Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious - all the AA mothers who woudl not want their sons to marry outside of their race - do you feel the same way about your daughters?

I posted earlier about not wanting my son to marry a white woman. I would not have a problem with my daughter marrying a non-white man, but like another poster said, I would have a problem if she automatically excluded black men from her dating sphere.

Why the different mindset?

Successful black men are not as common in the black race as it is in other races. I plan to equip my son with the tools to be a success and I'd like for a black woman to find a husband in him.

That doesn't really answer the question - why do you assign different expectations to your kids based on their gender?

Also, maybe it's just me, but I'm much more concerned with my kids' happiness than anything else - I'm uncomfortable using them as pawns in micro-attempts at social engineering, or expecting them to decide who they marry based on my desire to right historic wrongs. The best thing I can do for them is to be open-minded about who they fall in love with, as long as they treat each other well and love each other.

Actually, it does answer your question. Whether you like the answer is a different story. Are you ignorant to the fact that successful black men are not as common as successful black women? Are you aware that successful black men greatly outnumber successful black women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the black women posting about their sons not marrying white women: your racism and shoulder chips are the only reason I'd be concerned for my daughter to marry a black man. Do you not see you are the very root of the problem?!

No racism and no "shoulder chips". Why is the "chip on the shoulder" thing the default when race is discussed in a way that makes you uncomfortable?

I'm not uncomfortable. I'm angry. Hypocrisy of all stripes makes me angry.

And yes, saying that no white woman can be a suitable partner to your black son, and that no white in-laws can be truly accepting and respectful, is absolutely racism. Defining all members of a race by the negative characteristics of some of that race is the very definition of racism.

You need to educate yourself on racism. And I'm not sure why you are angry (nor, honestly, do I care).

I'm not saying that a white woman could not make a suitable partner for my son; I'm saying I don't want one to do so. It's very possible that white ILs can be absolutely accepting of the relationship, but I'd rather not take a chance and see how it all shakes out. Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me and my son is too good to have to prove himself to anyone in that way.

You do not come from a place where you can understand the complexities of being black in America, so I doubt we will have a meeting of the minds on this issue.

[Anonymous]

These "AA women" are clearly trolls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the black women posting about their sons not marrying white women: your racism and shoulder chips are the only reason I'd be concerned for my daughter to marry a black man. Do you not see you are the very root of the problem?!

No racism and no "shoulder chips". Why is the "chip on the shoulder" thing the default when race is discussed in a way that makes you uncomfortable?

It's not my default argument at all, it's just what I sensed when I was reading those posts. Full of hate and bad attitude like every white person in the world is out to get you. I'm not uncomfortable either, just annoyed at the blatant racism. The same racism that's been pounded into my head and thereby pounding into my children's heads, as so completely wrong!

Ah....you're playing even more of the same stereotypical cards:

-chip on the shoulder
-bad attitude
-self-victimization

Could you be any more transparent? One thing that I've found to be absolutely true is that when white people get pissed when discussing race they almost always resort to saying things that are prejudiced because they are butt hurt.

[Anonymous]

NP here, and I have to agree that this is the most depressing thread I have read on this site- well besides the one about babies being left in the car but still...

13 pages for a question that I thought was outdated and a no-brainer... yikes!

to the AA moms, I appreciate your point of view and I have found your posts eye opening. They are also extremely disheartening as a single women (For real, trying to meet a decent man is not always easy, why would I limit my pool based on race?) Even though these posts (and many others on this thread!) make me sad, you are being honest about your feelings and I have to respect that.

But in general to everyone who said they would be disappointed if their child fell in love outside their race- hopefully you will ALL be getting your comeuppance soon enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why when a Black woman expresses her concerns, fears and desires the immediate retort is that she must have a chip on her shoulder. Did you actually pay attention to their concerns.

What about the white women who came right out and said that they would not want their daughters to marry a black man. Those individuals were not diagnosed and labeled.

Instead of getting into your feelings, why don't you try to listen. Some of the reasons were plausible, if not acceptable.

Ultimately I want my son to be happy and in love. If he falls in love with a white woman, hey he fell in love with a white woman and the mother of my future grandchildren. However, as has been mentioned repeatedly, if he seeks out a white woman, at the exclusion of all others, just because she is white, well yeah I have a problem. I think if your daughter or son sought out a Black man or any other race at the exclusion of white, you might also take pause.

We WHITE women that you quote were making of the racist AAs on this thread. Oh, and I guess Barack Obama's dad had inferiority issues or low self-esteem.

I don't see racism anywhere on this thread...by any race responding.

re: Obama's father. Who knows what the deal is with his Dad. He came over from Africa and many African people have negative opinions of AAs and seek to distance themselves in an attempt to prove they "are not like those bad AAs".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious - all the AA mothers who woudl not want their sons to marry outside of their race - do you feel the same way about your daughters?

I posted earlier about not wanting my son to marry a white woman. I would not have a problem with my daughter marrying a non-white man, but like another poster said, I would have a problem if she automatically excluded black men from her dating sphere.

Why the different mindset?

Successful black men are not as common in the black race as it is in other races. I plan to equip my son with the tools to be a success and I'd like for a black woman to find a husband in him.

That doesn't really answer the question - why do you assign different expectations to your kids based on their gender?

Also, maybe it's just me, but I'm much more concerned with my kids' happiness than anything else - I'm uncomfortable using them as pawns in micro-attempts at social engineering, or expecting them to decide who they marry based on my desire to right historic wrongs. The best thing I can do for them is to be open-minded about who they fall in love with, as long as they treat each other well and love each other.

Actually, it does answer your question. Whether you like the answer is a different story. Are you ignorant to the fact that successful black men are not as common as successful black women? Are you aware that successful black men greatly outnumber successful black women?

Meant to say successful black women outweigh the men...

[Anonymous]

Scary how 1950s this conversation is. Everything that rises must converge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These "AA women" are clearly trolls

It's obvious that you can't even imagine black people "rejecting" white people. I guess you are of the mindset that we should be happy to be accepted. Sorry, it does not work that way. Hearing an opinion different from your own does not make a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, and I have to agree that this is the most depressing thread I have read on this site- well besides the one about babies being left in the car but still...

13 pages for a question that I thought was outdated and a no-brainer... yikes!

to the AA moms, I appreciate your point of view and I have found your posts eye opening. They are also extremely disheartening as a single women (For real, trying to meet a decent man is not always easy, why would I limit my pool based on race?) Even though these posts (and many others on this thread!) make me sad, you are being honest about your feelings and I have to respect that.

But in general to everyone who said they would be disappointed if their child fell in love outside their race- hopefully you will ALL be getting your comeuppance soon enough

Black mom here. Let me say this: if a black man wants to date you, nothing I (or any black person) say will change their desires. Nothing. My feelings on this issue should not affect you; just like the white folks on this thread who've said they wouldn't exactly welcome a black SIL/DIL doesn't affect me.

I'm starting to think this is more about outrage that someone would dare "reject" white people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm starting to think this is more about outrage that someone would dare "reject" white people.

Close, but not quite. I don't like that you would reject me (or my child) because of our whiteness.

And a white person would never get away with a blanket "rejection" of black people. See how little response the white posters who are prejudiced are getting? It's because the rest of us (many of us, anyway) have written them off as an embarrassment and a lost cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, and I have to agree that this is the most depressing thread I have read on this site- well besides the one about babies being left in the car but still...

13 pages for a question that I thought was outdated and a no-brainer... yikes!

to the AA moms, I appreciate your point of view and I have found your posts eye opening. They are also extremely disheartening as a single women (For real, trying to meet a decent man is not always easy, why would I limit my pool based on race?) Even though these posts (and many others on this thread!) make me sad, you are being honest about your feelings and I have to respect that.

But in general to everyone who said they would be disappointed if their child fell in love outside their race- hopefully you will ALL be getting your comeuppance soon enough

Black mom here. Let me say this: if a black man wants to date you, nothing I (or any black person) say will change their desires. Nothing. My feelings on this issue should not affect you; just like the white folks on this thread who've said they wouldn't exactly welcome a black SIL/DIL doesn't affect me.

I'm starting to think this is more about outrage that someone would dare "reject" white people.

I am the poster you quoted, and I am kinda wondering why anyone needs to be rejected? I am in by no means outraged by your posts, because if I did choose to marry a AA man, I wouldn't assume his family thinks of me the way your posts describe-because everyone is different and hopefully not all AA families would share your view of me. But your post and the posts from the other side give me pause about where we are at as a country, when before I would have naively thought I could be accepted into any family...

my point is- the same feeling you have about your son not being accepted by a white family, when you feel the same way about a white girl in coming into yours- that breaks my heart for me, your son, and all the other children whose parents can't see past color of skin to see that person...

[Anonymous]

^^ also for what it is worth, my parents are not like this. Have always raised me to be open to new people and new experiences. Race was never an issue when I decided to bring someone home, so I am lucky I guess

[Anonymous]

I answered "no" after reading "would you be okay with your daughter dating."

I never even had to read the rest. Immaterial.

Signed,

A Dad Against Daughters Dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm starting to think this is more about outrage that someone would dare "reject" white people.

Close, but not quite. I don't like that you would reject me (or my child) because of our whiteness.

And a white person would never get away with a blanket "rejection" of black people. See how little response the white posters who are prejudiced are getting? It's because the rest of us (many of us, anyway) have written them off as an embarrassment and a lost cause.

Actually, white people get away with rejecting black people all the time. The reason why most folks haven't responded to the white folks expressing these feelings in this thread is because it's nothing shocking to them. To pretend that white people would heartily welcome a black DIL/SIL is laughable. In fact, I would say that those who *do* accept their black SIL/DIL without reservation are the exception, not the rule. And that black person had better be "one of the good ones" or you can forget about them being welcomed into the family circle.

And this is not about rejection; it's about wanting my son to nurture and have a successful black family. Now if he chooses a white wife, oh well. Yes, I'll be disappointed, but as I've said before in this thread, I would not make my feelings known nor would I make my DIL feel uncomfortable. In time, I'd probably even be okay with the union. BUT, deep down, I will be greatly disappointed that my son did not choose a black wife.