Can I ask for payment?

[Anonymous]

I recently took my kid and 3 classmates to an out of town extracurricular. I drove 14 hours round trip, we spent 2 nights in a hotel. The kids approached my kid about going.

One kid payed for his room, some gas, all his meals, and some of my kid’s meals. He told my kid that his mom told him to.

The other kids paid for most of their own meals, but didn’t offer anything for the hotel.

Should I have asked for money at the hotel? Is it reasonable for me to reach out to parents who I don’t know at all? Can my kid ask the kids?

Or should we have asked the kids in the moment, or the parent in advance, and the ship has sailed? Or maybe the etiquette is the hosting parent pays?

I am quite confident both families can afford to pay, based on where I dropped off the kids.

[Anonymous]

I'd let it go but next time, if there is next time, i'd make it clear what the arrangement is before

[Anonymous]

This should’ve been settled before you took the trip. How old are these kids?

[Anonymous]

How did you not discuss this ahead of time? You were wrong not to, and the other kids’ parents were wrong not to offer. If you need the money, ask, if not chalk it up to a life experience. How many rooms were there? It’s a little dodgier if they weren’t all in your room or the room the other kid paid for.

[Anonymous]

it’s too late now. Great that the one kid offered; but If you expected compensation you should’ve brought it up before hand. Those are the negotiation rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd let it go but next time, if there is next time, i'd make it clear what the arrangement is before

+100

Why wasn't this settled prior? Or even during the planning stages of the trip?

What is the context of the trip? Was it your kid's birthday so the parents figured this was your treat? Your way of celebrating and hosting?
Or were you going on this trip anyway so your kid just took along a few buddies ?

You never asked for money? Not even a "contributions appreciated to de-fray costs" type of a text/email/verbal with said parents?

[Anonymous]

You should have discussed this when you were making the hotel reservations. You can still send an email to the parents (I assume you have their contact information since you were responsible for their children!) to say that the hotel rooms cost $X, and divided per child comes to $Y. I think you're out of luck for gas money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you not discuss this ahead of time? You were wrong not to, and the other kids’ parents were wrong not to offer. If you need the money, ask, if not chalk it up to a life experience. How many rooms were there? It’s a little dodgier if they weren’t all in your room or the room the other kid paid for.

15 - 17 year olds. The two kids who didn’t pay shared a room. My plan was that my kid would stay in my room, but the kid who paid offered him the other bed in his room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let it go but next time, if there is next time, i'd make it clear what the arrangement is before

+100

Why wasn't this settled prior? Or even during the planning stages of the trip?

What is the context of the trip? Was it your kid's birthday so the parents figured this was your treat? Your way of celebrating and hosting?
Or were you going on this trip anyway so your kid just took along a few buddies ?

You never asked for money? Not even a "contributions appreciated to de-fray costs" type of a text/email/verbal with said parents?

My kid was signed up for a 2 day camp. Someone texted in a team chat “Is anyone going to X camp? How are you getting there?” And my kid replied that he was going and I was driving and then 2 other kids replied “Can I get a ride too?”

I got the contact info for the parents and reached out to the parents and introduced myself and gave a link to the hotel. Parents replied thank you. All other contact went through the kids.

[Anonymous]

When you sent the parents the hotel link, that was your opportunity to talk about costs.

[Anonymous]

Are you too poor to afford it yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you not discuss this ahead of time? You were wrong not to, and the other kids’ parents were wrong not to offer. If you need the money, ask, if not chalk it up to a life experience. How many rooms were there? It’s a little dodgier if they weren’t all in your room or the room the other kid paid for.

15 - 17 year olds. The two kids who didn’t pay shared a room. My plan was that my kid would stay in my room, but the kid who paid offered him the other bed in his room.

If the kids were of different sex, then I can see the two additional rooms. But if they were all boys/girls, at least the other three kids could have shared one room.

OP - I see a lot of lessons learned here, I’m sure that the parents of the one kid that paid were surprised that he was charged full price for a room and that you were going to have their 16yo kid stay in a room alone -.

I’m curious, if the other kids had offered to pay for their own rooms, would you have gotten them each their own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you not discuss this ahead of time? You were wrong not to, and the other kids’ parents were wrong not to offer. If you need the money, ask, if not chalk it up to a life experience. How many rooms were there? It’s a little dodgier if they weren’t all in your room or the room the other kid paid for.

15 - 17 year olds. The two kids who didn’t pay shared a room. My plan was that my kid would stay in my room, but the kid who paid offered him the other bed in his room.

Did you have any conversation with parents when you reserved the rooms? How did you get stuck as the chaperone?

[Anonymous]

Should have had contact with the parents in advance: this is what it will cost. Can't imagine kids get rides and parents are not involved, have never spoken or met, unless these are older teens.

[Anonymous]

Help me understand why you needed a hotel room for the kids? Didn’t you drop off the kids and get a room for you before you drove home?