My husband is clueless
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Anonymous
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I'm a ftm, our dd is 6 months old now. From her birth I feel like I have had to teach my husband everything. He's never been around babies before so I expected him to need help learning how to change a diaper or make a bottle, etc and I was happy to show him all of that. It was cute to see him learn how to hold her and care for her. But now I have to remind him of basic safety precautions regularly (don't leave a baby that can roll on the couch unattended etc). I try to tell myself that I need to let go and trust him to figure it out, but sometimes I am genuinely fearful for my daughter's well being.
Today he asked me if I thought it would be okay if he left to run a quick errand while DD was napping. Alone. No other adults present. I nearly died. And then I had to try and remain calm while I told him absolutely not and list all the reasons why that would be so dangerous. I love my husband, I really do. And he is normally a really smart guy. But I need him to get with the program and I don't know how to make that happen. I hate feeling like a nag and I hate what this is doing to our relationship. I've tried to have a normal conversation with him but it doesn't seem to sink in. Am I just being crazy? Anyone else have these problems? Suggestions? |
Anonymous
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Did you do a baby care class? Maybe something like that, so that it isn't you who's always telling him what to do but a more-disinterested teacher.
How does he respond when you explain safety basics? That would make a big difference for me between whether this was just a learning curve or a relationship problem. |
Anonymous
| Keep in mind that his brain is probably not firing on all cylinders as you're both sleep-deprived. |
Anonymous
| too much drama op. i am sure you are not as perfect as you think and he is not as bad as you say |
Anonymous
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Oh, I can't find my thread on this topic! I started one a few months ago asking if I was too anxiety or if my husband was too relaxed. Our son is now 24 months old and it's been going on the whole time. Basic safety stuff goes over DH head, although he is an excellent care taker.
Like, my husband doesn't immediately run into the other room if there is a loud crash and cry. Or, my son will be toddling towards the street and my husband won't get up from the stoop to stop him. The answers (and there were several pages!) were a resounding "my husband does that too!" |
Anonymous
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Second a baby care class.
At the very least a book or DVD. Something. Not doing things they way you want is one thing. Leaving a baby unattended on a couch or alone in a house to run an errand is unacceptable and you should definitely speak up. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks for that. I never claimed to be perfect, I know that I'm far from it. And we both have a lot to learn. But there's a big difference between letting your child wear the same pjs for 2 days and leaving her home alone at 6 months old. |
Anonymous
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Mine might not be quite as bad as yours in this department, but he definitely has a different way of assessing the safety of a situation. I nag about somethings, i.e. the car seat straps being tightened, but other things I have to just let go. I think its the tale as old as time that dads are more lenient on safety which is probably ok like 90% of the time, and then its not.
I have no solution, other than, I feel you sister. |
Anonymous
I don't know. From the posts written here daily, seems all these smart as hell women married total tards. If I had to put up with half that's talked about here, might be a good idea to put the husband in daycare with the kids. Hey, a new idea for the future. Daddy Daycare. For men only. |
Anonymous
| Another one suggesting the baby care class. It was so much more helpful to both me and my husband than the birthing classes or breastfeeding classes. |
Anonymous
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Relax. You all will be fine and when kid number two comes you'll be the one leaving him on the couch and you'll nearly forget to pack kid number 3 in the car on your way to the grocery store. And soon your sweet baby will morph into a toddler whose sole mission is to end his little life even with all your best safety efforts in place. This toddler will also laugh at you as they are dangling from the ceiling fan while waving about your sharpest pair of scissors.
I too had much more infant/small childcare experience than my husband when our first was born and worried and flipped out all the time, but he learned, and is an awesome dad. He's also been a rockstar at parenting our teenage nephew. Let him do more and instead of giving him the answers have him think it through. |
Anonymous
| He sounds like a run-off-the-mill American idiot. Nothing special, most men between 25 and 40 are like that these days. Just roll with it. Consider it a tax on being married with children. |
Anonymous
This is key. I am trying to do this more, instead of answering inane questions. When you're tired, it's easier to just provide the answer...so that you have to exercise your diminished mental capacity on the kids more than your DH. But making your DH realize that taking care of kids is just common sense will pay dividends long-term. Also letting him f-up (though leaving a 6 month old at home is not an f-up I would tolerate). |
Anonymous
| How has this man survived into adulthood? WTF? |
Anonymous
| My DH would leave cleaning products within reach, asthma medications... Otherwise a totally with-it guy, great dad. It was just his blind spot. I think we each have a blind spot, mine is probably family finances (I think earning two salaries is enough to get by and can't be bothered to consider investing, retirement, etc., whereas he thinks that's dangerous). |