Making SAHM get job to pay for private school

[Anonymous]

Okay so did OP's wife sign up the kids for public school without talking to OP about it? I am confused about why people are saying she is doing this unilaterally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay so did OP's wife sign up the kids for public school without talking to OP about it? I am confused about why people are saying she is doing this unilaterally.

Ha sorry, I mean private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ‘luxury good’ is an excellent education for OP’s children. He’s not working more so he can pau for his wife to get a diamond jewelry, mcmansion, or Tesla to drive. He’s paying for his children’s education!

Especially after the sh—-show that our public schools were the past year and a half, I think it’s a worthwhile expense for the kids, don’t you?

I send my kids to private school and I think OPs wife is absolutely being ridiculous. It is unquestionably a luxury good. Come on.

Nope. There is something in between a necessity and a luxury, and private school can actually run the gamut. I know people who send their kids to private because they think it will let their kids climb the social ladder, and then I know of people like my MIL who sent her kid to private school when she wasn't even middle class because this kid was having panic attacks at school and the school had no support in place for him.

My kid is in an expensive private school because the public schools can't meet his needs (dyslexic). It's absolutely a luxury good. I can't believe people are even debating that something that is $30-50k post tax isn't a luxury good. Probably the same people who think they are middle class at 400k or more a year HHI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ‘luxury good’ is an excellent education for OP’s children. He’s not working more so he can pau for his wife to get a diamond jewelry, mcmansion, or Tesla to drive. He’s paying for his children’s education!

Especially after the sh—-show that our public schools were the past year and a half, I think it’s a worthwhile expense for the kids, don’t you?

I send my kids to private school and I think OPs wife is absolutely being ridiculous. It is unquestionably a luxury good. Come on.

Nope. There is something in between a necessity and a luxury, and private school can actually run the gamut. I know people who send their kids to private because they think it will let their kids climb the social ladder, and then I know of people like my MIL who sent her kid to private school when she wasn't even middle class because this kid was having panic attacks at school and the school had no support in place for him.

My kid is in an expensive private school because the public schools can't meet his needs (dyslexic). It's absolutely a luxury good. I can't believe people are even debating that something that is $30-50k post tax isn't a luxury good. Probably the same people who think they are middle class at 400k or more a year HHI.

Ok yes private school is a luxury, but it’s for the long term benefit of OP’s children. His wife isn’t asking him to work his a— off so that she can go buy something frivolous for herself. If she was asking for him to buy her a macmansion, a Tesla, etc I can understand why he would ask her to get a job to cover it.

He already makes $500k and can pay for private for the sake of his kids. He’s a selfish cheapskate imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ‘luxury good’ is an excellent education for OP’s children. He’s not working more so he can pau for his wife to get a diamond jewelry, mcmansion, or Tesla to drive. He’s paying for his children’s education!

Especially after the sh—-show that our public schools were the past year and a half, I think it’s a worthwhile expense for the kids, don’t you?

I send my kids to private school and I think OPs wife is absolutely being ridiculous. It is unquestionably a luxury good. Come on.

Nope. There is something in between a necessity and a luxury, and private school can actually run the gamut. I know people who send their kids to private because they think it will let their kids climb the social ladder, and then I know of people like my MIL who sent her kid to private school when she wasn't even middle class because this kid was having panic attacks at school and the school had no support in place for him.

My kid is in an expensive private school because the public schools can't meet his needs (dyslexic). It's absolutely a luxury good. I can't believe people are even debating that something that is $30-50k post tax isn't a luxury good. Probably the same people who think they are middle class at 400k or more a year HHI.

Your definition of luxury makes no sense. It doesn't just mean expensive. It has to do with extravagance and comfort, not accommodating a dyslexic child who otherwise would not get his/her needs met. Yes, it is expensive, but I don't think any rational definition of luxury encompasses your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ‘luxury good’ is an excellent education for OP’s children. He’s not working more so he can pau for his wife to get a diamond jewelry, mcmansion, or Tesla to drive. He’s paying for his children’s education!

Especially after the sh—-show that our public schools were the past year and a half, I think it’s a worthwhile expense for the kids, don’t you?

I send my kids to private school and I think OPs wife is absolutely being ridiculous. It is unquestionably a luxury good. Come on.

Nope. There is something in between a necessity and a luxury, and private school can actually run the gamut. I know people who send their kids to private because they think it will let their kids climb the social ladder, and then I know of people like my MIL who sent her kid to private school when she wasn't even middle class because this kid was having panic attacks at school and the school had no support in place for him.

My kid is in an expensive private school because the public schools can't meet his needs (dyslexic). It's absolutely a luxury good. I can't believe people are even debating that something that is $30-50k post tax isn't a luxury good. Probably the same people who think they are middle class at 400k or more a year HHI.

Your definition of luxury makes no sense. It doesn't just mean expensive. It has to do with extravagance and comfort, not accommodating a dyslexic child who otherwise would not get his/her needs met. Yes, it is expensive, but I don't think any rational definition of luxury encompasses your situation.

Agreed. Healthcare is expensive. Houses, even modest ones, are expensive. Daycare is expensive. College is expensive. Are those *luxuries*?

I suppose you can define “luxury” as something that you are lucky to have, then sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have no idea what OP's wife has done or said, because she's not here telling her side.

Regardless, OP is the one here trying to find a solution. If he gets into a power struggle with her and tries to force his decision, it will not help their marriage and will very likely cause more damage.

If he just wants a magic phrase or action to force his wife into submission, well, he's gonna have a difficult marriage and life ahead of him.

If he wants to preserve his marriage and find a solution that works for both of them, then the advice still stands. An open-minded, non-judgmental conversation.

We know that OPs wife has demanded that he work for three more years against his will. That's extremely toxic behavior, and I don't understand why you won't acknowledge that.

LOL did she point a gun at his head and make him hand over a check?

That's your standard for bad behavior?

It is insane to me the contortions that women on this thread are going into to justify the behavior of OPs wife. No wonder there are so many broken marriages and affairs. I'm a woman who has both stayed home and worked, in a great marriage, and I cannot imagine treating my husband the way OPs wife has.

Are you kidding me? You're the one who said she demanded he work for three more years against his will. I cannot see one sentence that justifies that kind of hyperbolic characterization of the situation. Sounds like she really wants her kids to go to public school and is asking her husband for it. Maybe you can call that "bad behavior" (I wouldn't) but how on earth is that demanding he do something against his will?

Where do you think the money will come from? Magic money fairies? OPs wife wants something that will require him to work at least three more years. He doesn't want to work the extra time. How is that not demanding he work against his will?

I feel like this thread has given me insight into why so many men have affairs. The entitlement of the women on this thread is something else. You don't just get to demand someone else works years more for a luxury good that you aren't willing to work for. It is insane behavior.

NP to this sub argument. All Op said was “my DW wants our 2 kids to go to private school for middle and high school. The school is about 30k per year”. This has now turned into a justification for affairs? Holy shi% does that mean when I mentioned to DH that I wanted a new kitchen table that was the equivalent to offering an open marriage because he was making more money than me in that moment and I didn’t run out to get a second job and have him come home to a new kitchen table? I think it would have been more jarring if I acted unilaterally and just purchased a table that he had no say in AND had gotten a second job that would have required him to do more of the childcare/impacted his job without any discussion.

And in this case, the cost is a smoke screen for the real issue. If OP doesn’t believe private school is worth it, he won’t be happy with any of the changes that happen if his wife takes a job outside the home or any sacrifice needed to fund it. From what OP said, I don’t see private school as a demand but rather a first step in expressing something she wants for the family. OP should be willing to listen to see if that is something he can agree once he hears the reasons, if there is some compromise (like high school) and have discussions of what sacrifices they are each willing to make for it to happen assuming they get on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ‘luxury good’ is an excellent education for OP’s children. He’s not working more so he can pau for his wife to get a diamond jewelry, mcmansion, or Tesla to drive. He’s paying for his children’s education!

Especially after the sh—-show that our public schools were the past year and a half, I think it’s a worthwhile expense for the kids, don’t you?

I send my kids to private school and I think OPs wife is absolutely being ridiculous. It is unquestionably a luxury good. Come on.

Nope. There is something in between a necessity and a luxury, and private school can actually run the gamut. I know people who send their kids to private because they think it will let their kids climb the social ladder, and then I know of people like my MIL who sent her kid to private school when she wasn't even middle class because this kid was having panic attacks at school and the school had no support in place for him.

My kid is in an expensive private school because the public schools can't meet his needs (dyslexic). It's absolutely a luxury good. I can't believe people are even debating that something that is $30-50k post tax isn't a luxury good. Probably the same people who think they are middle class at 400k or more a year HHI.

Your definition of luxury makes no sense. It doesn't just mean expensive. It has to do with extravagance and comfort, not accommodating a dyslexic child who otherwise would not get his/her needs met. Yes, it is expensive, but I don't think any rational definition of luxury encompasses your situation.

You do not understand what a luxury good is. The circumstances of the purchaser don't change the objective fact of whether the purchase is a luxury good or not. Let's say someone has a bad back, and can't drive a car without extremely good lumbar support. Are you taking the position that if that person buys a BMW 5 series for the excellent seats, the BMW suddenly doesn't become a luxury consumer product? That isn't rational. Luxury goods are an objective consumer classification, not a reflection of the circumstances of the purchaser.

There is no debate that private school is a luxury good. Just because people have reasons for purchasing private education doesn't change the facts of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ‘luxury good’ is an excellent education for OP’s children. He’s not working more so he can pau for his wife to get a diamond jewelry, mcmansion, or Tesla to drive. He’s paying for his children’s education!

Especially after the sh—-show that our public schools were the past year and a half, I think it’s a worthwhile expense for the kids, don’t you?

I send my kids to private school and I think OPs wife is absolutely being ridiculous. It is unquestionably a luxury good. Come on.

Nope. There is something in between a necessity and a luxury, and private school can actually run the gamut. I know people who send their kids to private because they think it will let their kids climb the social ladder, and then I know of people like my MIL who sent her kid to private school when she wasn't even middle class because this kid was having panic attacks at school and the school had no support in place for him.

My kid is in an expensive private school because the public schools can't meet his needs (dyslexic). It's absolutely a luxury good. I can't believe people are even debating that something that is $30-50k post tax isn't a luxury good. Probably the same people who think they are middle class at 400k or more a year HHI.

Your definition of luxury makes no sense. It doesn't just mean expensive. It has to do with extravagance and comfort, not accommodating a dyslexic child who otherwise would not get his/her needs met. Yes, it is expensive, but I don't think any rational definition of luxury encompasses your situation.

You do not understand what a luxury good is. The circumstances of the purchaser don't change the objective fact of whether the purchase is a luxury good or not. Let's say someone has a bad back, and can't drive a car without extremely good lumbar support. Are you taking the position that if that person buys a BMW 5 series for the excellent seats, the BMW suddenly doesn't become a luxury consumer product? That isn't rational. Luxury goods are an objective consumer classification, not a reflection of the circumstances of the purchaser.

There is no debate that private school is a luxury good. Just because people have reasons for purchasing private education doesn't change the facts of the situation.

By your definition, a person in a wheelchair who purchases a van that is expensive because it was outfitted to accommodate the wheelchair would be buying a "luxury" good.

[Anonymous]

Taking the position that education that costs at least $60k in post-tax income annually isn't a luxury good is classic DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Our Wash DC private school has a really watered down Pk-5 math, reading and science program. My older kid hardly learned any hard skills as there was No homework, no worksheets, no tests and report cards that only talked about behavior and how nice the child was.

Lo and behold she is grade levels behind where she should be and needs remedial math, spelling, and grammar taught her. Not fun. Am very disappointed in this area’s lower schools and how non-academic they are for elementary school.

We wish we did a church school and we never put our other two children in that “prestigious” DC private school.

Buyer beware. Or enjoy your $100/hr tutoring required in addition to $30-45,000 tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ‘luxury good’ is an excellent education for OP’s children. He’s not working more so he can pau for his wife to get a diamond jewelry, mcmansion, or Tesla to drive. He’s paying for his children’s education!

Especially after the sh—-show that our public schools were the past year and a half, I think it’s a worthwhile expense for the kids, don’t you?

I send my kids to private school and I think OPs wife is absolutely being ridiculous. It is unquestionably a luxury good. Come on.

Nope. There is something in between a necessity and a luxury, and private school can actually run the gamut. I know people who send their kids to private because they think it will let their kids climb the social ladder, and then I know of people like my MIL who sent her kid to private school when she wasn't even middle class because this kid was having panic attacks at school and the school had no support in place for him.

My kid is in an expensive private school because the public schools can't meet his needs (dyslexic). It's absolutely a luxury good. I can't believe people are even debating that something that is $30-50k post tax isn't a luxury good. Probably the same people who think they are middle class at 400k or more a year HHI.

Your definition of luxury makes no sense. It doesn't just mean expensive. It has to do with extravagance and comfort, not accommodating a dyslexic child who otherwise would not get his/her needs met. Yes, it is expensive, but I don't think any rational definition of luxury encompasses your situation.

You do not understand what a luxury good is. The circumstances of the purchaser don't change the objective fact of whether the purchase is a luxury good or not. Let's say someone has a bad back, and can't drive a car without extremely good lumbar support. Are you taking the position that if that person buys a BMW 5 series for the excellent seats, the BMW suddenly doesn't become a luxury consumer product? That isn't rational. Luxury goods are an objective consumer classification, not a reflection of the circumstances of the purchaser.

There is no debate that private school is a luxury good. Just because people have reasons for purchasing private education doesn't change the facts of the situation.

By your definition, a person in a wheelchair who purchases a van that is expensive because it was outfitted to accommodate the wheelchair would be buying a "luxury" good.

Sigh, no. You really have no understanding of economics, do you? It's clear you have never taken a class in economics.

Vans outfitted with wheelchair supports don't have an alternative. Therefore, not a luxury good. Let me give another example. I know a guy who is disabled and loves cars. He has two cars, both outfitted with expensive assistive driving technology. One is a Honda, the other is a Porsche. The Honda is not a luxury good even though it has expensive assistive technology. The Porsche is a luxury good, even though the cost of the assistive technology is about the same as in the Honda.

There isn't debate among rational people that private school (especially $30k+ school) is a luxury good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking the position that education that costs at least $60k in post-tax income annually isn't a luxury good is classic DCUM.

This. And OP said nothing about the kids having any special needs. Most kids are getting into the same college regardless of whether they go public or private. Many kids are happy, adjusted, and thriving in public school.

[Anonymous]

Start 529s; you have two kids so you will make four in total, you and your wife can make pretax contributions to those 529‘s, take the income deduction and then write the tuition checks from the 529s; this is how you write off private school.

VR,
Mossack/Fonseca

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ‘luxury good’ is an excellent education for OP’s children. He’s not working more so he can pau for his wife to get a diamond jewelry, mcmansion, or Tesla to drive. He’s paying for his children’s education!

Especially after the sh—-show that our public schools were the past year and a half, I think it’s a worthwhile expense for the kids, don’t you?

I send my kids to private school and I think OPs wife is absolutely being ridiculous. It is unquestionably a luxury good. Come on.

Nope. There is something in between a necessity and a luxury, and private school can actually run the gamut. I know people who send their kids to private because they think it will let their kids climb the social ladder, and then I know of people like my MIL who sent her kid to private school when she wasn't even middle class because this kid was having panic attacks at school and the school had no support in place for him.

My kid is in an expensive private school because the public schools can't meet his needs (dyslexic). It's absolutely a luxury good. I can't believe people are even debating that something that is $30-50k post tax isn't a luxury good. Probably the same people who think they are middle class at 400k or more a year HHI.

Your definition of luxury makes no sense. It doesn't just mean expensive. It has to do with extravagance and comfort, not accommodating a dyslexic child who otherwise would not get his/her needs met. Yes, it is expensive, but I don't think any rational definition of luxury encompasses your situation.

You do not understand what a luxury good is. The circumstances of the purchaser don't change the objective fact of whether the purchase is a luxury good or not. Let's say someone has a bad back, and can't drive a car without extremely good lumbar support. Are you taking the position that if that person buys a BMW 5 series for the excellent seats, the BMW suddenly doesn't become a luxury consumer product? That isn't rational. Luxury goods are an objective consumer classification, not a reflection of the circumstances of the purchaser.

There is no debate that private school is a luxury good. Just because people have reasons for purchasing private education doesn't change the facts of the situation.

By your definition, a person in a wheelchair who purchases a van that is expensive because it was outfitted to accommodate the wheelchair would be buying a "luxury" good.

Sigh, no. You really have no understanding of economics, do you? It's clear you have never taken a class in economics.

Vans outfitted with wheelchair supports don't have an alternative. Therefore, not a luxury good. Let me give another example. I know a guy who is disabled and loves cars. He has two cars, both outfitted with expensive assistive driving technology. One is a Honda, the other is a Porsche. The Honda is not a luxury good even though it has expensive assistive technology. The Porsche is a luxury good, even though the cost of the assistive technology is about the same as in the Honda.

There isn't debate among rational people that private school (especially $30k+ school) is a luxury good.

But the PP said that the public school could not accommodate her child. Where was the substitute?

And vans do have substitutes, just bad ones. Do you think that every poor person in a wheelchair has a specially-outfitted van? Lol, no. They take public service vehicles that will transport them; they ride in ill equipped cars; etc.

So based on your example of the Honda and the Porsche, the Porsche is a luxury good because it is an extravagance, which is exactly the first post I made. But why is the Honda not a luxury good? He could take an Uber. Could get rides with friends or family. Have the county mobility van drive him.

Congratulations on finally getting the point.