Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"And I don't see being a SAHM as the end of it all. When all DCs are in school full time, I know I will take on new ventures. "

No sale here.

You and your children will continue to be totally dependent on your DH for financial support. Not smart to put all of your eggs in one basket. Haven't you read the many posts from SAHMs who are being dumped by their DHs and are in financial straits.

But you get brownie points for being oh, so smug.

Np here.

And unless you are the wealthy trust fund poster you are dependent as well. Why do you angry moms fail to realize your dependency? Most of us are dependent to some extent so unless you are Amish or really into simple living/ self sufficiency then I wouldn't be so smug about a job that can easily be taken away or disappear.

[Anonymous]

When my children were very small, yes, I had some resentment (not very secret at all).

In retrospect my resentment was misplaced. What I should have resented was/is the lack of infrastructure in this country for maternity leave benefits. If we had a good system here, including paid maternity leave for an extended period of time (as e.g. Canada does), parents and children would benefit.

[Anonymous]

"What difference do you expect to see in my kids because they've never had a SAHP? "

Zero. It's a big bag of B.S that dummies buy into.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so silly. I actually work part time and did not want to stay at home because I don't like the housework portion of staying home. But, dh was in a job with long hours and travel (and he made more than enough for me to stay home) and he really wanted me to stay home too make our lives easier (run the house, finances, etc). My job wasn't sure if they would offer me pt and if they didn't work that out I would have quit since my marriage happiness was more important than my job. I bet many others who stay at home have spouses that work a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so silly. I actually work part time and did not want to stay at home because I don't like the housework portion of staying home. But, dh was in a job with long hours and travel (and he made more than enough for me to stay home) and he really wanted me to stay home too make our lives easier (run the house, finances, etc). My job wasn't sure if they would offer me pt and if they didn't work that out I would have quit since my marriage happiness was more important than my job. I bet many others who stay at home have spouses that work a lot.

Yup. Not everyone is in a cushy line of work where you can clock out at 4:30 pm and make expect to make a great salary.

[Anonymous]

"I wouldn't be so smug about a job that can easily be taken away or disappear. "

I don't have a job, I have a profession that will never be taken away or disappear as long as I pay my professional fees. Ever.

N.B. DH has zero impact on this.

[Anonymous]

What time did DH treasure with the kiddos?


Had I WOH, DH would not have worked any less. It's the nature of his field. He is a devoted husband and father and feels closer to the kids because I spend so much time with them - vs getting a report on his kids' days from a daycare/nanny/SACC supervisor.

His hours are long, but vary and he has lots of autonomy and some flexibility,so he actually manages family time pretty well. Not as much as we'd like, but again, not claiming perfection. Just the best we can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What time did DH treasure with the kiddos?


Had I WOH, DH would not have worked any less. It's the nature of his field. He is a devoted husband and father and feels closer to the kids because I spend so much time with them - vs getting a report on his kids' days from a daycare/nanny/SACC supervisor.

His hours are long, but vary and he has lots of autonomy and some flexibility,so he actually manages family time pretty well. Not as much as we'd like, but again, not claiming perfection. Just the best we can do.

So you are OK with DH not spending time with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What time did DH treasure with the kiddos?


Had I WOH, DH would not have worked any less. It's the nature of his field. He is a devoted husband and father and feels closer to the kids because I spend so much time with them - vs getting a report on his kids' days from a daycare/nanny/SACC supervisor.

His hours are long, but vary and he has lots of autonomy and some flexibility,so he actually manages family time pretty well. Not as much as we'd like, but again, not claiming perfection. Just the best we can do.

So you are OK with DH not spending time with them?

Read second paragraph.

[Anonymous]

I'm the pp who made the contributing to society point. I wasn't talking about SAHMs vs WOHMs. I was taking about the SAHM who referred so snootily to the 'minimum wage childcare workers.' and I stand by my claim that the wonderful women at my son's daycare contribute more to society - helping ease the burdens of so many working parents by providing such loving care to the kids - than a few hours of volunteer work a week. They contribute more to society than I do, too. Difference is, I'd never look down on them. Especially if they were working to provide for their families and I wasn't. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the pp who made the contributing to society point. I wasn't talking about SAHMs vs WOHMs. I was taking about the SAHM who referred so snootily to the 'minimum wage childcare workers.' and I stand by my claim that the wonderful women at my son's daycare contribute more to society - helping ease the burdens of so many working parents by providing such loving care to the kids - than a few hours of volunteer work a week. They contribute more to society than I do, too. Difference is, I'd never look down on them. Especially if they were working to provide for their families and I wasn't. Ugh.

How are you not working for your family by being a SAHM? Boggles my mind.

I agree that everyone deserves respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What difference do you expect to see in my kids because they've never had a SAHP? "

Zero. It's a big bag of B.S that dummies buy into.

Judging by this comment, you are not far from being a dummy yourself.

[Anonymous]

"i feel like i am contributing more to society now than when i was receiving a paycheck."

How is that?

[Anonymous]

" He is a devoted husband and father and feels closer to the kids because I spend so much time with them"

Absentee spouse and father feels closer to the kids because YOU spend so time with them. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What time did DH treasure with the kiddos?


Had I WOH, DH would not have worked any less. It's the nature of his field. He is a devoted husband and father and feels closer to the kids because I spend so much time with them - vs getting a report on his kids' days from a daycare/nanny/SACC supervisor.

His hours are long, but vary and he has lots of autonomy and some flexibility,so he actually manages family time pretty well. Not as much as we'd like, but again, not claiming perfection. Just the best we can do.

So you are OK with DH not spending time with them?

Read second paragraph.

feels closer to the kids because I spend so much time with them
That is bizarre. So he is connected to them by proxy, through you?