In-laws being pushy about visiting.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the weird posters, OP.

A month or two without my in-laws visiting sounds like heaven. I don’t have a close relationship with them and they criticized our choices repeatedly with our first. I don’t expect, nor particularly, want them involved.

That said—it’s my husband’s job to set boundaries with his parents. I’m definitely the half of the couple more willing to deal with confrontation, but that particular form of emotional labor is on him.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Goodness, all these posters ripping into OP for wanting to set boundaries that will make her most comfortable sure are poster children for why we have such a terrible maternal mental health crisis in America.

The only people who should be in your home (anytime, really, but definitely postpartum) are those people who make you comfortable and supported. Obviously that isn’t OP’s in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you do that? This is your family. The baby’s family. Families come together for important events. There is something wrong that needs some immediate therapy if you can’t have healthy, normal interactions. Keepiny grandparents away for a month or more is almost cruel.

Maybe the relatives want to stay with them and they only have one bathroom? Maybe the relatives are smokers. Maybe they criticize OP a lot. Maybe they all formula fed and OP wants to nurse and not get badgered to give formula so they can feed the baby. Maybe they blast Fox 24/7 and OP and her spouse are dems who want no screens for their newborn.

You're reading a lot into things.

[Anonymous]

We'll hear from OP in a few years complaining that her ILs don't show enough interest in her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really want your kids to later say -grandma where were you when I was born? Granny says well honey I wasn’t there because I wasn’t welcome. Your mommy and daddy kept you away from me for months after you were born so I never knew you as a tiny baby.

This is so asinine. I never had these conversations with my grandparents, and I doubt you did either.

My kids ask their grandparents about when they "met" they all the time. It's definitely a thing.

NP. Here is how the conversation could go with an emotionally mature grandparent:

kid: Grandma, when did we meet?

Emotionally mature grandparent: Starting from the day you were born, your dad sent us so many pictures and videos of you. We even did a Facetime and I saw you with your bear and waving a rattle. I finally got to meet you in person when you were 2 months old. You were old enough then that your mom and dad weren't as worried about you getting sick from other people's germs. I was so happy and it was such a special day!

kid: Cool!

Re-read what you wrote and think about how sad that sounds. That sounds so sad to me. I'm so glad that DH and I have a good relationship with both sets of our parents. DD1 was early, so my parents met her at a week old, but DD2 was right on time and my mom flew in on the day of my scheduled C. My in-laws are driving distance, so they were able to just come for the day and then came back after my parents left.

This emotionally mature version is for emotionally mature people. I have no control how other people react to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg this is always such a polarizing topic and people are so rude about it.

OP, so what makes YOU happy. Agree that you will have to accept and let go that in laws may be upset.

We didn’t have in laws there until two months and they were annoying about it but life goes on. Let go of caring what anyone but your immediate family thinks and feels when you’re making decisions about your postpartum happiness/sanity. Good luck!

Totally agree. You are in charge of yourself and your child. Do not allow control freaks to interfere.

+1

+2

Every family is different. A lot of people are pretty obviously projecting their own relationships and/or experiences on OP. Hey, I can admit I’m probably more sympathetic to OP’s stance just given that my in-laws are not helpful. When they visited us the first time, quite early on, my FIL pouted when my husband asked him to help with one or two things around the house and my MIL walked around straightening my pictures on the wall and telling me everything she did as a first time mom. (None of which were things I was doing.) Such is family! But you bet your butt we had them wait awhile the second time. Just wasn’t worth the disruption to what should be a time to recover and bond. Also, my marriage definitely was better off without adding in-law stress to the postpartum period!

And to everyone assuming OP will “demand” help later on…no idea where that assumption comes from. That’s definitely just looking for a reason to be nasty. Also, relationships shouldn’t be a quid pro quo thing anyways, hopefully.

Good luck! Wishing you a peaceful time at home bonding with your new little one.