Should single women over 35 settle if they want children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I looked pretty amazing at age 40 after having 3 kids. She can be hot at age 35.

Totally delusional. You are NOT going to look amazing after popping out 4 kids.

I run with a women who is In her mid 50s and she is clearly a baddie

Obviously weathered skin as she’s white but she’s in kicking shape

A white yoga instructor of mine is in her late 50s and has a insane poppin body - even better than the runner woman

And she has 3 children also full grown. Her daughter is in her 20s and comes to class sometimes and mom has a better body…

Lotta fitness women in their mid to late 50s mog their daughters in their 20s and 30s

Bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine had a baby at 40. I think they both settled for each other even though she is the one who thinks she settled. The important point is, they now have a baby and their lives has purpose and hopefully she’ll be overseeing their care in old age.
Interestingly she refused to have kids with someone she wasn’t sexually attracted to.

I feel sad for people like you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I looked pretty amazing at age 40 after having 3 kids. She can be hot at age 35.

Totally delusional. You are NOT going to look amazing after popping out 4 kids.

Except I did. I had 3 kids, not 4. I weighed the same at age 40 as 30 before I had my first child. I was the fittest at age 40. I can honestly say I looked amazing at 40.

I don’t feel so hot at age 48…

No you do NOT. You might look good at 40 when you compare yourself to other 40 years old women, but you are 1/30th when you compare between the 40 you and the 23 years old you. Please stop kidding yourself.

I was pretty hot when I was 23. Maybe you’re right. I like my style better now. I’d like to think I’m more classy now.

I do still think I was more fit at age 40 though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or is it better to be childless than partner up with someone you don't want?

By "settling" I don't mean "dating someone imperfect or bad on paper", I'm talking about getting with someone you're not that attracted to.

Better for whom? Definitely not better for the guy that you are "settling" with -- no one deserves being deceived into a partnership with someone who isn't actually attracted and in love with them -- unless you are going to tell him this up front? In that case it's a different matter.

But, if you're not going to tell him, are you justifying your manipulation of another human by thinking that the person you're "settling" for is getting someone better than they would otherwise? Is that the tradeoff you are foisting on your future partner without his knowledge and consent -- "you get to be married to fabulous me, and I think that's a good deal even though I'm not attracted to you." Or do you imagine you'll be so great at acting attracted that they'll never figure it out?

Can you hear how sociopathic and manipulative that is?

[Anonymous]

If you need to be told to settle then you shouldn't settle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I looked pretty amazing at age 40 after having 3 kids. She can be hot at age 35.

Totally delusional. You are NOT going to look amazing after popping out 4 kids.

Except I did. I had 3 kids, not 4. I weighed the same at age 40 as 30 before I had my first child. I was the fittest at age 40. I can honestly say I looked amazing at 40.

I don’t feel so hot at age 48…

No you do NOT. You might look good at 40 when you compare yourself to other 40 years old women, but you are 1/30th when you compare between the 40 you and the 23 years old you. Please stop kidding yourself.

I don't know...have you seen how a lot of 23-year-olds look these days? There's a lot less pressure to be thin and fit than when we were that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine had a baby at 40. I think they both settled for each other even though she is the one who thinks she settled. The important point is, they now have a baby and their lives has purpose and hopefully she’ll be overseeing their care in old age.
Interestingly she refused to have kids with someone she wasn’t sexually attracted to.

I feel sad for people like you

+1

What happens if you are unable to have a baby - your life will have no purpose?

These people need therapy not children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with a sperm donor is you're on the hook for raising the kid on one income.

It's better to get pregnant from a hot one night stand or from a short term relationship with a guy with some money so you can at least get child support.

Even if you have to "settle" for a few encounters or a short-term relationship, it is WAY better than permanently and continuously settling in a messy, resentful marriage.

It’s no wonder there are so many failed marriages/relationships here with this “find penis with a garnish-able wage and fertilize yourself by any means necessary” family planning mentality.

It wouldn't be a failed relationship from the perspective of the pregnant woman.

The child is all that matters and this is not responsible family planning.

A divorce and/or years of growing up in a loveless house is far worse "family planning". Sperm bank is pricey as hell. Short-term relationship with a guy and 18 years of child support is by far the best of the available options for a mid-thirties single woman who wants kids. Once she has the kid, she will have time to find a life partner instead of racing the clock.

Who said anything about loveless? Sexual attraction is NOT love.

If a person is not attracted to their partner they will eventually grow to resent them, leading to a loveless marriage, toxic home and substandard environment for kids.

Focus on your career first, then baby, then husband (if necessary). In that order.

[Anonymous]

So we know a few unicorn single males. They are nice, good looking, smart and well educated. The one I am thinking of just finished surgical fellowship. He moved around for grad school and then med school. New states for residency and fellowship and never got married and is in his late thirties making $$$.

So the nice lucky girl who gets this guy likely will be someone in her late twenties finishing grad school. By 35, you are kind of old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we know a few unicorn single males. They are nice, good looking, smart and well educated. The one I am thinking of just finished surgical fellowship. He moved around for grad school and then med school. New states for residency and fellowship and never got married and is in his late thirties making $$$.

So the nice lucky girl who gets this guy likely will be someone in her late twenties finishing grad school. By 35, you are kind of old.

Only after he gets tired of going through the nurses, physician assistants, physical therapists, etc.

[Anonymous]

Who said anything about loveless? Sexual attraction is NOT love.

You don't need sexual attraction for love. You don't get to decide that for everyone else.

Just make sure you disclose this on first dates while disclosing that you are not attracted to the person and have no interest in sex beyond insemination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we know a few unicorn single males. They are nice, good looking, smart and well educated. The one I am thinking of just finished surgical fellowship. He moved around for grad school and then med school. New states for residency and fellowship and never got married and is in his late thirties making $$$.

So the nice lucky girl who gets this guy likely will be someone in her late twenties finishing grad school. By 35, you are kind of old.

These men are rare and off-limits to most women, and many of them do end up married to women close in age. People overestimate young women's attraction for older men.

Also, just because a woman wants someone she's attracted to doesn't mean she wants a unicorn.

[Anonymous]

Why farm out this question?

Respondents won’t have to sexually service a man they find undesirable.

I personally could not stomach a lifetime of that.

You have set up a false choice: settle or remain childless.

See Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) to expand your thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you need to be told to settle then you shouldn't settle.

Some people need some sense knocked in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why farm out this question?

Respondents won’t have to sexually service a man they find undesirable.

I personally could not stomach a lifetime of that.

You have set up a false choice: settle or remain childless.

See Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) to expand your thinking.

OP already mentioned she's not interested in being a single mother.

Anyways, agree with the rest. People telling others to settle either settled themselves and are paying the consequences, or are mindlessly giving advice they wouldn't follow themselves.