Told the wife she has no right to demand an answer...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fix you "non-related issues" and stop avoiding your kids.

If you said, I spend more time out of the house taking the kids places then I would think, great. But you are just neglecting your kids.

I am sorry you have "non-related" mental healthy issues, please get those resolved and stop neglecting the kids.

Your wife has no business knowing you sex life if she is not a part of it but this has nothing to do with sex, you just wanted to start a fight.

You start fights and neglect spending time with the kids... those are you issues, not how much sex you are having.

Fix the non-related issues before you pull another woman into your mess of a way of dealing with people and issues.

OP here... there's enough time when the kids are at school, or asleep, or doing their own thing... to be out doing my own thing without neglecting the kids being an issue...

You go out after the kids are asleep, then are up in the next morning when they wake?

OP here... pretty

OP here... I know it's hard for you to imagine... but they are in elementary school, and in bed by 9 PM. I can still make it to the gym, workout and back... and be up by 7 AM...

So you are going to the gym 3 times a week, seeing a shrink at least once a week for "unrelated issues" and going out on social outing and a fully engaged parent and working full time.

Your going to the gym from 9:30-10:30 after a full day of work.

Hmm, really?

Is your unrelated issue lying and being delusional.

See if you moved out, you would actually have to take care of your kids when you had them. Isn't that the real issue you don't want to move out. Your wife takes care of the kids and you float in an out as you please.

Move out and see what it is like to really take care of kids.

OP here… Pretty obvious thing to say in 2018… but going to a psychologist is really not an issue you can and should associate with either mental illness or “lying and being delusional”. Such prejudice was already outdated in the 80s when even I was growing up. People encounter a variety of challenges throughout life and talking with a professional is never the wrong thing to do. Many of the more confident, smart and successful individuals I know do so sometime during their 40s…
Anyway… Between 7 hours of sleep and having a flexible work schedule… you can easily find time to go to the gym every now and then and to therapy once a week… all that without neglecting your kids. You would have to be very bad at managing time (which I am not) to think these things MUST go together…

I never said you had a "mental illness"... do you always read into what people say and in turn act defensive?

You said you have "unrelated issues". I am not sure how YOUR issues can be related it's just a little weird you had to specify that you personally have issues and you can't blame your wife ... of course your issues are NOT RELATED. You have issues. I already know that they are your issues, you don't have to specify that they are "unrelated". Of course the 1st step is admitting YOU have issue you can't blame on others.

You can keep making excuses but if you brag about being out of the house as much as possible when your wife is home but also say you are home all the time when your kids are... you MUST be a magician, or lying or delusional... which sounds like an "unrelated issue".

OP here. I actually never said I was out of the house as much as possible... I said I took effort to do so more often. I've been at home most hours of the day and night for several years, and wanted to get more time doing things for myself that were not related to work or family. That being said, it's still about 2 hours a day on most days... so not really "out of the house as much as possible".

Also... I think the shrink thing freaked you out for some reason. A lot of people go to therapy. So do I. No fault in that. All my comment on it was meant to imply was that some of the reasons I went had to do with our relationship being in crisis, while others did not. I still don't understand why you found issue with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP works, does more than his share around the house and with kids, and doesn't cheat despite having sex ONCE A YEAR.

I can't believe you are all jumping on him. I feel sorry for your husbands.
- woman

Is this your first time on DCUM?

It's just sad. It's like all these women want is a sugar daddy - by his account OP seems like a good guy, good dad, and attentive husband.

True. But those things don't get the panties wet. That, combined with OP's passivity, are the perfect ingredients for a sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was I wrong to tell her it’s no longer her business as she’s made it clear she has no interest, or obligation, in sex with me?

Can't say if it was right or wrong but damn sure sounds juvenile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

So predictable. After this is posted, OP comes back, responds to five different posts (including the one immediately above this), and completely ignores this simple question. Tells us all we need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

So predictable. After this is posted, OP comes back, responds to five different posts (including the one immediately above this), and completely ignores this simple question. Tells us all we need to know.

OP here. You need to practice patience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

So you acknowledge your behavior was shitty but defend it as not really wrong because she made you do it. Dude, you're a jackass, no wonder she won't sleep with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was I wrong to tell her it’s no longer her business as she’s made it clear she has no interest, or obligation, in sex with me?

Can't say if it was right or wrong but damn sure sounds juvenile.

OP here. It was not a well thought through reply. Juvenile? I don't know... I wish it was only limited to that... but I don't know of a single adult out there that isn't guilty of it at some time or another. So... what's your point?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, isn't it awkward in your house to not have sex? I just don't get it. How do a married couple live in the same close quarters with each other without having sex?

[Anonymous]

Jesus Christ there a a ton of pissed off, sexless, older women in this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, isn't it awkward in your house to not have sex? I just don't get it. How do a married couple live in the same close quarters with each other without having sex?

It may be awkward, but it's not hard to imagine why you might now want to sleep with someone who's told you he may be putting his penis in someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ there a a ton of pissed off, sexless, older women in this thread

Well, it is DCUM sooo...(said in the voice of the Jake from State Farm commercial guy).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

So you acknowledge your behavior was shitty but defend it as not really wrong because she made you do it. Dude, you're a jackass, no wonder she won't sleep with you.

OP here. You sound/read like a lovely individual. Wish I had found you sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, isn't it awkward in your house to not have sex? I just don't get it. How do a married couple live in the same close quarters with each other without having sex?

It may be awkward, but it's not hard to imagine why you might now want to sleep with someone who's told you he may be putting his penis in someone else.

You might have a point if it hadn't been going on for years before that...

[Anonymous]

I haven't read through all 13 pages but have we figured out who the OP's wife is sleeping with if not him?