Why are other girls repelled by my daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how do you know she isnt HFA / Aspergers? Just curious

We've had her tested multiple times by reputable psychologists and psychiatrists.

You have had her tested multiple times for autism? A neuropsych evaluation costs 5k or 2 years on the waiting list under insurance. It is also ONLY performed by a neuropsychologist. Not by a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

I have a DC who was "tested" multiple times by psychologists and pediatricians for other things. I always asked about Aspergers and they always said no. What they should be required by law to say is "I am not qualified to form an opinion " because they are not. However, they did and said no. They were wrong and their ineptitude cost DC years of proper, targeted help.

You mention social problems and clumsiness. These are two red flags. Contact a neuropsychologist. Preferably one who specializes in girls and autism.

Sigh. There is no such thing as "Aspergers" anymore. Neuropsychs have realized that merely being clumsy and socially awkward is within the normal spectrum of humanity and does not mean that a person has a neurological disorder. So, as the OP stated, her child does not have autism. Now, that does not mean that her daughter would not clearly benefit from sort sort of social classes/therapy to help her out.

Whoa! No!!!
Aspergers syndrome was relabeled High Functioning Autism. The diagnosis did not go away nor did "neuropsychs realize aspergers symptoms meant you are normal" whatever crazy gibberish this might be.

Yes! I am a teacher who attends a lot of Special Ed meetings. Kids who were once labeled with Aspergers are now diagnosed on the autism spectrum, period. The criteria didn’t change, the Aspergers label simply doesn’t exist anymore.

Thank you teacher.
Above BOLD pp extremely rude and hurtful. Is it any wonder kids are mean and exclude others.

[Anonymous]

Bold PP is either ridiculously uneducated or a parent in denial who misread a blog somewhere.
Literally no one believes what bold PP wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my daughter had (has) this problem. She had very high IQ scores, low processing speed. Great grades and school performance but never could seem to click with anyone. She turned out to have aspergers, though it was not diagnosed until she was 15.

I could have written OP’s post and am very curious about the mentions of a late diagnosis of asbergers or asd. We did a neuropsych eval and it said my DD’s rigidity (has a hard time with transitions) is due to anxiety and that she didn’t have a diagnosis of asd “at this time.”

Looking back, for those who found out late that your dc has asd, were there clues you missed?

Also I will say our dd has anxiety - the social anxiety is a problem but I don’t know of it was caused by missing social cues. Ours picks up on some cues but not others. Agree with others that our dd was always eager and often clingy. She also has tried to be friends with the wrong people.

[Anonymous]

You might want to repost your question to the Kids With Special Needs forum.
I could tell you the signs we missed with my DC but it would be very different than anyone else's experience.
I would read everything you can about girls and asperger's and seek out a consultation with a neuropsychologist who deals with autism and related issues.
A garden variety psychologists will tell you adhd or anxiety because that's all they're trained in. Autism specialists are few and far between.

[Anonymous]

I guess my question is, even if this person’s daughter is diagnosed with autism, what should she do then? How does this help the child at this stage in her life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone recommends theater for my quirky DD so she can meet kind, like-minded kids but it’s darn hard to get into the middle school play; she’s tried out three times and hasn’t gotten in. They even make kids try out for tech.

Try travelingplayers.org. It is a great program and middle school students don’t have to audition to get a part. TPE is a wonderful community and kids can really find a home there. They have summer and winter programs for middle and high schoolers.

Oh bummer, it’s in VA; I’m near Rockville, MD. Thanks anyway!

Highwood in DTSS has a similar ethos and is closer to you.

Just seeing this now, thank you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might want to repost your question to the Kids With Special Needs forum.
I could tell you the signs we missed with my DC but it would be very different than anyone else's experience.
I would read everything you can about girls and asperger's and seek out a consultation with a neuropsychologist who deals with autism and related issues.
A garden variety psychologists will tell you adhd or anxiety because that's all they're trained in. Autism specialists are few and far between.

Perhaps that's your experience. It's not mine. I have found typical specialists are far more likely to diagnose ASD than to recognize how the symptoms of anxiety and ADHD mix to mimic the symptoms of ASD. My DS was misdiagnosed with ASD. Once his anxiety was brought under control with medication, it became apparent that he has the inattentive type of ADHD. Now that he's being treated for both, ASD never comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone recommends theater for my quirky DD so she can meet kind, like-minded kids but it’s darn hard to get into the middle school play; she’s tried out three times and hasn’t gotten in. They even make kids try out for tech.

Try travelingplayers.org. It is a great program and middle school students don’t have to audition to get a part. TPE is a wonderful community and kids can really find a home there. They have summer and winter programs for middle and high schoolers.

Oh bummer, it’s in VA; I’m near Rockville, MD. Thanks anyway!

Highwood in DTSS has a similar ethos and is closer to you.

Just seeing this now, thank you!!

DP Just want to second Highwood. Lots of kids on the spectrum who act, play music, work in building the sets or tech and everyone is welcome and has friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You might want to repost your question to the Kids With Special Needs forum.
I could tell you the signs we missed with my DC but it would be very different than anyone else's experience.
I would read everything you can about girls and asperger's and seek out a consultation with a neuropsychologist who deals with autism and related issues.
A garden variety psychologists will tell you adhd or anxiety because that's all they're trained in. Autism specialists are few and far between.

Perhaps that's your experience. It's not mine. I have found typical specialists are far more likely to diagnose ASD than to recognize how the symptoms of anxiety and ADHD mix to mimic the symptoms of ASD. My DS was misdiagnosed with ASD. Once his anxiety was brought under control with medication, it became apparent that he has the inattentive type of ADHD. Now that he's being treated for both, ASD never comes up.

IME, there is a great deal of difference between how ASD (esp what used to be called Aspergers) presents in girls vs. boys and that can lead to girls being misdiagnosed.

[Anonymous]

Did you ever speak with her teachers about her social issues? Teachers are a truly great source because they see your kid's interactions with others. Elementary school would have been the ideal time for this since the kids stay with the same teacher all day, but I would not hesitate to email all of her current teachers to ask them what they notice. At 12 years old, there are socially savvy kids and then the not so savvy kids. However, it seems to me, that everyone can make a friend-- and the friendships can be outside of school at extracurricular activities. I am in agreement that finding an activity that your daughter is passionate about outside of school that involves other children would be a very good route. It is so painful to see your child with no friends. Ugh. I feel for you OP. Truly. There is a solution to this. I know there is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess my question is, even if this person’s daughter is diagnosed with autism, what should she do then? How does this help the child at this stage in her life?

When my DS was in 5th grade, other kids were repelled by him. His teacher was repelled by him. He started to make suicide attempts.

When we discovered and he understood that he is autistic, and that he has trouble understanding social cues but can learn them, he felt much better.
It is a pretty unpleasant to be trapped in a confusing hell of having people dislike you without understanding why. You may even start to think you are simply repulsive.

Oh, and there are help and services available to autistic children and adults. Help you will not get without a diagnosis.

"Mastering others is strength; Mastering yourself is true power.” -Lao Tzu

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever speak with her teachers about her social issues? Teachers are a truly great source because they see your kid's interactions with others. Elementary school would have been the ideal time for this since the kids stay with the same teacher all day, but I would not hesitate to email all of her current teachers to ask them what they notice. At 12 years old, there are socially savvy kids and then the not so savvy kids. However, it seems to me, that everyone can make a friend-- and the friendships can be outside of school at extracurricular activities. I am in agreement that finding an activity that your daughter is passionate about outside of school that involves other children would be a very good route. It is so painful to see your child with no friends. Ugh. I feel for you OP. Truly. There is a solution to this. I know there is.

Talk to teachers but take what they say with a grain of salt. Some teachers are good at this, but many have very skewed observations. Especially with quiet kids. If they are not making trouble, the teachers do not notice them. So in thier minds they are getting along with everyone because they are not making trouble.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I am so sorry this is you and your DD's life. I am sure you are beyond frustrated and very sad.

Have you ever asked another parent, asked them to be painfully honest with you about what they know/hear/see regarding your DD?

I have two kids who have both had some issues with friendships and like you, I never did. I had tons of friends growing up and they were the center of my life. It was hard for me to understand what the issues were for my kids.

My DS was complicated and too hard to compare, but my DD's experience might be applicable to your situation:

Turns out my DD has ADHD, which was not diagnosed until highschool. No one ever guessed before because 1.) she is an excellent student and 2.) not hyper at all. ADHD in girls is very under-diagnosed. ADD is much more common in girls. ADD is most easily described as the spacey-type thing. ADHD in girls isn't hyperactivity like it is in boys. Its more a missing of social clues because she is so intent on something she is interested in. Basically, my DD would be overly enthusiastic and just talk right over other girls and never notice that they were annoyed or not interested.

She is now on some mild medication and it has made a huge difference. She is still not the most socially savvy girl (she is an athlete and not a girly type) but she is doing much better with friendships.

Anyway, I am telling you this just because it might help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I am so sorry this is you and your DD's life. I am sure you are beyond frustrated and very sad.

Have you ever asked another parent, asked them to be painfully honest with you about what they know/hear/see regarding your DD?

I have two kids who have both had some issues with friendships and like you, I never did. I had tons of friends growing up and they were the center of my life. It was hard for me to understand what the issues were for my kids.

My DS was complicated and too hard to compare, but my DD's experience might be applicable to your situation:

Turns out my DD has ADHD, which was not diagnosed until highschool. No one ever guessed before because 1.) she is an excellent student and 2.) not hyper at all. ADHD in girls is very under-diagnosed. ADD is much more common in girls. ADD is most easily described as the spacey-type thing. ADHD in girls isn't hyperactivity like it is in boys. Its more a missing of social clues because she is so intent on something she is interested in. Basically, my DD would be overly enthusiastic and just talk right over other girls and never notice that they were annoyed or not interested.

She is now on some mild medication and it has made a huge difference. She is still not the most socially savvy girl (she is an athlete and not a girly type) but she is doing much better with friendships.

Anyway, I am telling you this just because it might help.

DP here, that sounds like our DD (adhd inattentive), but also has anxiety - just started SSRI and seeing a change just after a few weeks.. Curious to hear what social cues your DD misses? I haven't fully figured it out but do know that ours gets clingy, can be pretty intense, and interrupts people in conversation. Also think she hasn't been a good judge of who to try to befriend. Not sure if that's an ADHD thing or not. Welcome hearing what you have seen in your DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess my question is, even if this person’s daughter is diagnosed with autism, what should she do then? How does this help the child at this stage in her life?

When my DS was in 5th grade, other kids were repelled by him. His teacher was repelled by him. He started to make suicide attempts.

When we discovered and he understood that he is autistic, and that he has trouble understanding social cues but can learn them, he felt much better.
It is a pretty unpleasant to be trapped in a confusing hell of having people dislike you without understanding why. You may even start to think you are simply repulsive.

Oh, and there are help and services available to autistic children and adults. Help you will not get without a diagnosis.

"Mastering others is strength; Mastering yourself is true power.” -Lao Tzu

PP, this is just heartbreaking. I’m so glad to know that your DS is doing well now. You must be one terrific advocate. He is lucky to have you.