Has anyone on here found their spouse on the Ashley Madison list?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In other circumstances I would not get involved. That said the Montgomery County, NOVA and DC lists have been heavily viewed on Fairfax Underground. I have a neighbor who's husband is on there over 20 times. I am afraid everyone will be talking about her and her dh behind her back. I am thinking of printing the pages of him on the list and mailing it to her anonymously. What do others think is the best to do.

!!! I would DIE if someone did this to me. I would never be able to leave my house again.

Do not do anything and keep your mouth shut. You shouldn't have been on there in the first place, looking at neighbors.

I'm still in shock that you would think it's a good idea to print out pages and mail them to her anonymously. How hurtful and threatening and low class.

You sound like a horrible person. MYOB and go and read a good book or do something good with your time.

I am on a committee and one of the officers brought it to three members attention that their spouses were on there, in front of everyone. As in she went around the room and said "I didn't find your husband or yours but Larla yours was on there, did you know? Didn't find Jane's....etc.... People are assholes. MYOB indeed.

This. That way she could digest and speak with her cheating huband first. Before she hears it like the above in a committee meeting. The number of people viewing the names is huge. and because of millions of people viewing the names, I could see doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In other circumstances I would not get involved. That said the Montgomery County, NOVA and DC lists have been heavily viewed on Fairfax Underground. I have a neighbor who's husband is on there over 20 times. I am afraid everyone will be talking about her and her dh behind her back. I am thinking of printing the pages of him on the list and mailing it to her anonymously. What do others think is the best to do.

!!! I would DIE if someone did this to me. I would never be able to leave my house again.

Do not do anything and keep your mouth shut. You shouldn't have been on there in the first place, looking at neighbors.

I'm still in shock that you would think it's a good idea to print out pages and mail them to her anonymously. How hurtful and threatening and low class.

You sound like a horrible person. MYOB and go and read a good book or do something good with your time.

I am on a committee and one of the officers brought it to three members attention that their spouses were on there, in front of everyone. As in she went around the room and said "I didn't find your husband or yours but Larla yours was on there, did you know? Didn't find Jane's....etc.... People are assholes. MYOB indeed.

This. That way she could digest and speak with her cheating huband first. Before she hears it like the above in a committee meeting. The number of people viewing the names is huge. and because of millions of people viewing the names, I could see doing this.

And the number of hookups extremely small as the number of real women on there as opposed to fake profiles, is rather surprising.

http://gizmodo.com/almost-none-of-the-women-in-the-ashley-madison-database-1725558944

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, you should let fiances/wives/girlfriends know if you found their partner on the site. Why wouldn't you?Wouldn't you want to know? Or would you rather the whole world knew and you were the last to know. I would want to know.
Even if the trying-to-cheat spouse never got anywhere with their account, I know from personal experience, husbands who want to cheat, will keep trying till they find someone willing. Early counseling and testing for STDs can save a marriage/relationship than brushing it under the rug.

My DW and I have an explicit understanding that if one of us cheats, the other doesn't want to know. We have a great marriage, happy home, a great team. I wouldn't divorce her if she screwed up and she feels the same, but I would be very hurt if I found out she cheated. So I would be irate if some busy-body "friend" decided it was their holier-than-thou mission to rub my nose in some fling my wife had. I imagine others feel similarly, even if we are in the minority.

Yes, you are in the minority, and the rest of the world owes you no obligation to choose what they think is the right thing to do based on the possibility you are the kind of couple that has an open agreement about not wanting to know. Your arrangement happens, but is really unusual, so sorry, if I know you and I find out one of you is cheating on someone I consider a friend, I'm going to tell. Unless I know about your agreement.

And if you didn't want to know, oh well, I did it because I thought it was right which is the way we each need to act. Obviously you don't think it's right so you're not going to tell anyone else if you know about it. So be it.

I'm not the poster you quoted, but I fall into the same camp as him. So possibly breaking up a family is the right thing to do because YOU think so? If someones spouse was so concerned they could have looked it up themselves. You however just want to make sure that they know because YOU think it's the right thing to do. Screw the people you are affecting, right? Peoples personal business should be just that. Personal. Unless you are married to them, stay out of their business. Did you ever think that maybe a family who was affected already knew and that you could possibly be causing them even more embarrassment by saying something? I would say no, probably not.

Y'all are too funny! So the spouse cheated, but somehow *I* would be the one breaking up the family? The cheated on spouse has a right to know and decide whether they want to stay in a marriage where lying and extramarital sex are happening. The cheating spouse is the one who said "Screw the people you are affecting" when they cheated and lied to their spouse. If you don't get that, you are either in denial, a cheater, or just plain clueless. But any of those options does not change the bottom line: the one breaking up the marriage and saying screw who it affects is the cheater. No. One. Else.

Why is it that I keep hearing Gomer on Andy Griffith yelling....CITIZENS ARREST!! CITIZENS ARREST!!

Try and justify it but you really can't. I would even bet that you could find yourself in a situation of physical harm. I can also see a jury letting the person who punched your lights out off. I can also see you being sued and a jury finding in favor of the plaintiff. But I guess you just don't get it with your high moral I know what should be done attitude. That said I believe you wouldn't be brave enough to share that info face to face but rather would resort to mailing it anonymously.

You should take a big dose of MYOB and leave people alone.[/quote]

This is really personal for you huh? Why are you so fearful of someone being outed for extramarital affairs? I'm not PP and have seen a couple husbands of women I know on the list and wouldn't dream of bringing it up. In one case, the wife strays, so I was slightly relieved to see that he has at least strongly considered an affair of his own. I looked at the lists out of curiosity and really could care less if that offends anyone.

Fwiw, I caught a very close friend's husband out with another woman years ago and brought it to her attention. They broke up, reconciled, and then divorced years later over his infidelity. We're still good friends. The friend I lost? That's the one where I kept my mouth shut. I tried to get another friend closer to her to fess up since I felt she was a better messenger and hearing it from me would confirm that several people were aware. Well, when she found out, she was upset with everyone who was aware and stayed mute because she believed we made her look like an idiot. She left him for good fyi. We're amicable now, a decade later, but the friendship dissolved over that incident.

I had the exact opposite experience. Many many years ago I told one of my closest friends about her philandering fiancé. I thought it was the "right thing to do." It took her marriage and two more years to break up with him. She also "broke up" with me even though I did the "right thing." Now, in my early 40s and married for over a decade, I have the wisdom to understand that each their own, and I will never, ever meddle in somebody's marriage unless I believe a child is in harm's way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I had the exact opposite experience. Many many years ago I told one of my closest friends about her philandering fiancé. I thought it was the "right thing to do." It took her marriage and two more years to break up with him. She also "broke up" with me even though I did the "right thing." Now, in my early 40s and married for over a decade, I have the wisdom to understand that each their own, and I will never, ever meddle in somebody's marriage unless I believe a child is in harm's way.

I asked a professional counselor one time why it was that a close friend who confided in another, they told their secret rather than being told something, would then avoid the friendship. The counselor said they had the same thing happen when people they knew socially, or even were good friends with, came to them for counseling. The counselor said that once that person divulged the issue/event in a session that even though they have worked through it, the knowledge that the counselor 'knew' created a barrier to their continued association. From then on it was casual and rarely anything more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had the exact opposite experience. Many many years ago I told one of my closest friends about her philandering fiancé. I thought it was the "right thing to do." It took her marriage and two more years to break up with him. She also "broke up" with me even though I did the "right thing." Now, in my early 40s and married for over a decade, I have the wisdom to understand that each their own, and I will never, ever meddle in somebody's marriage unless I believe a child is in harm's way.

I asked a professional counselor one time why it was that a close friend who confided in another, they told their secret rather than being told something, would then avoid the friendship. The counselor said they had the same thing happen when people they knew socially, or even were good friends with, came to them for counseling. The counselor said that once that person divulged the issue/event in a session that even though they have worked through it, the knowledge that the counselor 'knew' created a barrier to their continued association. From then on it was casual and rarely anything more.

My wife had an affair that was well known within my regular circle of friends. One of them emailed me anonymously to tell me about it. I divorced the wife and dumped all of the friends. After a few years, I reconnected with the one person I suspected had sent the email, and was correct. We are still friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found the wife of the dude who my ex wife cheated on me with.

Oh. So. Satisfying.

Given the female:male ratio, you know she was hooking up, which makes it extra awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had the exact opposite experience. Many many years ago I told one of my closest friends about her philandering fiancé. I thought it was the "right thing to do." It took her marriage and two more years to break up with him. She also "broke up" with me even though I did the "right thing." Now, in my early 40s and married for over a decade, I have the wisdom to understand that each their own, and I will never, ever meddle in somebody's marriage unless I believe a child is in harm's way.

I asked a professional counselor one time why it was that a close friend who confided in another, they told their secret rather than being told something, would then avoid the friendship. The counselor said they had the same thing happen when people they knew socially, or even were good friends with, came to them for counseling. The counselor said that once that person divulged the issue/event in a session that even though they have worked through it, the knowledge that the counselor 'knew' created a barrier to their continued association. From then on it was casual and rarely anything more.

My wife had an affair that was well known within my regular circle of friends. One of them emailed me anonymously to tell me about it. I divorced the wife and dumped all of the friends. After a few years, I reconnected with the one person I suspected had sent the email, and was correct. We are still friends.

Yes, but the friend you reconnected with knew about your wife's secrets, not yours. Therein lies the difference, along with the time, on your continued relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had the exact opposite experience. Many many years ago I told one of my closest friends about her philandering fiancé. I thought it was the "right thing to do." It took her marriage and two more years to break up with him. She also "broke up" with me even though I did the "right thing." Now, in my early 40s and married for over a decade, I have the wisdom to understand that each their own, and I will never, ever meddle in somebody's marriage unless I believe a child is in harm's way.

I asked a professional counselor one time why it was that a close friend who confided in another, they told their secret rather than being told something, would then avoid the friendship. The counselor said they had the same thing happen when people they knew socially, or even were good friends with, came to them for counseling. The counselor said that once that person divulged the issue/event in a session that even though they have worked through it, the knowledge that the counselor 'knew' created a barrier to their continued association. From then on it was casual and rarely anything more.

My wife had an affair that was well known within my regular circle of friends. One of them emailed me anonymously to tell me about it. I divorced the wife and dumped all of the friends. After a few years, I reconnected with the one person I suspected had sent the email, and was correct. We are still friends.

Yes, but the friend you reconnected with knew about your wife's secrets, not yours. Therein lies the difference, along with the time, on your continued relationship.

This makes perfect sense. And frankly, if someone told me my DW was on Ashley Madison, and my DW and I remained married which we probably would unless there was some years long affair going on, I would not continue the friendship. The last thing I would need if I get past an affair is to feel the moral judgment of a "friend" who felt the need to insert himself in my marriage to begin with. I assume he would continue to judge my character for staying with a "cheater"

[Anonymous]

Those people thinking they are staying together after 550,000 views by their family, friends and work are dilusional. They may stay together for a year and blow some money on therapy, but ultimately they will divorce and this is near impossible to overcome and the chance of the guy cheating or attempting to cheat again is 98 percent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had the exact opposite experience. Many many years ago I told one of my closest friends about her philandering fiancé. I thought it was the "right thing to do." It took her marriage and two more years to break up with him. She also "broke up" with me even though I did the "right thing." Now, in my early 40s and married for over a decade, I have the wisdom to understand that each their own, and I will never, ever meddle in somebody's marriage unless I believe a child is in harm's way.

I asked a professional counselor one time why it was that a close friend who confided in another, they told their secret rather than being told something, would then avoid the friendship. The counselor said they had the same thing happen when people they knew socially, or even were good friends with, came to them for counseling. The counselor said that once that person divulged the issue/event in a session that even though they have worked through it, the knowledge that the counselor 'knew' created a barrier to their continued association. From then on it was casual and rarely anything more.

My wife had an affair that was well known within my regular circle of friends. One of them emailed me anonymously to tell me about it. I divorced the wife and dumped all of the friends. After a few years, I reconnected with the one person I suspected had sent the email, and was correct. We are still friends.

Yes, but the friend you reconnected with knew about your wife's secrets, not yours. Therein lies the difference, along with the time, on your continued relationship.

This makes perfect sense. And frankly, if someone told me my DW was on Ashley Madison, and my DW and I remained married which we probably would unless there was some years long affair going on, I would not continue the friendship. The last thing I would need if I get past an affair is to feel the moral judgment of a "friend" who felt the need to insert himself in my marriage to begin with. I assume he would continue to judge my character for staying with a "cheater"

Exactly. We have had ups and downs. Who knows what happened in the downs? I certainly don't want to, and you telling me would be tantamount to threatening my now-happy family. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

who the hell is stupid enough to use his or her real email address? idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:who the hell is stupid enough to use his or her real email address? idiots.

Most site logins require a real email address. You can't just type in some random fake address because the site will send you an email as a part of the sign up process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:who the hell is stupid enough to use his or her real email address? idiots.

Most site logins require a real email address. You can't just type in some random fake address because the site will send you an email as a part of the sign up process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:who the hell is stupid enough to use his or her real email address? idiots.

Most site logins require a real email address. You can't just type in some random fake address because the site will send you an email as a part of the sign up process.

No shit. That's when you go to Yahoo or Gmail and make up an email address your spouse doesn't know about. [e-mail] or something stupid

Geez, you'd be one of the first to get caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In other circumstances I would not get involved. That said the Montgomery County, NOVA and DC lists have been heavily viewed on Fairfax Underground. I have a neighbor who's husband is on there over 20 times. I am afraid everyone will be talking about her and her dh behind her back. I am thinking of printing the pages of him on the list and mailing it to her anonymously. What do others think is the best to do.

Only a complete asshole would do this. I'm sure she knows.