Can I ask for payment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

Look- I would never be the type of parent who would not pay. I would be offering you money directly before the trip happened. But not all of us are like us.

I would also never think a parent would book 3 rooms in this situation. I would be thinking how to gracefully back out when I found out you did that and be complaining to DH if you were our only option. But that would be on us because you were driving and we would still pay.

These parents are wrong for not offering money. Or maybe they sent cash with their kids and the kids kept it. They are old enough to handle trips like this on their own. That is a real possibility. You were wrong for booking 3 rooms. There is fault all around and clearly a lack of communication.

I don't understand the part of "thinking how to gracefully back out". I wrote in my initial offer that I would be booking extra rooms, and included the link to the hotel with the prices. All they needed to say was "no thank you". That's not backing out. Backing out is when you've offered or committed to something and then change your mind. They could also have said "Could the boys share one room?" and the other two parents could have replied, and then I would have booked 2 rooms, but I understand that people might feel awkward about that.

If you had backed out, would you just have forfeited the cost of the camp, or would you have taken him yourself and paid for a whole room?

We are trying to help but you are getting more and more defensive with your replies. We don’t know exactly how the emails were written so we can’t give advice. It sounds like you were not clear with the cost and how much you expected each to pay. Maybe you were.

All I am saying is if I agreed that you were going to take my 17 yo to camp and drive 7 hours and then later I found out you booked 3 rooms DH and I would be like “wow, guess we have to pay if his is our only way to get him there but what is she thinking”

But that's not what happened, at all. The other parent signed their 17 year old up for camp before they ever met me. It seems that they paid for it and then something came up and whatever their original plan for getting the kid to camp fell through. Or maybe they were planning to take him, and then found out I was offering rides and realized it would be easier than taking them themselves. I don't know. At that point their kid asked my kid for a ride and I reached and said "I hear your kids need a ride. I am am happy to bring them. Here is the link to the hotel where we are booked. I can add more rooms."

Yes, I agree 100% that if this had been a situation where we had spoken before camp registration, and I had sprung the 3 room thing on them months later, that would be different. If I had known about these kids before I registered, I would have found a cheaper option, but since I had already paid for our room, and it was nonrefundable, the choices were limited.

[Anonymous]

16 pages in, why staying at a hotel for camp? I have missed something. Is it stayed night before camp started the next day? Really confused. As far as why parents didn’t pay, take it as lesson learned that not everyone lives by same rules you do so if want something particular way, be really clear in beginning. All of us learn this the hard way in one situation or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 pages in, why staying at a hotel for camp? I have missed something. Is it stayed night before camp started the next day? Really confused. As far as why parents didn’t pay, take it as lesson learned that not everyone lives by same rules you do so if want something particular way, be really clear in beginning. All of us learn this the hard way in one situation or another.

It was a camp like this:

https://fightingirish.com/mens-lacrosse-camps/

Not this exact one, but this model of two day ID camps where you need to arrange your own lodging is common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you not discuss this ahead of time? You were wrong not to, and the other kids’ parents were wrong not to offer. If you need the money, ask, if not chalk it up to a life experience. How many rooms were there? It’s a little dodgier if they weren’t all in your room or the room the other kid paid for.

15 - 17 year olds. The two kids who didn’t pay shared a room. My plan was that my kid would stay in my room, but the kid who paid offered him the other bed in his room.

Given this, yes, they should 100% cover their room. The one kid who paid, and offered your DS the other bed in the room is the only one who has parents with manners. The other two are losers.

How did this excursion come about?

I agree with pps. The finances should have been decided up front. Everyone knows the hotel cost at time of booking. That is when you lets the kids know their share of the cost of rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

Look- I would never be the type of parent who would not pay. I would be offering you money directly before the trip happened. But not all of us are like us.

I would also never think a parent would book 3 rooms in this situation. I would be thinking how to gracefully back out when I found out you did that and be complaining to DH if you were our only option. But that would be on us because you were driving and we would still pay.

These parents are wrong for not offering money. Or maybe they sent cash with their kids and the kids kept it. They are old enough to handle trips like this on their own. That is a real possibility. You were wrong for booking 3 rooms. There is fault all around and clearly a lack of communication.

So many choosy beggars on this thread!

So instead of happily paying the cost for 1/2 of a hotel room for your child (which you apparently find excessive) or even proposing an alternative to the accommodation arrangements that Op outlined in advance you would have instead complained to your husband and “gracefully backed out” of OP’s generous agreement to transport your child to and from a camp 7 hours away and instead made the round trip 14 hour drive yourself, taking on the costs for all gas, meals and a full hotel room for you and your child?

Sounds super logical and cost effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you not discuss this ahead of time? You were wrong not to, and the other kids’ parents were wrong not to offer. If you need the money, ask, if not chalk it up to a life experience. How many rooms were there? It’s a little dodgier if they weren’t all in your room or the room the other kid paid for.

15 - 17 year olds. The two kids who didn’t pay shared a room. My plan was that my kid would stay in my room, but the kid who paid offered him the other bed in his room.

Given this, yes, they should 100% cover their room. The one kid who paid, and offered your DS the other bed in the room is the only one who has parents with manners. The other two are losers.

How did this excursion come about?

I agree with pps. The finances should have been decided up front. Everyone knows the hotel cost at time of booking. That is when you lets the kids know their share of the cost of rooms.

Camp registration was a few months ago. I signed my kid up. Months later, a few days before the camp, the kid who paid, who my kid knows, wrote in a team group chat, “is anyone going to this? How are you getting there?” My kid replied “Yes, my mom is driving do you need a ride?” Kid said yes.

All this was in the group chat, so the other two kids saw it and messaged “can we get rides too?”

Kid told me about this, said that they were nice kids (which I agree it was a good group).

So, I asked him to get parent contact, reached out to these parents and said I heard their kids going and might need a ride. I linked the hotel where I already had a reservation, and said “we are staying here, it looks like I can get more rooms. Just let me know.” Price was clearly visible on the link I sent.

Parents replied “yes”. I replied “I got the rooms . . . “ and went on with info about when and where we would meet.

I realize it is easy to overlook the letter S and I should have been more clear. I would phrase it differently if I did it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

Look- I would never be the type of parent who would not pay. I would be offering you money directly before the trip happened. But not all of us are like us.

I would also never think a parent would book 3 rooms in this situation. I would be thinking how to gracefully back out when I found out you did that and be complaining to DH if you were our only option. But that would be on us because you were driving and we would still pay.

These parents are wrong for not offering money. Or maybe they sent cash with their kids and the kids kept it. They are old enough to handle trips like this on their own. That is a real possibility. You were wrong for booking 3 rooms. There is fault all around and clearly a lack of communication.

So many choosy beggars on this thread!

So instead of happily paying the cost for 1/2 of a hotel room for your child (which you apparently find excessive) or even proposing an alternative to the accommodation arrangements that Op outlined in advance you would have instead complained to your husband and “gracefully backed out” of OP’s generous agreement to transport your child to and from a camp 7 hours away and instead made the round trip 14 hour drive yourself, taking on the costs for all gas, meals and a full hotel room for you and your child?

Sounds super logical and cost effective.

I laughed so hard because it’s so true!

OP saved the other parents days in travel and hundreds of dollars in expenses, but the choosing beggars are not happy because she didn’t bring an inflatable mattress.

[Anonymous]

16 pages on this nonsense? OP, if you are that poor, stay home next time. good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 pages on this nonsense? OP, if you are that poor, stay home next time. good lord.

Umm, I think you mean next time don’t agree to help anyone else out because there are far too many ungrateful leeches out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 pages on this nonsense? OP, if you are that poor, stay home next time. good lord.

Go beg at another street corner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

Look- I would never be the type of parent who would not pay. I would be offering you money directly before the trip happened. But not all of us are like us.

I would also never think a parent would book 3 rooms in this situation. I would be thinking how to gracefully back out when I found out you did that and be complaining to DH if you were our only option. But that would be on us because you were driving and we would still pay.

These parents are wrong for not offering money. Or maybe they sent cash with their kids and the kids kept it. They are old enough to handle trips like this on their own. That is a real possibility. You were wrong for booking 3 rooms. There is fault all around and clearly a lack of communication.

So many choosy beggars on this thread!

So instead of happily paying the cost for 1/2 of a hotel room for your child (which you apparently find excessive) or even proposing an alternative to the accommodation arrangements that Op outlined in advance you would have instead complained to your husband and “gracefully backed out” of OP’s generous agreement to transport your child to and from a camp 7 hours away and instead made the round trip 14 hour drive yourself, taking on the costs for all gas, meals and a full hotel room for you and your child?

Sounds super logical and cost effective.

Well said!
People really are ridiculous sometimes. And they wonder why some parents end up just taking care of their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 pages on this nonsense? OP, if you are that poor, stay home next time. good lord.

Ummm, no. OP should not "stay home next time". OP should just take her own child next time. Something is telling me that she will be doing just that for any future ID trips. And I would not blame OP at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16 pages in, why staying at a hotel for camp? I have missed something. Is it stayed night before camp started the next day? Really confused. As far as why parents didn’t pay, take it as lesson learned that not everyone lives by same rules you do so if want something particular way, be really clear in beginning. All of us learn this the hard way in one situation or another.

It was a camp like this:

https://fightingirish.com/mens-lacrosse-camps/

Not this exact one, but this model of two day ID camps where you need to arrange your own lodging is common.

If similar prospect camp, parents are mooches if didn’t offer BEFORE you even left to pay for cost of room, gas and any food you covered. That said, clear not everyone agrees with this so take on chin this time and next time (if you would even offer), be ridiculously clear upfront so everyone has same expectations for who pays what and for kids to pay direct- that you are happy to drive but won’t/can’t cover rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

Look- I would never be the type of parent who would not pay. I would be offering you money directly before the trip happened. But not all of us are like us.

I would also never think a parent would book 3 rooms in this situation. I would be thinking how to gracefully back out when I found out you did that and be complaining to DH if you were our only option. But that would be on us because you were driving and we would still pay.

These parents are wrong for not offering money. Or maybe they sent cash with their kids and the kids kept it. They are old enough to handle trips like this on their own. That is a real possibility. You were wrong for booking 3 rooms. There is fault all around and clearly a lack of communication.

I don't understand the part of "thinking how to gracefully back out". I wrote in my initial offer that I would be booking extra rooms, and included the link to the hotel with the prices. All they needed to say was "no thank you". That's not backing out. Backing out is when you've offered or committed to something and then change your mind. They could also have said "Could the boys share one room?" and the other two parents could have replied, and then I would have booked 2 rooms, but I understand that people might feel awkward about that.

If you had backed out, would you just have forfeited the cost of the camp, or would you have taken him yourself and paid for a whole room?

We are trying to help but you are getting more and more defensive with your replies. We don’t know exactly how the emails were written so we can’t give advice. It sounds like you were not clear with the cost and how much you expected each to pay. Maybe you were.

All I am saying is if I agreed that you were going to take my 17 yo to camp and drive 7 hours and then later I found out you booked 3 rooms DH and I would be like “wow, guess we have to pay if his is our only way to get him there but what is she thinking”

But that's not what happened, at all. The other parent signed their 17 year old up for camp before they ever met me. It seems that they paid for it and then something came up and whatever their original plan for getting the kid to camp fell through. Or maybe they were planning to take him, and then found out I was offering rides and realized it would be easier than taking them themselves. I don't know. At that point their kid asked my kid for a ride and I reached and said "I hear your kids need a ride. I am am happy to bring them. Here is the link to the hotel where we are booked. I can add more rooms."

Yes, I agree 100% that if this had been a situation where we had spoken before camp registration, and I had sprung the 3 room thing on them months later, that would be different. If I had known about these kids before I registered, I would have found a cheaper option, but since I had already paid for our room, and it was nonrefundable, the choices were limited.

You were offering the ride. You should have communicated better on the hotel situation. You had two rooms. That is plenty. You could have said, please book a room for your child and if you'd like to share, xx and xx are going and your son can share with them/split the cost. You didn't communicate so they probably assumed the kids would be in your room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - go back and read your big long update. See how many times you wrote “I thought” and “I imagined”. Now remember the phrase when I assume…

This was an expensive and embarrassing lesson for you.

That is what I asked. What are you imagining that the other parents were assuming?

Or what would you assume if your kid reached out to someone you didn’t know to ask them for a ride?

I get that I should have been more specific, but I don’t get how they are imagining the situation might have played out.

Look- I would never be the type of parent who would not pay. I would be offering you money directly before the trip happened. But not all of us are like us.

I would also never think a parent would book 3 rooms in this situation. I would be thinking how to gracefully back out when I found out you did that and be complaining to DH if you were our only option. But that would be on us because you were driving and we would still pay.

These parents are wrong for not offering money. Or maybe they sent cash with their kids and the kids kept it. They are old enough to handle trips like this on their own. That is a real possibility. You were wrong for booking 3 rooms. There is fault all around and clearly a lack of communication.

So many choosy beggars on this thread!

So instead of happily paying the cost for 1/2 of a hotel room for your child (which you apparently find excessive) or even proposing an alternative to the accommodation arrangements that Op outlined in advance you would have instead complained to your husband and “gracefully backed out” of OP’s generous agreement to transport your child to and from a camp 7 hours away and instead made the round trip 14 hour drive yourself, taking on the costs for all gas, meals and a full hotel room for you and your child?

Sounds super logical and cost effective.

I laughed so hard because it’s so true!

OP saved the other parents days in travel and hundreds of dollars in expenses, but the choosing beggars are not happy because she didn’t bring an inflatable mattress.

She should have discussed the sleeping arrangements prior to going. There was a room the three boys could share but instead she choose to get an extra room. She could have had her son in her room and the other three in one room. I have no issue putting my teen on an air mattress when we travel. They don't care at all. They are just happy to go. I've never ever heard of kids two to a room. Even school trips are 4 to a room.