Spouse Lets DD Ghost My Mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mother is 81, lives alone and has 4 grandkids. Two from me and two from my brother. In addition to our DD, we have a DS. My mother likes weekly calls/face time with them. My son participates happily but my daughter is 'annoyed' by the calls and tries to skip them. I don't allow her to skip them, but my wife does. She'll go so far as to 'forget' to be home with my DD while running errands, schedule conflicting appointments, etc. She will happily 'defend' my DD's objections when I challenge her non participation. Basically, she is complicit and I am irrationally angry over this. Am I wrong?

Yes. Call grandma some other time, it doesn’t need to be on a schedule that blocks errands, etc. grandma isn’t so busy she can’t talk a different 5 minutes of the week.

OP here. Didn't see thin blowing up.

My mother's calls aren't blocking anything. It's the opposite. If she texts our family chat and says "Talk at 4 on Sunday?" my wife will 'accidentally' be at the store with my DD

Why does she do that? What is her reasoning?

Why does my mother do this? Because she wants to talk to her son and grand kids.

Why does my wife do this? Because she is purposefully aiding our daughter in not talking with her grandma. Mostly she does this because she is a control freak, conflict adverse and a crappy mom. She has always been bad about parenting. She'd let them skip school every day if I allowed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

So saying "no" isn't kind or polite, and little girls shouldn't do it? Really? That's the message you want to send?

Welcome to rape culture. Where did you think that started?

Give me a break. The girl can talk to her grandmother for 5 minutes.

If she's not free to say no, she's not free to give meaningful consent.

You realize you sound completely insane when you compare a five min phone call with grandma to rape, right? RIGHT????? FFS

Consent transfers to far more than just rape. Stop trying to villify consent in children. Try are humans and people too, not just your okay thing to do with as you wish.

I saw a thing the other day where babies are supposed to consent to diaper changes. I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not, that is how far down this consent rabbit hole some of you are!

hahahhaahahhaa omg we shouldn't force babies to have their diapers changed. We shouldn't force kids to go to school or get vaccines. THEY DID NOT CONSENT!!!!

Again, imagine thinking this was a smart comeback from an intelligent source, and not a hamfisted derail in an attempt to duck a legitimate point.

If she's not free to say no, she's not free to give meaningful consent. You should probably sit with that instead of thinking about baby diapers. Sicko.

Children are not allowed to say no to a lot of things. That is the point. Why is that so hard for your to understand?

I understand there are things we do have to insist upon (e.g. regular bathing, school attendance). This isn't one of them. This is an area where it's developmentally appropriate for the child to say yes or no, and reasonable for the parents to allow a choice.

Why is that so hard for you?

Why is it so hard for you to get that OP and several others disagree?

I don’t have a dog in this fight because I don’t force my kids to talk to grandparents, but I do call them on speaker when the kids are around so they say hi, etc. a nice middle ground, I think, as my kids hate chatting on the phone. But I think it’s reasonable to start to expect them to call as they get college age. I called about every 2 weeks just to be polite when I was away at college.

Unless you get your children's written consent prior to this, you are, in fact, raping them. Effing pedo.

Pp here. This made me lol. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

People have to be good humans. Then, people want to visit you.

It's not your spouse's job to make your kid talk to your mom. If you are going to force someone to do something, don't pawn that off on your wife.

You can't scare me with the assisted living. I've been supporting and visiting family members in those places longer than you have. Currently, the parent in AL has the depends, the bed pads that keep poop off the sheets, and so on because of me. I buy all that.

So take your scare tactics somewhere else. They won't work with me. I've sat with many a dying relative until the bitter end. Never minded doing it for the nice ones.

BS!!!!!! No way you do any of that and so adamantly oppose a 5 min phone call.

Learn that "it's just..." is a manipulation tactic. "it's just a 5 min phone call" No, it's a call the kid said she didn't want to make.

Instead of steamrolling her, try to understand why. Whining that "it's just..." is a weak person's trick.

I know, honey. Life is so hard for your generation. Everyone is either a narcissist or a manipulator or controlling. You were all abused and mistreated. No one ever lifted a finger for you. It's like you're completely incapable of having an independent thought.

You can't even hold space for the PP's point without barfing out these generational tropes and stereotypes.

That's a you problem. Get help with it, if needed.

Because you are the poster child of your generation. Perhaps try to be a little more thoughtful and less of a cliché and then you won't feel so called out by the "older generation."

For funsies, since you're making these assumptions about me: what generation am I?

A lot of y'all make up whole characters to hate on this forum. I find it hard to believe that your projections and strawmanning stops here.

Why, so you could come back and say "you're so wrong!" and we will just have to take your word for it? It's plainly obvious what generation you are. Take that however you will.

Didn't quite catch the point, did you? You don't know the first thing about me.

I know that you can't make a sound argument, which is why you resort to this juvenile behavior. Please heal. You could be so much happier as a fully-formed adult someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

No. Trump is a grandparent, and he is incapable of love. So, no, I don't buy that a grandma is loving just because she's 82.

More likely, OP is enmeshed and controlling and that's why he wants to force these weekly convos. He is too busy doing what his momma tells him to do.

You have ZERO evidence she is anything but kind and loving. ZERO.

If dear wife thinks grandma is abusive or not deserving of love, respect or even a 5 minute phone call, she should put her big girl pants on and speak up instead of being passive aggressive and disappearing with DD.

Actually, we do. Look at how her son behaves when he doesn't get his way.

How is that?

What about any of this justifies the "irrational anger" mentioned in the OP?

ZERO. OP has anger management issues, and control issues, and probably a few other issues. And you think his mama is nothing but "kind and loving"?

So just your conjecture and projecting about OP and no actual evidence that grandma is evil? Got it.

Such extreme black and white thinking. I'm pretty sure that's a marker for at least one disorder...

Grandma doesn't have to be "evil" to be controlling. Your point was that there was ZERO (all caps) evidence that she was "...anything but kind and loving"

Now, let's be real: nobody is always kind and loving. So, on its face, your argument has some serious structural integrity issues. But it stands to reason that if, as you propose she was nothing but kind and loving, her son might've inherited at least a few of those traits.

Then, we come back to what we know of the OP, who, in his own words, was "irrationally angry" that his wife didn't force their kid to call his mama. Doesn't sound "kind and loving" to me. Granny doesn't need to be "evil" to be self-centering. A lot of that generation really is all about themselves, very "me first", etc. But that's not necessarily "evil".

Your willingness to paint her as perfect is your own biases speaking. Nobody's perfect. Not even sweet ol' gran. There is a significant chance there's WAY more to the story about why DD doesn't want to talk to her, why OP is forcing her, why DW is shielding her, and why gran is so damned demanding.

We'll never know, but it's a good exercise in not buying the hype. Or, at least, recognizing when we've bitten and analyzing why.

In any event, black and white thinking isn't compatible with a greyscale world. Best of luck with that!

I'm glad you were able to diagnose me as well, and so quickly. I stopped reading after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mother is 81, lives alone and has 4 grandkids. Two from me and two from my brother. In addition to our DD, we have a DS. My mother likes weekly calls/face time with them. My son participates happily but my daughter is 'annoyed' by the calls and tries to skip them. I don't allow her to skip them, but my wife does. She'll go so far as to 'forget' to be home with my DD while running errands, schedule conflicting appointments, etc. She will happily 'defend' my DD's objections when I challenge her non participation. Basically, she is complicit and I am irrationally angry over this. Am I wrong?

Yes. Call grandma some other time, it doesn’t need to be on a schedule that blocks errands, etc. grandma isn’t so busy she can’t talk a different 5 minutes of the week.

OP here. Didn't see thin blowing up.

My mother's calls aren't blocking anything. It's the opposite. If she texts our family chat and says "Talk at 4 on Sunday?" my wife will 'accidentally' be at the store with my DD

Why does she do that? What is her reasoning?

Why does my mother do this? Because she wants to talk to her son and grand kids.

Why does my wife do this? Because she is purposefully aiding our daughter in not talking with her grandma. Mostly she does this because she is a control freak, conflict adverse and a crappy mom. She has always been bad about parenting. She'd let them skip school every day if I allowed it.

If half of that is true, get a divorce.

Since none of it is, stop trolling.

[Anonymous]

please don’t force your children to do this. it’s awful. And you are the horrible one if you think it’s ok-your children will resent both you and the grandparent. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

People have to be good humans. Then, people want to visit you.

It's not your spouse's job to make your kid talk to your mom. If you are going to force someone to do something, don't pawn that off on your wife.

You can't scare me with the assisted living. I've been supporting and visiting family members in those places longer than you have. Currently, the parent in AL has the depends, the bed pads that keep poop off the sheets, and so on because of me. I buy all that.

So take your scare tactics somewhere else. They won't work with me. I've sat with many a dying relative until the bitter end. Never minded doing it for the nice ones.

BS!!!!!! No way you do any of that and so adamantly oppose a 5 min phone call.

Learn that "it's just..." is a manipulation tactic. "it's just a 5 min phone call" No, it's a call the kid said she didn't want to make.

Instead of steamrolling her, try to understand why. Whining that "it's just..." is a weak person's trick.

I know, honey. Life is so hard for your generation. Everyone is either a narcissist or a manipulator or controlling. You were all abused and mistreated. No one ever lifted a finger for you. It's like you're completely incapable of having an independent thought.

You can't even hold space for the PP's point without barfing out these generational tropes and stereotypes.

That's a you problem. Get help with it, if needed.

Because you are the poster child of your generation. Perhaps try to be a little more thoughtful and less of a cliché and then you won't feel so called out by the "older generation."

For funsies, since you're making these assumptions about me: what generation am I?

A lot of y'all make up whole characters to hate on this forum. I find it hard to believe that your projections and strawmanning stops here.

Why, so you could come back and say "you're so wrong!" and we will just have to take your word for it? It's plainly obvious what generation you are. Take that however you will.

Didn't quite catch the point, did you? You don't know the first thing about me.

I know that you can't make a sound argument, which is why you resort to this juvenile behavior. Please heal. You could be so much happier as a fully-formed adult someday.

I know what you wrote to project to the world how you want us to see you. Perhaps project nicer things about yourself so we won't come to such damning conclusions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

No. Trump is a grandparent, and he is incapable of love. So, no, I don't buy that a grandma is loving just because she's 82.

More likely, OP is enmeshed and controlling and that's why he wants to force these weekly convos. He is too busy doing what his momma tells him to do.

You have ZERO evidence she is anything but kind and loving. ZERO.

If dear wife thinks grandma is abusive or not deserving of love, respect or even a 5 minute phone call, she should put her big girl pants on and speak up instead of being passive aggressive and disappearing with DD.

Actually, we do. Look at how her son behaves when he doesn't get his way.

How is that?

What about any of this justifies the "irrational anger" mentioned in the OP?

ZERO. OP has anger management issues, and control issues, and probably a few other issues. And you think his mama is nothing but "kind and loving"?

So just your conjecture and projecting about OP and no actual evidence that grandma is evil? Got it.

Such extreme black and white thinking. I'm pretty sure that's a marker for at least one disorder...

Grandma doesn't have to be "evil" to be controlling. Your point was that there was ZERO (all caps) evidence that she was "...anything but kind and loving"

Now, let's be real: nobody is always kind and loving. So, on its face, your argument has some serious structural integrity issues. But it stands to reason that if, as you propose she was nothing but kind and loving, her son might've inherited at least a few of those traits.

Then, we come back to what we know of the OP, who, in his own words, was "irrationally angry" that his wife didn't force their kid to call his mama. Doesn't sound "kind and loving" to me. Granny doesn't need to be "evil" to be self-centering. A lot of that generation really is all about themselves, very "me first", etc. But that's not necessarily "evil".

Your willingness to paint her as perfect is your own biases speaking. Nobody's perfect. Not even sweet ol' gran. There is a significant chance there's WAY more to the story about why DD doesn't want to talk to her, why OP is forcing her, why DW is shielding her, and why gran is so damned demanding.

We'll never know, but it's a good exercise in not buying the hype. Or, at least, recognizing when we've bitten and analyzing why.

In any event, black and white thinking isn't compatible with a greyscale world. Best of luck with that!

I'm glad you were able to diagnose me as well, and so quickly. I stopped reading after that.

There's not diagnosis. Triggered much? Sorry. Take it to your therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

People have to be good humans. Then, people want to visit you.

It's not your spouse's job to make your kid talk to your mom. If you are going to force someone to do something, don't pawn that off on your wife.

You can't scare me with the assisted living. I've been supporting and visiting family members in those places longer than you have. Currently, the parent in AL has the depends, the bed pads that keep poop off the sheets, and so on because of me. I buy all that.

So take your scare tactics somewhere else. They won't work with me. I've sat with many a dying relative until the bitter end. Never minded doing it for the nice ones.

BS!!!!!! No way you do any of that and so adamantly oppose a 5 min phone call.

Learn that "it's just..." is a manipulation tactic. "it's just a 5 min phone call" No, it's a call the kid said she didn't want to make.

Instead of steamrolling her, try to understand why. Whining that "it's just..." is a weak person's trick.

I know, honey. Life is so hard for your generation. Everyone is either a narcissist or a manipulator or controlling. You were all abused and mistreated. No one ever lifted a finger for you. It's like you're completely incapable of having an independent thought.

You can't even hold space for the PP's point without barfing out these generational tropes and stereotypes.

That's a you problem. Get help with it, if needed.

Because you are the poster child of your generation. Perhaps try to be a little more thoughtful and less of a cliché and then you won't feel so called out by the "older generation."

For funsies, since you're making these assumptions about me: what generation am I?

A lot of y'all make up whole characters to hate on this forum. I find it hard to believe that your projections and strawmanning stops here.

Why, so you could come back and say "you're so wrong!" and we will just have to take your word for it? It's plainly obvious what generation you are. Take that however you will.

Didn't quite catch the point, did you? You don't know the first thing about me.

I know that you can't make a sound argument, which is why you resort to this juvenile behavior. Please heal. You could be so much happier as a fully-formed adult someday.

I know what you wrote to project to the world how you want us to see you. Perhaps project nicer things about yourself so we won't come to such damning conclusions?

1) who goes around making "damning conclusions" about anons on an anon board? What sort of person does that?
2) why should I give the smallest of fscks what you think, based on your limited intellectual capacity and seemingly willful trolling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

No. Trump is a grandparent, and he is incapable of love. So, no, I don't buy that a grandma is loving just because she's 82.

More likely, OP is enmeshed and controlling and that's why he wants to force these weekly convos. He is too busy doing what his momma tells him to do.

You have ZERO evidence she is anything but kind and loving. ZERO.

If dear wife thinks grandma is abusive or not deserving of love, respect or even a 5 minute phone call, she should put her big girl pants on and speak up instead of being passive aggressive and disappearing with DD.

Actually, we do. Look at how her son behaves when he doesn't get his way.

How is that?

What about any of this justifies the "irrational anger" mentioned in the OP?

ZERO. OP has anger management issues, and control issues, and probably a few other issues. And you think his mama is nothing but "kind and loving"?

So just your conjecture and projecting about OP and no actual evidence that grandma is evil? Got it.

Such extreme black and white thinking. I'm pretty sure that's a marker for at least one disorder...

Grandma doesn't have to be "evil" to be controlling. Your point was that there was ZERO (all caps) evidence that she was "...anything but kind and loving"

Now, let's be real: nobody is always kind and loving. So, on its face, your argument has some serious structural integrity issues. But it stands to reason that if, as you propose she was nothing but kind and loving, her son might've inherited at least a few of those traits.

Then, we come back to what we know of the OP, who, in his own words, was "irrationally angry" that his wife didn't force their kid to call his mama. Doesn't sound "kind and loving" to me. Granny doesn't need to be "evil" to be self-centering. A lot of that generation really is all about themselves, very "me first", etc. But that's not necessarily "evil".

Your willingness to paint her as perfect is your own biases speaking. Nobody's perfect. Not even sweet ol' gran. There is a significant chance there's WAY more to the story about why DD doesn't want to talk to her, why OP is forcing her, why DW is shielding her, and why gran is so damned demanding.

We'll never know, but it's a good exercise in not buying the hype. Or, at least, recognizing when we've bitten and analyzing why.

In any event, black and white thinking isn't compatible with a greyscale world. Best of luck with that!

I'm glad you were able to diagnose me as well, and so quickly. I stopped reading after that.

There's not diagnosis. Triggered much? Sorry. Take it to your therapist.

Nah, just don't feel like reading your long diatribe. I'm sure you think it's super witty and you "got me" but I have no interest in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

People have to be good humans. Then, people want to visit you.

It's not your spouse's job to make your kid talk to your mom. If you are going to force someone to do something, don't pawn that off on your wife.

You can't scare me with the assisted living. I've been supporting and visiting family members in those places longer than you have. Currently, the parent in AL has the depends, the bed pads that keep poop off the sheets, and so on because of me. I buy all that.

So take your scare tactics somewhere else. They won't work with me. I've sat with many a dying relative until the bitter end. Never minded doing it for the nice ones.

BS!!!!!! No way you do any of that and so adamantly oppose a 5 min phone call.

Learn that "it's just..." is a manipulation tactic. "it's just a 5 min phone call" No, it's a call the kid said she didn't want to make.

Instead of steamrolling her, try to understand why. Whining that "it's just..." is a weak person's trick.

I know, honey. Life is so hard for your generation. Everyone is either a narcissist or a manipulator or controlling. You were all abused and mistreated. No one ever lifted a finger for you. It's like you're completely incapable of having an independent thought.

You can't even hold space for the PP's point without barfing out these generational tropes and stereotypes.

That's a you problem. Get help with it, if needed.

Because you are the poster child of your generation. Perhaps try to be a little more thoughtful and less of a cliché and then you won't feel so called out by the "older generation."

For funsies, since you're making these assumptions about me: what generation am I?

A lot of y'all make up whole characters to hate on this forum. I find it hard to believe that your projections and strawmanning stops here.

Why, so you could come back and say "you're so wrong!" and we will just have to take your word for it? It's plainly obvious what generation you are. Take that however you will.

Didn't quite catch the point, did you? You don't know the first thing about me.

I know that you can't make a sound argument, which is why you resort to this juvenile behavior. Please heal. You could be so much happier as a fully-formed adult someday.

I know what you wrote to project to the world how you want us to see you. Perhaps project nicer things about yourself so we won't come to such damning conclusions?

1) who goes around making "damning conclusions" about anons on an anon board? What sort of person does that?
2) why should I give the smallest of fscks what you think, based on your limited intellectual capacity and seemingly willful trolling?

You are always free to stop responding to me since you don't care about what I think. I'm free to make conclusions about you based on what you say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there grandma has been mean to the wife and/or the daughter, the wife is being a sh*tty mother by interfering here. Purposely scheduling errands during the call is interfering. It’s a parents’ job to help kids keep relationships with extended family — even your spouse’s family.

No, it’s not a woman’s job to help kids keep relationships with the man’s mother. He has two hands and a phone, seems perfectly capable of doing it himself - this does not require a vagina!

I expect my husband to facilitate relationships (and definitely not interfere) with my parents. Sounds like you live in a house with low expectations and no team work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mother is 81, lives alone and has 4 grandkids. Two from me and two from my brother. In addition to our DD, we have a DS. My mother likes weekly calls/face time with them. My son participates happily but my daughter is 'annoyed' by the calls and tries to skip them. I don't allow her to skip them, but my wife does. She'll go so far as to 'forget' to be home with my DD while running errands, schedule conflicting appointments, etc. She will happily 'defend' my DD's objections when I challenge her non participation. Basically, she is complicit and I am irrationally angry over this. Am I wrong?

Grandma and mom doesn't get along and DD stands with her own mother not yours? Your irrational anger towards her mother would ruin your relationship with your own daughter.

This. Pay attention, OP. Your relationship with your kid is gonna be around a lot longer than your relationship with your mom.

DD will need her dad a lot more than he needs her in the next 10 years. The wife is a fool for not seeing this. Stand offs like this are how estrangements begin. Hope the little brat is ready for a life without a dad.

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Anonymous wrote:please don’t force your children to do this. it’s awful. And you are the horrible one if you think it’s ok-your children will resent both you and the grandparent. Ask me how I know.

I'm sorry your boundaries weren't respected, PP.

Listening to all these posts saying "just force her" is retraumatizing for me, too.

OP will figure it out. Hopefully the easy way. Probably the hard way.

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

No. Trump is a grandparent, and he is incapable of love. So, no, I don't buy that a grandma is loving just because she's 82.

More likely, OP is enmeshed and controlling and that's why he wants to force these weekly convos. He is too busy doing what his momma tells him to do.

You have ZERO evidence she is anything but kind and loving. ZERO.

If dear wife thinks grandma is abusive or not deserving of love, respect or even a 5 minute phone call, she should put her big girl pants on and speak up instead of being passive aggressive and disappearing with DD.

Actually, we do. Look at how her son behaves when he doesn't get his way.

How is that?

What about any of this justifies the "irrational anger" mentioned in the OP?

ZERO. OP has anger management issues, and control issues, and probably a few other issues. And you think his mama is nothing but "kind and loving"?

So just your conjecture and projecting about OP and no actual evidence that grandma is evil? Got it.

Such extreme black and white thinking. I'm pretty sure that's a marker for at least one disorder...

Grandma doesn't have to be "evil" to be controlling. Your point was that there was ZERO (all caps) evidence that she was "...anything but kind and loving"

Now, let's be real: nobody is always kind and loving. So, on its face, your argument has some serious structural integrity issues. But it stands to reason that if, as you propose she was nothing but kind and loving, her son might've inherited at least a few of those traits.

Then, we come back to what we know of the OP, who, in his own words, was "irrationally angry" that his wife didn't force their kid to call his mama. Doesn't sound "kind and loving" to me. Granny doesn't need to be "evil" to be self-centering. A lot of that generation really is all about themselves, very "me first", etc. But that's not necessarily "evil".

Your willingness to paint her as perfect is your own biases speaking. Nobody's perfect. Not even sweet ol' gran. There is a significant chance there's WAY more to the story about why DD doesn't want to talk to her, why OP is forcing her, why DW is shielding her, and why gran is so damned demanding.

We'll never know, but it's a good exercise in not buying the hype. Or, at least, recognizing when we've bitten and analyzing why.

In any event, black and white thinking isn't compatible with a greyscale world. Best of luck with that!

I'm glad you were able to diagnose me as well, and so quickly. I stopped reading after that.

There's not diagnosis. Triggered much? Sorry. Take it to your therapist.

Nah, just don't feel like reading your long diatribe. I'm sure you think it's super witty and you "got me" but I have no interest in it.

Just interested in continuing to engage while looking ridiculous, I guess. You do you, pp. If you like it, I love that for you.