In-laws being pushy about visiting.

[Anonymous]

DH and I decided that we want to wait 1-2 months after baby is born (next month) for visitors. His parents are being very pushy about wanting to see the baby very quickly after birth. How do we hold the boundary without creating a rift? In his family it’s very common for everyone to be in the hospital etc. I’m just annoyed at our wishes not being respected.

[Anonymous]

DH needs to be firm with his family. You basically have a one or two line refrain that you keep repeating. We’ve decided we are going to take two months to adjust to bring a family of three. We’ll be happy to see/host you at Easter/Memorial Day.

[Anonymous]

Why would you do that? This is your family. The baby’s family. Families come together for important events. There is something wrong that needs some immediate therapy if you can’t have healthy, normal interactions. Keepiny grandparents away for a month or more is almost cruel.

[Anonymous]

They’re going to be upset since that’s not what they are used to and they want to meet the grandbaby. You have the right to decide, but You’ll have to accept they’ll be upset if you decide to take this stance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you do that? This is your family. The baby’s family. Families come together for important events. There is something wrong that needs some immediate therapy if you can’t have healthy, normal interactions. Keepiny grandparents away for a month or more is almost cruel.

THIS x10000

[Anonymous]

You really want your kids to later say -grandma where were you when I was born? Granny says well honey I wasn’t there because I wasn’t welcome. Your mommy and daddy kept you away from me for months after you were born so I never knew you as a tiny baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re going to be upset since that’s not what they are used to and they want to meet the grandbaby. You have the right to decide, but You’ll have to accept they’ll be upset if you decide to take this stance.

+1. That's a really long time. A week or two, sure. 1-2 months? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really want your kids to later say -grandma where were you when I was born? Granny says well honey I wasn’t there because I wasn’t welcome. Your mommy and daddy kept you away from me for months after you were born so I never knew you as a tiny baby.

This is so asinine. I never had these conversations with my grandparents, and I doubt you did either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re going to be upset since that’s not what they are used to and they want to meet the grandbaby. You have the right to decide, but You’ll have to accept they’ll be upset if you decide to take this stance.

+1. That's a really long time. A week or two, sure. 1-2 months? Why?

Immune system strength. I work in healthcare and am spooked at how intensely newborns have been affected by the multitude of respiratory viruses going around.

[Anonymous]

Come on, OP. There has to be a space between being in the room with as you deliver and making them wait until the baby is 2 months old.
Have them come when the baby is 3 weeks old and stay in a hotel or AirBNB. This way you can have your space, and they can see their grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really want your kids to later say -grandma where were you when I was born? Granny says well honey I wasn’t there because I wasn’t welcome. Your mommy and daddy kept you away from me for months after you were born so I never knew you as a tiny baby.

This is so asinine. I never had these conversations with my grandparents, and I doubt you did either.

I actually did. I’m sorry you missed out, they were nice conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re going to be upset since that’s not what they are used to and they want to meet the grandbaby. You have the right to decide, but You’ll have to accept they’ll be upset if you decide to take this stance.

+1. That's a really long time. A week or two, sure. 1-2 months? Why?

Immune system strength. I work in healthcare and am spooked at how intensely newborns have been affected by the multitude of respiratory viruses going around.

You have the burden of too much knowledge, OP. What you see isn’t a statistically correct sample bc you don’t see all the newborns whose families welcome them to the world without an issue. This will be a lifelong battle for you, but I urge you to think of other ways to let the grandparents see the baby before she is two months old.

- another health care provider and mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you do that? This is your family. The baby’s family. Families come together for important events. There is something wrong that needs some immediate therapy if you can’t have healthy, normal interactions. Keepiny grandparents away for a month or more is almost cruel.

Maybe the relatives want to stay with them and they only have one bathroom? Maybe the relatives are smokers. Maybe they criticize OP a lot. Maybe they all formula fed and OP wants to nurse and not get badgered to give formula so they can feed the baby. Maybe they blast Fox 24/7 and OP and her spouse are dems who want no screens for their newborn.

[Anonymous]

Will they be helpful? You and DH will need support the first six weeks - who will be providing that? Isolating from everyone for two months is a risk factor for PPD. You need a community, so if they will be helpful and kind, grandparents are a great place to start.

If your parents are coming and not DH’s, and they are both vaccinated and helpful people, that’s a problem, but I don’t want to project.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really want your kids to later say -grandma where were you when I was born? Granny says well honey I wasn’t there because I wasn’t welcome. Your mommy and daddy kept you away from me for months after you were born so I never knew you as a tiny baby.

I had a very close and loving relationship with my grandparents and never asked where they were when I was born. We lived three states away from them, so I assume they were home. It didn’t prevent us from developing a wonderful relationship.