Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the pp who made the contributing to society point. I wasn't talking about SAHMs vs WOHMs. I was taking about the SAHM who referred so snootily to the 'minimum wage childcare workers.' and I stand by my claim that the wonderful women at my son's daycare contribute more to society - helping ease the burdens of so many working parents by providing such loving care to the kids - than a few hours of volunteer work a week. They contribute more to society than I do, too. Difference is, I'd never look down on them. Especially if they were working to provide for their families and I wasn't. Ugh.

How are you not working for your family by being a SAHM? Boggles my mind.

I agree that everyone deserves respect.

Contributing to the family? Sure. Providing for them? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so silly. I actually work part time and did not want to stay at home because I don't like the housework portion of staying home. But, dh was in a job with long hours and travel (and he made more than enough for me to stay home) and he really wanted me to stay home too make our lives easier (run the house, finances, etc). My job wasn't sure if they would offer me pt and if they didn't work that out I would have quit since my marriage happiness was more important than my job. I bet many others who stay at home have spouses that work a lot.

Yup. Not everyone is in a cushy line of work where you can clock out at 4:30 pm and make expect to make a great salary.

My situation too. My DH got offered a high paying job a couple of years ago - the trade off is he is in Asia 2 weeks a month and confused by jetlag the other 2 weeks - in return I dropped my hours at work (and totally agree w/poster above the housework is what I detest - I walk by our laundry area and cringe).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" He is a devoted husband and father and feels closer to the kids because I spend so much time with them"

Absentee spouse and father feels closer to the kids because YOU spend so time with them. WTF?

Try reading the entire post rather than look for pieces to pull out and pounce on. I repeat. he works long hours, BUT MANAGES THE FAMILY TIME PRETTY WELL. He is in no way, shape or form, an absentee spouse or father. Would we love it if he was home by 5 every afternoon - yes! But that just isn't our reality.

And yes, because DH and I talk several times a day about all the cute stuff the baby did and what's going on with the older DCs, even while he is away, he feels connected. That does mean that is his ONLY interaction with us. Geesh, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the pp who made the contributing to society point. I wasn't talking about SAHMs vs WOHMs. I was taking about the SAHM who referred so snootily to the 'minimum wage childcare workers.' and I stand by my claim that the wonderful women at my son's daycare contribute more to society - helping ease the burdens of so many working parents by providing such loving care to the kids - than a few hours of volunteer work a week. They contribute more to society than I do, too. Difference is, I'd never look down on them. Especially if they were working to provide for their families and I wasn't. Ugh.

How are you not working for your family by being a SAHM? Boggles my mind.

I agree that everyone deserves respect.

Contributing to the family? Sure. Providing for them? No.

I disagree with this. You are providing for them.... if you are strictly talking $ here then see it as saving childcare expenses.

[Anonymous]

oops- typing fast - meant to say 'does NOT mean'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" He is a devoted husband and father and feels closer to the kids because I spend so much time with them"

Absentee spouse and father feels closer to the kids because YOU spend so time with them. WTF?

Try reading the entire post rather than look for pieces to pull out and pounce on. I repeat. he works long hours, BUT MANAGES THE FAMILY TIME PRETTY WELL. He is in no way, shape or form, an absentee spouse or father. Would we love it if he was home by 5 every afternoon - yes! But that just isn't our reality.

And yes, because DH and I talk several times a day about all the cute stuff the baby did and what's going on with the older DCs, even while he is away, he feels connected. That does mean that is his ONLY interaction with us. Geesh, people.

This is our situation too. My husband also feels closer to kids because I am with them and knows what happened throughout the day. He can hear firsthand account from me, not from a piece of paper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: "i feel like i am contributing more to society now than when i was receiving a paycheck."

How is that?

Did you read the entire post? When I was working, I hardly had any free time to do volunteer work, probono work. My free time was spent grocery shopping, prepping meals, making sure kids laundry was done, responding to email, setting up social events, paying bills, etc. Now that I am SAH, I can do some of these these things during the day, which frees up evenings to take on cases probono for low income clients, do work for a domestic violence organization, etc. I consider this contributing more to society than clocking in and out from a job.

[Anonymous]

"This is our situation too. My husband also feels closer to kids because I am with them and knows what happened throughout the day. He can hear firsthand account from me, not from a piece of paper. "

Absentee spouse and father feels CLOSER to the kids?

[Anonymous]

"And yes, because DH and I talk several times a day about all the cute stuff the baby did and what's going on with the older DCs, even while he is away, he feels connected. That does mean that is his ONLY interaction with us. Geesh, people."

Yikes!

[Anonymous]

"Enjoy what you have and don't fret too much."

This sounds like a good philosophy. Maybe we can all chill out a bit and let this really stupid debate die down....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the pp who made the contributing to society point. I wasn't talking about SAHMs vs WOHMs. I was taking about the SAHM who referred so snootily to the 'minimum wage childcare workers.' and I stand by my claim that the wonderful women at my son's daycare contribute more to society - helping ease the burdens of so many working parents by providing such loving care to the kids - than a few hours of volunteer work a week. They contribute more to society than I do, too. Difference is, I'd never look down on them. Especially if they were working to provide for their families and I wasn't. Ugh.

Let me get this straight. You are sooooooo offended by PPs remarks about women who earn low wages, but you have no problem looking down your nose at SAHMs because they earn no wages. High and mighty only when it suits you. Since SAHMs are so lowly to you, perhaps you WOH because the work of SAHM and the child care providers you love and defend so dearly is beneath you. snooty, snooty, snooty....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"This is our situation too. My husband also feels closer to kids because I am with them and knows what happened throughout the day. He can hear firsthand account from me, not from a piece of paper. "

Absentee spouse and father feels CLOSER to the kids?

If he's considered an absentee spouse and father, then sorry, you are also an absentee spouse and mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"This is our situation too. My husband also feels closer to kids because I am with them and knows what happened throughout the day. He can hear firsthand account from me, not from a piece of paper. "

Absentee spouse and father feels CLOSER to the kids?

If he's considered an absentee spouse and father, then sorry, you are also an absentee spouse and mother.

You should be sorry because you make no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"This is our situation too. My husband also feels closer to kids because I am with them and knows what happened throughout the day. He can hear firsthand account from me, not from a piece of paper. "

Absentee spouse and father feels CLOSER to the kids?

If he's considered an absentee spouse and father, then sorry, you are also an absentee spouse and mother.

You should be sorry because you make no sense.

Do you know my husband or our family life? The point is, if he, a working parent, is considered "absentee", then any other working parent out there is also "absentee."

[Anonymous]

"Contributing to the family? Sure. Providing for them? No. "

What stats on this?