DH and I would be like “wow, guess we have to pay if his is our only way to get him there but what is she thinking”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

Look- I would never be the type of parent who would not pay. I would be offering you money directly before the trip happened. But not all of us are like us.

I would also never think a parent would book 3 rooms in this situation. I would be thinking how to gracefully back out when I found out you did that and be complaining to DH if you were our only option. But that would be on us because you were driving and we would still pay.

These parents are wrong for not offering money. Or maybe they sent cash with their kids and the kids kept it. They are old enough to handle trips like this on their own. That is a real possibility. You were wrong for booking 3 rooms. There is fault all around and clearly a lack of communication.

I don't understand the part of "thinking how to gracefully back out". I wrote in my initial offer that I would be booking extra rooms, and included the link to the hotel with the prices. All they needed to say was "no thank you". That's not backing out. Backing out is when you've offered or committed to something and then change your mind. They could also have said "Could the boys share one room?" and the other two parents could have replied, and then I would have booked 2 rooms, but I understand that people might feel awkward about that.

If you had backed out, would you just have forfeited the cost of the camp, or would you have taken him yourself and paid for a whole room?

We are trying to help but you are getting more and more defensive with your replies. We don’t know exactly how the emails were written so we can’t give advice. It sounds like you were not clear with the cost and how much you expected each to pay. Maybe you were.

All I am saying is if I agreed that you were going to take my 17 yo to camp and drive 7 hours and then later I found out you booked 3 rooms DH and I would be like “wow, guess we have to pay if his is our only way to get him there but what is she thinking”

Everybody agrees that OP did the right thing and she sorted it out with the other parents. You’re the only crazy holdout that is harping about booked rooms, how you’d back out etc. You sound unwell, and overly invested considering you have absolutely no skin in this game.

Just back off gracefully, the thread ran its course. I’m happy it worked out for OP in the end.