In-laws being pushy about visiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you do that? This is your family. The baby’s family. Families come together for important events. There is something wrong that needs some immediate therapy if you can’t have healthy, normal interactions. Keepiny grandparents away for a month or more is almost cruel.

Maybe the relatives want to stay with them and they only have one bathroom? Maybe the relatives are smokers. Maybe they criticize OP a lot. Maybe they all formula fed and OP wants to nurse and not get badgered to give formula so they can feed the baby. Maybe they blast Fox 24/7 and OP and her spouse are dems who want no screens for their newborn.

You are reaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really want your kids to later say -grandma where were you when I was born? Granny says well honey I wasn’t there because I wasn’t welcome. Your mommy and daddy kept you away from me for months after you were born so I never knew you as a tiny baby.

This is as ridiculous as getting the grandparents away for 1-2 months. No kid would ever ask this.
OP- let them come to the hospital and cry and tell you how perfect the baby is. These are life’s best moments. You’re off base on this one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will they be helpful? You and DH will need support the first six weeks - who will be providing that? Isolating from everyone for two months is a risk factor for PPD. You need a community, so if they will be helpful and kind, grandparents are a great place to start.

If your parents are coming and not DH’s, and they are both vaccinated and helpful people, that’s a problem, but I don’t want to project.

The spouse supports the new mother and newborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I decided that we want to wait 1-2 months after baby is born (next month) for visitors. His parents are being very pushy about wanting to see the baby very quickly after birth. How do we hold the boundary without creating a rift? In his family it’s very common for everyone to be in the hospital etc. I’m just annoyed at our wishes not being respected.

OP, DH and i felt the same.


but my parents felt like others on this board.

they were not invited, they showed up anyway.

the relationship never recovered.

the parents (now grandparents) either respect the wishes of the new family unit or they do not. but for the sake of peace, i wish they would have.

[Anonymous]

I would allow a visit at 1-2 weeks (cite health reasons—lots of rsv in you area or whatever) but do not allow them to stay with you if you aren’t close enough to take advantage of their help, which it sounds like you aren’t. Like it or not, 2 months is insulting in most close families.

[Anonymous]

Idk OP. If you’re having a boy, know that karma’s a b****.

[Anonymous]

It's not fair to make them wait two months to see the baby. Put them in a hotel room if you must, but let them see the baby. You're being ridiculous and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will they be helpful? You and DH will need support the first six weeks - who will be providing that? Isolating from everyone for two months is a risk factor for PPD. You need a community, so if they will be helpful and kind, grandparents are a great place to start.

If your parents are coming and not DH’s, and they are both vaccinated and helpful people, that’s a problem, but I don’t want to project.

The spouse supports the new mother and newborn.

White people!!! This is what family is for, my mom stayed with us for two months both times, she was so amazingly helpful. She took care of me, helped with the baby, fed us, let us get rest. It was truly wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I decided that we want to wait 1-2 months after baby is born (next month) for visitors. His parents are being very pushy about wanting to see the baby very quickly after birth. How do we hold the boundary without creating a rift? In his family it’s very common for everyone to be in the hospital etc. I’m just annoyed at our wishes not being respected.

All the rules for everyone in the family or just his? If you have different rules for your folks that is unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will they be helpful? You and DH will need support the first six weeks - who will be providing that? Isolating from everyone for two months is a risk factor for PPD. You need a community, so if they will be helpful and kind, grandparents are a great place to start.

If your parents are coming and not DH’s, and they are both vaccinated and helpful people, that’s a problem, but I don’t want to project.

The spouse supports the new mother and newborn.

White people!!! This is what family is for, my mom stayed with us for two months both times, she was so amazingly helpful. She took care of me, helped with the baby, fed us, let us get rest. It was truly wonderful.

Please watch yourself. You cannot possibly make this a "white thing" And I am very resentful that you brought race into it. Yes, I am white but, didn't have these rules when my babies were born.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard. 1-2 days sure, but 1-2 months?!? The grandparents want newborn snuggles. Come on OP, have a heart.

[Anonymous]

You also need to consider that you may want the help. I don’t think they are being pushy at all. I think they are - understandably - wanting to meet the baby asap. They can mask etc. you know deep inside there is a way to make this work, if you choose not to, it’s ok, but own it. It’s not about viruses:

[Anonymous]

I really think this is pretty cruel. I would only do this if you have abusive parents. I get not wanting people to be in the same room as you while you give birth.

I'm not as inflammatory as the pp who says grandkids ask where their grandparents were, but it's somewhat true. My paternal grandparents hated my mom. They didn't come when I was born and I thought that was mean of them. They were always lovely to me, but I didn't like their treatment of my mom. And I didn't like how my mom acted towards them.

[Anonymous]

I think this is excessive unless there is a history with ILs that you are not sharing. You could require that they stay in a hotel and not in your house, but 1-2 months seems unrealistic for loving families.

[Anonymous]

Mine aren’t helpful and create way more work for me plus learning how to breastfeed is hard so 1-2 months is reasonable to me.