Why are other girls repelled by my daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried to raise a girl to be kind, respectful, and thoughtful. She is. I got some extras: she is smart and beautiful. But she feels lonely. The girls on her private school are b**s. On top of that, many are vulgar. Mostly are dumb. Almost all are disrespectful. I saw them, she didn’t tell me. I saw what they wrote on the walls, the length of their skirts, the way they talk to their parents. Some are too afraid of being excluded so they act like they are dumb, vulgar, mean,... the boys are not very different. Some boys and girls are having sex already at age 13. Some are drinking alcohol. Those are the most popular ones.

I told DD to keep going, to look for friends faraway. It’s fine to be lonely, just make sure you are on the right route.

Hopefully she will go to a different school next year.

Is your DD as judgmental as you are?

Not at all. I wish she was - she would be more popular.

DP here. Moms always think their daughters’ problems are caused by being too nice. Unfortunately, an awkward kid who is mean is no better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sock puppeting 2019 award

Ugh! I am a different PP. Congratulations. You managed to sound obnoxious in a post with just 4 words. OP, avaid women like pp, and hopefully your kid can avoid the spawn of people like this.

[Anonymous]

You said this has been going on since she was 2 in preschool. What was she like then? Was she very talkative? Very sensitive?

Also, is she young for her grade? I do think this tends to be an issue with kids who are younger than their peers.

[Anonymous]

OP my daughter struggles with social skills and has gotten help. She has friends and is happy, but it's a work in progress. She has one acquaintance who I no longer have over because we enough on our plate these days.
H Not saying your kid does this, but this kid's mom thinks she is an angel:

-Insult my daughter to the point she was in tears.
-Complain about every food she was offered.
-Brag
-Announce the night before was so ill it was coming out of both ends and she didn't know if they'd have to cancel.
-Comment to me she noticed I put on some weight.
-Complain about my car not being a minivan.
-Insist on only playing what she wanted to play and she somehow finds toys from a much earlier age. My daughter goes along with it, but eventually wants to play with age-appropriate stuff

Mom then shows up an hour late to pick her up. I even call and offer her home. No apology from mom for that or sending a kid who was puking her brains out the night before.

[Anonymous]

Everyone recommends theater for my quirky DD so she can meet kind, like-minded kids but it’s darn hard to get into the middle school play; she’s tried out three times and hasn’t gotten in. They even make kids try out for tech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how do you know she isnt HFA / Aspergers? Just curious

We've had her tested multiple times by reputable psychologists and psychiatrists.

DP here and notwithstanding the results of the test, she has the same profile of a child with HFA/Aspergers so the same therapy and suggestions are relevant. There is a social skills group for teens that is recommended a lot on the special needs forum. It meets in MD. I think you should really look into that.

Also, have you considered switching schools and holding your back a year? She can spend the year developing her own interests and also focusing on gaining social skills without academic pressure since you mentioned she had a higher IQ and would be repeating material.

[Anonymous]

Being gifted can put her out of sync with her peers in weird ways—look up “asynchronous development.” She may be highly sensitive too.

I was an anxious gifted kid, diagnosed as an adult with adhd, and middle school was hell for me. Only one or two friends I saw outside of school, lonely, awkward, teased. It was rough.

It got better though—I found peers in high school, and I have found friends since. I am married, I have a good community of friends. You can call it being a late bloomer—but I was slower to mature socially, stuck out like a sore thumb for being “the smart kid.” I eventually found my place. I offer that up as a positive anecdote.

As for now, therapy or a support group could help—and any way to help her find peers more like her. And continuing to be a loving, supportive mom who sees her and loves her for who she is, which it sounds like you do.

I wish I could hug you both.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think anyone else has mentioned this, but is your child gifted? Sounds a lot like mine used to be ( from a similar age, btw). If so, hang in there....it gets better! You might have to be her best friend for now, but she will find her tribe eventually. Love her, support her and be there for her.

[Anonymous]

Omg... the PP before me also posted about giftedness. Think about it please!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone recommends theater for my quirky DD so she can meet kind, like-minded kids but it’s darn hard to get into the middle school play; she’s tried out three times and hasn’t gotten in. They even make kids try out for tech.

My quirky kid did a theater camp. So not true about theater kids. They can be just as mean as others. The instructors were awesome. There were some nice kids. There were also some seriously disturbed kids-mean and obsessed with murder, blood, guns (this is what I mean by disturbed). The camp welcomes all and they do make it clear they can kick kids out, but they had a lot of tolerance were some pretty abysmal behavior. I envisioned it being more of a kumbaya experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone recommends theater for my quirky DD so she can meet kind, like-minded kids but it’s darn hard to get into the middle school play; she’s tried out three times and hasn’t gotten in. They even make kids try out for tech.

My quirky kid did a theater camp. So not true about theater kids. They can be just as mean as others. The instructors were awesome. There were some nice kids. There were also some seriously disturbed kids-mean and obsessed with murder, blood, guns (this is what I mean by disturbed). The camp welcomes all and they do make it clear they can kick kids out, but they had a lot of tolerance were some pretty abysmal behavior. I envisioned it being more of a kumbaya experience.

+1

The nerdier clubs seems to have nicer kids. Think Math club, Robotics, Coding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone recommends theater for my quirky DD so she can meet kind, like-minded kids but it’s darn hard to get into the middle school play; she’s tried out three times and hasn’t gotten in. They even make kids try out for tech.

My quirky kid did a theater camp. So not true about theater kids. They can be just as mean as others. The instructors were awesome. There were some nice kids. There were also some seriously disturbed kids-mean and obsessed with murder, blood, guns (this is what I mean by disturbed). The camp welcomes all and they do make it clear they can kick kids out, but they had a lot of tolerance were some pretty abysmal behavior. I envisioned it being more of a kumbaya experience.

+1

The nerdier clubs seems to have nicer kids. Think Math club, Robotics, Coding.

+1

Do you think this is because nerdier clubs have more Asian-Americans and they tend to values academic/scholastic success over being "popular"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone recommends theater for my quirky DD so she can meet kind, like-minded kids but it’s darn hard to get into the middle school play; she’s tried out three times and hasn’t gotten in. They even make kids try out for tech.

My quirky kid did a theater camp. So not true about theater kids. They can be just as mean as others. The instructors were awesome. There were some nice kids. There were also some seriously disturbed kids-mean and obsessed with murder, blood, guns (this is what I mean by disturbed). The camp welcomes all and they do make it clear they can kick kids out, but they had a lot of tolerance were some pretty abysmal behavior. I envisioned it being more of a kumbaya experience.

+1

The nerdier clubs seems to have nicer kids. Think Math club, Robotics, Coding.

+1

Yes, that is what I meant.

Do you think this is because nerdier clubs have more Asian-Americans and they tend to values academic/scholastic success over being "popular"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A problem that stretches over 10 years is a problem. Not a typical situation.

Unless she is in private school.

Once the group decides you don't fit in at private school, there are no options for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a friend who frustrates her bc she’s always talking down about other girls and is kind of possessive in her friendships. I think she’s insecure but it is not fun being in a friendship with her and I don’t think it’s going to last.

You just described the two girls that my dd’s best friend of 12 years has ditched her for senior year of HS. My dd can’t stand girls who are needy and demanding and trash talk you to everyone when you’re not around, but those seem to be the popular girls, and since it’s all about who is in your Instagram pics instead of genuine friendship, this is how it goes.