Any way to disinvite a cousin from an annual beach reunion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also wouldn’t sunscreen someone else’s kid

we definitely wouldn’t invite you along …

Somehow I don't think pp would be missing anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have a house on the Cape. Growing up, me, my best friend and my cousin spent our summers here. My cousin is local to the cape. My best friend was an army brat and flew in from various corners of the country.

Fast forward to close to 40 and we fly in with our families every summer. Five kids under five. Lots of chaos and cooking and wine and beach days and yelling at kids to share. Very warm and jovial.

However, I’ve reached the end of the rope with my cousin. This woman and her husband, at age 38, does not lift a finger. She doesn’t cook or clean (despite assigning a google sheet to handle the week), she won’t handle the kids, she won’t even clear her dishes from the living room, hand a kid a snack, pour someone a cocktail. Her clothes go into the kids’ hampers so they get thrown in the wash. It’s truly breathtaking. We have six adults and five small kids in the house, and two adults basically sit all day on their phones, letting their baby hang out, and ask when dinner is.

This behavior has been seen before, but it is magnified and made impossible to handle since we’ve become parents and have shit to do. The resentment of picking up her trash or having to ask her to pick up the trash is making my blood go toxic. I am happy to host everyone but emotionally and logistically I can’t take into consideration their inability to do literally anything to move the ball forward.

They just left and already next year feels looming. Is this something one takes head on? “If you come to the house you are expected to periodically run the dishwasher, choose a night to cook, grab milk when we need it, generally get off your phone sometimes.” Or should I just say the hosue is too small? It’s a 26 year tradition that I am about to burn to the ground and I’m so exhausted and angry i don’t even care.

Cousin sounds like a jerk, but you say “my parents have” (present tense) a house on the Cape. How can you disinvite someone else to a house you don’t own?

+1 This is my question as well. Also, re the dinner spreadsheet. On the nights when she is scheduled to make dinner, why didn't you and your family simply go out OP? Same with the laundry. Why aren't your kids bringing you their dirty clothes to put into your hamper. Then you wash only your family's clothes. It seems like you are creating your own fair share of this drama.

How can you disinvite someone else to a house you don't own? Puh-lease. OP's parents allow her use of their vacation home for this reunion. That means OP has control and responsibility of the house while she and her guests are using it. It's no different than my teenagers telling their guests to leave my home when their behaviors warrant it. They don't need to call me and ask me for permission.

As the organizer and host of this reunion, OP gets to determine the rules. If her guests don't like it, they can decline to join her.

Wrong, dumbo. The cousin is a close relative of her parents so it’s a more complicated situation than that. It would be like if your teenager kicked out your BFF’s son or daughter because they were staring at their phone too much.

"Dumbo"? Really? Whatever. I fully support my kids asking their guests to leave if the guests behavior don't conform to expectations - even if it was by BFF's kid and the kid was starring at their phone too much. OP's expectations of her guest are different than her guests. If guests don't want to meet expectations, they can go home.

You want to control how much other people's children are on their phone?

[Anonymous]

NP. Read a few pages, sorry if I’m missing anything. I agree that BOTH of you expect the other to do more than your fair share.

Every family for themselves sounds like a good solution(at least a nice try).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, men are strangely absent from this story. What are they doing all day long? And I am curious, why aren't you married? Is your BF the father of your kids?

+1. Men are suspiciously missing from these tales of woes (other than the cousin's asshole husband who probably doesn't want to even be there). BF is best friend, not boyfriend I think.

I am guessing the OP's husband and BF's husband aren't pitching in either.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send a message now following up on the week. Boy it’s a lot harder with the kids, etc. Suggest that if this tradition is to continue then you’re all going to have to make some changes to manage the kids, cleaning, cooking, etc. Ask them for input on what can happen to make it easier.

This is good advice

+1

[Anonymous]

Cape Cod or Cape May?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why cousins DH is working at the vacation home when they both live on the Cape. Work at your own house!

[Anonymous]

Cousin sounds very depressed. But that doesn’t make for a good vacation with another family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, men are strangely absent from this story. What are they doing all day long? And I am curious, why aren't you married? Is your BF the father of your kids?

+1. Men are suspiciously missing from these tales of woes (other than the cousin's asshole husband who probably doesn't want to even be there). BF is best friend, not boyfriend I think.

I am guessing the OP's husband and BF's husband aren't pitching in either.

This.

You have two kids. You have a husband. Why does you cousin who has a one year old need to take care of your two kids when they have a mother and a father there?

[Anonymous]

Wow, not sure why y'all are once again criticizing OP. I have three siblings and if one of them didn't pull their weight on family vacations, I'd absolutely say something. Between all of us, there are 10 kids under 15 and we help out, whether they're ours or not, smh. That's what you do on communal vacations. Everyone pitches in, whether with kids, meals, cleaning, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, not sure why y'all are once again criticizing OP. I have three siblings and if one of them didn't pull their weight on family vacations, I'd absolutely say something. Between all of us, there are 10 kids under 15 and we help out, whether they're ours or not, smh. That's what you do on communal vacations. Everyone pitches in, whether with kids, meals, cleaning, etc.

“pull their weight” ≠ “pull somebody else’s weight”

Both sides are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, not sure why y'all are once again criticizing OP. I have three siblings and if one of them didn't pull their weight on family vacations, I'd absolutely say something. Between all of us, there are 10 kids under 15 and we help out, whether they're ours or not, smh. That's what you do on communal vacations. Everyone pitches in, whether with kids, meals, cleaning, etc.

“pull their weight” ≠ “pull somebody else’s weight”

Both sides are wrong.

Nah, if people aren't going to pitch in, they shouldn't go. I'm the last one to have kids out of us four, with twins who are 2 now. For years I helped out with my nieces and nephews and we went on vacation a couple weeks ago, all of us since the Pandemic. My siblings were a great help, without me even asking. That's what you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents have a house on the Cape. Growing up, me, my best friend and my cousin spent our summers here. My cousin is local to the cape. My best friend was an army brat and flew in from various corners of the country.

Fast forward to close to 40 and we fly in with our families every summer. Five kids under five. Lots of chaos and cooking and wine and beach days and yelling at kids to share. Very warm and jovial.

However, I’ve reached the end of the rope with my cousin. This woman and her husband, at age 38, does not lift a finger. She doesn’t cook or clean (despite assigning a google sheet to handle the week), she won’t handle the kids, she won’t even clear her dishes from the living room, hand a kid a snack, pour someone a cocktail. Her clothes go into the kids’ hampers so they get thrown in the wash. It’s truly breathtaking. We have six adults and five small kids in the house, and two adults basically sit all day on their phones, letting their baby hang out, and ask when dinner is.

This behavior has been seen before, but it is magnified and made impossible to handle since we’ve become parents and have shit to do. The resentment of picking up her trash or having to ask her to pick up the trash is making my blood go toxic. I am happy to host everyone but emotionally and logistically I can’t take into consideration their inability to do literally anything to move the ball forward.

They just left and already next year feels looming. Is this something one takes head on? “If you come to the house you are expected to periodically run the dishwasher, choose a night to cook, grab milk when we need it, generally get off your phone sometimes.” Or should I just say the hosue is too small? It’s a 26 year tradition that I am about to burn to the ground and I’m so exhausted and angry i don’t even care.

Why on earth didn't you just say this?

[Anonymous]

I read the first few pages and I no longer agree with OP - she wants her cousin who has a baby to help take care of all the other kids even though OP and her BFF are not helping with the baby. Is this right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read the first few pages and I no longer agree with OP - she wants her cousin who has a baby to help take care of all the other kids even though OP and her BFF are not helping with the baby. Is this right?

No, it’s not.