Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have a societal norm and expectation that men have to make the first move, show interest first and make the connection and then also get mad when they do. If men only showed interest in women who have already explicitly invited that interest there would be a lot of single women in the world. Outside of online dating, it is almost always men asking for numbers and making a move.

But the waitress is not someone who is searching for a romantic partner—she's someone trying to find out if you want pancakes. It's not appropriate to ask your boss for a date, the police officer who just pulled you over or the garbage man while he hoists your bin. Let waitresses find out if you want pancakes without hassling them. If you see someone, in an appropriate environment, like a party, bar or other social event, then you can ask them—whether it's your teacher, the cop who pulled you over, the garbageman or your waitress from the pancake house.

How does one know that a woman is searching for a romantic partner? That would be great if there was a clear indicator that says, hit on me.

I don’t think it’s appropriate necessarily but I am sure there are plenty of meet cute stories of customers and waitresses and happily ever after. One of my cousins married a flight attendant he hit on during a flight (working and no indicator of interest), my friend married a guy who was the tow truck driver who came after she crashed her car. Again he was at work. I also know other couples who met when one was at work or where there were no clear neon lights of single and looking to mingle.

Here's a hint: if your target is captive to you because of their work, it's a bad idea.

The waitress was assigned to your table. She's not trying to eff everyone who is seated in her section. If she is, she can let you know. Don't make her job harder.

If your friend was happy hitting on the tow truck driver, that was her choice—if he had pursued her, it would've been a different story.

What do you mean it’s her choice? The tow truck driver was just assigned to her, doing his job and she started harassing him! Disgusting behavior.

I’m going to guess that they had a conversation while he was towing her car, and they made a connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have a societal norm and expectation that men have to make the first move, show interest first and make the connection and then also get mad when they do. If men only showed interest in women who have already explicitly invited that interest there would be a lot of single women in the world. Outside of online dating, it is almost always men asking for numbers and making a move.

But the waitress is not someone who is searching for a romantic partner—she's someone trying to find out if you want pancakes. It's not appropriate to ask your boss for a date, the police officer who just pulled you over or the garbage man while he hoists your bin. Let waitresses find out if you want pancakes without hassling them. If you see someone, in an appropriate environment, like a party, bar or other social event, then you can ask them—whether it's your teacher, the cop who pulled you over, the garbageman or your waitress from the pancake house.

How does one know that a woman is searching for a romantic partner? That would be great if there was a clear indicator that says, hit on me.

I don’t think it’s appropriate necessarily but I am sure there are plenty of meet cute stories of customers and waitresses and happily ever after. One of my cousins married a flight attendant he hit on during a flight (working and no indicator of interest), my friend married a guy who was the tow truck driver who came after she crashed her car. Again he was at work. I also know other couples who met when one was at work or where there were no clear neon lights of single and looking to mingle.

Here's a hint: if your target is captive to you because of their work, it's a bad idea.

The waitress was assigned to your table. She's not trying to eff everyone who is seated in her section. If she is, she can let you know. Don't make her job harder.

If your friend was happy hitting on the tow truck driver, that was her choice—if he had pursued her, it would've been a different story.

What do you mean it’s her choice? The tow truck driver was just assigned to her, doing his job and she started harassing him! Disgusting behavior.

He holds the power—she was stranded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has explained why lifeguard and babysitter are better than waitress for a teen.

Waitresses are fully clothed, in public, and not responsible for anyone's life or safety.

Please explain

I got hit on all of the time as a lifeguard at a condominium pool. I remember how uncomfortable it was, and I feel for OP’s daughter. At 17 all of my experience with men was with teenage boys. And maybe there were some teenage boys who were sexually assertive with girls, but I wasn’t in those circles. The boys I knew were the kind that you know for months or years and then you go out on group dates where you kiss at the ice skating rink.
And then, all of a sudden, I was being hit on by grown adult men who were commenting on my body and obviously wanted to have sex with me.
It was definitely unnerving.

I was lucky (?) but have heard many, many tales of tipsy dads getting handsy in the car when driving the teen babysitter home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have a societal norm and expectation that men have to make the first move, show interest first and make the connection and then also get mad when they do. If men only showed interest in women who have already explicitly invited that interest there would be a lot of single women in the world. Outside of online dating, it is almost always men asking for numbers and making a move.

But the waitress is not someone who is searching for a romantic partner—she's someone trying to find out if you want pancakes. It's not appropriate to ask your boss for a date, the police officer who just pulled you over or the garbage man while he hoists your bin. Let waitresses find out if you want pancakes without hassling them. If you see someone, in an appropriate environment, like a party, bar or other social event, then you can ask them—whether it's your teacher, the cop who pulled you over, the garbageman or your waitress from the pancake house.

How does one know that a woman is searching for a romantic partner? That would be great if there was a clear indicator that says, hit on me.

I don’t think it’s appropriate necessarily but I am sure there are plenty of meet cute stories of customers and waitresses and happily ever after. One of my cousins married a flight attendant he hit on during a flight (working and no indicator of interest), my friend married a guy who was the tow truck driver who came after she crashed her car. Again he was at work. I also know other couples who met when one was at work or where there were no clear neon lights of single and looking to mingle.

Here's a hint: if your target is captive to you because of their work, it's a bad idea.

The waitress was assigned to your table. She's not trying to eff everyone who is seated in her section. If she is, she can let you know. Don't make her job harder.

If your friend was happy hitting on the tow truck driver, that was her choice—if he had pursued her, it would've been a different story.

What do you mean it’s her choice? The tow truck driver was just assigned to her, doing his job and she started harassing him! Disgusting behavior.

I’m going to guess that they had a conversation while he was towing her car, and they made a connection.

Nope! He gave her his card to find out where her car was towed to. She was picked up from the accident scene by family. She called him the next day about her car, she thanked him for trying to calm her down, told him she was glad it was a cute guy who came to her rescue, and she asked him if he wanted to meet up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have a societal norm and expectation that men have to make the first move, show interest first and make the connection and then also get mad when they do. If men only showed interest in women who have already explicitly invited that interest there would be a lot of single women in the world. Outside of online dating, it is almost always men asking for numbers and making a move.

But the waitress is not someone who is searching for a romantic partner—she's someone trying to find out if you want pancakes. It's not appropriate to ask your boss for a date, the police officer who just pulled you over or the garbage man while he hoists your bin. Let waitresses find out if you want pancakes without hassling them. If you see someone, in an appropriate environment, like a party, bar or other social event, then you can ask them—whether it's your teacher, the cop who pulled you over, the garbageman or your waitress from the pancake house.

How does one know that a woman is searching for a romantic partner? That would be great if there was a clear indicator that says, hit on me.

I don’t think it’s appropriate necessarily but I am sure there are plenty of meet cute stories of customers and waitresses and happily ever after. One of my cousins married a flight attendant he hit on during a flight (working and no indicator of interest), my friend married a guy who was the tow truck driver who came after she crashed her car. Again he was at work. I also know other couples who met when one was at work or where there were no clear neon lights of single and looking to mingle.

Just ask yourself, “If an older gentleman was interested in me, how would I want him to find out if I was looking at him as a potential romantic partner?” And then do whatever that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

Dcum is infiltrated by weirdos or trolls. Here’s a direct response. Nothing open ended.
No. I don’t give out my number. Enjoy your meal.
No. I’m not comfortable with that. Have a good day or night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so I’m the poster who another poster is screaming at claiming that I’m a pervert and monster. I’ve calmly been surfing the web to gather rational thoughts on this and basically have gathered this:

From a legal standpoint, it is without question not harassment for a customer to politely ask a server on a one time basis for her phone number. If the customer persists following a “no”, however, it absolutely is harassment.

But, harassment or not, it’s still not considered appropriate even to ask for the phone number on a one time basis. It’s awkward and puts the server in a bad position. Instead, as I now see was just suggested above, the recommendation is for the customer to leave his phone number at the table with an invitation for the server to contact him if she is interested.

This all makes a lot of sense to me.

This is just not true. It IS harassment. If you want to share your sources, please do. Other people have posted the actual definition and it wholly encompasses OPs daughters situation as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so I’m the poster who another poster is screaming at claiming that I’m a pervert and monster. I’ve calmly been surfing the web to gather rational thoughts on this and basically have gathered this:

From a legal standpoint, it is without question not harassment for a customer to politely ask a server on a one time basis for her phone number. If the customer persists following a “no”, however, it absolutely is harassment.

But, harassment or not, it’s still not considered appropriate even to ask for the phone number on a one time basis. It’s awkward and puts the server in a bad position. Instead, as I now see was just suggested above, the recommendation is for the customer to leave his phone number at the table with an invitation for the server to contact him if she is interested.

This all makes a lot of sense to me.

This is just not true. It IS harassment. If you want to share your sources, please do. Other people have posted the actual definition and it wholly encompasses OPs daughters situation as such.

You’re still wrong, try again a billion times. Still wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if all of the responses would be the same if you switched the genders and a teenage boy was constantly getting hit on by a bunch of older men while he was at work. Would these guys saying that it’s fine still be saying that?

Men understand consent when it comes to other men hitting on them. This poor boy would definitely be being harassed in this case, according to their f-ed up world view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have a societal norm and expectation that men have to make the first move, show interest first and make the connection and then also get mad when they do. If men only showed interest in women who have already explicitly invited that interest there would be a lot of single women in the world. Outside of online dating, it is almost always men asking for numbers and making a move.

But the waitress is not someone who is searching for a romantic partner—she's someone trying to find out if you want pancakes. It's not appropriate to ask your boss for a date, the police officer who just pulled you over or the garbage man while he hoists your bin. Let waitresses find out if you want pancakes without hassling them. If you see someone, in an appropriate environment, like a party, bar or other social event, then you can ask them—whether it's your teacher, the cop who pulled you over, the garbageman or your waitress from the pancake house.

How does one know that a woman is searching for a romantic partner? That would be great if there was a clear indicator that says, hit on me.

I don’t think it’s appropriate necessarily but I am sure there are plenty of meet cute stories of customers and waitresses and happily ever after. One of my cousins married a flight attendant he hit on during a flight (working and no indicator of interest), my friend married a guy who was the tow truck driver who came after she crashed her car. Again he was at work. I also know other couples who met when one was at work or where there were no clear neon lights of single and looking to mingle.

She would tell you. If she's working and doesn't tell you? Stop harassing her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has explained why lifeguard and babysitter are better than waitress for a teen.

Waitresses are fully clothed, in public, and not responsible for anyone's life or safety.

Please explain

I got hit on all of the time as a lifeguard at a condominium pool. I remember how uncomfortable it was, and I feel for OP’s daughter. At 17 all of my experience with men was with teenage boys. And maybe there were some teenage boys who were sexually assertive with girls, but I wasn’t in those circles. The boys I knew were the kind that you know for months or years and then you go out on group dates where you kiss at the ice skating rink.
And then, all of a sudden, I was being hit on by grown adult men who were commenting on my body and obviously wanted to have sex with me.
It was definitely unnerving.

I was lucky (?) but have heard many, many tales of tipsy dads getting handsy in the car when driving the teen babysitter home.

This is apocryphal. I think you’re confusing your p*rn history.

[Anonymous]

All she needs to do is say no and would you like a refill of coffee. Or she can ignore and pretend she doesn’t hear them and if they push it she can say not interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have a societal norm and expectation that men have to make the first move, show interest first and make the connection and then also get mad when they do. If men only showed interest in women who have already explicitly invited that interest there would be a lot of single women in the world. Outside of online dating, it is almost always men asking for numbers and making a move.

But the waitress is not someone who is searching for a romantic partner—she's someone trying to find out if you want pancakes. It's not appropriate to ask your boss for a date, the police officer who just pulled you over or the garbage man while he hoists your bin. Let waitresses find out if you want pancakes without hassling them. If you see someone, in an appropriate environment, like a party, bar or other social event, then you can ask them—whether it's your teacher, the cop who pulled you over, the garbageman or your waitress from the pancake house.

How does one know that a woman is searching for a romantic partner? That would be great if there was a clear indicator that says, hit on me.

I don’t think it’s appropriate necessarily but I am sure there are plenty of meet cute stories of customers and waitresses and happily ever after. One of my cousins married a flight attendant he hit on during a flight (working and no indicator of interest), my friend married a guy who was the tow truck driver who came after she crashed her car. Again he was at work. I also know other couples who met when one was at work or where there were no clear neon lights of single and looking to mingle.

So because other men harassed women and they didn't file charges, it's totally fine? Yikes dude. You have a very low moral bar. No wonder you think its NBD to harass teen girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so I’m the poster who another poster is screaming at claiming that I’m a pervert and monster. I’ve calmly been surfing the web to gather rational thoughts on this and basically have gathered this:

From a legal standpoint, it is without question not harassment for a customer to politely ask a server on a one time basis for her phone number. If the customer persists following a “no”, however, it absolutely is harassment.

But, harassment or not, it’s still not considered appropriate even to ask for the phone number on a one time basis. It’s awkward and puts the server in a bad position. Instead, as I now see was just suggested above, the recommendation is for the customer to leave his phone number at the table with an invitation for the server to contact him if she is interested.

This all makes a lot of sense to me.

This is just not true. It IS harassment. If you want to share your sources, please do. Other people have posted the actual definition and it wholly encompasses OPs daughters situation as such.

You’re still wrong, try again a billion times. Still wrong.

Whatever. I think your answer would be different if it were your 17 year old self regularly getting hit on and asked for your number by older gay men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has explained why lifeguard and babysitter are better than waitress for a teen.

Waitresses are fully clothed, in public, and not responsible for anyone's life or safety.

Please explain

I got hit on all of the time as a lifeguard at a condominium pool. I remember how uncomfortable it was, and I feel for OP’s daughter. At 17 all of my experience with men was with teenage boys. And maybe there were some teenage boys who were sexually assertive with girls, but I wasn’t in those circles. The boys I knew were the kind that you know for months or years and then you go out on group dates where you kiss at the ice skating rink.
And then, all of a sudden, I was being hit on by grown adult men who were commenting on my body and obviously wanted to have sex with me.
It was definitely unnerving.

I was lucky (?) but have heard many, many tales of tipsy dads getting handsy in the car when driving the teen babysitter home.

This is apocryphal. I think you’re confusing your p*rn history.

I think you have never been a shy 17 or 18 year old girl in the age of “barely legal” porn being consumed by every man in your life.