Reply to If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, I think American women have made a much bigger deal about affairs than anyone else and it's caused much more problems than the actual affair itself.  The way they process the affair in their minds is actually much worse than the affair itself.  This happens all over the world and marriages still survive.  To remain angry and possibly end the marriage is still a decision that is made by the woman.  She could just as easily (much easier in fact) forgive and forget and maintain the marriage.  I think media has conditioned them to over react.[/quote]

I've been thinking the same; it's really self-inflicted PTSD. Even if you don't want to stay together after the affair, [b]there is no need to agonize for years to come.[/b] IMO, victims of domestic abuse deserve much more compassion and support than the spouses of cheaters. [/quote]

When I was cheated on and dumped for the OW I was gutted and it definitely took me about two years to come close to returning to my original functional, mostly happy and lovable self.  It affected every aspect of my life.  I didn't have kids with him but I lost my job due to not being able to function properly and seriously thought I was going to lose my mind.  Couldn't sleep for the longest time, couldn't stop thinking about it all, couldn't enjoy things I previously had, especially reading, couldn't focus on a book at all.  Two years later I was almost back.

I think the reason it took so long, and it certainly wasn't a case of deciding to agonize for years to come, I had almost no control over it and I tried everything I could think of and that others suggested to just "get over it".  But the thing is, I loved him so much and he deceived me so thoroughly and cruelly that I was in despair that he could hurt me like that, deep despair.  I was totally emotionally invested in our relationship and thought he was too.  It was more the deliberate inflicting of pain than the actual sex that killed me.  And all this with almost zero contact with him for the first year or so and absolutely zero since then, it's been more than a decade now.  I still think of him often but am no longer in pain about it.[/quote]

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