Anonymous wrote:^^And that's not because the social workers or doctors hate you, OP, or want to make your life miserable, or don't care about you, or her. It's because they CAN'T change it, anymore than you can.
Not without a declaration of incompetence and placement.
I suspect they know that she is not at that point yet, even if you might think she is. I suspect that disconnect is at the root of your anger, but they can't fix it.
And as I said, the new hospice is non-profit and thus can take donations. They do so much more and I intend to donate as well from her home proceeds. Why some of you don’t understand there are good and bad hospices and social workers is beyond me, but this is DCUM and there you are! TBH, I find the people in the DC area to be insufferable and plan to leave
This really is very hard. I've been through this three times. Yes, there are good and bad staff everywhere. It is not, however, the fault of a social worker that your aunt doesn't qualify for Medicaid. If her assets are over the line, even by a smidgen, then it is too much. Rather than railing against the person, ask them how you can divest the asset in order for her to qualify. And the reality is, if your aunt really is so close to her final days, there is no way she would qualify for Medicaid on such a short turnaround. In the state where I handled this with my parents, I think the state has up to 45 days to make a determination on an application. I can't remember how long it takes after that for there to be an expenditure of funds.
And non profits are often more flexible. They can't and don't violate Medicaid rules, but sometimes have other resources to help a family. I had family members in three different settings. While the staff at the for profit nursing home where my dad lived were all incredibly nice, the overall services at the nonprofit where my mother was for her last years were much, much better. And my older sibling passed away in an county-run adult residential home for individuals with developmental disabilities where they also had hospice in place services. It is very, very hard to get a bed in a physical hospice.
GL to you, OP.
Not blaming the social worker about Medicaid. It is what it is. I don’t know where you got that idea? Medicaid has look back rules. My aunt will be gone in a few days, nurse said. A younger retired friend who’s done this before has come to help as paid aide. Godsend. The real issue here is my aunt is so stubborn, she’s refused all places in these very last days, insisting on staying home, not really understanding the burden she’s placed on me and the dangerous situation she’s placed herself in.
The other social worker was only interested in taking everything they could financially because she was not eligible for Medicaid - she just missed the cutoff due to a small pension on top of SS. Perhaps blame is a stretch but the staff's hands may be tied on what they can do, especially if this hospice is connected to a corporation. Who chose this hospice for your aunt? So hard to get hospice beds, but my experience has been that the non-profit ones are often better simply because care, not return to shareholders, is what guides their mission.
That is true - the OTHER social worker threatened to take all her assets if I dared even ask for respite care, which MediCARE pays for. As I said, the same hospice blamed me AND my aunt for stealing fentanyl patches the nurse herself put in another box. We found them before her terse, accusatory phone call to me. I’d call it a one-off until she blamed me a SECOND time for medicating my aunt too early, when her CNA clearly did it. I was at my folks (all three in the household can vouch for that), and came back to my aunt’s at the same time the CNA was leaving. I looked immediately in her clearly marked med box to find ALL the PM pills she was supposed to have at 8 PM gone. All the CNA was to do was give my aunt ONE of the breakthrough meds if she asked for it due to pain. I put a chart on the wall daily in plain sight with the AM meds, what they were, and what time they were given. It was not a hard job, and the CNA STILL managed to f it up. It’s clear they were not the right hospice so I changed to another and it’s been so much better.
The cancer center recommended the other hospice to my aunt.
You don't get all this. Medicare does not pay for respite. Medicaid might depending on what state you are in. Medicaid also pays for long term nursing homes BUT they do require you to have limited assests and if you have things like a home, they don't require you to sell it but they put a lien on the home to pay back for the care.
Hospice doesn't run daily care. A family member or private agency does.
If the medication is missing it can be an issue for hospice. They need to stop giving out medication if the caretakers cannot handle it properly.
God, some of you are so clueless and love to start with “you don’t get this’ when indeed it is the poster who doesn’t: Social worker said medicare DOES pay for 5 day inpatient hospice. Then they get sent home. Where the donations kick in is the hospice can use those donations to keep the person longer. The new hospice has provided almost daily nursing care and CNA care.
My aunt does NOT own the home. WE do, and hospice has already stated it’s untouchable as a result. We acted as the bank for her and she welched on the mortgage after one payment 22 years ago and my husband was too kind to evict her. The legal paperwork he filed ensured he would get his money back when she passed, and he didn’t need it immediately. I found out yesterday she was telling all my cousins and aunts and uncles that she’s been renting the house from us, has been paying rent all these years, and that my husband is a slumlord because he would not ‘fix up the house’. The house is in very good condition. She lied about her income as well. That jives with a nasty letter she wrote my husband over a decade ago stating that ‘since she stopped paying the mortgage, we now own the house and it’s our responsibility to provide anything she asks for’. When confronted with the letter, she claimed she didn’t remember writing that, and it must’ve been due to the narcotics she needs for pain. The pieces of the puzzle are coming together now and I’m glad most of my relatives didn’t really believe her anyway.
A younger friend of my aunt’s has stepped in to care for her in exchange for her relatively new vehicle. I was helping my aunt because it was important to my mother, given it was her sister. My mother told me yesterday after what she’s found out from her family in recent days, she doesn’t give a raging crap anymore. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be moving to my mother’s and father’s house for a couple weeks to enjoy their company and help, then go home to prepare for my parents move back east this spring. That’s a huge ray of sunshine right there.
Your post makes zero sense. ZERO! If she is that ill, take her to the hospital and they can deal with her and get her into a nursing home. Medicare pays for hospice. Very few places have hospice facilities but if your area does, take her there and put her in it. They pay for more than five days or that gives you time to find her a nursing home bed. This sounds completely fake at this point.
You sound nuts. If you own the house and she's paying rent, in 22 years, it probably has needed repairs. So, if you didn't do those repairs you would be a slum board. Leave the poor woman alone. Drop her off at the hospital and let someone responsible manage her care.
Really? This kind of cleared things up for me. The aunt is not a nice person, OP has been pressured by her mom to take care of this aunt for decades, and OP and her husband have essentially paying the aunt’s mortgage for 20 years with the plan of getting the house when she died. This is why the OP is invested in her aunt’s care, no one else is, and the OP doesn’t want to use her aunt’s home as an asset to pay for her end of life care.
We have not been “paying the mortgage”. We are the mortgager, i.e. the bank. She welched on the mortgage and my husband did not evict her out of kindness. She’s told everyone that WE own the house and SHE has paid us rent all these years. She hasn’t. I came here because my mother had a heart attack and was helping my aunt physically get to radiation. She took a huge turn for the worse and is now dying, bedridden, of sound mind, and refusing hospital care. There are no hospice beds available right now and she, ironically, makes too much money in pension and social security to qualify for Medicaid. In other words, she could have paid the mortgage to my husband all these years and deliberately lied that her income had been reduced, that her pension had run out.
You aren't listening to anything anyone is saying. Long term care medicaid is a waiver program that pays for nursing home care. She would not qualify for regular medicaid if she gets a small pension and social security but she would qualify for the nursing home/long term care program.
If she is that sick, you take her to the hospital and the social worker/staff make a discharge plan to a nursing home. Medicare will pay for a short term hospital stay until a hospice bed opens (medicare pays for hospice) or till someone does the paperwork for the long term care nursing home medicaid program.
When was the last time she paid the rent. If she just stopped it is probably because she is unable to manage her own money right now and that's an entirely different issue.
She can still get the nursing home medicaid but you will not listen to us. Worst case, they put a lien on the house.
Anonymous wrote:I think OP is being unfairly criticised here.
Some of you seem to think that OP should be making decisions about her aunt's end of life care. Why? She is her aunt's NIECE, not her aunt's daughter.
OP stated from the start that she comes from a large family with 30+ nieces and nephews. Why should OP make all the effort here while other family members can sit back and have a nice life?
OP just happens to be the one who is physically there in person. This doesn't mean she should be burdened with end of life decisions.
This is correct. Thank you. Add to this, that my aunt gave another niece medical power of attorney and a friend power of attorney. I have no legal power at all. All I can do is ensure she doesn’t die in her own waste, in dire pain, since there is no hospice bed. I am grateful for the very caring social worker, very caring hospice nurse/aids/clergy, and a very caring friend who my aunt sometimes treated like garbage.
Call 911 and get her transported to the hospital now. That is what you can do and they'll have to make a discharge plan and cannot release her without one.
Talk to the friend/niece about putting her in a nursing home. Find a bed and they can authorize it if you are worried. Most nursing homes will not care who has POA. You can also file for legal guardianship. The friend who has POA can take over the money and start paying you the mortgage money since that is a priority for you. Aunt cannot handle her own money.
Anonymous wrote:I think OP is being unfairly criticised here.
Some of you seem to think that OP should be making decisions about her aunt's end of life care. Why? She is her aunt's NIECE, not her aunt's daughter.
OP stated from the start that she comes from a large family with 30+ nieces and nephews. Why should OP make all the effort here while other family members can sit back and have a nice life?
OP just happens to be the one who is physically there in person. This doesn't mean she should be burdened with end of life decisions.
I think most people are saying the opposite of that. OP should go. Her aunt should be making her own decisions about her end of life care. If she wants to die at home alone, then she should be able to do that. If she wants to sell her house to pay for end of life care instead of leaving it to OP, then she should be able to do that too. OP and her husband made a stupid financial decision with the house when they didn’t actually foreclose on the house and legally put it in their names when the aunt stopped paying her mortgage and they let her live there. This isn’t the social worker’s fault. At all.
The house does not need to be sold. Medicaid puts a lien on the house. However, aunt is not in a position if she's end of life and that sick to care for herself and that is the issue.
She
Doesn’t
Qualify
For
Medicaid
Too much income.
YES SHE DOES. There are different kinds of medicaid. Regular medicaid does not pay for nursing homes. Its a special waiver program that has different eligibility limits. If she's only making $3000-4000 a month, she will qualify. Or, you can take that money she does have and pay for aids. She can be denied regular medicaid and still get long term care medicaid.
Anonymous wrote:I think OP is being unfairly criticised here.
Some of you seem to think that OP should be making decisions about her aunt's end of life care. Why? She is her aunt's NIECE, not her aunt's daughter.
OP stated from the start that she comes from a large family with 30+ nieces and nephews. Why should OP make all the effort here while other family members can sit back and have a nice life?
OP just happens to be the one who is physically there in person. This doesn't mean she should be burdened with end of life decisions.
I think most people are saying the opposite of that. OP should go. Her aunt should be making her own decisions about her end of life care. If she wants to die at home alone, then she should be able to do that. If she wants to sell her house to pay for end of life care instead of leaving it to OP, then she should be able to do that too. OP and her husband made a stupid financial decision with the house when they didn’t actually foreclose on the house and legally put it in their names when the aunt stopped paying her mortgage and they let her live there. This isn’t the social worker’s fault. At all.
The house does not need to be sold. Medicaid puts a lien on the house. However, aunt is not in a position if she's end of life and that sick to care for herself and that is the issue.
She
Doesn’t
Qualify
For
Medicaid
Too much income.
YES SHE DOES. There are different kinds of medicaid. Regular medicaid does not pay for nursing homes. Its a special waiver program that has different eligibility limits. If she's only making $3000-4000 a month, she will qualify. Or, you can take that money she does have and pay for aids. She can be denied regular medicaid and still get long term care medicaid.
You are totally thick. She needs round the clock care. She cannot get out of bed. Her body is shot, her mind is there though. I called multiple companies that hire out aides. $40/hr, 8 hr minimum, 4 day minimum and they DO NOT MEDICATE. For a woman that needs medication every two hours, how the HELL is this helpful?!? And again, she DOES NOT QUALIFY for long-term medicaid because she has less than a month left, generously. JFC.
Medicaid long term care is defined as assistance for persons who have chronic, ongoing illnesses or disabilities. She DOES NOT QUALIFY as she is on end-of-life hospice. Again, JFC.
Anonymous wrote:I think OP is being unfairly criticised here.
Some of you seem to think that OP should be making decisions about her aunt's end of life care. Why? She is her aunt's NIECE, not her aunt's daughter.
OP stated from the start that she comes from a large family with 30+ nieces and nephews. Why should OP make all the effort here while other family members can sit back and have a nice life?
OP just happens to be the one who is physically there in person. This doesn't mean she should be burdened with end of life decisions.
This is correct. Thank you. Add to this, that my aunt gave another niece medical power of attorney and a friend power of attorney. I have no legal power at all. All I can do is ensure she doesn’t die in her own waste, in dire pain, since there is no hospice bed. I am grateful for the very caring social worker, very caring hospice nurse/aids/clergy, and a very caring friend who my aunt sometimes treated like garbage.
Call 911 and get her transported to the hospital now. That is what you can do and they'll have to make a discharge plan and cannot release her without one.
Talk to the friend/niece about putting her in a nursing home. Find a bed and they can authorize it if you are worried. Most nursing homes will not care who has POA. You can also file for legal guardianship. The friend who has POA can take over the money and start paying you the mortgage money since that is a priority for you. Aunt cannot handle her own money.
They can discharge her to home hospice care - and will do just that, since she has a hospice company in place.
Anonymous wrote:I think OP is being unfairly criticised here.
Some of you seem to think that OP should be making decisions about her aunt's end of life care. Why? She is her aunt's NIECE, not her aunt's daughter.
OP stated from the start that she comes from a large family with 30+ nieces and nephews. Why should OP make all the effort here while other family members can sit back and have a nice life?
OP just happens to be the one who is physically there in person. This doesn't mean she should be burdened with end of life decisions.
This is correct. Thank you. Add to this, that my aunt gave another niece medical power of attorney and a friend power of attorney. I have no legal power at all. All I can do is ensure she doesn’t die in her own waste, in dire pain, since there is no hospice bed. I am grateful for the very caring social worker, very caring hospice nurse/aids/clergy, and a very caring friend who my aunt sometimes treated like garbage.
Call 911 and get her transported to the hospital now. That is what you can do and they'll have to make a discharge plan and cannot release her without one.
Talk to the friend/niece about putting her in a nursing home. Find a bed and they can authorize it if you are worried. Most nursing homes will not care who has POA. You can also file for legal guardianship. The friend who has POA can take over the money and start paying you the mortgage money since that is a priority for you. Aunt cannot handle her own money.
The f-ing mortgage money is not a priority for me. I could care less. The hospice will not move her to a hospice against her will since she is mentally competent. The medical power of attorney only kicks in if she is found not competent of making her own decisions.
"A Medical Power of Attorney is a legal instrument that allows you to select the person that you want to make healthcare decisions for you if and when you become unable to make them for yourself. "
Anonymous wrote:^^And that's not because the social workers or doctors hate you, OP, or want to make your life miserable, or don't care about you, or her. It's because they CAN'T change it, anymore than you can.
Not without a declaration of incompetence and placement.
I suspect they know that she is not at that point yet, even if you might think she is. I suspect that disconnect is at the root of your anger, but they can't fix it.
And as I said, the new hospice is non-profit and thus can take donations. They do so much more and I intend to donate as well from her home proceeds. Why some of you don’t understand there are good and bad hospices and social workers is beyond me, but this is DCUM and there you are! TBH, I find the people in the DC area to be insufferable and plan to leave
This really is very hard. I've been through this three times. Yes, there are good and bad staff everywhere. It is not, however, the fault of a social worker that your aunt doesn't qualify for Medicaid. If her assets are over the line, even by a smidgen, then it is too much. Rather than railing against the person, ask them how you can divest the asset in order for her to qualify. And the reality is, if your aunt really is so close to her final days, there is no way she would qualify for Medicaid on such a short turnaround. In the state where I handled this with my parents, I think the state has up to 45 days to make a determination on an application. I can't remember how long it takes after that for there to be an expenditure of funds.
And non profits are often more flexible. They can't and don't violate Medicaid rules, but sometimes have other resources to help a family. I had family members in three different settings. While the staff at the for profit nursing home where my dad lived were all incredibly nice, the overall services at the nonprofit where my mother was for her last years were much, much better. And my older sibling passed away in an county-run adult residential home for individuals with developmental disabilities where they also had hospice in place services. It is very, very hard to get a bed in a physical hospice.
GL to you, OP.
Not blaming the social worker about Medicaid. It is what it is. I don’t know where you got that idea? Medicaid has look back rules. My aunt will be gone in a few days, nurse said. A younger retired friend who’s done this before has come to help as paid aide. Godsend. The real issue here is my aunt is so stubborn, she’s refused all places in these very last days, insisting on staying home, not really understanding the burden she’s placed on me and the dangerous situation she’s placed herself in.
The other social worker was only interested in taking everything they could financially because she was not eligible for Medicaid - she just missed the cutoff due to a small pension on top of SS. Perhaps blame is a stretch but the staff's hands may be tied on what they can do, especially if this hospice is connected to a corporation. Who chose this hospice for your aunt? So hard to get hospice beds, but my experience has been that the non-profit ones are often better simply because care, not return to shareholders, is what guides their mission.
That is true - the OTHER social worker threatened to take all her assets if I dared even ask for respite care, which MediCARE pays for. As I said, the same hospice blamed me AND my aunt for stealing fentanyl patches the nurse herself put in another box. We found them before her terse, accusatory phone call to me. I’d call it a one-off until she blamed me a SECOND time for medicating my aunt too early, when her CNA clearly did it. I was at my folks (all three in the household can vouch for that), and came back to my aunt’s at the same time the CNA was leaving. I looked immediately in her clearly marked med box to find ALL the PM pills she was supposed to have at 8 PM gone. All the CNA was to do was give my aunt ONE of the breakthrough meds if she asked for it due to pain. I put a chart on the wall daily in plain sight with the AM meds, what they were, and what time they were given. It was not a hard job, and the CNA STILL managed to f it up. It’s clear they were not the right hospice so I changed to another and it’s been so much better.
The cancer center recommended the other hospice to my aunt.
You don't get all this. Medicare does not pay for respite. Medicaid might depending on what state you are in. Medicaid also pays for long term nursing homes BUT they do require you to have limited assests and if you have things like a home, they don't require you to sell it but they put a lien on the home to pay back for the care.
Hospice doesn't run daily care. A family member or private agency does.
If the medication is missing it can be an issue for hospice. They need to stop giving out medication if the caretakers cannot handle it properly.
God, some of you are so clueless and love to start with “you don’t get this’ when indeed it is the poster who doesn’t: Social worker said medicare DOES pay for 5 day inpatient hospice. Then they get sent home. Where the donations kick in is the hospice can use those donations to keep the person longer. The new hospice has provided almost daily nursing care and CNA care.
My aunt does NOT own the home. WE do, and hospice has already stated it’s untouchable as a result. We acted as the bank for her and she welched on the mortgage after one payment 22 years ago and my husband was too kind to evict her. The legal paperwork he filed ensured he would get his money back when she passed, and he didn’t need it immediately. I found out yesterday she was telling all my cousins and aunts and uncles that she’s been renting the house from us, has been paying rent all these years, and that my husband is a slumlord because he would not ‘fix up the house’. The house is in very good condition. She lied about her income as well. That jives with a nasty letter she wrote my husband over a decade ago stating that ‘since she stopped paying the mortgage, we now own the house and it’s our responsibility to provide anything she asks for’. When confronted with the letter, she claimed she didn’t remember writing that, and it must’ve been due to the narcotics she needs for pain. The pieces of the puzzle are coming together now and I’m glad most of my relatives didn’t really believe her anyway.
A younger friend of my aunt’s has stepped in to care for her in exchange for her relatively new vehicle. I was helping my aunt because it was important to my mother, given it was her sister. My mother told me yesterday after what she’s found out from her family in recent days, she doesn’t give a raging crap anymore. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be moving to my mother’s and father’s house for a couple weeks to enjoy their company and help, then go home to prepare for my parents move back east this spring. That’s a huge ray of sunshine right there.
Your post makes zero sense. ZERO! If she is that ill, take her to the hospital and they can deal with her and get her into a nursing home. Medicare pays for hospice. Very few places have hospice facilities but if your area does, take her there and put her in it. They pay for more than five days or that gives you time to find her a nursing home bed. This sounds completely fake at this point.
You sound nuts. If you own the house and she's paying rent, in 22 years, it probably has needed repairs. So, if you didn't do those repairs you would be a slum board. Leave the poor woman alone. Drop her off at the hospital and let someone responsible manage her care.
Really? This kind of cleared things up for me. The aunt is not a nice person, OP has been pressured by her mom to take care of this aunt for decades, and OP and her husband have essentially paying the aunt’s mortgage for 20 years with the plan of getting the house when she died. This is why the OP is invested in her aunt’s care, no one else is, and the OP doesn’t want to use her aunt’s home as an asset to pay for her end of life care.
We have not been “paying the mortgage”. We are the mortgager, i.e. the bank. She welched on the mortgage and my husband did not evict her out of kindness. She’s told everyone that WE own the house and SHE has paid us rent all these years. She hasn’t. I came here because my mother had a heart attack and was helping my aunt physically get to radiation. She took a huge turn for the worse and is now dying, bedridden, of sound mind, and refusing hospital care. There are no hospice beds available right now and she, ironically, makes too much money in pension and social security to qualify for Medicaid. In other words, she could have paid the mortgage to my husband all these years and deliberately lied that her income had been reduced, that her pension had run out.
You aren't listening to anything anyone is saying. Long term care medicaid is a waiver program that pays for nursing home care. She would not qualify for regular medicaid if she gets a small pension and social security but she would qualify for the nursing home/long term care program.
If she is that sick, you take her to the hospital and the social worker/staff make a discharge plan to a nursing home. Medicare will pay for a short term hospital stay until a hospice bed opens (medicare pays for hospice) or till someone does the paperwork for the long term care nursing home medicaid program.
When was the last time she paid the rent. If she just stopped it is probably because she is unable to manage her own money right now and that's an entirely different issue.
She can still get the nursing home medicaid but you will not listen to us. Worst case, they put a lien on the house.
She does not qualify for long-term care medicaid because it isn't within their definition of a long-term care case. Duh.
Anonymous wrote:^^And that's not because the social workers or doctors hate you, OP, or want to make your life miserable, or don't care about you, or her. It's because they CAN'T change it, anymore than you can.
Not without a declaration of incompetence and placement.
I suspect they know that she is not at that point yet, even if you might think she is. I suspect that disconnect is at the root of your anger, but they can't fix it.
And as I said, the new hospice is non-profit and thus can take donations. They do so much more and I intend to donate as well from her home proceeds. Why some of you don’t understand there are good and bad hospices and social workers is beyond me, but this is DCUM and there you are! TBH, I find the people in the DC area to be insufferable and plan to leave
This really is very hard. I've been through this three times. Yes, there are good and bad staff everywhere. It is not, however, the fault of a social worker that your aunt doesn't qualify for Medicaid. If her assets are over the line, even by a smidgen, then it is too much. Rather than railing against the person, ask them how you can divest the asset in order for her to qualify. And the reality is, if your aunt really is so close to her final days, there is no way she would qualify for Medicaid on such a short turnaround. In the state where I handled this with my parents, I think the state has up to 45 days to make a determination on an application. I can't remember how long it takes after that for there to be an expenditure of funds.
And non profits are often more flexible. They can't and don't violate Medicaid rules, but sometimes have other resources to help a family. I had family members in three different settings. While the staff at the for profit nursing home where my dad lived were all incredibly nice, the overall services at the nonprofit where my mother was for her last years were much, much better. And my older sibling passed away in an county-run adult residential home for individuals with developmental disabilities where they also had hospice in place services. It is very, very hard to get a bed in a physical hospice.
GL to you, OP.
Not blaming the social worker about Medicaid. It is what it is. I don’t know where you got that idea? Medicaid has look back rules. My aunt will be gone in a few days, nurse said. A younger retired friend who’s done this before has come to help as paid aide. Godsend. The real issue here is my aunt is so stubborn, she’s refused all places in these very last days, insisting on staying home, not really understanding the burden she’s placed on me and the dangerous situation she’s placed herself in.
The other social worker was only interested in taking everything they could financially because she was not eligible for Medicaid - she just missed the cutoff due to a small pension on top of SS. Perhaps blame is a stretch but the staff's hands may be tied on what they can do, especially if this hospice is connected to a corporation. Who chose this hospice for your aunt? So hard to get hospice beds, but my experience has been that the non-profit ones are often better simply because care, not return to shareholders, is what guides their mission.
That is true - the OTHER social worker threatened to take all her assets if I dared even ask for respite care, which MediCARE pays for. As I said, the same hospice blamed me AND my aunt for stealing fentanyl patches the nurse herself put in another box. We found them before her terse, accusatory phone call to me. I’d call it a one-off until she blamed me a SECOND time for medicating my aunt too early, when her CNA clearly did it. I was at my folks (all three in the household can vouch for that), and came back to my aunt’s at the same time the CNA was leaving. I looked immediately in her clearly marked med box to find ALL the PM pills she was supposed to have at 8 PM gone. All the CNA was to do was give my aunt ONE of the breakthrough meds if she asked for it due to pain. I put a chart on the wall daily in plain sight with the AM meds, what they were, and what time they were given. It was not a hard job, and the CNA STILL managed to f it up. It’s clear they were not the right hospice so I changed to another and it’s been so much better.
The cancer center recommended the other hospice to my aunt.
You don't get all this. Medicare does not pay for respite. Medicaid might depending on what state you are in. Medicaid also pays for long term nursing homes BUT they do require you to have limited assests and if you have things like a home, they don't require you to sell it but they put a lien on the home to pay back for the care.
Hospice doesn't run daily care. A family member or private agency does.
If the medication is missing it can be an issue for hospice. They need to stop giving out medication if the caretakers cannot handle it properly.
God, some of you are so clueless and love to start with “you don’t get this’ when indeed it is the poster who doesn’t: Social worker said medicare DOES pay for 5 day inpatient hospice. Then they get sent home. Where the donations kick in is the hospice can use those donations to keep the person longer. The new hospice has provided almost daily nursing care and CNA care.
My aunt does NOT own the home. WE do, and hospice has already stated it’s untouchable as a result. We acted as the bank for her and she welched on the mortgage after one payment 22 years ago and my husband was too kind to evict her. The legal paperwork he filed ensured he would get his money back when she passed, and he didn’t need it immediately. I found out yesterday she was telling all my cousins and aunts and uncles that she’s been renting the house from us, has been paying rent all these years, and that my husband is a slumlord because he would not ‘fix up the house’. The house is in very good condition. She lied about her income as well. That jives with a nasty letter she wrote my husband over a decade ago stating that ‘since she stopped paying the mortgage, we now own the house and it’s our responsibility to provide anything she asks for’. When confronted with the letter, she claimed she didn’t remember writing that, and it must’ve been due to the narcotics she needs for pain. The pieces of the puzzle are coming together now and I’m glad most of my relatives didn’t really believe her anyway.
A younger friend of my aunt’s has stepped in to care for her in exchange for her relatively new vehicle. I was helping my aunt because it was important to my mother, given it was her sister. My mother told me yesterday after what she’s found out from her family in recent days, she doesn’t give a raging crap anymore. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be moving to my mother’s and father’s house for a couple weeks to enjoy their company and help, then go home to prepare for my parents move back east this spring. That’s a huge ray of sunshine right there.
Your post makes zero sense. ZERO! If she is that ill, take her to the hospital and they can deal with her and get her into a nursing home. Medicare pays for hospice. Very few places have hospice facilities but if your area does, take her there and put her in it. They pay for more than five days or that gives you time to find her a nursing home bed. This sounds completely fake at this point.
You sound nuts. If you own the house and she's paying rent, in 22 years, it probably has needed repairs. So, if you didn't do those repairs you would be a slum board. Leave the poor woman alone. Drop her off at the hospital and let someone responsible manage her care.
Really? This kind of cleared things up for me. The aunt is not a nice person, OP has been pressured by her mom to take care of this aunt for decades, and OP and her husband have essentially paying the aunt’s mortgage for 20 years with the plan of getting the house when she died. This is why the OP is invested in her aunt’s care, no one else is, and the OP doesn’t want to use her aunt’s home as an asset to pay for her end of life care.
We have not been “paying the mortgage”. We are the mortgager, i.e. the bank. She welched on the mortgage and my husband did not evict her out of kindness. She’s told everyone that WE own the house and SHE has paid us rent all these years. She hasn’t. I came here because my mother had a heart attack and was helping my aunt physically get to radiation. She took a huge turn for the worse and is now dying, bedridden, of sound mind, and refusing hospital care. There are no hospice beds available right now and she, ironically, makes too much money in pension and social security to qualify for Medicaid. In other words, she could have paid the mortgage to my husband all these years and deliberately lied that her income had been reduced, that her pension had run out.
You aren't listening to anything anyone is saying. Long term care medicaid is a waiver program that pays for nursing home care. She would not qualify for regular medicaid if she gets a small pension and social security but she would qualify for the nursing home/long term care program.
If she is that sick, you take her to the hospital and the social worker/staff make a discharge plan to a nursing home. Medicare will pay for a short term hospital stay until a hospice bed opens (medicare pays for hospice) or till someone does the paperwork for the long term care nursing home medicaid program.
When was the last time she paid the rent. If she just stopped it is probably because she is unable to manage her own money right now and that's an entirely different issue.
She can still get the nursing home medicaid but you will not listen to us. Worst case, they put a lien on the house.
She does not qualify for long-term care medicaid because it isn't within their definition of a long-term care case. Duh.
You keep making excuses. Yes, it does qualify as it isn't about the long term if she will die in the next few months, it is about getting nursing care and that is the program name. You need to step back as you are doing more harm than good and are really nasty.
Anonymous wrote:I think OP is being unfairly criticised here.
Some of you seem to think that OP should be making decisions about her aunt's end of life care. Why? She is her aunt's NIECE, not her aunt's daughter.
OP stated from the start that she comes from a large family with 30+ nieces and nephews. Why should OP make all the effort here while other family members can sit back and have a nice life?
OP just happens to be the one who is physically there in person. This doesn't mean she should be burdened with end of life decisions.
This is correct. Thank you. Add to this, that my aunt gave another niece medical power of attorney and a friend power of attorney. I have no legal power at all. All I can do is ensure she doesn’t die in her own waste, in dire pain, since there is no hospice bed. I am grateful for the very caring social worker, very caring hospice nurse/aids/clergy, and a very caring friend who my aunt sometimes treated like garbage.
Call 911 and get her transported to the hospital now. That is what you can do and they'll have to make a discharge plan and cannot release her without one.
Talk to the friend/niece about putting her in a nursing home. Find a bed and they can authorize it if you are worried. Most nursing homes will not care who has POA. You can also file for legal guardianship. The friend who has POA can take over the money and start paying you the mortgage money since that is a priority for you. Aunt cannot handle her own money.
The f-ing mortgage money is not a priority for me. I could care less. The hospice will not move her to a hospice against her will since she is mentally competent. The medical power of attorney only kicks in if she is found not competent of making her own decisions.
"A Medical Power of Attorney is a legal instrument that allows you to select the person that you want to make healthcare decisions for you if and when you become unable to make them for yourself. "
Then, you take her to the hospital for care and let them make a discharge plan. Yes, its about the money or you would not have brought it up. From what you are saying, she isn't mentally competent.
Anonymous wrote:^^And that's not because the social workers or doctors hate you, OP, or want to make your life miserable, or don't care about you, or her. It's because they CAN'T change it, anymore than you can.
Not without a declaration of incompetence and placement.
I suspect they know that she is not at that point yet, even if you might think she is. I suspect that disconnect is at the root of your anger, but they can't fix it.
And as I said, the new hospice is non-profit and thus can take donations. They do so much more and I intend to donate as well from her home proceeds. Why some of you don’t understand there are good and bad hospices and social workers is beyond me, but this is DCUM and there you are! TBH, I find the people in the DC area to be insufferable and plan to leave
This really is very hard. I've been through this three times. Yes, there are good and bad staff everywhere. It is not, however, the fault of a social worker that your aunt doesn't qualify for Medicaid. If her assets are over the line, even by a smidgen, then it is too much. Rather than railing against the person, ask them how you can divest the asset in order for her to qualify. And the reality is, if your aunt really is so close to her final days, there is no way she would qualify for Medicaid on such a short turnaround. In the state where I handled this with my parents, I think the state has up to 45 days to make a determination on an application. I can't remember how long it takes after that for there to be an expenditure of funds.
And non profits are often more flexible. They can't and don't violate Medicaid rules, but sometimes have other resources to help a family. I had family members in three different settings. While the staff at the for profit nursing home where my dad lived were all incredibly nice, the overall services at the nonprofit where my mother was for her last years were much, much better. And my older sibling passed away in an county-run adult residential home for individuals with developmental disabilities where they also had hospice in place services. It is very, very hard to get a bed in a physical hospice.
GL to you, OP.
Not blaming the social worker about Medicaid. It is what it is. I don’t know where you got that idea? Medicaid has look back rules. My aunt will be gone in a few days, nurse said. A younger retired friend who’s done this before has come to help as paid aide. Godsend. The real issue here is my aunt is so stubborn, she’s refused all places in these very last days, insisting on staying home, not really understanding the burden she’s placed on me and the dangerous situation she’s placed herself in.
The other social worker was only interested in taking everything they could financially because she was not eligible for Medicaid - she just missed the cutoff due to a small pension on top of SS. Perhaps blame is a stretch but the staff's hands may be tied on what they can do, especially if this hospice is connected to a corporation. Who chose this hospice for your aunt? So hard to get hospice beds, but my experience has been that the non-profit ones are often better simply because care, not return to shareholders, is what guides their mission.
That is true - the OTHER social worker threatened to take all her assets if I dared even ask for respite care, which MediCARE pays for. As I said, the same hospice blamed me AND my aunt for stealing fentanyl patches the nurse herself put in another box. We found them before her terse, accusatory phone call to me. I’d call it a one-off until she blamed me a SECOND time for medicating my aunt too early, when her CNA clearly did it. I was at my folks (all three in the household can vouch for that), and came back to my aunt’s at the same time the CNA was leaving. I looked immediately in her clearly marked med box to find ALL the PM pills she was supposed to have at 8 PM gone. All the CNA was to do was give my aunt ONE of the breakthrough meds if she asked for it due to pain. I put a chart on the wall daily in plain sight with the AM meds, what they were, and what time they were given. It was not a hard job, and the CNA STILL managed to f it up. It’s clear they were not the right hospice so I changed to another and it’s been so much better.
The cancer center recommended the other hospice to my aunt.
You don't get all this. Medicare does not pay for respite. Medicaid might depending on what state you are in. Medicaid also pays for long term nursing homes BUT they do require you to have limited assests and if you have things like a home, they don't require you to sell it but they put a lien on the home to pay back for the care.
Hospice doesn't run daily care. A family member or private agency does.
If the medication is missing it can be an issue for hospice. They need to stop giving out medication if the caretakers cannot handle it properly.
God, some of you are so clueless and love to start with “you don’t get this’ when indeed it is the poster who doesn’t: Social worker said medicare DOES pay for 5 day inpatient hospice. Then they get sent home. Where the donations kick in is the hospice can use those donations to keep the person longer. The new hospice has provided almost daily nursing care and CNA care.
My aunt does NOT own the home. WE do, and hospice has already stated it’s untouchable as a result. We acted as the bank for her and she welched on the mortgage after one payment 22 years ago and my husband was too kind to evict her. The legal paperwork he filed ensured he would get his money back when she passed, and he didn’t need it immediately. I found out yesterday she was telling all my cousins and aunts and uncles that she’s been renting the house from us, has been paying rent all these years, and that my husband is a slumlord because he would not ‘fix up the house’. The house is in very good condition. She lied about her income as well. That jives with a nasty letter she wrote my husband over a decade ago stating that ‘since she stopped paying the mortgage, we now own the house and it’s our responsibility to provide anything she asks for’. When confronted with the letter, she claimed she didn’t remember writing that, and it must’ve been due to the narcotics she needs for pain. The pieces of the puzzle are coming together now and I’m glad most of my relatives didn’t really believe her anyway.
A younger friend of my aunt’s has stepped in to care for her in exchange for her relatively new vehicle. I was helping my aunt because it was important to my mother, given it was her sister. My mother told me yesterday after what she’s found out from her family in recent days, she doesn’t give a raging crap anymore. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be moving to my mother’s and father’s house for a couple weeks to enjoy their company and help, then go home to prepare for my parents move back east this spring. That’s a huge ray of sunshine right there.
Your post makes zero sense. ZERO! If she is that ill, take her to the hospital and they can deal with her and get her into a nursing home. Medicare pays for hospice. Very few places have hospice facilities but if your area does, take her there and put her in it. They pay for more than five days or that gives you time to find her a nursing home bed. This sounds completely fake at this point.
You sound nuts. If you own the house and she's paying rent, in 22 years, it probably has needed repairs. So, if you didn't do those repairs you would be a slum board. Leave the poor woman alone. Drop her off at the hospital and let someone responsible manage her care.
Really? This kind of cleared things up for me. The aunt is not a nice person, OP has been pressured by her mom to take care of this aunt for decades, and OP and her husband have essentially paying the aunt’s mortgage for 20 years with the plan of getting the house when she died. This is why the OP is invested in her aunt’s care, no one else is, and the OP doesn’t want to use her aunt’s home as an asset to pay for her end of life care.
We have not been “paying the mortgage”. We are the mortgager, i.e. the bank. She welched on the mortgage and my husband did not evict her out of kindness. She’s told everyone that WE own the house and SHE has paid us rent all these years. She hasn’t. I came here because my mother had a heart attack and was helping my aunt physically get to radiation. She took a huge turn for the worse and is now dying, bedridden, of sound mind, and refusing hospital care. There are no hospice beds available right now and she, ironically, makes too much money in pension and social security to qualify for Medicaid. In other words, she could have paid the mortgage to my husband all these years and deliberately lied that her income had been reduced, that her pension had run out.
You aren't listening to anything anyone is saying. Long term care medicaid is a waiver program that pays for nursing home care. She would not qualify for regular medicaid if she gets a small pension and social security but she would qualify for the nursing home/long term care program.
If she is that sick, you take her to the hospital and the social worker/staff make a discharge plan to a nursing home. Medicare will pay for a short term hospital stay until a hospice bed opens (medicare pays for hospice) or till someone does the paperwork for the long term care nursing home medicaid program.
When was the last time she paid the rent. If she just stopped it is probably because she is unable to manage her own money right now and that's an entirely different issue.
She can still get the nursing home medicaid but you will not listen to us. Worst case, they put a lien on the house.
I am and I’m telling you in this state, you are incorrect. She never made one payment. It was deliberate.
Anonymous wrote:^^And that's not because the social workers or doctors hate you, OP, or want to make your life miserable, or don't care about you, or her. It's because they CAN'T change it, anymore than you can.
Not without a declaration of incompetence and placement.
I suspect they know that she is not at that point yet, even if you might think she is. I suspect that disconnect is at the root of your anger, but they can't fix it.
And as I said, the new hospice is non-profit and thus can take donations. They do so much more and I intend to donate as well from her home proceeds. Why some of you don’t understand there are good and bad hospices and social workers is beyond me, but this is DCUM and there you are! TBH, I find the people in the DC area to be insufferable and plan to leave
This really is very hard. I've been through this three times. Yes, there are good and bad staff everywhere. It is not, however, the fault of a social worker that your aunt doesn't qualify for Medicaid. If her assets are over the line, even by a smidgen, then it is too much. Rather than railing against the person, ask them how you can divest the asset in order for her to qualify. And the reality is, if your aunt really is so close to her final days, there is no way she would qualify for Medicaid on such a short turnaround. In the state where I handled this with my parents, I think the state has up to 45 days to make a determination on an application. I can't remember how long it takes after that for there to be an expenditure of funds.
And non profits are often more flexible. They can't and don't violate Medicaid rules, but sometimes have other resources to help a family. I had family members in three different settings. While the staff at the for profit nursing home where my dad lived were all incredibly nice, the overall services at the nonprofit where my mother was for her last years were much, much better. And my older sibling passed away in an county-run adult residential home for individuals with developmental disabilities where they also had hospice in place services. It is very, very hard to get a bed in a physical hospice.
GL to you, OP.
Not blaming the social worker about Medicaid. It is what it is. I don’t know where you got that idea? Medicaid has look back rules. My aunt will be gone in a few days, nurse said. A younger retired friend who’s done this before has come to help as paid aide. Godsend. The real issue here is my aunt is so stubborn, she’s refused all places in these very last days, insisting on staying home, not really understanding the burden she’s placed on me and the dangerous situation she’s placed herself in.
The other social worker was only interested in taking everything they could financially because she was not eligible for Medicaid - she just missed the cutoff due to a small pension on top of SS. Perhaps blame is a stretch but the staff's hands may be tied on what they can do, especially if this hospice is connected to a corporation. Who chose this hospice for your aunt? So hard to get hospice beds, but my experience has been that the non-profit ones are often better simply because care, not return to shareholders, is what guides their mission.
That is true - the OTHER social worker threatened to take all her assets if I dared even ask for respite care, which MediCARE pays for. As I said, the same hospice blamed me AND my aunt for stealing fentanyl patches the nurse herself put in another box. We found them before her terse, accusatory phone call to me. I’d call it a one-off until she blamed me a SECOND time for medicating my aunt too early, when her CNA clearly did it. I was at my folks (all three in the household can vouch for that), and came back to my aunt’s at the same time the CNA was leaving. I looked immediately in her clearly marked med box to find ALL the PM pills she was supposed to have at 8 PM gone. All the CNA was to do was give my aunt ONE of the breakthrough meds if she asked for it due to pain. I put a chart on the wall daily in plain sight with the AM meds, what they were, and what time they were given. It was not a hard job, and the CNA STILL managed to f it up. It’s clear they were not the right hospice so I changed to another and it’s been so much better.
The cancer center recommended the other hospice to my aunt.
You don't get all this. Medicare does not pay for respite. Medicaid might depending on what state you are in. Medicaid also pays for long term nursing homes BUT they do require you to have limited assests and if you have things like a home, they don't require you to sell it but they put a lien on the home to pay back for the care.
Hospice doesn't run daily care. A family member or private agency does.
If the medication is missing it can be an issue for hospice. They need to stop giving out medication if the caretakers cannot handle it properly.
God, some of you are so clueless and love to start with “you don’t get this’ when indeed it is the poster who doesn’t: Social worker said medicare DOES pay for 5 day inpatient hospice. Then they get sent home. Where the donations kick in is the hospice can use those donations to keep the person longer. The new hospice has provided almost daily nursing care and CNA care.
My aunt does NOT own the home. WE do, and hospice has already stated it’s untouchable as a result. We acted as the bank for her and she welched on the mortgage after one payment 22 years ago and my husband was too kind to evict her. The legal paperwork he filed ensured he would get his money back when she passed, and he didn’t need it immediately. I found out yesterday she was telling all my cousins and aunts and uncles that she’s been renting the house from us, has been paying rent all these years, and that my husband is a slumlord because he would not ‘fix up the house’. The house is in very good condition. She lied about her income as well. That jives with a nasty letter she wrote my husband over a decade ago stating that ‘since she stopped paying the mortgage, we now own the house and it’s our responsibility to provide anything she asks for’. When confronted with the letter, she claimed she didn’t remember writing that, and it must’ve been due to the narcotics she needs for pain. The pieces of the puzzle are coming together now and I’m glad most of my relatives didn’t really believe her anyway.
A younger friend of my aunt’s has stepped in to care for her in exchange for her relatively new vehicle. I was helping my aunt because it was important to my mother, given it was her sister. My mother told me yesterday after what she’s found out from her family in recent days, she doesn’t give a raging crap anymore. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be moving to my mother’s and father’s house for a couple weeks to enjoy their company and help, then go home to prepare for my parents move back east this spring. That’s a huge ray of sunshine right there.
Your post makes zero sense. ZERO! If she is that ill, take her to the hospital and they can deal with her and get her into a nursing home. Medicare pays for hospice. Very few places have hospice facilities but if your area does, take her there and put her in it. They pay for more than five days or that gives you time to find her a nursing home bed. This sounds completely fake at this point.
You sound nuts. If you own the house and she's paying rent, in 22 years, it probably has needed repairs. So, if you didn't do those repairs you would be a slum board. Leave the poor woman alone. Drop her off at the hospital and let someone responsible manage her care.
Really? This kind of cleared things up for me. The aunt is not a nice person, OP has been pressured by her mom to take care of this aunt for decades, and OP and her husband have essentially paying the aunt’s mortgage for 20 years with the plan of getting the house when she died. This is why the OP is invested in her aunt’s care, no one else is, and the OP doesn’t want to use her aunt’s home as an asset to pay for her end of life care.
We have not been “paying the mortgage”. We are the mortgager, i.e. the bank. She welched on the mortgage and my husband did not evict her out of kindness. She’s told everyone that WE own the house and SHE has paid us rent all these years. She hasn’t. I came here because my mother had a heart attack and was helping my aunt physically get to radiation. She took a huge turn for the worse and is now dying, bedridden, of sound mind, and refusing hospital care. There are no hospice beds available right now and she, ironically, makes too much money in pension and social security to qualify for Medicaid. In other words, she could have paid the mortgage to my husband all these years and deliberately lied that her income had been reduced, that her pension had run out.
You aren't listening to anything anyone is saying. Long term care medicaid is a waiver program that pays for nursing home care. She would not qualify for regular medicaid if she gets a small pension and social security but she would qualify for the nursing home/long term care program.
If she is that sick, you take her to the hospital and the social worker/staff make a discharge plan to a nursing home. Medicare will pay for a short term hospital stay until a hospice bed opens (medicare pays for hospice) or till someone does the paperwork for the long term care nursing home medicaid program.
When was the last time she paid the rent. If she just stopped it is probably because she is unable to manage her own money right now and that's an entirely different issue.
She can still get the nursing home medicaid but you will not listen to us. Worst case, they put a lien on the house.
I am and I’m telling you in this state, you are incorrect. She never made one payment. It was deliberate.
It doesn't matter if she made a payment or not. Every state has a long term medicaid nursing home program. She will be eligible based off income. They will probably put a lien on the house if the house is in her name. But, you can also take her to the hospital and if they admit her they can do a discharge plan ot a nursing home. There are lots of options here.
Anonymous wrote:^^And that's not because the social workers or doctors hate you, OP, or want to make your life miserable, or don't care about you, or her. It's because they CAN'T change it, anymore than you can.
Not without a declaration of incompetence and placement.
I suspect they know that she is not at that point yet, even if you might think she is. I suspect that disconnect is at the root of your anger, but they can't fix it.
And as I said, the new hospice is non-profit and thus can take donations. They do so much more and I intend to donate as well from her home proceeds. Why some of you don’t understand there are good and bad hospices and social workers is beyond me, but this is DCUM and there you are! TBH, I find the people in the DC area to be insufferable and plan to leave
This really is very hard. I've been through this three times. Yes, there are good and bad staff everywhere. It is not, however, the fault of a social worker that your aunt doesn't qualify for Medicaid. If her assets are over the line, even by a smidgen, then it is too much. Rather than railing against the person, ask them how you can divest the asset in order for her to qualify. And the reality is, if your aunt really is so close to her final days, there is no way she would qualify for Medicaid on such a short turnaround. In the state where I handled this with my parents, I think the state has up to 45 days to make a determination on an application. I can't remember how long it takes after that for there to be an expenditure of funds.
And non profits are often more flexible. They can't and don't violate Medicaid rules, but sometimes have other resources to help a family. I had family members in three different settings. While the staff at the for profit nursing home where my dad lived were all incredibly nice, the overall services at the nonprofit where my mother was for her last years were much, much better. And my older sibling passed away in an county-run adult residential home for individuals with developmental disabilities where they also had hospice in place services. It is very, very hard to get a bed in a physical hospice.
GL to you, OP.
Not blaming the social worker about Medicaid. It is what it is. I don’t know where you got that idea? Medicaid has look back rules. My aunt will be gone in a few days, nurse said. A younger retired friend who’s done this before has come to help as paid aide. Godsend. The real issue here is my aunt is so stubborn, she’s refused all places in these very last days, insisting on staying home, not really understanding the burden she’s placed on me and the dangerous situation she’s placed herself in.
The other social worker was only interested in taking everything they could financially because she was not eligible for Medicaid - she just missed the cutoff due to a small pension on top of SS. Perhaps blame is a stretch but the staff's hands may be tied on what they can do, especially if this hospice is connected to a corporation. Who chose this hospice for your aunt? So hard to get hospice beds, but my experience has been that the non-profit ones are often better simply because care, not return to shareholders, is what guides their mission.
That is true - the OTHER social worker threatened to take all her assets if I dared even ask for respite care, which MediCARE pays for. As I said, the same hospice blamed me AND my aunt for stealing fentanyl patches the nurse herself put in another box. We found them before her terse, accusatory phone call to me. I’d call it a one-off until she blamed me a SECOND time for medicating my aunt too early, when her CNA clearly did it. I was at my folks (all three in the household can vouch for that), and came back to my aunt’s at the same time the CNA was leaving. I looked immediately in her clearly marked med box to find ALL the PM pills she was supposed to have at 8 PM gone. All the CNA was to do was give my aunt ONE of the breakthrough meds if she asked for it due to pain. I put a chart on the wall daily in plain sight with the AM meds, what they were, and what time they were given. It was not a hard job, and the CNA STILL managed to f it up. It’s clear they were not the right hospice so I changed to another and it’s been so much better.
The cancer center recommended the other hospice to my aunt.
You don't get all this. Medicare does not pay for respite. Medicaid might depending on what state you are in. Medicaid also pays for long term nursing homes BUT they do require you to have limited assests and if you have things like a home, they don't require you to sell it but they put a lien on the home to pay back for the care.
Hospice doesn't run daily care. A family member or private agency does.
If the medication is missing it can be an issue for hospice. They need to stop giving out medication if the caretakers cannot handle it properly.
God, some of you are so clueless and love to start with “you don’t get this’ when indeed it is the poster who doesn’t: Social worker said medicare DOES pay for 5 day inpatient hospice. Then they get sent home. Where the donations kick in is the hospice can use those donations to keep the person longer. The new hospice has provided almost daily nursing care and CNA care.
My aunt does NOT own the home. WE do, and hospice has already stated it’s untouchable as a result. We acted as the bank for her and she welched on the mortgage after one payment 22 years ago and my husband was too kind to evict her. The legal paperwork he filed ensured he would get his money back when she passed, and he didn’t need it immediately. I found out yesterday she was telling all my cousins and aunts and uncles that she’s been renting the house from us, has been paying rent all these years, and that my husband is a slumlord because he would not ‘fix up the house’. The house is in very good condition. She lied about her income as well. That jives with a nasty letter she wrote my husband over a decade ago stating that ‘since she stopped paying the mortgage, we now own the house and it’s our responsibility to provide anything she asks for’. When confronted with the letter, she claimed she didn’t remember writing that, and it must’ve been due to the narcotics she needs for pain. The pieces of the puzzle are coming together now and I’m glad most of my relatives didn’t really believe her anyway.
A younger friend of my aunt’s has stepped in to care for her in exchange for her relatively new vehicle. I was helping my aunt because it was important to my mother, given it was her sister. My mother told me yesterday after what she’s found out from her family in recent days, she doesn’t give a raging crap anymore. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be moving to my mother’s and father’s house for a couple weeks to enjoy their company and help, then go home to prepare for my parents move back east this spring. That’s a huge ray of sunshine right there.
Your post makes zero sense. ZERO! If she is that ill, take her to the hospital and they can deal with her and get her into a nursing home. Medicare pays for hospice. Very few places have hospice facilities but if your area does, take her there and put her in it. They pay for more than five days or that gives you time to find her a nursing home bed. This sounds completely fake at this point.
You sound nuts. If you own the house and she's paying rent, in 22 years, it probably has needed repairs. So, if you didn't do those repairs you would be a slum board. Leave the poor woman alone. Drop her off at the hospital and let someone responsible manage her care.
Really? This kind of cleared things up for me. The aunt is not a nice person, OP has been pressured by her mom to take care of this aunt for decades, and OP and her husband have essentially paying the aunt’s mortgage for 20 years with the plan of getting the house when she died. This is why the OP is invested in her aunt’s care, no one else is, and the OP doesn’t want to use her aunt’s home as an asset to pay for her end of life care.
We have not been “paying the mortgage”. We are the mortgager, i.e. the bank. She welched on the mortgage and my husband did not evict her out of kindness. She’s told everyone that WE own the house and SHE has paid us rent all these years. She hasn’t. I came here because my mother had a heart attack and was helping my aunt physically get to radiation. She took a huge turn for the worse and is now dying, bedridden, of sound mind, and refusing hospital care. There are no hospice beds available right now and she, ironically, makes too much money in pension and social security to qualify for Medicaid. In other words, she could have paid the mortgage to my husband all these years and deliberately lied that her income had been reduced, that her pension had run out.
You aren't listening to anything anyone is saying. Long term care medicaid is a waiver program that pays for nursing home care. She would not qualify for regular medicaid if she gets a small pension and social security but she would qualify for the nursing home/long term care program.
If she is that sick, you take her to the hospital and the social worker/staff make a discharge plan to a nursing home. Medicare will pay for a short term hospital stay until a hospice bed opens (medicare pays for hospice) or till someone does the paperwork for the long term care nursing home medicaid program.
When was the last time she paid the rent. If she just stopped it is probably because she is unable to manage her own money right now and that's an entirely different issue.
She can still get the nursing home medicaid but you will not listen to us. Worst case, they put a lien on the house.
She does not qualify for long-term care medicaid because it isn't within their definition of a long-term care case. Duh.
You keep making excuses. Yes, it does qualify as it isn't about the long term if she will die in the next few months, it is about getting nursing care and that is the program name. You need to step back as you are doing more harm than good and are really nasty.
The fact that you think she’s got a few months tells me that you have not read anything that I’ve said and are simply pulling information out of your butt.
Anonymous wrote:^^And that's not because the social workers or doctors hate you, OP, or want to make your life miserable, or don't care about you, or her. It's because they CAN'T change it, anymore than you can.
Not without a declaration of incompetence and placement.
I suspect they know that she is not at that point yet, even if you might think she is. I suspect that disconnect is at the root of your anger, but they can't fix it.
And as I said, the new hospice is non-profit and thus can take donations. They do so much more and I intend to donate as well from her home proceeds. Why some of you don’t understand there are good and bad hospices and social workers is beyond me, but this is DCUM and there you are! TBH, I find the people in the DC area to be insufferable and plan to leave
This really is very hard. I've been through this three times. Yes, there are good and bad staff everywhere. It is not, however, the fault of a social worker that your aunt doesn't qualify for Medicaid. If her assets are over the line, even by a smidgen, then it is too much. Rather than railing against the person, ask them how you can divest the asset in order for her to qualify. And the reality is, if your aunt really is so close to her final days, there is no way she would qualify for Medicaid on such a short turnaround. In the state where I handled this with my parents, I think the state has up to 45 days to make a determination on an application. I can't remember how long it takes after that for there to be an expenditure of funds.
And non profits are often more flexible. They can't and don't violate Medicaid rules, but sometimes have other resources to help a family. I had family members in three different settings. While the staff at the for profit nursing home where my dad lived were all incredibly nice, the overall services at the nonprofit where my mother was for her last years were much, much better. And my older sibling passed away in an county-run adult residential home for individuals with developmental disabilities where they also had hospice in place services. It is very, very hard to get a bed in a physical hospice.
GL to you, OP.
Not blaming the social worker about Medicaid. It is what it is. I don’t know where you got that idea? Medicaid has look back rules. My aunt will be gone in a few days, nurse said. A younger retired friend who’s done this before has come to help as paid aide. Godsend. The real issue here is my aunt is so stubborn, she’s refused all places in these very last days, insisting on staying home, not really understanding the burden she’s placed on me and the dangerous situation she’s placed herself in.
The other social worker was only interested in taking everything they could financially because she was not eligible for Medicaid - she just missed the cutoff due to a small pension on top of SS. Perhaps blame is a stretch but the staff's hands may be tied on what they can do, especially if this hospice is connected to a corporation. Who chose this hospice for your aunt? So hard to get hospice beds, but my experience has been that the non-profit ones are often better simply because care, not return to shareholders, is what guides their mission.
That is true - the OTHER social worker threatened to take all her assets if I dared even ask for respite care, which MediCARE pays for. As I said, the same hospice blamed me AND my aunt for stealing fentanyl patches the nurse herself put in another box. We found them before her terse, accusatory phone call to me. I’d call it a one-off until she blamed me a SECOND time for medicating my aunt too early, when her CNA clearly did it. I was at my folks (all three in the household can vouch for that), and came back to my aunt’s at the same time the CNA was leaving. I looked immediately in her clearly marked med box to find ALL the PM pills she was supposed to have at 8 PM gone. All the CNA was to do was give my aunt ONE of the breakthrough meds if she asked for it due to pain. I put a chart on the wall daily in plain sight with the AM meds, what they were, and what time they were given. It was not a hard job, and the CNA STILL managed to f it up. It’s clear they were not the right hospice so I changed to another and it’s been so much better.
The cancer center recommended the other hospice to my aunt.
You don't get all this. Medicare does not pay for respite. Medicaid might depending on what state you are in. Medicaid also pays for long term nursing homes BUT they do require you to have limited assests and if you have things like a home, they don't require you to sell it but they put a lien on the home to pay back for the care.
Hospice doesn't run daily care. A family member or private agency does.
If the medication is missing it can be an issue for hospice. They need to stop giving out medication if the caretakers cannot handle it properly.
God, some of you are so clueless and love to start with “you don’t get this’ when indeed it is the poster who doesn’t: Social worker said medicare DOES pay for 5 day inpatient hospice. Then they get sent home. Where the donations kick in is the hospice can use those donations to keep the person longer. The new hospice has provided almost daily nursing care and CNA care.
My aunt does NOT own the home. WE do, and hospice has already stated it’s untouchable as a result. We acted as the bank for her and she welched on the mortgage after one payment 22 years ago and my husband was too kind to evict her. The legal paperwork he filed ensured he would get his money back when she passed, and he didn’t need it immediately. I found out yesterday she was telling all my cousins and aunts and uncles that she’s been renting the house from us, has been paying rent all these years, and that my husband is a slumlord because he would not ‘fix up the house’. The house is in very good condition. She lied about her income as well. That jives with a nasty letter she wrote my husband over a decade ago stating that ‘since she stopped paying the mortgage, we now own the house and it’s our responsibility to provide anything she asks for’. When confronted with the letter, she claimed she didn’t remember writing that, and it must’ve been due to the narcotics she needs for pain. The pieces of the puzzle are coming together now and I’m glad most of my relatives didn’t really believe her anyway.
A younger friend of my aunt’s has stepped in to care for her in exchange for her relatively new vehicle. I was helping my aunt because it was important to my mother, given it was her sister. My mother told me yesterday after what she’s found out from her family in recent days, she doesn’t give a raging crap anymore. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be moving to my mother’s and father’s house for a couple weeks to enjoy their company and help, then go home to prepare for my parents move back east this spring. That’s a huge ray of sunshine right there.
Your post makes zero sense. ZERO! If she is that ill, take her to the hospital and they can deal with her and get her into a nursing home. Medicare pays for hospice. Very few places have hospice facilities but if your area does, take her there and put her in it. They pay for more than five days or that gives you time to find her a nursing home bed. This sounds completely fake at this point.
You sound nuts. If you own the house and she's paying rent, in 22 years, it probably has needed repairs. So, if you didn't do those repairs you would be a slum board. Leave the poor woman alone. Drop her off at the hospital and let someone responsible manage her care.
Really? This kind of cleared things up for me. The aunt is not a nice person, OP has been pressured by her mom to take care of this aunt for decades, and OP and her husband have essentially paying the aunt’s mortgage for 20 years with the plan of getting the house when she died. This is why the OP is invested in her aunt’s care, no one else is, and the OP doesn’t want to use her aunt’s home as an asset to pay for her end of life care.
We have not been “paying the mortgage”. We are the mortgager, i.e. the bank. She welched on the mortgage and my husband did not evict her out of kindness. She’s told everyone that WE own the house and SHE has paid us rent all these years. She hasn’t. I came here because my mother had a heart attack and was helping my aunt physically get to radiation. She took a huge turn for the worse and is now dying, bedridden, of sound mind, and refusing hospital care. There are no hospice beds available right now and she, ironically, makes too much money in pension and social security to qualify for Medicaid. In other words, she could have paid the mortgage to my husband all these years and deliberately lied that her income had been reduced, that her pension had run out.
You aren't listening to anything anyone is saying. Long term care medicaid is a waiver program that pays for nursing home care. She would not qualify for regular medicaid if she gets a small pension and social security but she would qualify for the nursing home/long term care program.
If she is that sick, you take her to the hospital and the social worker/staff make a discharge plan to a nursing home. Medicare will pay for a short term hospital stay until a hospice bed opens (medicare pays for hospice) or till someone does the paperwork for the long term care nursing home medicaid program.
When was the last time she paid the rent. If she just stopped it is probably because she is unable to manage her own money right now and that's an entirely different issue.
She can still get the nursing home medicaid but you will not listen to us. Worst case, they put a lien on the house.
I am and I’m telling you in this state, you are incorrect. She never made one payment. It was deliberate.
It doesn't matter if she made a payment or not. Every state has a long term medicaid nursing home program. She will be eligible based off income. They will probably put a lien on the house if the house is in her name. But, you can also take her to the hospital and if they admit her they can do a discharge plan ot a nursing home. There are lots of options here.
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