Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No back massages. Cheesy.

what? I love back massages. It leads to other bits being massaged, both mine and his. Best massages are the ones where the clothes come off and the oil comes out. Put a big beach towel underneath and get to it.

-dw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not accept a sexless marriage. If she's not interested, declare the marriage open. Problem solved in 15 seconds.

And you're here. Didn't take long.

Yep, if this guy invested as much time in his marriage as he did here trying to validate his cheating, he might solve his own problem.

FFS, an open relationship isn't cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No back massages. Cheesy.

what? I love back massages. It leads to other bits being massaged, both mine and his. Best massages are the ones where the clothes come off and the oil comes out. Put a big beach towel underneath and get to it.

-dw

Sound gross and just the thought of this is a turn off. I can see why your HD is in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

Maybe but why would a woman ever marry this kind of man? How does it get past the 4th date?

Why are all the sexless wives ignoring this question? If women are going to claim their husbands are bad in bed, then why did you marry them??

Np. Maybe the wives didn't know what good sex looked like especially if they had little experience? Remember, women are called hos if they sleep around too much. Also. Maybe when dh was younger it was better and new so either wives hoped it would get better but didn't know how to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok guys. Here’s our group. How are you handling this? What has worked; what hasn’t? How will we go on in this situation? Let’s discuss.

So moral judgments aside:

My situation - 15 years married, 2 kids in middle school, have gone from sex 1-2 a month to once a season lately at best (and 0 for winter).

What works - completely giving up on your spouse as a sexual partner. Sounds counter-intuitive but its true. The sexual frustration and cycle of initiation and rejection is what is toxic. I take care of myself at least daily so I have nothing in the tank for her.

Also, exercise, dressing well. Going out more, ignoring the depressing nights of just sitting beside her on the couch while she surfs facebook or watches reality tv. Flirting, paying genuine compliments to women.

What doesn't work - scheduling sex, buying her toys, lingerie, vacations, hotels, inviting her to explore fantasies.

Can being in a sexless marriage work long term? For her, yes. For me, no. Short term, it's actually better to accept it than to try and fix an unfixable situation.

This is why you’re sexless. Women know when you’re giving your attention to other women. You’ve got nothing left in the tank for her not only physically but also emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

Maybe but why would a woman ever marry this kind of man? How does it get past the 4th date?

Why are all the sexless wives ignoring this question? If women are going to claim their husbands are bad in bed, then why did you marry them??

Np. Maybe the wives didn't know what good sex looked like especially if they had little experience? Remember, women are called hos if they sleep around too much. Also. Maybe when dh was younger it was better and new so either wives hoped it would get better but didn't know how to talk about it.

I think it is because most of these wives were nervous about locking down a guy for marriage because they were getting up in years and saw all their friends getting married and wanted to have kids while young enough to do that. Most of these were not women who had a huge range of options. Then after marriage and kids, the guy became a pain or unattractive or just plain unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok guys. Here’s our group. How are you handling this? What has worked; what hasn’t? How will we go on in this situation? Let’s discuss.

So moral judgments aside:

My situation - 15 years married, 2 kids in middle school, have gone from sex 1-2 a month to once a season lately at best (and 0 for winter).

What works - completely giving up on your spouse as a sexual partner. Sounds counter-intuitive but its true. The sexual frustration and cycle of initiation and rejection is what is toxic. I take care of myself at least daily so I have nothing in the tank for her.

Also, exercise, dressing well. Going out more, ignoring the depressing nights of just sitting beside her on the couch while she surfs facebook or watches reality tv. Flirting, paying genuine compliments to women.

What doesn't work - scheduling sex, buying her toys, lingerie, vacations, hotels, inviting her to explore fantasies.

Can being in a sexless marriage work long term? For her, yes. For me, no. Short term, it's actually better to accept it than to try and fix an unfixable situation.

Buying sex toys?? Are you serious? No woman thinks that’s a turn on. You’re thinking with your dick. Have any of you thought about just buying some flowers and telling your wife she’s beautiful in the middle of the day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok guys. Here’s our group. How are you handling this? What has worked; what hasn’t? How will we go on in this situation? Let’s discuss.

So moral judgments aside:

My situation - 15 years married, 2 kids in middle school, have gone from sex 1-2 a month to once a season lately at best (and 0 for winter).

What works - completely giving up on your spouse as a sexual partner. Sounds counter-intuitive but its true. The sexual frustration and cycle of initiation and rejection is what is toxic. I take care of myself at least daily so I have nothing in the tank for her.

Also, exercise, dressing well. Going out more, ignoring the depressing nights of just sitting beside her on the couch while she surfs facebook or watches reality tv. Flirting, paying genuine compliments to women.

What doesn't work - scheduling sex, buying her toys, lingerie, vacations, hotels, inviting her to explore fantasies.

Can being in a sexless marriage work long term? For her, yes. For me, no. Short term, it's actually better to accept it than to try and fix an unfixable situation.

Buying sex toys?? Are you serious? No woman thinks that’s a turn on. You’re thinking with your dick. Have any of you thought about just buying some flowers and telling your wife she’s beautiful in the middle of the day?

Agreed, another major turn-off. How about a nice weekend getaway, or a nice dinner somewhere. They are the problem, not their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok guys. Here’s our group. How are you handling this? What has worked; what hasn’t? How will we go on in this situation? Let’s discuss.

So moral judgments aside:

My situation - 15 years married, 2 kids in middle school, have gone from sex 1-2 a month to once a season lately at best (and 0 for winter).

What works - completely giving up on your spouse as a sexual partner. Sounds counter-intuitive but its true. The sexual frustration and cycle of initiation and rejection is what is toxic. I take care of myself at least daily so I have nothing in the tank for her.

Also, exercise, dressing well. Going out more, ignoring the depressing nights of just sitting beside her on the couch while she surfs facebook or watches reality tv. Flirting, paying genuine compliments to women.

What doesn't work - scheduling sex, buying her toys, lingerie, vacations, hotels, inviting her to explore fantasies.

Can being in a sexless marriage work long term? For her, yes. For me, no. Short term, it's actually better to accept it than to try and fix an unfixable situation.

This is why you’re sexless. Women know when you’re giving your attention to other women. You’ve got nothing left in the tank for her not only physically but also emotionally.

Flirting with other women would be a deal breaker. He outed himself, yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok guys. Here’s our group. How are you handling this? What has worked; what hasn’t? How will we go on in this situation? Let’s discuss.

So moral judgments aside:

My situation - 15 years married, 2 kids in middle school, have gone from sex 1-2 a month to once a season lately at best (and 0 for winter).

What works - completely giving up on your spouse as a sexual partner. Sounds counter-intuitive but its true. The sexual frustration and cycle of initiation and rejection is what is toxic. I take care of myself at least daily so I have nothing in the tank for her.

Also, exercise, dressing well. Going out more, ignoring the depressing nights of just sitting beside her on the couch while she surfs facebook or watches reality tv. Flirting, paying genuine compliments to women.

What doesn't work - scheduling sex, buying her toys, lingerie, vacations, hotels, inviting her to explore fantasies.

Can being in a sexless marriage work long term? For her, yes. For me, no. Short term, it's actually better to accept it than to try and fix an unfixable situation.

Buying sex toys?? Are you serious? No woman thinks that’s a turn on. You’re thinking with your dick. Have any of you thought about just buying some flowers and telling your wife she’s beautiful in the middle of the day?

Ha! Seriously. What a clumsy move.

[Anonymous]

No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Funny I thought we were supposed to feel sorry for the men who *weren’t* having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Funny I thought we were supposed to feel sorry for the men who *weren’t* having sex?

Lol they’ve lost the plot!! They just want to complain and not actually solve anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever likes this advice but here it is. The difference in male and female drive, in my experience, is that when I am tired, or stressed I can’t get turned on. My husband has No Problem getting turned on if he’s tired or stressed. But since he’s not a garbage human, he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. If we’re on vacation and I have no responsibilities, am well rested and relaxed, it’s easy to do 2x day. At home juggling schedule, work, house, etc it’s hard to get 2x month.

So since we’re in this together and not “demanding” that our spouse “owes” us, we see my getting more rest and relaxation as an investment for both of us in a better sex life. If the house is clean and I slept late while my husband took the baby to her swim lessons and gave her breakfast HECK YES there will be sex at nap time. If it’s such a big deal people want to divorce over it, stepping up to help your partner seems less work and hassle.

If that extra work your husband has to do is just evening out the work load, then sure. If you are using sex to sleep in while he does extra work, then, well, I feel sorry for your husband.

Let’s break this down. Say before a couple was doing exactly 50/50. DW and DH are both tired and stressed come the weekend. DH wants sex, DW can’t get turned on while tired. So DH does more work, call it 55/45, so DW can rest and they can *both* have enjoyable sex. You would consider that this DH is a victim? What’s your solution? DH has sex with a DW who is too tired and stressed to enjoy it? They just don’t have sex at all? Both of those options sound gross to me.