Do you ever wish your DH made more money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW who is very very successful, much more successful than DH. But sometimes I wish the roles were reversed. I'm not sure why. But honestly, it is there in my brain daily even though I enjoy my success. I wish I were less shallow and more enlightened and more progressive like all the other DCUM posters.

You ever cheat on DH? Seems like these types of feelings sometimes lead to straying

[Anonymous]

I'm glad I'm NOT like the DCUMs here. I'm also glad I don't have a husband I need to raise like the DCUMs here.

[Anonymous]

I just hate to see him wasting his potential. He should be much further along than he is, but he's not good at playing office politics and he's just not very driven. Like a few others mentioned earlier, my DH has had some career setbacks over the last 8 years (in fact we're dealing with a job loss right now) and sometimes it feels as though he's given up. I probably wouldn't mind so much if he hadn't racked up so much school debt or we lived in a LCOL city. He's a good partner and an excellent father, but it's definitely a source of resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH. I used to think my DW wanted me to make more money, but when the offer came in (160K to 220k), she was ok with me turning it down, which I did.
I like what I do -- I am a scientist, and going to work is fun. I have a very flexible job, can spend time with the family as needed, and have a good reputation at work.
I rarely miss a child's sporting event, and used to coach her teams. I had the flexibility to do that.

On my salary, we can live comfortably: we own a small house in a good neighborhood with excellent schools, we have two decent cars (VW & Subaru). We used to take nice vacations, but that money is now used for medical expenses...so our vacations are now more modest. Also, instead of nice vacations, DD goes to a good summer camp, which she loves.

We are not rich, but we are comfortable. And we have time to enjoy life. I would not mind if we had a little more $$, I would like my DW to go back to work -- she should be able to make 20-30K which we could use to build up savings...

What I do wish could change is to not have cancer.

Just wanted to send you good wishes PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point I'd be happy if he made any money.

Yeah, I hear you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH. I used to think my DW wanted me to make more money, but when the offer came in (160K to 220k), she was ok with me turning it down, which I did.
I like what I do -- I am a scientist, and going to work is fun. I have a very flexible job, can spend time with the family as needed, and have a good reputation at work.
I rarely miss a child's sporting event, and used to coach her teams. I had the flexibility to do that.

On my salary, we can live comfortably: we own a small house in a good neighborhood with excellent schools, we have two decent cars (VW & Subaru). We used to take nice vacations, but that money is now used for medical expenses...so our vacations are now more modest. Also, instead of nice vacations, DD goes to a good summer camp, which she loves.

We are not rich, but we are comfortable. And we have time to enjoy life. I would not mind if we had a little more $$, I would like my DW to go back to work -- she should be able to make 20-30K which we could use to build up savings...

What I do wish could change is to not have cancer.

Just wanted to send you good wishes PP.

Me too. I hope you stay as well as you can. Be strong. Sending you and your family good wishes and peace. What sucks is you're sick and have all the normal day to day hassles on top of Being Sick. You really deserve a break. I wish I had the magic to do that for people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband makes plenty, not private school plenty but I'm SAHM. I wish he didn't. I wish he took a lower paying job and spent more time with us. I actually live the guy and like having him around and so do our kids. Not saying I wouldn't miss the money in some ways but life is short and I'd rather have his time.

Grass is always greener I suppose

Have you considered getting a job so he can get a lower paying one without feeling like he is causing the family a financial hit?

Absolutely. I offer all the time, I don't think I could make what I was before I left work and that might make the dynamic difficult when it comes to child care and it's hard to pull the trigger with him working like he does. I think we could live comfortably on 6 figures less though - we've saved and don't have huge expenses - it's just tough to walk away. It's always 2 more years then we'll have more saved... And two years later it's the same. I'm sure he feels pressure to provide but it's also something he does to himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point I'd be happy if he made any money.

Yeah, I hear you.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband makes plenty, not private school plenty but I'm SAHM. I wish he didn't. I wish he took a lower paying job and spent more time with us. I actually live the guy and like having him around and so do our kids. Not saying I wouldn't miss the money in some ways but life is short and I'd rather have his time.

Grass is always greener I suppose

Have you considered getting a job so he can get a lower paying one without feeling like he is causing the family a financial hit?

Absolutely. I offer all the time, I don't think I could make what I was before I left work and that might make the dynamic difficult when it comes to child care and it's hard to pull the trigger with him working like he does. I think we could live comfortably on 6 figures less though - we've saved and don't have huge expenses - it's just tough to walk away. It's always 2 more years then we'll have more saved... And two years later it's the same. I'm sure he feels pressure to provide but it's also something he does to himself.

Cat's in the Cradle..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband makes plenty, not private school plenty but I'm SAHM. I wish he didn't. I wish he took a lower paying job and spent more time with us. I actually live the guy and like having him around and so do our kids. Not saying I wouldn't miss the money in some ways but life is short and I'd rather have his time.

Grass is always greener I suppose

Have you considered getting a job so he can get a lower paying one without feeling like he is causing the family a financial hit?

Absolutely. I offer all the time, I don't think I could make what I was before I left work and that might make the dynamic difficult when it comes to child care and it's hard to pull the trigger with him working like he does. I think we could live comfortably on 6 figures less though - we've saved and don't have huge expenses - it's just tough to walk away. It's always 2 more years then we'll have more saved... And two years later it's the same. I'm sure he feels pressure to provide but it's also something he does to himself.

I never can understand why women can't see the long game. When I returned to work after having my first child I made 55k/yr. 8 years later I just broke 200k and I hardly ever work an hour over 40 and telework 2 days a week. You rarely start out with this kinds of set up, but you never know what you can work yourself into.

I'm so glad I jumped back into the workforce. My Dah has no pressure at all to preform. He does well for himself, but can laugh the stress off because I'm here to back him up. He can switch jobs, take risks, and entirely switch careers. And he finds time to coach our kid sports. Since we are a two income house he has no problem laying down boundaries at work.

[Anonymous]

I have posted before....I wish I made more money...I wish my DW would do something...either get a job or maintain the home. DD is 12, and does not need a parent hovering like a helicopter. I could increase my salary by 20%, but it would mean a riskier environment with more stress and less flexibility. And I enjoy my career. We can afford what we need...but instead of BMW's and Merd's, we have a VW and a Subaru....Instead of expensive private schools, DD is going to FCPS schools...Instead of a McMansion, we are living in a 1965 near teardown on an 600K lot....

I could effectively earn more -- transferring to a site in a lower cost of living area....I could then afford the 3000 sq ft house waterfront....private schools, and the nicer cars...but, summers are really hot there (winters are nicer). Quality of life is more than just $$$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't like about this thread is its lack of reality. There are only so many high level jobs in the US, and that amount has been shrinking. Yet expectations for these women seem to be increasing. Not everyone with a Harvard MBA is going to be a Fortune 500 exec. Not everyone with an Ivy undergrad is going to be a white shoe lawyer or investment banker or Pulitzer Prize winner. Not everyone from a top 5 law school is going to make partner. Are the people who don't make it losers or someone to feel disappointed in? Absolutely not. Whether you want to be a cabinet member or NFL player or start the next Google, we are talking about very few people.

What bugs me about this thread is how some of the previous posters are coming across as jaded because they don't have a HH income of over 400k. I make 200k, DW makes 170k. We are both mid-career in our mid 30s and feel very lucky to be where we are. Neither of us have masters level degrees and are in sales and finance respectively. You do not need a top MBA or fancy law degree to make a good living. The golden ticket is how much you are SAVING; not how much you make. We are on track to a very comfortable retirement but again you never know what life is going to throw at you so our philosophy has been to live off her paycheck and save mine. We may need it in the event of a catastrophe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't like about this thread is its lack of reality. There are only so many high level jobs in the US, and that amount has been shrinking. Yet expectations for these women seem to be increasing. Not everyone with a Harvard MBA is going to be a Fortune 500 exec. Not everyone with an Ivy undergrad is going to be a white shoe lawyer or investment banker or Pulitzer Prize winner. Not everyone from a top 5 law school is going to make partner. Are the people who don't make it losers or someone to feel disappointed in? Absolutely not. Whether you want to be a cabinet member or NFL player or start the next Google, we are talking about very few people.

What bugs me about this thread is how some of the previous posters are coming across as jaded because they don't have a HH income of over 400k. I make 200k, DW makes 170k. We are both mid-career in our mid 30s and feel very lucky to be where we are. Neither of us have masters level degrees and are in sales and finance respectively. You do not need a top MBA or fancy law degree to make a good living. The golden ticket is how much you are SAVING; not how much you make. We are on track to a very comfortable retirement but again you never know what life is going to throw at you so our philosophy has been to live off her paycheck and save mine. We may need it in the event of a catastrophe.

I can't find a single poster on this thread that is upset their HHI is not over 400k. Where are you reading this?

[Anonymous]

I think it's more about the tone of the thread. Not PP, but a lot of you sound like you're moaning that the spoon in your mouth is only silver instead of gold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more about the tone of the thread. Not PP, but a lot of you sound like you're moaning that the spoon in your mouth is only silver instead of gold.

So it is conjecture. Got it.