If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had multiple AP’s. Some were married and some were single. The married ones were all out and “looking” long before I met them. I never enticed a devoted faithful spouse into cheating. And no, I was not looking to marry any of these people. My marriage is great except we are not new lovers, and the excitement and thrill is not there. It was about finding something that was missing in my life. To think that a marriage is made or broken based on sex alone is short sighted and foolish.

I think this is true for the majority of married cheaters; they are overall happy in their marriage and are seeking the thrill of novelty.

For unmarried people choosing married partners I think it’s more likely mental health and self confidence issues. They might feel that they are not typically chosen over others and being an AP allows them to feel “chosen” above someone, even just for a night.

Very immature view of marriage and self to think that you will always have that excitement in a long term marriage.

If you want that kind of excitement all the time, do not get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why would I feel guilt about the kids? My relationship has nothing to do with them. I have no interest in him leaving his family. I have no interest in “more” than we have now— I’m very busy with my career and friends and travel and do not want a marriage or even to have to deal with a man full time. I’m not hurting his kids.

You are literally trash in human form. How does anyone with a nominally typical upbringing become so morally hollow?

Of course you are hurting his kids, by hurting their mother if nothing else. But also - is he spending time with you that he could be spending with them? Is he spending money on you that should be spent on his family? Is he short-tempered at home and starting fights because he has cognitive dissonance over his affair with you (this happens all the time)?

He is spending time where he wants to. And money where he wants to. If there are fights at home, that is not my problem; there are no fights between us.

Haaaaaaa. Why would there be fights? /u see each other only a couple hours a month to bang.

We see each other almost every day.

NP. Not on Christmas, Thanksgiving, holidays, family events, birthdays, work functions, children’s birthdays, life events. Because you’re not fit for family, colleagues, or respected friends and neighbors. He may sneak off to see you after-hours, but you are hidden away for the main events. Not fit.

You are so desperately jealous you can’t stand it. We will be together on Christmas, and we have our Valentines Day reservations already for a night out of town. Don’t know what he’s telling her. Don’t care. Went to St Lucia for my birthday.

I have zero interest in his “neighbors” lol. But I know his best friend, who has always disliked the DW.

People like you are so repugnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had multiple AP’s. Some were married and some were single. The married ones were all out and “looking” long before I met them. I never enticed a devoted faithful spouse into cheating. And no, I was not looking to marry any of these people. My marriage is great except we are not new lovers, and the excitement and thrill is not there. It was about finding something that was missing in my life. To think that a marriage is made or broken based on sex alone is short sighted and foolish.

I think this is true for the majority of married cheaters; they are overall happy in their marriage and are seeking the thrill of novelty.

For unmarried people choosing married partners I think it’s more likely mental health and self confidence issues. They might feel that they are not typically chosen over others and being an AP allows them to feel “chosen” above someone, even just for a night.

Very immature view of marriage and self to think that you will always have that excitement in a long term marriage.

If you want that kind of excitement all the time, do not get married.

+1

Spouse had zero role models for a long healthy marriage. Every adult family member divorced when kids were young. Single parents.

So many like this hit midlife or the first bout of busyness and stress and they think that’s where it will be forever more. They don’t have any idea there are highs and lows and you weather them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why would I feel guilt about the kids? My relationship has nothing to do with them. I have no interest in him leaving his family. I have no interest in “more” than we have now— I’m very busy with my career and friends and travel and do not want a marriage or even to have to deal with a man full time. I’m not hurting his kids.

You are literally trash in human form. How does anyone with a nominally typical upbringing become so morally hollow?

Of course you are hurting his kids, by hurting their mother if nothing else. But also - is he spending time with you that he could be spending with them? Is he spending money on you that should be spent on his family? Is he short-tempered at home and starting fights because he has cognitive dissonance over his affair with you (this happens all the time)?

He is spending time where he wants to. And money where he wants to. If there are fights at home, that is not my problem; there are no fights between us.

Haaaaaaa. Why would there be fights? /u see each other only a couple hours a month to bang.

We see each other almost every day.

NP. Not on Christmas, Thanksgiving, holidays, family events, birthdays, work functions, children’s birthdays, life events. Because you’re not fit for family, colleagues, or respected friends and neighbors. He may sneak off to see you after-hours, but you are hidden away for the main events. Not fit.

You are so desperately jealous you can’t stand it. We will be together on Christmas, and we have our Valentines Day reservations already for a night out of town. Don’t know what he’s telling her. Don’t care. Went to St Lucia for my birthday.

I have zero interest in his “neighbors” lol. But I know his best friend, who has always disliked the DW.

So why doesn’t he want to be with you 24/7? There was the gloating AP on here that was a side piece for 10 years and always putting down the wife and how meant to be they were. Then one day was unceremoniously dumped. She was so upset and then angry.

He does.

I don’t want 24/7, and I made that clear from the beginning.

Geez. I am not a cheater. And I am not being cheated on (to the best of my knowledge). So I don’t have the emotionally charged language that some do around affairs. But why in the world does this guy not have the decency to leave his wife? What a lowlife. And how can you have any respect for someone who punches down like this?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think American women have made a much bigger deal about affairs than anyone else and it's caused much more problems than the actual affair itself. The way they process the affair in their minds is actually much worse than the affair itself. This happens all over the world and marriages still survive. To remain angry and possibly end the marriage is still a decision that is made by the woman. She could just as easily (much easier in fact) forgive and forget and maintain the marriage. I think media has conditioned them to over react.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think American women have made a much bigger deal about affairs than anyone else and it's caused much more problems than the actual affair itself. The way they process the affair in their minds is actually much worse than the affair itself. This happens all over the world and marriages still survive. To remain angry and possibly end the marriage is still a decision that is made by the woman. She could just as easily (much easier in fact) forgive and forget and maintain the marriage. I think media has conditioned them to over react.

I've been thinking the same; it's really self-inflicted PTSD. Even if you don't want to stay together after the affair, there is no need to agonize for years to come. IMO, victims of domestic abuse deserve much more compassion and support than the spouses of cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think American women have made a much bigger deal about affairs than anyone else and it's caused much more problems than the actual affair itself. The way they process the affair in their minds is actually much worse than the affair itself. This happens all over the world and marriages still survive. To remain angry and possibly end the marriage is still a decision that is made by the woman. She could just as easily (much easier in fact) forgive and forget and maintain the marriage. I think media has conditioned them to over react.

Well there are diseases and also repeat offenses so it's not usually just a onetime thing. What is really happening is that yes America has higher standards than the rest of the world in many areas of marriage and fidelity and looking to other countries is looking downward to cultures that respect women less and expect them to live in abusive relationships. Many of these countries even allow for marriages to more than one woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think American women have made a much bigger deal about affairs than anyone else and it's caused much more problems than the actual affair itself. The way they process the affair in their minds is actually much worse than the affair itself. This happens all over the world and marriages still survive. To remain angry and possibly end the marriage is still a decision that is made by the woman. She could just as easily (much easier in fact) forgive and forget and maintain the marriage. I think media has conditioned them to over react.

Its not just American women. I’m a guy who was cheated on by my ex-wife. I divorced her because f-that. She wasn’t worth being treated like that. No one is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think American women have made a much bigger deal about affairs than anyone else and it's caused much more problems than the actual affair itself. The way they process the affair in their minds is actually much worse than the affair itself. This happens all over the world and marriages still survive. To remain angry and possibly end the marriage is still a decision that is made by the woman. She could just as easily (much easier in fact) forgive and forget and maintain the marriage. I think media has conditioned them to over react.

Its not just American women. I’m a guy who was cheated on by my ex-wife. I divorced her because f-that. She wasn’t worth being treated like that. No one is.

Nope. Good for you !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think American women have made a much bigger deal about affairs than anyone else and it's caused much more problems than the actual affair itself. The way they process the affair in their minds is actually much worse than the affair itself. This happens all over the world and marriages still survive. To remain angry and possibly end the marriage is still a decision that is made by the woman. She could just as easily (much easier in fact) forgive and forget and maintain the marriage. I think media has conditioned them to over react.

I've been thinking the same; it's really self-inflicted PTSD. Even if you don't want to stay together after the affair, there is no need to agonize for years to come. IMO, victims of domestic abuse deserve much more compassion and support than the spouses of cheaters.

When I was cheated on and dumped for the OW I was gutted and it definitely took me about two years to come close to returning to my original functional, mostly happy and lovable self. It affected every aspect of my life. I didn't have kids with him but I lost my job due to not being able to function properly and seriously thought I was going to lose my mind. Couldn't sleep for the longest time, couldn't stop thinking about it all, couldn't enjoy things I previously had, especially reading, couldn't focus on a book at all. Two years later I was almost back.

I think the reason it took so long, and it certainly wasn't a case of deciding to agonize for years to come, I had almost no control over it and I tried everything I could think of and that others suggested to just "get over it". But the thing is, I loved him so much and he deceived me so thoroughly and cruelly that I was in despair that he could hurt me like that, deep despair. I was totally emotionally invested in our relationship and thought he was too. It was more the deliberate inflicting of pain than the actual sex that killed me. And all this with almost zero contact with him for the first year or so and absolutely zero since then, it's been more than a decade now. I still think of him often but am no longer in pain about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why would I feel guilt about the kids? My relationship has nothing to do with them. I have no interest in him leaving his family. I have no interest in “more” than we have now— I’m very busy with my career and friends and travel and do not want a marriage or even to have to deal with a man full time. I’m not hurting his kids.

You are literally trash in human form. How does anyone with a nominally typical upbringing become so morally hollow?

Of course you are hurting his kids, by hurting their mother if nothing else. But also - is he spending time with you that he could be spending with them? Is he spending money on you that should be spent on his family? Is he short-tempered at home and starting fights because he has cognitive dissonance over his affair with you (this happens all the time)?

He is spending time where he wants to. And money where he wants to. If there are fights at home, that is not my problem; there are no fights between us.

Haaaaaaa. Why would there be fights? /u see each other only a couple hours a month to bang.

We see each other almost every day.

NP. Not on Christmas, Thanksgiving, holidays, family events, birthdays, work functions, children’s birthdays, life events. Because you’re not fit for family, colleagues, or respected friends and neighbors. He may sneak off to see you after-hours, but you are hidden away for the main events. Not fit.

You are so desperately jealous you can’t stand it. We will be together on Christmas, and we have our Valentines Day reservations already for a night out of town. Don’t know what he’s telling her. Don’t care. Went to St Lucia for my birthday.

I have zero interest in his “neighbors” lol. But I know his best friend, who has always disliked the DW.

And where will you be sitting at the funeral?

[Anonymous]

How do these women think about the cheating when it happens to them? I guess they just accept it as part of life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think American women have made a much bigger deal about affairs than anyone else and it's caused much more problems than the actual affair itself. The way they process the affair in their minds is actually much worse than the affair itself. This happens all over the world and marriages still survive. To remain angry and possibly end the marriage is still a decision that is made by the woman. She could just as easily (much easier in fact) forgive and forget and maintain the marriage. I think media has conditioned them to over react.

The problem being that they wouldn't get the same consideration - their husband is unlikely to forgive and forget. And he's unlikely to dump his side piece, either, if his wife decides to forgive and forget. Maybe for a few months, or a year. But he'll go back.

[Anonymous]

You are so desperately jealous you can’t stand it. We will be together on Christmas, and we have our Valentines Day reservations already for a night out of town. Don’t know what he’s telling her. Don’t care. Went to St Lucia for my birthday.

I have zero interest in his “neighbors” lol. But I know his best friend, who has always disliked the DW.

You are such a type. Other women can't stand you and so you have to be "one of the guys." None of your relationships are anyhing other than surface (even though you have convinced yourself otherwise.) No guy even wanted to make it permanent with you and so your narrative is that you don't want a husband. Disgusting all around. My worst nightmare is that any of my daughters be someone like you (thankfully, they are emotionally mature adults who are nothing like you).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think American women have made a much bigger deal about affairs than anyone else and it's caused much more problems than the actual affair itself. The way they process the affair in their minds is actually much worse than the affair itself. This happens all over the world and marriages still survive. To remain angry and possibly end the marriage is still a decision that is made by the woman. She could just as easily (much easier in fact) forgive and forget and maintain the marriage. I think media has conditioned them to over react.

Its not just American women. I’m a guy who was cheated on by my ex-wife. I divorced her because f-that. She wasn’t worth being treated like that. No one is.

Nope. Good for you !

+1 I think that ^^PP is a cheater trying to make themselves feel better about their cheating.