15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Hunh. Surprised at the replies. We have a good set of friends and their oldest has started doing this too. I’m not a fan of it and wish she would go hang with the kids/teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to add - is this girl an only child? Only children are often annoying like this. My kids have had only children friends who would always come try to talk to adults instead of their own same age friends. Their parents usually think it’s bc they are more mature, personally I think it’s bc they lack some social skills relating to peers and are used to being catered to by adults they can talk at without negative reactions bc adults are more polite

NP. This is exactly it, except I’ve seen a few non-onlies like this too. The common denominator is the kids have social issues like anxiety, processing disorder, signs of personality disorder, etc and have trouble making friends. Their parents always try to pass it off as the kids are so mature and precocious, but most kids would not choose to hang out with a bunch of 40/50 year olds all night instead of chatting on their phones with friends, for ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a very wide of normal. So OP, I wouldn’t necessarily expect this from all or even most 15 year olds, but I wouldn’t find it shocking, or annoying when a teen prefers or at least enjoys adult company. Maybe at their own home they would eventually make themselves scarce, but as a guest in someone else’s home, it makes sense that they would hang around. I doubt they were aware that you were merely tolerating their company, especially if their parents obviously value their presence and have a close relationship with them. They might also be an “old soul” who simply enjoys the company of adults. I happen to really enjoy kids like this; I was one myself.

But again, your irritation is palpable so perhaps you should not invite them over again.

There is no 15 year old I have EVER met who enjoys the company of kids 11 and under to adults. What people really want the 15 yo to do is just vanish on her phone. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

Doesn’t she want to go out with her own friends? My 15 YO might agree to this dinner once but would not want to hang out with you any more than you want to entertain her.

Can we please stop assuming that all teens have a gang of friends who are down for hanging out in person every weekend? And no, that does not mean they should be included in adults-only dinners, but that’s not what this was billed as.

Most teens do. What’s wrong with yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s abnormal and my best friends son has always done this. He’s now 20 tabs still does it. And I have the same issue at times, I can’t have some conversations I want to have with her because he’s there listening.

+1
A friend of mine does this with her daughter who is 18. My friend will not get together without her daughter so for many coffee meet ups there are the three of us. And while my friend's daughter is lovely, having her there completely changes the dynamic. I miss my friend and am growing tired of the threesome every single time.

Omg. I would just straight up ask my friend to see her alone. If not, I’d do a slow fade on the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal ish, a 15 yo doesn’t want to hang with an 11 yo. A bit odd they brought her. Next time make it clear it’s an adult event and hopefully she stays home.

That said I’d not censor anything I said either just bc a teenager was there. If the parents are offended at that, they shouldn’t bring her or maybe step in a little when your offered movie or game didn’t entice her from the table.

But for adults only, the other kids will stay home too. Including the ones entertaining OP’s kid. And you don’t need to sensor for a 15 year old.

Oh, really? Your conversations must be quite a bit less interesting than the ones my friends and I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a very wide of normal. So OP, I wouldn’t necessarily expect this from all or even most 15 year olds, but I wouldn’t find it shocking, or annoying when a teen prefers or at least enjoys adult company. Maybe at their own home they would eventually make themselves scarce, but as a guest in someone else’s home, it makes sense that they would hang around. I doubt they were aware that you were merely tolerating their company, especially if their parents obviously value their presence and have a close relationship with them. They might also be an “old soul” who simply enjoys the company of adults. I happen to really enjoy kids like this; I was one myself.

But again, your irritation is palpable so perhaps you should not invite them over again.

There is no 15 year old I have EVER met who enjoys the company of kids 11 and under to adults. What people really want the 15 yo to do is just vanish on her phone. Sad.

They don’t vanish on their phone, they talk to other kids. Did you not do that when you were a teenager?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a very wide of normal. So OP, I wouldn’t necessarily expect this from all or even most 15 year olds, but I wouldn’t find it shocking, or annoying when a teen prefers or at least enjoys adult company. Maybe at their own home they would eventually make themselves scarce, but as a guest in someone else’s home, it makes sense that they would hang around. I doubt they were aware that you were merely tolerating their company, especially if their parents obviously value their presence and have a close relationship with them. They might also be an “old soul” who simply enjoys the company of adults. I happen to really enjoy kids like this; I was one myself.

But again, your irritation is palpable so perhaps you should not invite them over again.

There is no 15 year old I have EVER met who enjoys the company of kids 11 and under to adults. What people really want the 15 yo to do is just vanish on her phone. Sad.

They don’t vanish on their phone, they talk to other kids. Did you not do that when you were a teenager?

Uh, most of us here are old enough that we didn’t have cell phones when we were teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a very wide of normal. So OP, I wouldn’t necessarily expect this from all or even most 15 year olds, but I wouldn’t find it shocking, or annoying when a teen prefers or at least enjoys adult company. Maybe at their own home they would eventually make themselves scarce, but as a guest in someone else’s home, it makes sense that they would hang around. I doubt they were aware that you were merely tolerating their company, especially if their parents obviously value their presence and have a close relationship with them. They might also be an “old soul” who simply enjoys the company of adults. I happen to really enjoy kids like this; I was one myself.

But again, your irritation is palpable so perhaps you should not invite them over again.

There is no 15 year old I have EVER met who enjoys the company of kids 11 and under to adults. What people really want the 15 yo to do is just vanish on her phone. Sad.

They don’t vanish on their phone, they talk to other kids. Did you not do that when you were a teenager?

Not to 11 year olds! Unless I was being paid

[Anonymous]

He only has her half the time, so just invite over when him is with the other parent. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s abnormal and my best friends son has always done this. He’s now 20 tabs still does it. And I have the same issue at times, I can’t have some conversations I want to have with her because he’s there listening.

+1
A friend of mine does this with her daughter who is 18. My friend will not get together without her daughter so for many coffee meet ups there are the three of us. And while my friend's daughter is lovely, having her there completely changes the dynamic. I miss my friend and am growing tired of the threesome every single time.

Omg. I would just straight up ask my friend to see her alone. If not, I’d do a slow fade on the friendship.

+2

So unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a very wide of normal. So OP, I wouldn’t necessarily expect this from all or even most 15 year olds, but I wouldn’t find it shocking, or annoying when a teen prefers or at least enjoys adult company. Maybe at their own home they would eventually make themselves scarce, but as a guest in someone else’s home, it makes sense that they would hang around. I doubt they were aware that you were merely tolerating their company, especially if their parents obviously value their presence and have a close relationship with them. They might also be an “old soul” who simply enjoys the company of adults. I happen to really enjoy kids like this; I was one myself.

But again, your irritation is palpable so perhaps you should not invite them over again.

There is no 15 year old I have EVER met who enjoys the company of kids 11 and under to adults. What people really want the 15 yo to do is just vanish on her phone. Sad.

They don’t vanish on their phone, they talk to other kids. Did you not do that when you were a teenager?

You mean the elementary schoolers? Your kids must be small.

[Anonymous]

If you invite the kids, expect the kids. Why so weird about this? You have kids, yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s abnormal and my best friends son has always done this. He’s now 20 tabs still does it. And I have the same issue at times, I can’t have some conversations I want to have with her because he’s there listening.

+1
A friend of mine does this with her daughter who is 18. My friend will not get together without her daughter so for many coffee meet ups there are the three of us. And while my friend's daughter is lovely, having her there completely changes the dynamic. I miss my friend and am growing tired of the threesome every single time.

Omg. I would just straight up ask my friend to see her alone. If not, I’d do a slow fade on the friendship.

+2

So unhealthy.

+3 OP seems like a bad influence and should back away.

[Anonymous]

The issue is not the 15-year-old and whether or not it’s normal for them to hang with adults. I think you feel deprived of your adult time and he probably wanted a break from kids. That’s fine. Lots of 15-year-olds hang out with adults. I think if you want an adults only evening, be clear on your expectations.

We started doing this in our friend group. We are clear if an event is adults only or kids welcome. If kids are welcome then our expectations are at that level.