Told the wife she has no right to demand an answer...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fix you "non-related issues" and stop avoiding your kids.

If you said, I spend more time out of the house taking the kids places then I would think, great. But you are just neglecting your kids.

I am sorry you have "non-related" mental healthy issues, please get those resolved and stop neglecting the kids.

Your wife has no business knowing you sex life if she is not a part of it but this has nothing to do with sex, you just wanted to start a fight.

You start fights and neglect spending time with the kids... those are you issues, not how much sex you are having.

Fix the non-related issues before you pull another woman into your mess of a way of dealing with people and issues.

OP here... there's enough time when the kids are at school, or asleep, or doing their own thing... to be out doing my own thing without neglecting the kids being an issue...

You go out after the kids are asleep, then are up in the next morning when they wake?

OP here... I know it's hard for you to imagine... but they are in elementary school, and in bed by 9 PM. I can still make it to the gym, workout and back... and be up by 7 AM...

So you are going to the gym 3 times a week, seeing a shrink at least once a week for "unrelated issues" and going out on social outing and a fully engaged parent and working full time.

Your going to the gym from 9:30-10:30 after a full day of work.

Hmm, really?

Is your unrelated issue lying and being delusional.

See if you moved out, you would actually have to take care of your kids when you had them. Isn't that the real issue you don't want to move out. Your wife takes care of the kids and you float in an out as you please.

Move out and see what it is like to really take care of kids.

You're a moron PP. I'm not the OP but I did just what he wrote for years--put the kids to bed, and went to gym at 10pm. After a day at the office and also did it on the weekend. My exDWs resistance to my gym time was one of many reasons I was forced to declare my independence from the marriage.

+1. Woman here. I go to the gym from 9:30-10:30 about 3-4 times a week after my kids are in bed. People do it. I don't know why people would consider this outlandish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, isn't it awkward in your house to not have sex? I just don't get it. How do a married couple live in the same close quarters with each other without having sex?

It may be awkward, but it's not hard to imagine why you might now want to sleep with someone who's told you he may be putting his penis in someone else.

You might have a point if it hadn't been going on for years before that...

You really think that was the first time he's said/done something shitty to her wife? That ugliness didn't come from nowhere, he said it because he's the kind of person who says hurtful things.

[Anonymous]

Also... I think the shrink thing freaked you out for some reason. A lot of people go to therapy. So do I. No fault in that. All my comment on it was meant to imply was that some of the reasons I went had to do with our relationship being in crisis, while others did not. I still don't understand why you found issue with that.

I have no issue with anybody seeking help for their issues.

I do have issue with people blaming their issues on others.

When you specify that some of your issues are "not related" it means that normally you blame your issues on others.

Dude, ALL of your issues are "not related", when you are in therapy you are working on YOUR issue, they are maybe related to your anger issues, or you inability to communicate, or your need to leave your kids with your wife and "get me time" (avoidance).... but my issue is that you don't understand that your issue are YOUR issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

So you acknowledge your behavior was shitty but defend it as not really wrong because she made you do it. Dude, you're a jackass, no wonder she won't sleep with you.

Oh FFS - OP sounds pretty thoughtful and self-aware to me. He’s struggling, and acknowledges that, and recognizes that he spoke in hurt and anger. There are some PPa who are projecting all kinds of s**t on the OP, to the extent that it’s clear it’s not about this OP at all. They should start their own thread, and get off this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read through all 13 pages but have we figured out who the OP's wife is sleeping with if not him?

She can only get it up for a guy who knows how to use ellipses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, isn't it awkward in your house to not have sex? I just don't get it. How do a married couple live in the same close quarters with each other without having sex?

It may be awkward, but it's not hard to imagine why you might now want to sleep with someone who's told you he may be putting his penis in someone else.

You might have a point if it hadn't been going on for years before that...

You really think that was the first time he's said/done something shitty to her wife? That ugliness didn't come from nowhere, he said it because he's the kind of person who says hurtful things.

I'm not here to speculate on what he may or may not have said to the wife who doles out sex once a year. Sounds like she had it coming though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

So you acknowledge your behavior was shitty but defend it as not really wrong because she made you do it. Dude, you're a jackass, no wonder she won't sleep with you.

Oh FFS - OP sounds pretty thoughtful and self-aware to me. He’s struggling, and acknowledges that, and recognizes that he spoke in hurt and anger. There are some PPa who are projecting all kinds of s**t on the OP, to the extent that it’s clear it’s not about this OP at all. They should start their own thread, and get off this one.

So what? He did something shitty to her, and rather than own that and apologize, he blamed her for it. There is no way that's the first time he's done that, it's not okay, and showing the kind of contempt for your partner that OP showed there can absolutely kill any willingness your partner might have to have sex with you. As said previously, OP has some degree of role in this. Maybe now we've found it. When OP isn't happy with some aspect of his life, he dumps on his wife and then blames her for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Also... I think the shrink thing freaked you out for some reason. A lot of people go to therapy. So do I. No fault in that. All my comment on it was meant to imply was that some of the reasons I went had to do with our relationship being in crisis, while others did not. I still don't understand why you found issue with that.

I have no issue with anybody seeking help for their issues.

I do have issue with people blaming their issues on others.

When you specify that some of your issues are "not related" it means that normally you blame your issues on others.

Dude, ALL of your issues are "not related", when you are in therapy you are working on YOUR issue, they are maybe related to your anger issues, or you inability to communicate, or your need to leave your kids with your wife and "get me time" (avoidance).... but my issue is that you don't understand that your issue are YOUR issues.

OP here... in context... I wrote the issues are not related to my wife, or our relationship problems. NOT THAT THEY ARE NOT RELATED TO ME. You have it backwards. Or I've not been clear. Anyway, your attempt in attach a psychological diagnosis to my actions is heart warming. You must be an amazing psychologist to be able to do that on an online forum like this one.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I actually never said I was out of the house as much as possible... I said I took effort to do so more often. I've been at home most hours of the day and night for several years, and wanted to get more time doing things for myself that were not related to work or family. That being said, it's still about 2 hours a day on most days... so not really "out of the house as much as possible".

You know what most parents are doing after kids go to bed.

Throwing in wash
Folding wash
cleaning up from dinner
paying a bill
RSVPing to birthday parties
registering for fall sports
updating the calendar with August dates (back to school, meet the teacher, etc)
Cleaning a bathroom
sorting through the mail
preparing lunches for tomorrow


Only 2 hours a day? Could you imagine just shirking all your responsibilities for 'only" 2 hours a day.. walk outside, go for a run, then come home and contribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

So you acknowledge your behavior was shitty but defend it as not really wrong because she made you do it. Dude, you're a jackass, no wonder she won't sleep with you.

Oh FFS - OP sounds pretty thoughtful and self-aware to me. He’s struggling, and acknowledges that, and recognizes that he spoke in hurt and anger. There are some PPa who are projecting all kinds of s**t on the OP, to the extent that it’s clear it’s not about this OP at all. They should start their own thread, and get off this one.

So what? He did something shitty to her, and rather than own that and apologize, he blamed her for it. There is no way that's the first time he's done that, it's not okay, and showing the kind of contempt for your partner that OP showed there can absolutely kill any willingness your partner might have to have sex with you. As said previously, OP has some degree of role in this. Maybe now we've found it. When OP isn't happy with some aspect of his life, he dumps on his wife and then blames her for it.

Wow. YOU sure are bitter about something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

So you acknowledge your behavior was shitty but defend it as not really wrong because she made you do it. Dude, you're a jackass, no wonder she won't sleep with you.

Oh FFS - OP sounds pretty thoughtful and self-aware to me. He’s struggling, and acknowledges that, and recognizes that he spoke in hurt and anger. There are some PPa who are projecting all kinds of s**t on the OP, to the extent that it’s clear it’s not about this OP at all. They should start their own thread, and get off this one.

COULD NOT AGREE MORE. I'm curious about what these women's marraiaes are like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

So you acknowledge your behavior was shitty but defend it as not really wrong because she made you do it. Dude, you're a jackass, no wonder she won't sleep with you.

Oh FFS - OP sounds pretty thoughtful and self-aware to me. He’s struggling, and acknowledges that, and recognizes that he spoke in hurt and anger. There are some PPa who are projecting all kinds of s**t on the OP, to the extent that it’s clear it’s not about this OP at all. They should start their own thread, and get off this one.

So what? He did something shitty to her, and rather than own that and apologize, he blamed her for it. There is no way that's the first time he's done that, it's not okay, and showing the kind of contempt for your partner that OP showed there can absolutely kill any willingness your partner might have to have sex with you. As said previously, OP has some degree of role in this. Maybe now we've found it. When OP isn't happy with some aspect of his life, he dumps on his wife and then blames her for it.

Wow. YOU sure are bitter about something

Ah, the classic response of someone who knows he can't refute it substantively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Also... I think the shrink thing freaked you out for some reason. A lot of people go to therapy. So do I. No fault in that. All my comment on it was meant to imply was that some of the reasons I went had to do with our relationship being in crisis, while others did not. I still don't understand why you found issue with that.

I have no issue with anybody seeking help for their issues.

I do have issue with people blaming their issues on others.

When you specify that some of your issues are "not related" it means that normally you blame your issues on others.

Dude, ALL of your issues are "not related", when you are in therapy you are working on YOUR issue, they are maybe related to your anger issues, or you inability to communicate, or your need to leave your kids with your wife and "get me time" (avoidance).... but my issue is that you don't understand that your issue are YOUR issues.

OP here... in context... I wrote the issues are not related to my wife, or our relationship problems. NOT THAT THEY ARE NOT RELATED TO ME. You have it backwards. Or I've not been clear. Anyway, your attempt in attach a psychological diagnosis to my actions is heart warming. You must be an amazing psychologist to be able to do that on an online forum like this one.

No you have it backwards. All your issues are related to YOU. You relationship issues are RELATED to YOU. Leave this relationship and you will have all the same issues, because your issues don't go away, they follow you. These are issues YOU created, you need to fix you, not your relationship.

Nobody has to be a psychologist to know you have to fix you, not your wife or your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I actually never said I was out of the house as much as possible... I said I took effort to do so more often. I've been at home most hours of the day and night for several years, and wanted to get more time doing things for myself that were not related to work or family. That being said, it's still about 2 hours a day on most days... so not really "out of the house as much as possible".

You know what most parents are doing after kids go to bed.

Throwing in wash
Folding wash
cleaning up from dinner
paying a bill
RSVPing to birthday parties
registering for fall sports
updating the calendar with August dates (back to school, meet the teacher, etc)
Cleaning a bathroom
sorting through the mail
preparing lunches for tomorrow


Only 2 hours a day? Could you imagine just shirking all your responsibilities for 'only" 2 hours a day.. walk outside, go for a run, then come home and contribute.

I'm pretty sure that based on OP's earlier responses, he does most if not all of this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

So you acknowledge your behavior was shitty but defend it as not really wrong because she made you do it. Dude, you're a jackass, no wonder she won't sleep with you.

Oh FFS - OP sounds pretty thoughtful and self-aware to me. He’s struggling, and acknowledges that, and recognizes that he spoke in hurt and anger. There are some PPa who are projecting all kinds of s**t on the OP, to the extent that it’s clear it’s not about this OP at all. They should start their own thread, and get off this one.

COULD NOT AGREE MORE. I'm curious about what these women's marraiaes are like.

I think that's pretty obvious.