Reply to Making SAHM get job to pay for private school

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have no idea what OP's wife has done or said, because she's not here telling her side.

Regardless, OP is the one here trying to find a solution. If he gets into a power struggle with her and tries to force his decision, it will not help their marriage and will very likely cause more damage.

If he just wants a magic phrase or action to force his wife into submission, well, he's gonna have a difficult marriage and life ahead of him.

If he wants to preserve his marriage and find a solution that works for both of them, then the advice still stands. An open-minded, non-judgmental conversation. [/quote]

[b]We know that OPs wife has demanded that he work for three more years against his will. That's extremely toxic behavior, and I don't understand why you won't acknowledge that[/b].[/quote]

LOL did she point a gun at his head and make him hand over a check?[/quote]

[I]That's [/I]your standard for bad behavior?  :shock:

[b]It is insane to me the contortions that women on this thread are going into to justify the behavior of OPs wife. No wonder there are so many broken marriages and affairs. I'm a woman who has both stayed home and worked, in a great marriage, and I cannot imagine treating my husband the way OPs wife has.[/b] [/quote]

Are you kidding me? You're the one who said she demanded he work for three more years against his will. I cannot see one sentence that justifies that kind of hyperbolic characterization of the situation. Sounds like she really wants her kids to go to public school and is asking her husband for it. Maybe you can call that "bad behavior" (I wouldn't) but how on earth is that demanding he do something against his will?[/quote]

Where do you think the money will come from? Magic money fairies? OPs wife wants something that will require him to work at least three more years. He doesn't want to work the extra time. How is that [I]not[/I] demanding he work against his will?

[b]I feel like this thread has given me insight into why so many men have affairs. The entitlement of the women on this thread is something else. [/b]You don't just get to demand someone else works years more for a luxury good that you aren't willing to work for. It is insane behavior. [/quote]

NP to this sub argument.  All Op said was “my DW wants our 2 kids to go to private school for middle and high school. The school is about 30k per year”.   This has now turned into a justification for affairs?  Holy shi% does that mean when I mentioned to DH that I wanted a new kitchen table that was the equivalent to offering an open marriage because he was making more money than me in that moment and I didn’t run out to get a second job and have him come home to a new kitchen table?  I think it would have been more jarring if I acted unilaterally and just purchased a table that he had no say in AND had gotten a second job that would have required him to do more of the childcare/impacted his job without any discussion.

And in this case, the cost is a smoke screen for the real issue.  If OP doesn’t believe private school is worth it, he won’t be happy with any of the changes that happen if his wife takes a job outside the home or any sacrifice needed to fund it.  From what OP said, I don’t see private school as a demand but rather a first step in expressing something she wants for the family.  OP should be willing to listen to see if that is something he can agree once he hears the reasons, if there is some compromise (like high school) and have discussions of what sacrifices they are each willing to make for it to happen assuming they get on the same page.[/quote]

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